I think this is a futile practice that leads to way more misery for men and women than it does relief.

People can justify and brag how it is a victimless exchange but it rarely is. Someone usually ultimately regrets it.

Sometimes, rarely, people will get lucky and the consequences are pretty tame. THANKFULLY fewer sexual encounters result in unwanted pregnancy. What most will not admit is the risk for other consequences is actually higher. And MANY are NOT curable. Especially when the cures,or at least containment, come down to the almighty dollar in major amounts .

IF you can leave out the moral implications, which I think very few people do in the long run, maybe it is just part of the sexual learning curve. Alas a pretty poor way to learn technique but I dare say for some maybe the only way. That alone is pretty dehumanizing. Especially if you figure this kind of exchange is pretty simple raw barter that any animal can do.

Pretty sure this sometimes harder to reconcile morally than the other consequences because most people have some kind of sense of the implications that being sexual with another is meaning. And whatost want it to mean.

Definitely think about 90 % have little or nothing to do with the partner. Sad in modern society it is often just to dump the stigma of being non-sexual. Like that makes you somehow defective if you haven't lived up to the quota of sex arbitrarily being promoted at the moment. What is even sadder is the the substitution of sex for basic human contact. A fact that jives with how and when most that do have one night stands do it; the typically disconnected times of life.

Probably why I often talk about keeping your knickers up when you are feeling tempted to fly them like a defiant lets party flag. It really more often than not a flag of distress or surrender flag.

Wow David sorry to hear you are facing the challenges you are.

Wish I could say I have no clue how I would feel about the experiences you are asking about but I do.

If you ever want to talk you have been my friends list for many years because I respect you and this doesn't change it in the least.

I get the typing is getting to be a challenge but that doesn't have to be an issue much longer. Technology is your friend. I have come up with legit solutions before and I am sure with the huge number of friends you have in Mingleland alone some of the hills you are climbing could be made easier.

For what it's worth l think you made the right move sharing with a community that cares about you and can make the journey with you. :flowerforyou

One of the hardest things to see when relationships end are the "mistresses" we bring to failed relationships. Especially marriages.

I am not just picking on mental illness but it is a huge weight to carry into young marriages where skills are limited. The twenty year ditch is often just staying for kids they don't want to leave at the mercyof an ill parent even for visitations.

I think all too often the cruel myth that love can cure all is the to often the hardest one to let go. Someone can love you like the air they breath but it doesn't make you well and eventually partners just pour it out until the well runs dry.

Not really evident when a partner goes out and seeming "instantly" finds love but sometimes they are just just soaking up the love others are ready, willing, and jumping for the chance to pour into them the minute they do leave.

For any spouses that dessert with children it is often a matter of survival since mental illness has already bankrupted family, friends, and financials.

You might be trying to be creative in the one photo where the sun overpowers your face but the rest just suggest someone who stays pretty far away from personal hygiene and stable housing.

Clearly your guitar is an interest but if you don't mention a genre's hard to have a conversation.

The beer cans in your photos are getting more attention than you. Get a selfie tripod and get more flattering pictures. You have a slender face already so you need to widen it by not chopping off your interesting jaw line by straggels of hair.

Sounds like you have had an interesting life but you probably will do better if you can mention a couple of accomplishments like a job.

Sorry to hear of divorce miseries.

I went through it decades ago and still remember the pain. Hurts if you dump or are dumped.

But since I have yet to see that throwing your present life away over your past ever gets you anywhere I recommend just get on with getting on. Life will be different and for the ones who decide to make it better it usually does get better.

I don't recommend jumping out of the skillet into the fire but you can learn a lot making cyber friends here in Mingleland . Whether it is skills or conversation when you you feel bored or lonesome. There are some forums that are a great boost if your day needs that.
And a lot of useful information in many of the threads.

You want to keep in mind this is the world wild web when you post and that includes all your family past and present. And whatever you put up is up forever. Don't draw a target on your back.

I will keep ya all in positive thoughts and prayers for peace.

Life is repetitive as are judgements and how much people resent when assumptions are so much balogne.

Whtwhere I live or who I date. And the majority of people I do date from here I don't think have posted.

I would think how things seem may not be how it is. In many groups there are only a few people who speak up for the mass. Sometimes that is an accurate representative and many times not. Think student government on steroids.

I agree it is frustrating but your match list is only a corner of the dateing pool in your area. Mine is not even representative of w

About 6 or so years back the Methodist church surveyed the couples the ministered counseled proceeding marrying them and 80% reported first meeting their soon to be mates on line.

Over the years that is consistent with the couples I know.

I tend to date people I meet but get to know on line. Since it is very inappropriate to me to mix work and socializing I tend , and many legal situations in this country demand not co-mingleing.

I appreciate the privacy of online over sharing a phone number that has way too much personal information attached to share with a casual interaction in a city/world where you can't possibly know everyone.

