Cracked runs these photoshop competitions periodically, I had to share this one. Laughed till I cried.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16751_15-worst-porno-ideas-possible.html

Only playing guitar actively right now, but I've played a variety of instruments. Favorites (aside from guitar of course) are the bass clarinet and marching tonal bass drum. I was surprised how challenging and enjoyable it was learning to time your hits not just with the music, but with the other four drummers.

Don't forget the smart car! I think Al Gore is destined to become the next Chuck Norris. But instead of a book of badas sery, we're get a huge book of things you didn't actually know were invented by Al Gore. Like toenails.

Every pore awake
alive
excited
at the prospect of caresses yet to come
wistful yearning
physically unable to let go of the hopes
the dreams
the expectation
each hair standing straight
completely alert
dying for the first breath
the first kiss
the first tender contact
the first solid proof that I am not alone
living in a tactile world
sights and sounds abundant
but none that you can trust
without touch
People come and go in fleeting glimpses
hearing, seeing, but not feeling
never feeling
silently crying out to whoever will listen
my need to be touched
to be held
to feel that someone else is there
that someone else knows that things that cannot be conveyed with words or gestures
things you can only feel by making contact
sharing in the glorious sensation of togetherness born only of touch
But until then I wait
endlessly it seems
yet I'll always wait
until I find someone that needs to know I'm real
needs to feel my skin
feel my warmth beneath their fingertips
And when that day comes I'll smile and the past will be forgotten

Because the wait is worth it

http://red40.ytmnd.com/

I thought About a Boy was pretty good.

I think what geektothetenth is saying is that he's tired of the double standard. Its socially acceptable to make fun of someone for drug usage or stupidity, but not because of something like their weight. There's an episode of south park where the boys are sent to the museum of tolerance to learn that its wrong to insult people because of their ethnicities, but then outside they treat a smoker like absolute crap. Hope I'm not putting words in your mouth geek.

Let's get the muffin man and make the water turn black

I have a plastic slinky. Personally, I prefer the metal ones because they don't seem to get messed up as easy. But the plastic ones make a pretty satisfying sound and you're walking them down the stairs or whatever.

Saw this once a long time ago and finally thought to go looking for it today. Enjoy!

Taoism: **** happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "**** happens."
Buddhism: If **** happens, it isn't really ****.
Zen Buddhism: **** is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of **** happening?
Hinduism: This **** has happened before.
Islam: If **** happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If **** happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If **** happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If **** happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let **** happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This **** was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if **** happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: **** that happens to one person is just as good as **** that happens to another.
Unitarian: **** that happens to one person is just as bad as **** that happens to another.
Lutheran: If **** happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If **** happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If **** happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: **** must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this **** always happen to us?
Calvinism: **** happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No **** shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all ****.
Secular Humanism: **** evolves.
Christian Science: When **** happens, don't call a doctor -pray.
Christian Science #2: **** happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this ****.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this ****.
Utopianism: This **** does not stink.
Darwinism: This **** was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY ****.
Communism: It's everybody's ****.
Feminism: Men are ****.
Chauvanism: We may be ****, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this ****.
Impressionism: From a distance, **** looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this ****.
Existentialism: **** doesn't happen; **** IS.
Existentialism #2: What is ****, anyway?
Stoicism: This **** is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good **** happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this ****.
Mormonism #2: This **** is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let **** happen.
Scientology: If **** happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< **** happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our ****?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: **** has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy **** happens.
Hare Krishna: **** happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this ****!
Zoroastrianism: **** happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB ****s.
Practical: Deal with **** one day at a time.
Agnostic: **** might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone ****?
Agnostic #3: What is this ****?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What ****?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this ****!
Nihilism: No ****.

I buy a one dollar lottery ticket whenever I feel like pissing away money on something stupid. I always make sure I've got a couple days before the drawing so I can dream about what I'd do with the money. As long as I can believe I have a minuscule chance of winning, for even a short time, I got my dollar's worth. Never spent anywhere near that amount on a gamble though.

Skinny - Filter

Actually, you can fix a cd with a toothbrush and toothpaste. But theres a trick to it, and none of my friends that know how will show me 'cause they're all jerks. would not recommend for glasses, lol.

Actually, you can fix a cd with a toothbrush and toothpaste. But theres a trick to it, and none of my friends that know how will show me 'cause they're all jerks.

I agree with egoodrich. Send the flowers first. Save the cd for later. You don't want to come off as overeager

Yogurt Pepsi....... or not. In all seriousness... Jones soda and I don't think I can pick a favorite. Green apple and Bubble Gum are both awesome. One of these days I'll muster up the courage to try mashed potatoes with gravy (yes, its a soda and its real)

I've been listening to Meshuggah for a long time but generally I write most of their lyrics off. I went combing through their stuff today and found these and just had to share them. Very dark and depressive, but I could relate to the message. See if it strikes you the same way. When it hits the verse, the singer is shouting with such vehemence that I thought each repetition of "I'm common" was "God damnit". Very emotionally charged!

Meshuggah - The Mouth Licking What You Bled

I'm the shallow, the superficial. I'm the Common Man. Faithless, Narrow Minded, Indifferent, Impassive. A Sycophantic Leech. Tantamount to Disintegrity. I'm the vulture feeding on malignancy.

I'm the sin, the lecherous sneering at prostration. I wallow in disease. I rejoice at degradation. I yawn at misery. Spit at others happiness. An advocate of manipulation. I embrace the sickening.

I'm the lost, I'm average
I'm common
I'm infection, I'm human
I'm common
A worm thriving in seas of disgust
I'm common
The mouth licking what you've bled
I'm common

I'm the pampered degenerate. I indulge my inclinations. The only words to my attention are those that I myself create. Disorder. Chaos.

I debar all order, repudiate all purity. Infatuated by contentment. I laugh at lies. Come behold the sickness in my common human eyes.

I'm the greed. The cynic. I'm the indifferent gaze. Mendacity, betrayal; this is not a phase. Ebullient with human filth, here I am. Here I stay. Flourishing in our disgrace. Blessed be the human way.

ObZen - Meshuggah

www.myspace.com/euphoricdissonance

Betcha couldn't guess that one!

Actually I don't normally give people this link because I come off sounding really down on myself and trying too hard to impress. I also haven't done anything about it because I only use myspace for band updates anymore anyway. Plus all the death metal scares people off.

I had a waterbed when I was a kid... I don't remember how big our house was but I remember the water was everywhere.

As to the Clorox and brake fluid, never heard of that one... but Diet Coke and Mentos is fun! Great list, thanks Guy