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| Topic: Silent Treatment/Shutting Down-Maturity or Immaturity? Good | |
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the silent treatment, withdrawing, or cooling off are 3 different things. the silent treatment is a punishment and very immature. withdrawing into one's self is some people's way of trying not to be vulnerable. in a relationship, it can be hurtful to the relationship because the things that cause the withdrawal are usually the ones that should be shared for there to be emotional healing. cooling off time is better because it helps to not say spiteful things in the heat of the moment. I don't know about the 5 minute rule though. it takes a lot to push me to the point if wanting to be hurtful, but when that happens, it also takes a little while for me to be able to talk about it reasonably. I won't give someone the silent treatment, but I will say I need time and can't talk about it right now. All of this is true Ana, but even when someone says they need time to think or cool off or just rest, it can still cause hurt and resentment if the other person wants or needs to talk sooner rather than later....AND it can still be considered giving the silent treatment by the other person no matter how you preface it or how you label it...Thats why when someone clams up on me, I back off and let them make the next move... hi (((((((Leigh)))))))  yes this is true that cooling off time is still hurtful, but it's less cruel than lashing out in blind anger and saying hurtful things that will be later regretted and can't be taken back.  Right, I have regrets every time I let anger control me...Hugs Ana! 
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You're right. Yahweh bless  . |
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Edited by
uche9aa
on
Sat 11/22/14 12:27 PM
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Many consider ignoring / neglect to be abuse, and I agree.. I don't agree that you can only take a 5 mins tops time-out. But you have to let the other know that you need some time and that you will talk about it later. Then you also have to do that, address the issue again, calmly, so that trust can grow, trust that when the partner needs time, it doesn't equal being ignored. And trust for the other that you will give him/her that time (and of course that time-out should not be a week). |
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the silent treatment is the first step to seperating of the self,,,withdrawal...from the other,,,its an early warning,,,,,a red flag,,,even if it has not been earned,why talk to someone who has made you angry,,,just because your in a relationship with them,,in relationships,,i dont believe in second chances,,they dont work,,ever,dont negotiate on your bounderies,,,ever,,, they break them,,they go,,,,no ifs,,or buts,,,sounds harsh,,iam a counselor..this much i have learned
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I never got anything out of the silent treatment...when it got to that point I walked away...if you can't talk about it...you can't work through it.......
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Early in the marriage, the ground rules was never to allow an argument to be unresolved overnight....that was easy!
Then, it was never to quarrel with the children around......that required really good self control! Reining in the anger and not spew angry hurtful words that cannot be taken back.....thus, the silent treatment is necessary sometimes! Walking away from an explosive situation is strength! But try not to let it brew overnight.....sort it out in the bedroom out of hearing of the kids! |
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I admit I do the silent treatment for a little while to regroup. I think its better than to say something in a fit of anger that will hurt someone.
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I admit I do the silent treatment for a little while to regroup. I think its better than to say something in a fit of anger that will hurt someone. I do that too...... better for someone to be silent, then for both to have a shouting match! |
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In a relationship the silent treatment isn't healthy at all...infact it can be immature depending on the situation...
However in a scenario where an ex is trying to communicate with you but all its doing is causing you pain then its best to tell them about it and and go silent with no communication at all...it all depends on the situation |
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In a relationship the silent treatment isn't healthy at all...infact it can be immature depending on the situation... However in a scenario where an ex is trying to communicate with you but all its doing is causing you pain then its best to tell them about it and and go silent with no communication at all...it all depends on the situation If words don't get the message across, then no words is necessary! You should know what is the best way to get the message across.....with words or without words, whether spoken or written!! |
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In a relationship the silent treatment isn't healthy at all...infact it can be immature depending on the situation... However in a scenario where an ex is trying to communicate with you but all its doing is causing you pain then its best to tell them about it and and go silent with no communication at all...it all depends on the situation If words don't get the message across, then no words is necessary! You should know what is the best way to get the message across.....with words or without words, whether spoken or written!! Yes thats true.....with some people the words and solution to a certain problem go in through 1 ear and come out the other...so eventually an individual can get fed up and go silent and stay away |
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In a relationship the silent treatment isn't healthy at all...infact it can be immature depending on the situation... However in a scenario where an ex is trying to communicate with you but all its doing is causing you pain then its best to tell them about it and and go silent with no communication at all...it all depends on the situation If words don't get the message across, then no words is necessary! You should know what is the best way to get the message across.....with words or without words, whether spoken or written!! Yes thats true.....with some people the words and solution to a certain problem go in through 1 ear and come out the other...so eventually an individual can get fed up and go silent and stay away Romeo, I think you are a sensible guy....and know where you stand! So, you gotta do what you gotta do, depending on the situation! You have already moved on...keep moving until you find the right one. Likewise, I admit I had been the one giving the silent treatment, but I had to resort to that as it was the best way to end something that could become worse then. Just shut up and walk away..... and see if it can be resolved later. If it cannot, then the relationship is already in trouble in the first place. |
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 Everyone here has very good opinions on this topic! Walking away or a cool down period to be addressed later when both are calmer is good advice!! But what isn't addressed is (prevention)! I read all of your introductions and that tells me of a possible friend here on mingle that might be a match if not then they are my friends and i expect no more than that!! But back to (preventing) this to escalate to a (cool down walk away) that to me is a future crisis situation! I used to have what i called the (nitro effect) Sit down with your spouse and outline how you feel that day or week to rectify the situation before it happens that you disagree with then compromise on a solution!! One way or another you or your partner knows if the other is listing and wishes for the relationship to continue or end! I know if its a relationship the person i'm with or if its control etc. that expected! Its (the cause and effect) that counts and not letting it escalate from the beginning. Money has always and will always be a negative breakdown for example Same as neglecting your spouses needs in a relationship! Even Sexual! Talk it out then decide if that is what you are willing to give or receive One more thing keep your discussions private "especially around Friends and Family"! I hope this isn't off topic but its the only way i will ever be in Any Relationship again! If ever!!  I really think my time is over.
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the silent treatment is the first step to seperating of the self,,,withdrawal...from the other,,,its an early warning,,,,,a red flag,,,even if it has not been earned,why talk to someone who has made you angry,,,just because your in a relationship with them,,in relationships,,i dont believe in second chances,,they dont work,,ever,dont negotiate on your bounderies,,,ever,,, they break them,,they go,,,,no ifs,,or buts,,,sounds harsh,,iam a counselor..this much i have learned |
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If the 'silent treatment' means to punish the other person, then its immature and ineffective. 'shutting down' is another story. that means there is nothing left to say. it probably means the relationship is not healthy. |
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Without a context a silent treatment has many guises as it can be a simple withdrawal from a more heated exchange , lack of communication, a manipulation by avoidance, trying to punish by detaching others to name a few... need to know more to identify type of silent treatment....
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Without a context a silent treatment has many guises as it can be a simple withdrawal from a more heated exchange , lack of communication, a manipulation by avoidance, trying to punish by detaching others to name a few... need to know more to identify type of silent treatment....
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Early in the marriage, the ground rules was never to allow an argument to be unresolved overnight....that was easy! Then, it was never to quarrel with the children around......that required really good self control! Reining in the anger and not spew angry hurtful words that cannot be taken back.....thus, the silent treatment is necessary sometimes! Walking away from an explosive situation is strength! But try not to let it brew overnight.....sort it out in the bedroom out of hearing of the kids! |
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