You probably haven't tripped over the Neanderthals I was referencing. Women do a lot being on line. They are the types that are really looking for free sex talk or drive over for a sexual encounter. And unfortunately the truck stop bathroom door scribbes moved onto the computer; especially so when the price for computers came down. But trying to avoid police the perverts will use "cyber slang". The prostitutes and scammers pick up that "slang" fast even if they speak little English.

You can be anywhere in the world and create a profile that looks local. If the phrases don't sound like local conversation you probably are not talking to a local. You may not even be talking to a woman because the whole computer scam thing is becoming an industry.

And you right kids do know more about computers than most of older adults. And they are very good at getting around parents and grandparents using their computers,computers in public places, or friends. Lol remember how we used to have friends keep an eye on our kids? Now they keep an eye on us on line. They can actually change programs with the click of a single key so it looks like they are doing homework and they are chatting to someone you would not let within a country mile of them.

Scamners lick their chops when they see inexperienced users come on line because they are so eaxy to con or hack. Change your passwords frequently and NEVER ever open links because they can look harmless and they have open your system to anyone who wants to exploit it.

I like Mingle because they are straight up about telling members to be careful. They try to knock off the bad but don't try to pretend that it isn't something to ALWAYS consider.

All that said there a really many great people on line and l treasure numerous people that I have actually met and either become friends with or dated. Often it is your best way to find that person who has been right under your nose so to speak but just parallel. That whole it is a small world friend of a friend or an associate. What I like about Mingle is they seperate your public and private and nobody can post on your profile that you don't pick. Other sites get hacked and flooded with adds.

The Mah profile is a typo or language mistake. Or did not read the forum how toos.

If someone wants their profile rated they have to start their own thread. That way things don't get confused.

Very limited self view obvious in photos destroys whatever personality that was stumbled into breifly in text.

The 20's are suppose to be for starting your life trying new and different things but this just makes my heart sad. Mainly because it is dangerous and career suicide.

Rating this as Epic failure at being sexy, or powerful, or feminine doesn't seem serious enough.

And it has nothing to do with your size. Or race because projected differently you have the makings of being quite beautiful. Maybe even creative if it wasn't so cliche.

Hope this is a litle fantasy romp you quickly forget and can somehow make go away.

Your "situation" contradicted your text.

Would make the pics moot.

Edit out" many just ask at first of your interest list alone bumps you up to a solid seven. This is a guy who could be interesting to reply to.

Ditch the blank stare selfie to a sit up straight smile in a date worthy solid color shirt with a collar and you are 8+. None of the usual newbie mistakes; nice hair, clean shave, even amicable screen name.

Text keeps it off 9 territory but it is not bad. Solid career.

You post in the forums a little so people don't think you are too good to be true I think your in box might fill up pretty fast. Especially if you pass a search engine check.

Your too young for me but I am going to get out of the way of the stampede if you get a better lead shot.

GOOD LUCK

True "cyber speak" is not the same as what many who have a degree of literacy and maturity think when they try to communicate. Rather sad that the proliferation of Neanderthals that do exist tend to influence how the experienced computer user reads or uses certain terms. Male or female.

I am with you in defining intimacy as something definitely more than pronto sexual intercourse. Many have to their shock and disgust found out that a few doors are best left closed until a few conversations are exchanged and you have an idea what field you are playing on. Lol

Especially when you move out into the greater world or away from the rather upscale side of tourist destinations.

You mention a lifestyle where actively and pleasantly interact with family and friends regularly. On line that is definitely not always or even frequently the case. Many have a variety of Ex's, in-laws some probably more aptly described as "outlaws", children with children (sometimes at shockingly early ages) with "problems" you would think were staged like some reaity show so yhe people who justly want to share their ideal family tend to be viewed with reserve at best to running screaming off your profile like their life depends on it. I exaggerate but it only takes a hint of someone saying "my little darlings" to click next.

Well written/illustrated profiles are a great first step to getting off date sites.

And granted it is an art form worth cultivating because it does connect you and very little of it is luck. There doesn't have to be great looks. Or trappings most of us consider success. There are a variety of formats but the ones that get you out of what is a sea of faces and mind numbing reading of profiles is pretty simple.

You are getting closer the few tweeks you have made and the added conversations here. HOPEFULLY you integrate a few clarifications without making it too long which often the profiles tend to be because it always boils down to that first snapshot impression.

The more I chat back an forth with you the more your true tenor comes through but the profile does allow that luxury so you really have to edit then add back in after that first response.

You can really plant the seeds for those conversations best with photos but a few select descriptive adjectives helps. One you have repeatedly mention enjoying is the salsa dancing so showing you learning, doing,teaching that would edit text without leaving out how you are active and personable.

I would be the last to debate the whole merits of or being a smoker. Or not. (Clearly you are and consider it a luxury you would not want to debate.) Also since much of my family depends on the industry. Not so much cigars directly but high quality tobacco. I think it would be deceitful. But again perception is everything and a photo of you smoking where ever you usually do that comes off as this is me not what a couple of places in your profile comes off as leaning toward " this is my universe; take it or leave it." I really doubt if you are a successful salesman who can afford world travel that you can't tell the truth about a good product and sell it as a plus if you Nuance how you structure your profile. Again not lying but being diplomatic and soft pedaling the "I" factor.

