The Science Of Conquering Your Fears -- And Living A More Courageous Life

By Carolyn Gregoire


Aristotle believed courage to be the most important quality in a man. 'Courage is the first of human virtues because it makes all others possible,' he wrote. Today, it's one of the more neglected areas of positive psychology, but recent research has begun to move toward an understanding of what courage is and how we might be able to cultivate the ability to face our fear and make decisions with greater fortitude.

Neuroscientists recently determined just how courage works in the brain, finding that a region called the subgenual anterior cingulate cortex (sgACC) is the driving force behind courageous acts -- a conclusion which could one day prove useful in treating anxiety disorders.

So how can we train our minds to act more courageously in everyday life? Other recent research on courage, which has shown that it's not just about facing fear, but also about coping with risk and uncertainty (as Ernest Hemingway put it, courage is 'grace under pressure.') And, it seems, we can make ourselves more courageous with practice and effort.

Be vulnerable.

The groundbreaking work of Brene Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work and author of the best-selling Daring Greatly, has found that the belief in our own unworthiness drives us to live fear-based lives. We are afraid of letting people see who we really are and potentially exposing ourselves, so we avoid the one thing that can make us more courageous: vulnerability. Courage and vulnerability are closely aligned, says Brown, and the two qualities can greatly improve our lives.

Brown tells Forbes that to conquer our fear we must 'dare greatly,' or go out there in the arena and expose ourselves to failure and criticism:

I think the first thing we have to do is figure out what's keeping us out of the arena. What's the fear? Where and why do we want to be braver? Then we have to figure out how we’re currently protecting ourselves from vulnerability. What is our armor? Perfectionism? Intellectualizing? Cynicism? Numbing? Control? That’s where I started. It’s not an easy walk into that arena, but it's where we come alive.

Acknowledge your fears.

It's difficult to conquer your fears if you're unable to be honest with yourself in the first place about what exactly those fears are. Research has found that acting courageously requires an understanding of one's own anxieties and limitations -- denial of fear does not support courageous action -- and then choosing to work through them.

"Living in an authentic manner -- meaning acknowledging and appropriately expressing one’s actual feelings, thoughts, and desires -- requires acknowledging one’s fear and risks and moving forward anyway when the cause merits action," Pepperdine University School of Management researchers wrote in a 2010 review of studies on courage.

Expose yourself to what you fear.

When it comes to fear, psychologist Noam Shpancer said, the only way out is through. And it's true: One of the most effective ways to banish fear is to repeatedly force yourself to face what you're afraid of. Research has found that this repeated exposure lowers the psychological fear response until it is more manageable or in some cases gone. Afraid of public speaking? Practicing giving talk in front of groups will help bolster your courage when faced with speaking engagements of any size.

"Exposure is hands down the most successful way to deal with phobias, anxiety disorders, and everyday fears of any sort," Stanford neuroscientist Philippe Goldin told Lifehacker.

Think positive.

Marc Taylor, a psychologist for the US Navy, conducted research on Olympic athletes to see what kind of positivity tactics they employed (like repeating positive affirmations) and how this affected their performance. Taylor found that athletes who practiced visualizations and positive self-affirmations were better able to cope with the pressures of high-level competition and were more likely to succeed, Psychology Today reports.

"Tackling fear and anxiety or sadness and depression can, at best, ratchet our lives from the negatives to zero," says Andrew Shatte, author of The Resilience Factor and chief science officer at meQuilibrium. "We need to build the positive -- optimism, hope, good emotions, and meaning and purpose -- to dial our lives into the positive, which, let's face it, is where we all want to be."

Manage stress.

Stress and fear often come together. Feelings of stress are generally rooted in a fear of an imagined physical or emotional threat (not being able to meet a deadline, or fear of failure, for instance), and stress can contribute to negative feelings like depression and anxiety that in turn can contribute to fear-based thinking.

Exercise and meditation both have the power to lower stress levels and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety, which could help you to act more courageously in the face of challenges.

Practice courageous acts.

