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| Topic: Apathy: Friends and Dates | |
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There are those that say they will call. They don't. There are those that don't take that personally, and those of us that do. There are those that are surprised if/when you do get offended. This happens with acquaintances, with friends, and sadly in dating life. Is it apathy or do we take things too much to heart?
Scenario #1: You run into an old friend that you have not seen in awhile, simply because you fell out of touch, but you don't remember why that was. You chat for awhile and they say, in the end, that they will call you, and possibly bring up a specific event. You never hear from them. The event comes and goes. You call and the call is not returned. Scenario #2: You go on a date with a person that sparked your interest. The evening was fun and you laughed tons. You have a few more dates, at first close together, then they become more sporadic. After the last date, they say they will call you and get together again soon. A week passes, then two... nothing. You hear from them months later and they say they were busy, or had an illness, but want to go out again. How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it? |
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How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it? I've become such a recluse over the past few years that I can honestly say I haven't been in this situation for ages. I did sort of "date" a few people I met from other sites, in 2006; and, once I had actually met them in person, nothing could have made me happier than to know I would never have to see them or hear from them again. If anything, I've been the one who was guilty of saying "I'll call," and failing to follow through. I did a lot of that when I was younger. And it was never intended to be hurtful or offensive (although I can certainly understand now, in retrospect, how it could have been taken that way) -- but, once I'm bored with somebody, there's no resurrecting that dead horse. At 20 or 21, I just didn't have the means of communicating that very effectively. Or -- probably more truthfully -- I just didn't think about it too much. I had songs to write, and new people to meet.... |
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I personally am horrible at calling. Friends, family, whatever. I live my life very avant guard. I like it that way, not too detailed, I go where the wind takes me, I never EVER want anyone to be upset about my not calling, it is not personal, it is just who I am.
I was supposed to call someone today at noon and hang out, but I have a wicked cold, took a cold pill and slept all day and didn't call, I know I need to call them. My true fridns don't get upset about it, they do the same thing, we know what is important and what is not, birthdays, special occasions, ect, we don't miss, but just hanging out, no one really gets all that upset about it. Now dating on the other hand..... if it is very early in the relationship, I just chalk it up to no chemistry or whatever, but if you have been on a few dates and things are getting a bit spicy...you better call, I however don't ever let them see me sweat, so I move on quickly. Some guys will not call to see if you are really interested.... if he does this...I'm not intersted at all. I don't play games with guys. Just my 3 1/2 cents worth... |
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I did sort of "date" a few people I met from other sites, in 2006; and, once I had actually met them in person, nothing could have made me happier than to know I would never have to see them or hear from them again. If anything, I've been the one who was guilty of saying "I'll call," and failing to follow through. I did a lot of that when I was younger. And it was never intended to be hurtful or offensive (although I can certainly understand now, in retrospect, how it could have been taken that way) -- but, once I'm bored with somebody, there's no resurrecting that dead horse. At 20 or 21, I just didn't have the means of communicating that very effectively. Or -- probably more truthfully -- I just didn't think about it too much. I had songs to write, and new people to meet.... Your honesty is stunning. Of course, there are people we all meet that we just don't like all that much, but are too well mannered to actually say that. Sometimes our intentions are misconstrued. Or there is that well, I like you, until someone better comes along quagmire... It goes both ways. I admire your willingness to admit you were on the giving end, as we all have been. I do notice a lot of complaints about being on the receiving end, it seems a common bone of contention in threads. |
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Edited by
MirrorMirror
on
Sat 02/09/08 01:37 PM
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There are those that say they will call. They don't. There are those that don't take that personally, and those of us that do. There are those that are surprised if/when you do get offended. This happens with acquaintances, with friends, and sadly in dating life. Is it apathy or do we take things too much to heart? Scenario #1: You run into an old friend that you have not seen in awhile, simply because you fell out of touch, but you don't remember why that was. You chat for awhile and they say, in the end, that they will call you, and possibly bring up a specific event. You never hear from them. The event comes and goes. You call and the call is not returned. Scenario #2: You go on a date with a person that sparked your interest. The evening was fun and you laughed tons. You have a few more dates, at first close together, then they become more sporadic. After the last date, they say they will call you and get together again soon. A week passes, then two... nothing. You hear from them months later and they say they were busy, or had an illness, but want to go out again. How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it?  Ive had some people get mad at me because I didnt or couldnt call them exactly when they wanted me to. I had a nice person who recently began cursing me out because I wouldnt give them my phone number because I had just met them, and after that i sure as heck dont want to give that person my number. Because I know they will start calling me and cussing me out.  But I still love them.
