Me my parents and friends debate about the whole sex in relationships issue. Do you meet and have sex first to see if it is good.Or Get to know a person for say 3 months find you like them but the sex is aweful<what do you do?. Or can you not judge the first encounter and give it a few more tries? any thoughts opinions?

My personal belief is if you like the person, the first time might be awkaward but should only get better as you get to know how to plz your partner better right?

Yeah, but if the sex never gets better you're screwed.

Yea..more time goes along and gets even more complex eh...

Just seems senseless to stay in a relationship with someone whom you don't love every bit of is all. If they are not good in bed I hardly doubt that is the only thing they are bad at, logically anyway.

I think there is not one way that is better - it can all be perfect... or it can all be a mess.

Sex wise I think that if the two parties each enjoy sex, and is turned on by the other, and are curious like a cat (yeah, think of how a cat is curious, it knows what it wants to discover but are in no rush to get there) then it will definitely get better if it is not awesome to begin with.

Conversely I have one time experienced that the sex just didn't pan out. It seemed like all the ingredients were there, but mixing it together was like making a square fit in a circle (not literally eh). We tried for a couple of months and that was it.

So from my point of view, sex in a relationship is as important as it can be, but I also think there is not one formula to follow regarding sex.

Wow, pretty well said, love the 'curious cat' metaphor!

Sex is sex. Although it is part of a relationship bad sex is bad sex. If she (OR HE FOR THAT MATTER IN ALL FAIRNESS) is a lousy performer and refuses to learn or be open to at least trying new stuff that is not outrageous or questionable (meaning if you want to crap on her and smear it all over each other and she says 'no way' and you get mad at her you are a sick perverted creep in need of counseling or at least a good boot to the warbles! I am talking about asking the other half to take initiative or get on top or at least let ya do her doggie style! Sex has to be lively to be interesting.

BUT NOW THE COMPLICATED PART!

The relationship itself...

I have had friends who were involved with women they flat out hated but swore up and down the sex was the sex was the best they ever had. Likewise their hated GF who hated them too were FWB behind closed doors, sworn enemies out doors.

I also know others who have no sex at all but live full fulfilled lives. Likewise I also know swingers and we are talking AC/DC swinging! 'Any hole on any one goes' type swingers! And they are completely happy with themselves and their mutual lives.

Personally if she is just going to lay there and make noise (or worst yet just lay there) I am going to loose interest and stop b3ecasue I will get board. Now if she gets all wound up, bites me and goes completely nuts under me? I must be doing my job right! Especially if I gt her to have a explosive orgasm and I know what those are like first hand.

Why do you women always seem to be so guilty and quiet when you have a real orgasm? I mean really? Is it the noises you make inadvertently?

Good sex is as important as shared qualities and compatibility.

I don’t have sex with anyone on the first date but it’s doubtful I would wait 3 MONTHS!! I don’t want to waste my time only to find out there is no sexual chemistry. I also like to know what’s under the covers; nice package, circumcised, shaved – you know – the important stuff!

I’ve had relationships wherein only the sex was good and there was nothing else, and conversely, wherein the friendship was awesome but the sex was horrible and laughable.

I suppose if sex were awkward the first time it can get better; however, I don’t want to be a “teacher”. I prefer someone with experience and who is not shy, uncomfortable and who will explore (a lot). Bad sex is just the worst for so many reasons.

I need both. Both can be found. I found both actually. I’m glad I never settled.

Wow great post guys and gals you all make some very valid points thnx

Everyone has their own idea of how and when it will happen. Regardless if it is on the first date the third or two weeks down the road is up to each person.

But...........no matter when it is the chemistry could be there and the sex could not be what you expected. Sure at first if it is not it is best to at least give it a few more tries. If the sex does not get any better nor as satisfying as you're looking for it may be time to move on.

If it is not there you can either choose to try to get them to do the things you like or move on...or you might have to move on anyway after finding out they are not gonna change.

Hate to say it but at my age either it is there or it is not.

Have to agree on the nicely said part

I know some gals I've spoken with are embarrassed by it.

I know one gal who started being more quiet because they were out tenting with a large group of friends, and when she screamed, one of the friends thought the guy was hurting her and sliced through the tent with a knife to protect her. Needless to say, that livened everyone up, but she says she doesn't go off quite as loudly anymore.

Myself, I've never been a screamer, squealer, or overall noisy person in general. Even with roller-coasters and haunted houses. Stupid stuff like that can cause problems with the livestock and animals and put them, and one self in danger.

That said, I've never had a guy say it was a problem, so I'm guessing that I was giving them the feedback they wanted when I was enjoying myself.

That seems very weird. Guilt is the last feeling I'd have during an orgasm.

That is weird!! The guilt must come from religion or strict parenting from conservative families - or some other mental repression. How very sad.

could not have said it better, people are constantly learning and growing and are never stuck in any one moment(however wonderful or awful it is), likewise people improve at all types of things from math to speech to even the act of sex

there would be a lot more of those wonderful sexual moments if people were open to learning and growing instead of just remaining stagnant and stuck in one experience , when you love someone and take the time to learn their body and they yours, the great sex will happen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzfo4txaQJA

I really agree here! I stayed in an LTR for way too long because we had a great friendship & the sex was decent enough not to look elsewhere, but "romantic love" was not involved!
I just settled and dealt with it until the sex wasn't enough anymore, but will never do that again because we both hurt when the split finally came anyhow-ugh!

Guilty & quiet? Are you having sex with married women Andy? Lively makes it or breaks it for sure & I'm fairly sure my neighbors know when I have the big "O"-LOL!

I agree! I am neither guilty nor quiet!!!

Either that or he's having sex with women who are cheating on their husbands/boyfriends.

Sadly I have been involved temporarily with two married women in my past and both lied to me about their marriages. I never found out until later talking to their friends. Both finally admitted they were married ending things right then and there. I DON'T play like that knowingly!
Both didn't just like the sex, hey loved it and kept coming back for more until I found out what was up! What a sad statement for the institution of marriage!