To build a courageous character, the muscle of courage must be continually strengthened. Aristotle, the ancient philosopher who focused most on courage, said that we develop courage by performing courageous acts. Recent psychological research also suggests that courage is an ethical habit that we develop by repeatedly practicing acts of bravery, according to psychologist Ben Dean.

And according to Aristotle, practicing courage could make all the difference in life. As the he wrote, "You will never do anything in this world without courage."

Transcending Your Fear Using Courage and Boldness

By David Hamilton


'Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear' ~Ambrose Redmoon

I hear the words courage and boldness thrown around a lot in the self-growth world, often as the same thing.

Or that the notion of true courage and boldness only looks like this big, huge, daring action, like a hero out of a movie lunging into a fearful situation.

Courage and boldness always confused me and I thought they were pretty much the same thing.

But once I learned the difference between them, I was able to have this warrior team to help me create better life for myself, on my journey to becoming a more fulfilled, self-actualized human being.

After many years of trial and error, I realized the use of boldness and courage doesn't need to look like some action movie hero. Though the great thing is, it can feel like I am a superhero on the inside.

I believe the same goes for you, if you want to access more boldness and courage in your life.

First, Fear

Let's begin with fear, because without the concept of fear there would be no need for boldness or courage.

I discovered that fear can be an enemy or an ally, and it's our choice. A common interpretation of fear is that it is bad, that we must make it go away, because we blame it for stopping us.

I'm with the Buddhists on this one in that if we resist fear then we make it our enemy, and that's a battle we'll never win.

We will never be able to access courage and boldness in a powerful way, so we can win the war on fear by not trying to battle it directly.

For many years I tried very hard to defeat fear, to purge my body of it, to cleanse my mind of it, all to no avail. Fear of more responsibility, fear of getting hurt in relationships, fear of just about anything.

I've used guided meditations to attempt to eliminate fear, worked with NLP specialists and hypnotherapists to kill my fear, tried telling myself with affirmations that I am fearless and totally confident, used emotional freedom technique—the list goes on and on.

And guess what? Fear is still there. It's not going anywhere for me.

Maybe you can find a way to remove fear, but I've given up on that route.

So what can we do if we can't kill fear itself, knowing that fear gets in the way, and can stop us from being or having what we want to be?

It's a strange paradox, but by being more accepting of fear, I've found it makes our access to courage and boldness stronger.

That way we become fearless by not letting fear control us, by shifting our connection with it, but without getting rid of it.

I say that by choosing to be bold and courageous, we actually are accepting fear right then and there.

Bottom line on fear: Let's expect fear to show up when we're going for something bigger in life or that we are uncertain about, then there will be no surprises.

Boldness Shows the Way, Fear Included

When it comes to stepping out of our comfort zone, to do something like go skydiving, or give our first speech in front of a group of 100 people, we know that our fear most likely will show up.

It doesn't mean that fear won't reduce in time in particular situations i.e. asking someone out on a date you really like, or having a conversation with your boss about how it's time for a raise.

For instance, did you know that a large majority of public speakers are afraid before they go on?

Yep, that includes the super-pros.

This is a clear example of how we can be bigger than our fear, they we can behave beyond it, and that fear shows up even for the best of the best that we might deem 'truly fearless.'

So first, we can choose to be bold.

Being bold simply means that we commit to taking the action, to be bigger than our fear, and our sometimes-small notions of ourselves; all for the sake of expanding our life in the direction we know that’s right aligned for us.

With boldness we choose to be bigger than our current self; to step toward that new future to bring it into the present; to expand beyond what we know, knowing that fear will show up, but we commit to action anyways.

An example of boldness in my life:

When my mother was dying of Lou Gehrig's disease, I had to commit to being her spokesperson even though it would be difficult and scary to do so, because I had to talk about Hospice (end of life care) about her exit options.

She couldn't speak, and my father wasn't yet ready to face this, so in order to do this, I know now I was being bold by committing to this role ahead of time.

That was amazingly difficult, but ultimately a fulfilling experience for me, and the right thing to do from my heart.