JOB description is another example. Online it has gotten so bad that putting "engineer" is synonymous with scammer so first thing I tell the engineers is put a couple words in front of it; like train, hydro electric, solar, sound and resonance, lighting, or digital imaging and suddenly their back n the game. Since l hardly think you are outside Walmart hustleing Obama phones or curb siding cars you might want to say what kind of sales.




Yes the sugar babies know the difference but that is just the static you have to ignore in cyber dating. Women get it to. You would not want to here me whine about it and in profiles it is kind of social suicide.

Some actually do on purpose once we find a significant interest to just weed down the mail. I don't personally announce to the world my current status but were I trying to snag a boyfriend here my profile would look much different.

Eye contact+ smile.

Even when I could not see your hand in front of my face you have to train yourself to look at people. Get your eyes off the ground, the sky, hiding, or looking anywhere but into someones eyes and connecting. Not talking a stare down but just looking into someones eyes is disarming because they are much more likely to look into yours.

AND YOU WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR LOOKS ? Sooooooh easy; smile.

I am not saying give them the just had an orgasms grin 24/7 but so many people wear lost in electronic la-la land, resting ***** face, what are you looking at tude, looking through people like they don't exist, or even that I am chronically so constipated with my own misery by face is frozen ugly that you wonder if a smile actually hurts.

For most Flirting is going to take conscious effort because most of us had it trained out of us once we get to school and or the work place.

But success will breed success and can become a habit if you will just try it. You want people to be attracted to you have super powers if you just consciously make a habit of smiling. Even if you have to fake it try mentally reminding yourself to smile every few minutes. You will, I guarantee, see a difference in how your day Will go. ESPECIALLY with the opposite sex.

Earlier there were posts about candles needing oxygen and I think that is true of healthy love. You love someone you won't fair well if you try to be the only air they breath. I have seen so many relationships die on the vine because the isolation comes in or jealousy where they want to be the whole world and then they are bored to tears by someone they have conquered/siffocated. .

For me each relationship I have been are similar in some ways but still unique in their own way.

I got burned pretty good in my 20s by a husband that had a thing for cheating but I took it as a wake up call and learned how to not repeat that misery.

My style is usually to be cautious, not get in a rush, lyie to no one, keep my standards high . It has work pretty good and dateing has been predominantly been a good experience. From the number of repeat dates and marriage offers I am guessing the feeling is mutual.

What is tough for me is I have tended to date people who live and work internationally and I am trying to stay settled where I consider pretty ideal. .

I am debating taking my current relationship to the next level but again his job takes him all over and may for another 20 years. And sometimes his job is extremely dangerous. With the current world; things that go on the thought of maybe having to survive the loss of another mate is a challenge.

P.S. Second photo is excellent. Should generate conversation.
Adding a second zoomed out shot that reflects it was taken in China would also generate a different impression.
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You ask for a rate and it is What it is. One opinion; blunt granted but Wasn't trying to date you didn't strike me as adking for endorsement but how to generate responses and get dates.

Please don't put words in my mouth that I would never say. I never recommend being anything but 100% truthful. Any lie, actually any post, in Mingleland is there forever if someone wants to research them.

And I am not against Your family or friends but would not be in my, or the majority of women my age who actively date, top ten list of how to date, or keep them from clicking next. My circle see visiting family and long term friends as something that is obligatory if you are matrimonial directed but I don't think that was a relationship goal you mention. Partner is more often thought of as travel buddy maybe FWB or weekend roommate but not living together or marriage.

There are a variety of arrangements sought on Mingle; they just ask that the Public Forums be PG. And they do try to screen out the commercials and scammers. If you feel you are being solicited that it is easy to report and block. Actually this is a good site for finding significant relationships. If you want that I wish you all the luck in the world.

You did not define intimacy but most women see it in profile figure it does mean sex pronto. For some that is not an issue but guarantee it will get your profile flooded with offers; many of them commercial so you might want to be VERY careful before opening any picture files to your private email. Mingle, nor I, care how you run your private life. You want to date older younger it is your business. Many older daters here are not particularly fond of younger chasing them but you can put age blocks up that are effective.

Your rate request ask for impressions and as someone who has been on line 30 years and on Mingle 15+ years reading probably five threads for every one I have posted in you hear how people tend to "read" what people put in profiles.

BUT again it is my opinion and I do not speak for Mingle even though it is an excellent site that has worked for me and a long list of others in and not in the forums. Good luck

Probably an 8 and leaning back toward a 7. Yea I could toss some stuff and slip back into an equally yoked kind of deal without a lot of chaffing. But I also know at this stage of life that I have gotten real used to doing things on my own and my way and the kind of man I am attracted to is also so would still not just be something overnight even if it was what we want.