Long Distance Relationships (LDR'S)

LDR'S are HARD!

They are not something I would recommend, nor something I would totally rule out.
What I am saying here is, I wouldn't suggest going out looking for one, but if that connection
does happen, don't let it frighten you away from true love (it may not come again).

LDR's need special attention

Lack of the physical presence in your lover's life warants being attentive in other areas like, messages, phone calls, web camming,
photographs, sharing bits and pieces of your daily life etc.

Special attention needs to be made in making your partner feel secure. What might seem like harmless flirting in real time, could be
harder to handle when you are miles apart and not feeling as secure. Be mindful of this.

Have some goals for the realtionship. Discuss plans of a future. Having a next meeting or something to look forward to keeps things real and alive.

The written word can be easily misunderstood, my advice on this (though I do not practice my own advice) is to stop the texting and pick up the phone.
A voice shows emotion that text cannot and is more easily understood.

Don't go to bed mad (I don't practice this advice either) in a LDR electronic contact is all you have and if you cut those lines of communication off, you
can't settle anything.

Ask LOTS of questions! This not only gives you things to talk about, but helps you learn a great deal about the person.

SHARE expenses! No one should have to foot the entire bill. When possible share the costs involved-plane tickets- phone calls-rooms etc.


Ok, I may think of some more tips along the way...but feel free to add some to this...I need all the help I can get LOL

Very nice Angel and soo true

and have LOADS of cash on hand, as you'll need it for makin' those long-distance one-day trips to see your LDR. of course, it'd be even more helpful if you had a learjet like peccy does, too.

Random love letters and flowers baskets always helped me and my ex.

As well, it is much, much, much easier to lie and hide things from the other in an LDR. My ex decided telling me he had an active warrant for a DUI wasn't important. Oh, and I didn't know about the DUI either, or the fact that he had no valid license and was supposed to be moving here. Oh, and I also didn't know he barely worked and donated plasma to buy cigarettes. He let me buy his plane ticket and never repaid me even half, and at the end flat out stole $200. In sum, he showed me what he wanted me to see and after a few months I put it together on my own. If it wasn't an LDR situation I'd have seen it sooner.

Communication and being an open book is key.

Words of caution. BE CAREFUL.

Very nice write Angel and good advice thank you

That is a really nice picture

love the new pics angel

Thank you for the advice Angel

Sorry, you had such a bad experience. Yes, caution should be used with all relationships..not too sure that it is any easier to deceive though if the right questions are asked and demanded to be answered. You do need to know what to ask, though.
As far as the financial issue...why would you buy his ticket? Shouldn't costs be shared in a relationship? I mean...Peccy paid for his own ticket..but, I paid for our cabin, roon in PC and our food, booze and entertainment.
Finances should be shared as much as possible.

Awww thanks on the comments about our pics everyone! There are more inside my profile. We should have taken more pics...that is one thing I regret...not enough pics.

Thanks for this, it is awesome and oh so true

there's never enough pics

Yes, costs should be shared and were supposed to be. But, they weren't, as he was not as good as his word. And we spoke over 3000 minutes a month, plus pc time. Trust me, I asked the right questions. I simply received lies in response.

The man was a narcissistic sociopath. No exaggeration. Ask Peccy.... he encountered him a time or two or three....

Those are the type to watch for.

Yeah, sorry you had this happen to you...the thug!

Unfortunately, we sometimes believe what we wish as opposed to reality. Often, in a long distance situation it is difficult if not impossible to verify the truth.

As many of you are aware, I've found this out the hard way.

However, that said, there is much evidence on this site that LDR's can and do work. Angel's post is an excellent public service and should be required reading for those contemplating the plunge into a LDR

Sorry to hear that, Lillith, truly.

Had a similar experience with a male that turned out to be a complete sociopath. It's easy to say, in retrospect, that I missed or "ignored" the warning signs. It was the lies he told (and the way he told them) that I missed.

For as brilliant and intelligent as I am, it's mildly humbling and embarrassing to go through something like that. It's a doubly difficult dealing with the loss of a certain amount of trust and a somewhat broken heart.

The ensuing, shall we say, cynicism, that sets in for a while is a necessary evil.

I'm sorry you ran across this guy......I'm sure it has shyed you away from another relationship online. I can only speak for myself, but we're not all like that. I was wondering though if you wouldn't mind defining what a narcissistic sociopath is????

Great post, I totally agree. Of course, I just know that means we were fooled by good ones. What I am concerned about is the next victim. I feel bad I could not stop that...



Magbal, just google it, way easier.... I could fill pages explaining and providing relevant behavioral examples.

I am waiting to see how things are in LDR I do think there is somehiding in unless both are totally open and honest. Which is hard to fine these days.