Boldness is a choice; it's not some kind of behavior that just 'looks' big or confident. We can choose to be bold in any given moment.

Being vulnerable can be a big part of boldness, and that's my latest edge, actually—being more vulnerable to expand more boldness even more, because it's how I want to live.

Courage is Your Savior When Fear Arrives

With courage, it’s a different take. Once the boldness is in place, the commitment to action is there, to risk the possibility of getting hurt or failing; we can now begin action towards bringing that new future into the present.

Courage is there by our side to handle the waves of fear as they arrive, because we've made a bold commitment.

I've found that sometimes saying no directly to our fear does actually work; we can say to ourselves 'No way! I'm not going there.'

But when this approach doesn't work, we can also take more of a surrendering approach—to let fear go, to dance with it, and seduce it so that it comes along with us.

Instead of us resisting fear, it can no longer resist us.

I've found having a bold commitment already in place is a key to truly tapping into the power of courage. Yes, the action becomes bold, but that's because of the commitment already in place.

My story of courage:

When it was time to have that conversation with my mother, father, and the Hospice intake nurse, there was an immense amount of fear and deep sadness, heavy in the room.

I stuck with my commitment to have this difficult conversation with the nurse - about stopping all food and water at my mother's request, and finding out about the pain management process for her so she could have a more comfortable death.

There's no big enemy to slay or heroic act that I performed, but I felt bold and courageous, and again did what was right in my heart of hearts.

The Warrior Team of Courage and Boldness

With courage and boldness, it's a dance between both. They're both fierce warriors when called upon.

By no means am I a master of all of this.

I am just fascinated with fear, courage, and boldness and have noticed how much more alive and vibrant I feel when I approach my life this way.

If you're drawn to what I'm saying, try more of this out. You don't need a hypnotherapist, a psychologist, or even a coach like me to help you do this.

What bold commitments do you wish to make anew?

Are you willing to allow yourself to be more courageous?

You just might find that you are more bold and courageous than you knew.

I'm willing to bet you already are.

this should be fun...

feel free to contribute and be ready to move on

---Love Never Ends---

Sometimes i wish
I could feel
Nothing at all
And return
To the innocence
Of not knowing
Anything
Beyond what is
Expected of me
By myself
To learn
Of this life
Anew
And never to have to
Return to the pain
Or wanting
Of something
Beyond what i can have.

That longing
I tried
To kill
From my heart
And end
From my thinkings
Only serves
To make it cling
Tighter in my chest
Squeezing out
My very breath
A sigh of no relief
But a pursed-lipped exhale
To exhume
What should've been buried.

I can no more fathom
What i aim to achieve
By my tryings
Then failings
To let you see
And feel
The same as i do
As it serves you not
I make it serve
Myself instead
To rise
From the ashes
Of my mistaken ideas
And grasp
The meaning
Of fate's purpose
Of the chance
Given then taken
Prematurely from me
To end
The subject and object
Of my musings
And for once
Overcome
What i never had before.

Walk away
My heart
And leave
My mind
To mend
And strengthen
And harden
And be
In stillness
Understand it all
And move forth
In love
Without
The grip
Of unwantedness
Of unfulfillment
And open
A door
A window
To let another destiny
Begin anew.

My cycle begins
In the ending of you.

My chapter begins
In the last of yours.

My life becomes
When yours is no more.

Until then
We will meet again
Because
Love never ends.

--mgsmd "PT" 9/2015

http://mingle2.com/topic/reply/445505

Lady of the wind, your prompt fits my purpose in this moment of time
Dreadeye, thank you for your thread of the same title

Hence i write, but with more words than i ought...


---Love Never Ends---

Sometimes i wish
I could feel
Nothing at all
And return
To the innocence
Of not knowing
Anything
Beyond what is
Expected of me
By myself
To learn
Of this life
Anew
And never to have to
Return to the pain
Or wanting
Of something
Beyond what i can have.

That longing
I tried
To kill
From my heart
And end
From my thinkings
Only serves
To make it cling
Tighter in my chest
Squeezing out
My very breath
A sigh of no relief
But a pursed-lipped exhale
To exhume
What should've been buried.