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I personally am horrible at calling. Friends, family, whatever. I live my life very avant guard. I like it that way, not too detailed, I go where the wind takes me, I never EVER want anyone to be upset about my not calling, it is not personal, it is just who I am. My true fridns don't get upset about it, they do the same thing, we know what is important and what is not, birthdays, special occasions, ect, we don't miss, but just hanging out, no one really gets all that upset about it. Lily- I totally agree. I have many friends that are the same way. I know if I want to see them, I call. And if they don't call back, it's okay. I know they got my message and are thinking about me, as I do them. And I know if I need something, they will run to my side. As I would to theirs. Sometimes I get a call from one of them and I think, "OMG" what is wrong, and they just say, "hey, want to have lunch?" and I laugh. 
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I am good at calling people even emailing, so if I call or email and they don't return the favor, oh well, we will still be friends.
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its both lilith.
we are generally apathetic, and we take things too personally. i think we're pretty lazy too. and a great # of us are liars as well. things that are important to us we would stay on track with-i think thats the point. we all want friends,and we want love, but my experience shows that we want what we want on our terms. i look at some of the people on this site, and they want to be loved, but not enough to make any real sacrifice. they want love to show up right next door, or come to them. too many of us really believe that whatever WE have going on is THE most important thing going on. its hard to not take it personally, but things like that are a pretty effective way of separating the wheat from the chaff. i'm sorry you have had to deal with that. |
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There are those that say they will call. They don't. There are those that don't take that personally, and those of us that do. There are those that are surprised if/when you do get offended. This happens with acquaintances, with friends, and sadly in dating life. Is it apathy or do we take things too much to heart? Scenario #1: You run into an old friend that you have not seen in awhile, simply because you fell out of touch, but you don't remember why that was. You chat for awhile and they say, in the end, that they will call you, and possibly bring up a specific event. You never hear from them. The event comes and goes. You call and the call is not returned. Scenario #2: You go on a date with a person that sparked your interest. The evening was fun and you laughed tons. You have a few more dates, at first close together, then they become more sporadic. After the last date, they say they will call you and get together again soon. A week passes, then two... nothing. You hear from them months later and they say they were busy, or had an illness, but want to go out again. How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it? Ive had some people get mad at me because I didnt or couldnt call them exactly when they wanted me to. I had a nice person who recently began cursing me out because I wouldnt give them my phone number because I had just met them, and after that i sure as heck dont want to give that person my number. Because I know they will start calling me and cussing me out. But I still love them. you never gave me your phone #.  I have been crying for days!  
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flowerforyou: Ive had some people get mad at me because I didnt or couldnt call them exactly when they wanted me to. I had a nice person who recently began cursing me out because I wouldnt give them my phone number because I had just met them, and after that i sure as heck dont want to give that person my number. Because I know they will start calling me and cussing me out. But I still love them. Yeah... just loving from a distance, Mirror! You got to love the demanding ones, because if you don't they become even more demanding!  But I'm so sorry I over-reacted that way. I promise I will never do that again. Can I have your number now? 
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There are those that say they will call. They don't. There are those that don't take that personally, and those of us that do. There are those that are surprised if/when you do get offended. This happens with acquaintances, with friends, and sadly in dating life. Is it apathy or do we take things too much to heart? Scenario #1: You run into an old friend that you have not seen in awhile, simply because you fell out of touch, but you don't remember why that was. You chat for awhile and they say, in the end, that they will call you, and possibly bring up a specific event. You never hear from them. The event comes and goes. You call and the call is not returned. Scenario #2: You go on a date with a person that sparked your interest. The evening was fun and you laughed tons. You have a few more dates, at first close together, then they become more sporadic. After the last date, they say they will call you and get together again soon. A week passes, then two... nothing. You hear from them months later and they say they were busy, or had an illness, but want to go out again. How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it? Well I certainly am guilty of the first .. sometimes. I mean well, but I have an extremely full life. But the dating is entirely different. If someone doesn't make the effort I write it off as NO interest, or not enough to keep the dating afloat which in my mind = NO interest. 
