thanks

Relinquished (aka Freedom)

The clarity I could not find
The balance I could not attain
The tranquility of my heart I could not master
Until I reined it all in
Green eyes shining with envy
Heart filled with anger, resentment,
Clenching and unclenching fists,
Until I stopped and got hold of my better side
This isn’t you, I told myself over and over again.
Let go, it said, gently, over and over again
Until the feelings subsided, and my heart was calm
And my fists were gentle hands again.
Emotions had been felt, rose, peaked,
And were overcame.
I’m sorry, that wasn’t me, I said.

They knew. They were grateful I came to my senses and smiled, greeting me
With open arms, warm embraces, happy grins and
Two words made it all the better.

Two words that made me feel like I was home again in my happiness
Like I was reclining on a warm blanket on a sunny summer afternoon
Welcome back.
Suppose I had come back.
Or maybe I was never there, and this was the emregence of my true self.

either way, the choice was made, and the gauntlet had already been run.

And I came through, not conquered but he conqueror of my own worst evil,
Myself.
The frightened, weak-willed, callow creature I was, so apprehensive of the world, so reticent about the experiences of life and love and heartache and pain and fear of that pain and all else that goes with love… he was no more.
For that moment, he was no more.

I know he’ll show his face again, because he is a part of me, just as I am a part of him.
We cannot be separated, truly, because we are one.
He’ll show again, but I’ll decide when.
The power to release him was tempting…but it woul’ve ended things on the sourest of notes.

I had to do more than just lock him away into my subconscious.
I had to beat him down righteously before I did.
He lays peacefully in the dungeon of my mind, which to him is a paradise.
I have essentially relinquished myself from his influence.
When I have to be afraid of something and it’s rational….then I’ll let him out.
But for now….I am free.
Now, I’ve left the dungeon to experience the light of of the sun.

It’s blinding, but only for a moment.
And then, in my newfound freedom, through the tears of joy that only liberation can bring…
….I finally see!

I want you.

I want to know what your strengths are

but I want to be your one weakness.

I want to know what you let go of,

so I may hold tighter to you.

I want to learn what you hate,

in order to become the thing you love,

I want to know what you no longer need,

so that if possible, you could ever need me.

I want you.

But I will only be here

should you say you want me.

Beside you.

Or maybe leading you by the hand

to that gentle tranquil place

where we can lay on a

lush, grassy knoll in the shadow

of a blossoming tree,

and when the blossoms fall,

I can wrap my arms around you,

from behind as we recline,

bathed in sunlight,

the blossoms fall around us.

But sadly, this tranquil place

only exists in my head...

and for the time being...

....so do you.

And yet, I am not sad.

Only faithful.

Faithful that somewhere....you may yet be real.

You may yet want me,

and we may yet share in this fantasy,

find our harmony, our tranquil place,

and relish our undying love,

forever.

And I will forever want you.

If you will have me.

(Inspired by the writings of JRR Tolkien.)

Surrealistic times in which we live and die, to be sure.
Such surrealistic and also abnormal and unnatural times.
There is sound, fury significance, insignificance,
Martyred holy men, legions of homeless, starving children and corpulent politicians, have we lost our sense of humanity completely that we are but bureaucrats, strutting and commanded by nothing but paper of the white kind inked with asassinations and of the green with which they lie our corrupt pockets?
Of course, they say. Our power, as it stands, is absolute.
And our absolute power gives us carte blanche to do what we will, when we will, we are so corrupted and black and wilted our hearts are things we have no concept of anymore. Maybe we did when we were young, but that age is past, and our concerns are different.
It is nothing to be excused, I say!
I say that you are shadows. Darkened, disgusting shadows of your former selves who only know banality and routine and mindlessness. Your love for your green lined pockets has made worm'��s meat of your honor, however little it existed in the beginning. You have no concept of morality or restraint.
All you know is greed.
And when those papers you so mindlessly sign every day, when the drone strike orders are non-existent, when you have nothing left to bomb, polute, pilfer, pillage and plunder, when the skies rain red with the blood of the innocent upon you all, and when they’re ghosts haunt you ceaselessly no matter where you go, whether it is your office of employment or the darkness of your private bed chambers, when your job is no longer needed after the world has come to know and implement true peace, when you can no longer line your pockets on the greed of others, when you can no longer exploit this beautiful natural world that you had a hand in helping your wraith-like colleagues to destroy! Will you eat your greenbacks, then?
No. You'��ll be starved. And your money and love of it above all will not save you any more than it could've saved the rest of us.
You live now. You killed us long ago.
But we are with you, even now. And because of us, you will never know another pleasant nights rest until your conscience is clear.
Or you die out of fear.