I can no more fathom
What i aim to achieve
By my tryings
Then failings
To let you see
And feel
The same as i do
As it serves you not
I make it serve
Myself instead
To rise
From the ashes
Of my mistaken ideas
And grasp
The meaning
Of fate's purpose
Of the chance
Given then taken
Prematurely from me
To end
The subject and object
Of my musings
And for once
Overcome
What i never had before.

Walk away
My heart
And leave
My mind
To mend
And strengthen
And harden
And be
In stillness
Understand it all
And move forth
In love
Without
The grip
Of unwantedness
Of unfulfillment
And open
A door
A window
To let another destiny
Begin anew.

My cycle begins
In the ending of you.

My chapter begins
In the last of yours.

My life becomes
When yours is no more.

Until then
We will meet again
Because
Love never ends.

--mgsmd "PT" 9/2015

http://mingle2.com/topic/reply/420432

Thank you.

I needed to read what you wrote. And i read it just as soon as you posted it.
You post was instrumental in answering my prayer and i felt peace.
God bless you.

Im sensing a hippie vibe to this thread... groovy...

Phooey...lol..

Catholicism claims to be the umbrella of all religions.. That's why the word catholicism is equated with universality -- "the universal church" ...Ultimately, it will accept anything to achieve this concept.
The papacy has "assigned" itself as the representative of God...which i think is nonsense.
The papacy have and most likely will always act in the interest of the papacy, not God. The prevailing issue is a political agenda of both Obama and the pope, not a religious one of God. Religion is only used to sway popular opinion and vice versa. It actually has nothing to do with God's law.

#hinde-totoo-ang-forever
#hugot-lang-ng-hugot
#goodluck

i totally get what youre saying!

So my question to you...lets say the girl is completely in to you...but her family disapproves, and in their minds, they are justifiably so. They will disown her among other things....do you let her take that path with you? Will you stand by her as her man until the end? Because if you don't, she has absolutely nothing to go back to.

thanks rustykitty

i know about differences causing problems between two people. some have higher tolerance and flexibility than others.

but barring differences in moral compass...let's say these two individuals get along, overall...except outside factors, be it family, friends or society in general do not see them as a match due to outward appearances and differences, how to handle?

i know some would find ways. run away, start a new life, move to another country, prove their undying love to the nay-sayers and nay-thinkers...
some would wait it out, see if they get that second chance in the future...
while some might choose to accept fate and let go...that poignant, bittersweet kind of thing...

of course, the consequences and results of choosing any of the above remains to be seen...

seems like there is a possibility of a lot of drama and "i told you so" happening if this goes wrong. have you ever had to tolerate "judge-y" looks?

yes...certain gender expectations always accompany a specific culture.

at some point in life, family and friends should be able to respect your decisions, even if they don't really agree with it for the sake of their own sensibilities.

fortunate for those when the decision or partner are not treated with any disdain or outright disapproval. but when this happens, it can become a very painful thing. how would you deal with it?

Ok, ok....i know there are a bunch existing out there....about differences in race...differences in religion... culture... age... blah blah blah....

Yes i know it boils down to the two people living the relationship and how they are going to love each other and make it work...

Personally, i have my politically correct "preferences"....and my non-politically correct assumptions and stereotyped thoughts, with exceptions to the rules, of course...and as i have gotten older and evolved my understanding of relationships and human nature...hopefully, ive gotten more flexible and mature about it too...lol...sometimes, we can't really completely choose who we become attracted to or fall in love with...

Unfortunately we live in a society...where not everybody can accept these differences. Granted, stereotypes will ALWAYS exist. Society will always have a general perspective and a public opinion on matters of differences in physical appearances, as well as belief systems in looking at couple relationships.

When these differences are accepted as a norm, all is well and good.
When these differences become basis for internal marital/relational conflict, it is justifiable to be cautious
When these differences are seen as taboo, everyone is being judgmental.
When these differences become cause for persecution, we can all start taking up arms and throw racist, fanatic, religious self-righteousness and perverted comments all around and claim, "i can comment on whatever opinion i feel like because i have freedom of speech"...or ..."it's my life and not yours and i can do and say whatever i like, i dont care what you think" argument....blah blah, yadda yadda...

