What do you think makes the difference? Which is healthy, which is instinct?
Is jealously protective or toxic protection?

i believe it's a flattery when someone gets jealous because of you. it means you are important to the person. its their way of saying they love you. but if its too much, that is not anymore healthy. it really depends on the situation.

Jealousy usually roots in FEAR.

Protecting the people important to you usually roots in LOVE.

Since we are discussing human social behavior its important to realize these values are different for each of us.

Sometimes the fact that we do LOVE someone can lead to jealousy about losing the one we love (Fear).

Most normal jealousy can usually be corrected by reassurance.

If you are dating a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath chances are the jealousy will get dangerous.

Always on point ^^^^.
Jealousy involves toxic anger.
Protection is fierce, but not toxic.

End of topic

Uh, uh. Jealousy is not flattering. There is a difference between protective and jealousy. Read Toms answer. And thank you for posting

I agree 100% tim! Could have not say better.

Venice, that concept of jealousy you describe is a misconception that unfortunately still out there and a lot women and men endure abusive behavior from their partners with the excuse of jealousy means love.

noted

It all comes naturally....
It's natural for all to be a little jealous sometimes.
It's natural for a Mother to be protective of her babies.
It's natural for a man to be protective of his household.

If you think of jealousy as a spectrum of emotion .. ranging from apathy (not caring) at one end .. to obsessiveness at the other . It is clear there is also a middle ground . Any psychologist (and sir ) will tell you that jealously is a normal emotion . It is how we engage with jealousy that determines if the outcome is healthy or negative .

Love is seldom always perfect … unless you believe in fairytales .

hello Venice .. there is never one right answer .. it is all about beliefs and perspective .
How we interpret jealously can be influenced by our culture . For some cultures (Italian , Latino , middle eastern .. jealousy may translate to a form of passionate caring . Is that the same with your culture ??

Yeah

Hi Ladywind!

There are a few different definitions of jealousy, and one of them is "fiercely protective". So in that sense, there is some crossover between the two.

I agree that there are degrees of jealousy, and to an extent, I agree with what Venice said, in that jealousy (in its very mildest forms, and on very rare occasions) can be a little flattering. I like knowing that my partner would not want me flirting with anyone else, and the reverse is true as well. Everyone is different, of course, but I like feeling like I "belong" to someone. Not like a posession, but in the way a certain jigsaw piece belongs to a specific puzzle. For me, the problem would come in if it were frequent, persistent or unreasonable. No one should ever be made to doubt or feel insecure in their partner's love for them. Conversely, no one should feel like they have to avoid other people or completely change their life or routines in order to assuage someone else's insecurity.

Being protective can be toxic for sure and does not have to stem from love.

Being jealous doesn't have to be toxic at all. It can actually be a clear sign that something is off.

Always peculiar how jealousy gets directly labelled as 'bad' without much thought, and then protective gets labelled 'good' as that sounds so sweet.

Either can be healthy AND unhealthy, depending on what causes the feelings.
And then there's what Blondey said: how one deals with it. You can feel jealous and deal with it in a perfectly healthy fashion.
Same when for some reason you feel overly protective.

So without any context you cannot label either emotion as 'good' or 'bad'. They can be either depending on A) the cause and B) how one deals with it.

If someone is truly "yours" than you can't or shouldn't be jealous that someone could take them from you. And even if that happened it means that person was never "yours" to begin with.

The definition of Protective in the context of this discussion can vary. If you are going as far to keep people from your partner and limiting their social life etc than that is toxic.

If you are simply wanting or hoping to keep them safe in a more reasonable manner than that is a different thing altogether.

for fun I will post what I did to someone last fall, I was at a store looking I was slightly ahead of my EX gf, and had popped into an isle to look at something, some guy decides to speak to her, well I dont mind anyone asking 1 time, then they get told no, and move on, but he refused to listen, she said she had a BF, he said well he isnt here, and got in front of her, blocking her, then grabbed her arm and making sexual remarks, all the sudden he had a hand around his throat, pushed him into a display, and given 3 options, first was to run as fast as possible and not stop until he was outside, he chose this option, 2 was get store involved, which will also get police involved, and 3, call police for me assaulting him. but with last 2 options, we want video camera footage of him blocking her, grabbing arm, plus her testimony and he will be classified as a sexual predator, and I stopped a sexual assault, he couldnt run to front and out of the store fast enough, while I may be a Gentleman, I am 100% pure old school Biker, and dont play with predators, or people preying on women or children, no use for as human beings. my ex was never afraid of me, but always feared what I would do to others if tried to harm me or her, she knew of life I lived before I calmed down. that was first time she witnessed it. she always said would go somewhere else or car until I finished handling situation.

so ask yourself, what would you do if a predator stopped you in a store, blocked you, grabbed your arm saying sexual things he wanted to do to you, and saying going to take you to bathroom to do? hmm, hope someone hears scream, hope someone calls police? or be glad someone not afraid to tackle them?

with that said, I always insisted she carry a gun if I wasnt around, she never needed, & even though she left me, she still packing. she learned to never be a victim, from all my years of teaching. she would have pulled gun and if in panic mode would have shot guy in the store if I wasnt around, which was still well deserved, but I think he was ready to piss his pants when I let him go. she wore a snub nose .38 in belly band just for such instances. so yes she was panicked, but she isnt ready to pull trigger, I wouldnt care i would do what needs to be done without regret. my strength alone handled it without bloodshed. but to also say, if I am out anywhere, yes I am always carrying too, but I am strong enough to probably not need, unless multiple bad guys.

Doesn't jealousy fall inline with someone's own insecurities