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Community > Posts By > inni_dreamz
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Charlie Brown for me !
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Bryan Adams & Barbara Streisand - I finally found someone...
kind of ironic.... I'm listening to an internet dj with some chat friends. 
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Reminds me of a Gwen Stephani song... I'm just a girl
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in my experience a mans love manifests in more expressions of ownership and authority a womans love manifests in more expressions of support and servie I agree with this, to some extent. Not all people are the same, but in general men are more about marking their territory 
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He is still trying to figure that out. I think he inherited a bit of my capacity to be a dreamer. I grew out of it, to an extent - and realized I needed to make money to survive. He thinks, because he does not want to have kids, that he doesn't need to make money (his words, not mine). He doesn't want to have a "soul $ucking" job. He's not interested in plumbing, tho - he shows potential for it - having worked on my house (self taught). I understand where he's coming from, but I do not think he has a firm grip on reality. I don't know many people who want to slave away each day for just enough money to survive -but sometimes that's what it comes down to. He's been reclusive since his return, staying in his room and making it awkward for me to try and talk to him. I think he is right in not wanting a soul sucking job. For that very reason he would be well advised to make himself as capable as he can so that he can be more able to choose what he does with his life and create a life that he values Well that's easier said than done, but I agree. I think a lot of people have their dream job, and then a lot of us make the best of what we have. I want him to be happy, but I also want him to be independent. I am on vacation this week, and focused on getting him re-focused. Step one is getting him out of bed before 2 in the afternoon. |
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Obviously you ex wasnt a very good example of carrot and stick motivation. He dangled the carrot then punished with the stick by withholding the carrot. that certainly isnt going to achieve any long term motivation. Even when done right motivating with carrot or stick is of only limited benefit because it is external motivation, the real gain is when he is motivated internally and not dependant on you for motivation. Finding the right insentive to use as the carrot is half the trick. Rarely is the stick a better option than the carrot Sounds like you are off to a good start a bit of research on "Holding the space" may be helpful. Its a concept I have only just heard of Very true and I see more what you are talking about. Some sort of reward system to get him going. A short term goal which leads to another... And so on... 
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I just talk to him about life and responsibility. I ask him how I can help him, and what he thinks he needs.
I am home this week, so I got him out of bed at 11 am, and had him start working on the house. I don't have the answers, it's a work in progress.. I do know how much I resented that whole carrot on a stick thing my ex used to do.. It was impossible, I found, to ever actually GET the carrot. |
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Carrot "on" a stick.....
Sorry, can't seem to edit on the phone... |
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I don't use the carrot in the stick method for anything - my ex husband always did - and I find the idea disrespectful.
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Thanks so much. There is a lot to be said for life experience, I think.
I have had my share of therapy and most offer group sessions so people can share their experiences and learn from each other. I find value in both options, psychology and life experience  I plan to have a quiet sit down with my son, while I am on vacation and see how he feels about career counseling. |
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Topic:
walking dead fans
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Hmmm... 2 minutes of show.. 58..minutes of commercial breaks..omg..lol.. Right!?! --- There were way more commercials than usual... extended my buttocks! MightMoe --- yeah, will take them at least a season or two to kill off Negan... I think... just guessing, obviously. He's a fun bad guy - I like the actor. I feel really bad and awkward for Rick. |
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Topic:
Feeling missing in life
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The inability to be content... it's a human thing.
It can drive people to do more, succeed in life or it can drive people nuts. Try to find balance. That's all I any of us can do. 
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Topic:
long distance relationship
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So your husband is cheating on you and you think you want to stay with him so you came on a dating site for advice. Interesting  I got nothing  Something is off about that. |
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how about a career counselor for him? would he try that? they have all kinds of aptitude/interest surveys and can help him match up some of his personality traits and different careers That's a very good idea!! That's what I'll look into, and I think it will go over better than any other kind of counseling! Thank you :) |
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Oh Romeo, Romeo ... where for art thou, Romeo?
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Topic:
true love
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I'm a hopeful romantic, so yes - I believe it can happen - not like it does in the movies -- but, a more realistic version - sure! THE REALISTIC VERSION IS SOMETIMES CALLED MATURE LOVE IT REQUIRES WORKING THROUGH ISSUES WITH YOUR MATE TO GET THERE.....SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL ''THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER'' VERY COMMON IN TODAYS WORLD..... I never did like that saying. I'm well past the stage of thinking a relationship is all candy & flowers... I was married for a long time. BUT .... hope is important to me. If I do not believe I might meet someone and be happy at some point, there is a lot less of a reason to get up every morning. That's just the plain truth. I am not one of those people who wants to grow old alone. |
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Thanks, Kenny - I have talked to him about it a LOT ...not drinking, certainly not driving anything while drinking. He's obviously learning this lesson the hard way.... :(
Yellowrose, I would like to believe it's not so much that he does not want to better himself - I think he's a little depressed. I plan to speak to him about the option of getting some counseling. He's a good kid, and I've seen him work hard - but right now he's not at his best, that much is clear. Thanks for the input --- it is helpful to hear other's thoughts, ideas, experiences - and be able to discuss and work this out in my head. |
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Topic:
Dating addiction
Edited by
inni_dreamz
on
Fri 11/18/16 11:54 AM
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There are just as many guys out there that do not want to pay for dinner, as there are ones, who offer to pay.
I have to agree with Sparky - There is an emotional price for some of us. |
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Your profile is pretty blank. Maybe add some things you like to do, and more pictures of yourself, doing the things you like.
 I don't think there's anything wrong with letting the gals know, you are marriage minded - but it might scare some away. It's sure to attract others. Have patience - it's not easy to meet "the one" .... Welcome & Good luck! |
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Topic:
50 and over?
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After birthday #49, I started counting backwards.
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