Whatever....we all have our personal feelings on the matter.

So...my question boils down to...
Since we live in a society and not a deserted island for two...and the "you and me against the world" concept, tho romantic, have never exactly proved to be a good idea....
If you do find yourself wanting a relationship with someone outside these so-called "usual" and "normal" circumstances... how do you handle those negative reactions and ill-thinking from others? Not necessarily the general public, but like people whom your life revolves around with?

We can include the factors such as having a previous family...having an illness...prior criminal record...differences in social standing...etc etc...in the equation...whichever applies with you and other people concerning the "differences" existing between you and your chosen partner.

Courage against manipulative people

http://nsolradio.com/how-to-deal-with-manipulative-people
http://m.wikihow.com/End-a-Controlling-or-Manipulative-Relationship
http://www.manipulative-people.com/life-after-a-manipulator/
http://www.social-consciousness.com/2014/02/8-ways-to-protect-yourself-from-emotional-manipulation.html
http://thetruthawaits.com/1/post/2014/12/permanently-detaching-yourself-from-all-manipulation.html

To a certain degree, we are all manipulative beings. We are naturally manipulators of our own realities. But in this article, when I speak of manipulative people, I'm speaking of those who love to control others.

Everything that exist is energy. Therefore manipulation is also about energy. It is about people feeding off the energy of other people.

If someone is miserable, they rarely want to see you truly happy. Just as if someone is struggling financially, they rarely praise the riches you have.

As humans we are emotional creatures. Whether it's happiness or sadness, people naturally want you to feel what they feel. A happy person will do their best to make a sad person feel better about themselves. And a sad person will do anything to make a happy person sad.

In better words, we can only give what we imagine ourselves to have.

Manipulative people are usually people that are not truly happy on the inside: therefore, they try to get other people to behave in a way that is conducive to their hidden agenda. These people come in different sizes, shapes, and colors. They can be strangers, friends, or even family.

Manipulative treat you like a remote control car: and your weakness is like buttons on the controller that they push to control you. Recognizing when someone is trying to manipulate you is the first step in taking the control away from them.

Some people are manipulated, or feel obligated to:
Join a certain religion, tribe, culture, or gang.
Date or marry within their race.
Go to a certain school.
Pick a certain career.
Dress a certain way.
Talk a certain way.
Act a certain way.
Stay or move to a particular place.
Take care of a loved one.
The list goes on and on....

Parents can be very manipulative whether they recognize it or not. Most parents feel as if their job is to control the actions of their children. When the child does something that pleases the parent, the parent is happy with the child and rewards the child verbally of physically.

When the child does something that does not please the parent, the child is usually scolded in some type of way: whether it is physically or psychologically.

As the child grows older, he or she can develop characteristics of being very controlling or very defensive.

The conscious or unconscious motive of a manipulative person is to draw energy from you. Energy flows where attention goes. Whether you passively do what they want you to do, or whether you lash out in anger doesn't matter to them. They simply feed off of your energy.

Ending a controlling or manipulative relationship can be even harder than being in one. Though you may think that you don't have the courage to end the relationship or that your partner won't be able to make it without you -- even if he or she hurts you all the time -- you won't be able to start living life on your own terms until you make the break. If you want to truly end the relationship, then you have to prepare in advance, execute your plan, and follow through. The most important part is building up the courage to do it.

Recognize that you're being controlled. Many controlling or manipulative relationships last far longer than they should because the person who is being controlled or manipulative is in denial about anything being wrong.

It's difficult for them to reconcile the way they saw things in the days before their toxic relationship and the way they have come to view things since their painful experience. They sometimes question their rationality as well as their sanity. But the truth of the matter is that while they might indeed have had some personality characteristics of their own that made them particularly naive and vulnerable (most of us do), the fact is that covert-aggressors are generally quite skilled at what they do, and the more seriously character disturbed social predators among us (i.e. the psychopaths/sociopaths) are extremely astute and talented when it comes to the “art of the con.” And in their very nature, manipulation tactics are often hard to see until after the fact.