Wow....you must be a hit at parties, dude!

I've had an amazingly perfect week! Wouldn't change a thing.
Well, except for the grammar and punctuation nd literary nazis who kill my buzz. Heheh!

I agree. Major buzzkill....wait, my buzz is dead?
Lemme check.....nope, still buzzin!

If i said something that made your heart melt, could I keep the remainder in a glass jar with a rose to remind myself that my words can still have a powerful and lasting effect on people if used in the right way?
-ZenSoul.

Yeah disregard this post, i suddenly realized it's a bit on the desperate side and am now retracting......pretty much all of it! lol
damn.

because her smile is wide and she probably laughs a lot or tries to make others laugh a lot, and i dig laughing a lot and perhaps i could make her laugh too.

Looking for proactive ladies who'd be interested in dating someone like me in both Connecticut (where I hail from) and New York city (where I'm traveling to for recreation every once a month or so to sightsee, vacation, and generally soak up the local flavor).
So, yeah preferably local or somewhat local is what Im saying, lol!

Check my profile and message me if you're into art, poetry, music, movies, hiking, bicycling, chats over coffee, photography, fun conversations, museum visits, or anything along those lines.

Must be 27 to 35 years old, somewhat athletic, single, preferably no children (but its cool if you're a mom), not looking for casual sex, no drug users, and appreciate a man with a sensitive romantic poetic personality.

Messaging me is the only way to get my attention, since I can't respond or look at my "matches" (not even interested in paying for that, cheap trick that it is).

Anyway, hope to hear from you if interested.

Sincerely,
ZenSoul

Nice to know someone understands. I am sentimental. Sometimes too sentimental for my own good. I get lost in my own head, I get my hopes up, then ... life.

I just don't get this concept. People's self-esteem is already low enough without strangers input, isnt it?
I have a pretty level-headed opinion of my own worth, so it's not like I need some random lady off the street telling me im this or that.


I get it, I do....but then again.....nah.

Just sayin!

I'm an arrow dodger, I don't threaten cupid, but I jsut choose not to pay attention to the holiday hype or give into the rampant consumerism on behalf of some significant other who thinks it'd be "romantic". No, I'm sorry if it's "expected" in that way, it's less romantic or spontaneous, it's jsut boring.
There I said it.

awww thanks thats very sweet

yep

thanks i appreciate it.

absolutely!

Valentine's Day is approaching. There's no one in particular on my mind I want to give a card to or anything sappy or anything like that. I'm not gonna follow some expected holiday tropes this year.
But I am reminded of what I really appreciate and what has been missing in my life as of late, and that's intimacy. The intimacy of smiling just because I made someone laugh, the intimacy of just enjoying the fact that they have no idea how their being in the same breathing space as I am fills me with a feeling of relief, the intimacy of a hug or handhold just "because." The little things, I guess.
Hoping someone out there feels the same. I don't even know if I've met her yet, I'm sort of clueless when it comes to that sort of thing.
Maybe they'll beat me over the head with cupid's quiver if the arrows don't work. That would be funny. A little awkward, but funny.

When she escapes my eye, my heart sinks, for her presence brings a needed injection of light to an otherwise darkened soul, her smile, laugh, and bodily dimensions the items God crafted so immaculately that it made his angels in heaven envy her, for when she came into existence even these divine celestials knew joy and jealousy at the same fleeting moment.

Good so far?