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Well I certainly am guilty of the first .. sometimes. I mean well, but I have an extremely full life. But the dating is entirely different. If someone doesn't make the effort I write it off as NO interest, or not enough to keep the dating afloat which in my mind = NO interest. Fade... I doubt your friends take it personally. Life is a juggle, and it is the sum of the whole that counts and knowing your friends enough to understand their ways, means, and intents. *********************************************** I'd like to insert here that this question is merely theoretical, although there is always something relatable to our lives, as both givers and receivers of apathy. I found that in my past, many men would call me later, weeks or months, and in one case a year... and say, "hey... I've been thinking about you and I'd like to date again". I always said, "If I wasn't good enough the first time in your eyes, that has caused me to know you aren't good enough in mine now". I have a suspicion I won't have that problem in the near future. A hope? I have a dream...? (Sorry, but it is February, after all )
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There are those that say they will call. They don't. There are those that don't take that personally, and those of us that do. There are those that are surprised if/when you do get offended. This happens with acquaintances, with friends, and sadly in dating life. Is it apathy or do we take things too much to heart? Scenario #1: You run into an old friend that you have not seen in awhile, simply because you fell out of touch, but you don't remember why that was. You chat for awhile and they say, in the end, that they will call you, and possibly bring up a specific event. You never hear from them. The event comes and goes. You call and the call is not returned. Scenario #2: You go on a date with a person that sparked your interest. The evening was fun and you laughed tons. You have a few more dates, at first close together, then they become more sporadic. After the last date, they say they will call you and get together again soon. A week passes, then two... nothing. You hear from them months later and they say they were busy, or had an illness, but want to go out again. How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it? Ive had some people get mad at me because I didnt or couldnt call them exactly when they wanted me to. I had a nice person who recently began cursing me out because I wouldnt give them my phone number because I had just met them, and after that i sure as heck dont want to give that person my number. Because I know they will start calling me and cussing me out. But I still love them. you never gave me your phone #. I have been crying for days! It wasnt you sweetheart
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flowerforyou: Ive had some people get mad at me because I didnt or couldnt call them exactly when they wanted me to. I had a nice person who recently began cursing me out because I wouldnt give them my phone number because I had just met them, and after that i sure as heck dont want to give that person my number. Because I know they will start calling me and cussing me out. But I still love them. Yeah... just loving from a distance, Mirror! You got to love the demanding ones, because if you don't they become even more demanding! But I'm so sorry I over-reacted that way. I promise I will never do that again. Can I have your number now? ok I forgive you
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ok I forgive you Whew! I barely slept last night. Tossing and turning... cursing at you. Tossing and turning... cursing at you! I feel so much better. 
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Well, as far as the date goes #2. If they can't be honest and they give excuses like "I was" or "I was sick" I wouldn't think very highly of them and would not go on another date. I don't even think I would consider them a friend. I treasure my friends as they do me, and have had situation where I haven't seen someone for a longtime but as I said I treasure my friends and they wouldn't stand me up they would call with details.
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Well, as far as the date goes #2. If they can't be honest and they give excuses like "I was" or "I was sick" I wouldn't think very highly of them and would not go on another date. I don't even think I would consider them a friend. I treasure my friends as they do me, and have had situation where I haven't seen someone for a longtime but as I said I treasure my friends and they wouldn't stand me up they would call with details. that goes right along with my therory...Leave your trash at the curb.... |
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Well, as far as the date goes #2. If they can't be honest and they give excuses like "I was" or "I was sick" I wouldn't think very highly of them and would not go on another date. I don't even think I would consider them a friend. I treasure my friends as they do me, and have had situation where I haven't seen someone for a longtime but as I said I treasure my friends and they wouldn't stand me up they would call with details. it is really hard to tell someone "this isn't working out for me"..but I have done it on several occasions because it is unfair to just let people dangle - which is the easier way but not the right way. So I suck it up and I have had backlash..but whatever. If I do the right thing, I don't worry. |
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Absolutely! It's taken me along time to learn these little lessons, and thank power above I no longer need to be needed. Whether it's a good relationship or bad.
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Scenario #1: I have to admit that I can be bad about not calling but if I feel we have plans I will call, I hate to be rude and being from a smaller town you learn in life that the worst slight is the imagined one Scenario #2: How do you all feel about this sort of apathy? Does it happen to you and how do you deal with it?, I stalk them until they give in boiling live animals. calling them at work to make sure they are busy and drive by thier house obsessively hoping they are outside..... in between all that I have a shrine with all the photos that I have taken of them glued to the walls down in my basement.. I go thru their garbage holding on to little things that remind me of them while dancing around in my underoos ..... no seriously I would not go out with them again or maybe in a group thing if they are hot ,, If I was not a priority enough to drop me a line and at least tell me you have a work project blah blah blah then he is just no interested .... |
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