Besides, it’s relatively pointless to play the self-blame game. Lovingly reckoning with your vulnerabilities and vowing to become a stronger, better person in the aftermath of a troubled relationship is one thing, but doing an emotional hatchet-job on yourself just because you happened to fall prey to a good con artist is quite another.

And after years of being manipulated it's easy to get into the habit of doubting yourself. This can be an even bigger problem if you tried couples' counseling at some point and the disturbed character in your relationship managed to con the therapist as well. Still, as hard as it might be, the one of the most important tasks for any "�recovering" person has before them is to end the destructive cycle of self-doubt and blame.

There is no use in trying to be honest with an emotional manipulator. You make a statement and it will be turned around. Example: I am really angry that you forgot my birthday. Response - ,�It makes me feel sad that you would think I would forget your birthday, I should have told you of the great personal stress I am facing at the moment – but you see I didn't want to trouble you. You are right I should have put all this pain (don’t be surprised to see real tears at this point) aside and focused on your birthday. Sorry."

Even as you are hearing the words you get the creeped out sensation that they really do NOT mean they are sorry at all - but since they've said the words you're pretty much left with nothing more to say. Either that or you suddenly find yourself babysitting their angst!! Under all circumstances if you feel this angle is being played - don't capitulate! Do not care take; do not accept an apology that feels like ********. If it feels like ******** , it probably is. Rule number one - if dealing with an emotional blackmailer TRUST your gut. TRUST your senses. Once an emotional manipulator finds a successful maneuver, it's added to their hit list and you'll be fed a steady diet of this ****.

An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper. If you ask them to do something they will almost always agree -- that is IF they didn't volunteer to do it first. Then when you say, "�ok thanks" , they make a bunch of heavy sighs, or other non verbal signs that let you know they don’t really want to do whatever said thing happens to be. When you tell them it doesn't seem like they want to do whatever – they will turn it around and try to make it seem like OF COURSE they wanted to and how unreasonable you are. This is a form of crazy making – which is something emotional manipulators are very good at.

Rule number two - If an emotional manipulator said YES , make them accountable for it. Do NOT buy into the sighs and subtleties , if they don'�t want to do it , make them tell you it up front , or just put on the walk-man headphones and run a bath and leave them to their theater.

Crazy making - saying one thing and later assuring you they did not say it. If you find yourself in a relationship where you figure you should start keeping a log of what's been said because you are beginning to question your own sanity . You are experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert in turning things around, rationalizing, justifying and explaining things away. They can lie so smoothly that you can sit looking at black and they'll call it white , and argue so persuasively that you begin to doubt your very senses. Over a period of time this is so insidious and eroding it can literally alter your sense of reality.

WARNING: Emotional Manipulation is VERY Dangerous! It is very disconcerting for an emotional manipulator if you begin carrying a pad of paper and a pen and making notations during conversations. Feel free to let them know you just are feeling so "forgetful"� these days that you want to record their words for posterity's sake. The damndest thing about this is that having to do such a thing is a clear example for why you should be seriously thinking about removing yourself from range in the first place. If you're toting a notebook to safeguard yourself – that ol' ******** meter should be flashing steady by now!

Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent guilt mongers. They can make you feel guilty for speaking up or not speaking up, for being emotional or not being emotional enough, for giving and caring, or for not giving and caring enough. Any thing is fair game and open to guilt with an emotional manipulator. Emotional manipulators seldom express their needs or desires openly ,� they get what they want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is not the only form of this but it is a potent one. Most of us are pretty conditioned to do whatever is necessary to reduce our feelings of guilt.

Another powerful emotion that is used is sympathy. An emotional manipulator is a great victim. They inspire a profound sense of needing to support, care for and nurture. Emotional Manipulators seldom fight their own fights or do their own dirty work. The crazy thing is that when you do it for them (which they will never ask directly for), they may just turn around and say they certainly didn't want or expect you to do anything! Try to make a point of not fighting other people's battles, or doing their dirty work for them. A great line is "I have every confidence in your ability to work this out on your own", check out the response and note the ******** meter once again.

Emotional manipulators fight dirty. They don't deal with things directly. They will talk around behind your back and eventually put others in the position of telling you what they would not say themselves. They are passive aggressive, meaning they find subtle ways of letting you know they are not happy little campers. They'll tell you what they think you want to hear and then do a bunch of jerk off **** to undermine it. Example: "Of course I want you to go back to school honey and you know I'll support you." Then exam night you are sitting at the table and poker buddies show up, the kids are crying the t.v. blasting and the dog needs walking – all the while "�Sweetie" is sitting on their *** looking at you blankly. Dare you call them on such behavior you are likely to hear, "well you can'�t expect life to just stop because you have an exam can you honey?". Cry, scream or choke 'em , only the last will have any long-term benefits and it'll probably wind your butt in jail.

If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor! No matter what your situation is the emotional manipulator has probably been there or is there now – but only ten times worse. It's hard after a period of time to feel emotionally connected to an emotional manipulator because they have a way of de-railing conversations and putting the spotlight back on themselves. If you call them on this behavior they will likely become deeply wounded or very petulant and call you selfish, or claim that it is you who are always in the spotlight. The thing is that even tho you know this is not the case you are left with the impossible task of proving it. Don't bother. TRUST your gut and walk away!

Emotional manipulators somehow have the ability to impact the emotional climate of those around them. When an emotional manipulator is sad or angry the very room thrums with it , it brings a deep instinctual response to find someway to equalize the emotional climate and the quickest route is by making the emotional manipulator feel better ,� fixing whatever is broken for them. Stick with this type of loser for too long and you will be so enmeshed and co-dependent you will forget you even have needs , let alone that you have just as much right to have your needs met.

Emotional manipulators have no sense of accountability. They take no responsibility for themselves or their behavior – it is always about what everyone else has "done to them". One of the easiest ways to spot an emotional manipulator is that they often attempt to establish intimacy through the early sharing of deeply personal information that is generally of the "hook-you-in-and-make-you-sorry-for-me" variety. Initially you may perceive this type of person as very sensitive, emotionally open and maybe a little vulnerable. Believe me when I say that an emotional manipulator is about as vulnerable as a rabid pit bull, and there will always be a problem or a crisis to overcome.

So now lets examine where manipulation comes from. Manipulation comes from only one source, and that's people. People are the creators of manipulation. Now some may argue that manipulation comes from the devil or what have you, and yes, this is true.

But people are either the custodians of light or they are custodians of darkness. What I mean by this is either people support the Godly idea of freedom and liberty, or they represent the ghoulish idea of manipulation and control. This does not mean that the people who manipulate are evil. It just means that they can have some pretty nasty and ghoulish traits from time to time. For example: the friend that calls and says something along the lines of "you never make time for me any more. Are you trying to replace me?" It is unfortunate that they are experiencing the emotion of loneliness and sorrow, but when someone says that, what does that typically do? How does it make you feel? God awful!

Even if someone says this and they disguise it as a joke, it is still a ghoulish attempt at twanging your emotions, often times in "punishment" for "your" wrong doing. Depending on the situation and who the person is, it makes you say or think "ehhh, there is a reason why I have not been around!" I am either busy and genuinely can't help it, or it is because their neediness pushes you away because it does not serve you any justice. So no matter how insecure or weak you are, never try to emotionally manipulate others into doing what you want. Doing so is the most ghoulish thing you could do to others, asides from physically hurting them. It's true.

However, trying to manipulate someone is actually a form of violence, it's called emotional violence. The manipulator is waging an emotional war with you, and they are trying to win! Why would they do this? They either do not care about you and your feelings, or they are unaware of what they are truly doing, most of the time it is a combination of the two. The manipulator is blinded by their own emotional needs so they just want you to react to pacify them. This is the selfish side of the human ego-personality. Another reason why people manipulate is because they lack a metaphysical understanding of how to attract what they want in a happy and positive way. It's either that, or they genuinely are ghoulish and just want what they want at the expense of other people's feelings.

Oftentimes the manipulation technique gets the manipulator what they want, but by doing this they start to dig a hole that they just keep digging themselves into, shovel-load of crap after shovel-load, and before you know it they are buried alive! Sure you may give in once, twice, three hundred and fifty-seven times, but eventually you will grow courageous and you might say, "Forget it! I want to do what I want to do! And I don't want to do it your way any longer!" Now when you finally stand up for yourself, the manipulator may try even harder to guilt trip you, but by avoiding the root cause of the issue you are not helping them at all. Eventually, if you truly care about someone, you have to be brave and assist them to face their shadow.

Have a little courage, clench your fist if you have to and then relax and tell them how you feel. Face it full frontal. Yes, this may create conflict, but in the end they will have to admit that maybe they have been inconsiderate of other people's feelings. Also, helping someone to come to this realization is a great gift, for you will have healed them ever so slightly. This will help free them from the muck of manipulation, and little by little, you are helping set them free.... one pile of crap at a time.

Thinking for yourself takes courage. It is having the courage to break free from the institution of obligation.

Obligation is linked directly to guilt. Guilt is one of the main weapons a manipulative person will use in order to convince you to do or see things their way. They make you feel guilty about saying "no."

To defeat the manipulative person, you must be neutral with them. Let them know that even though you're not going to do what they want you to do, you're not mad at them. This will sometimes piss them off to the point where they might decide that they don't really like you that much. Nevertheless, if you remain neutral, they will respect you!

Once they see they can't control you, this is where they usually evoke the power of guilt. They become clever at making you feel guilty about doing or not doing something.

If you ever become successful at something, the manipulative person will always remind you of the time when you didn't have anything. And everything they've ever done for you will be brought to the surface.

Distancing yourself from this type of people is the best way to deal with them. I mean, who wants' to have a relationship with someone that's always trying to manipulate?

Sometimes you can't see a person's true intentions when you're too close to them. Distancing yourself from that person will give you the space to see them as they truly are. Then you can decide whether or not you want to continue being involved with them.

When it comes to Life in general, it's very important that you decide what's important for you.

It is a quick death. A hero's death.

Money talks.
You can buy people with money. You can buy their loyalty, these "yes-men". Some people, when they say a square is a circle, others will agree....until they live in their own personal reality where they are always right...
Painting the roses red.... just like the queen of hearts.
So it really depends on the kind of person we choose to be...oui?

Yes

He served his fellowman even when what he did was deemed unrighteous by the prevailing leaders of the time.
He ate and associated with sinners
He cured the sick on the sabbath
He spoke the truth about those in power and called them out on their hypocrisy
He defended those that were judged wrongly and prematurely
He taught the true meaning and spirit of God's commandments, even when it broke with traditions
He changed mindsets that even the lowliest and most downtrodden in society, are someone important in his eyes.

He had no riches, he did not seek his own comfort or pleasure, he did not have servants, he did not claim power, he did not incite rebellion or assert political dominance.....yet he was deemed a threat. False accusations were made, bribery, betrayal.... He could have escaped to save himself at anytime, why did he continue to make a stand even if it were a "losing" one? For who's sake?

In the end he was made to be accountable for the sins of mankind ( ie. Blamed for the hypocrisy of the prevailing powers), even if he was without sin himself.

At anytime, he could have chosen to not do any of the things that he did, just so as not to rock the boat. Not to offend the status quo. But he chose to give hope to the hopeless, to help the helpless, even at the cost of persecution and death.

Back to the original question:
Looking at the human aspect of his life...would people see what he did as an inspiration or as foolishness?
Considering the examples he left thru his life's works
Do you take up your own cross and follow his examples? Would you continue to treat your neighbor (ie. friend and enemy) as you would want yourself to be treated by others (ie. friend and enemy), regardless if they do so or not? To what extent can you afford to do so? How far would you go to right a wrong against your fellowman?