and the IRS had their hands in their own pockets.

What not to say at the dinner table ...
but some how just comes out ...


any thoughts ...funny stories ...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

like your style love.x

I taught bashajones

One day there was a pregnant women who was about to go into labor with 3 children.
Her husband didn’t want to be any part of this so he decided to leave her and took the car.
So she had to walk to the hospital all by herself. All of a sudden she came to a dark alley and of course she went through it and all of a sudden a man pops out and shoots her in the stomach.
When she got to the hospital she was ok and the babies were fine as well.
16 years later
16 years later the first child who was a girl came to the mother and said “mom mom guess what?”
“What?”
I pissed out a bullet.
So the mother told her what happened 16 years ago.
Then the second born child who was also a girl came to her mother and said “mom mom guess what I pissed out a bullet.”
So the mom told her what happend 16 years ago.
Then the 3rd born child came in who was a boy said “mom mom guess what?”
The mom said “let me guess you pissed out a bullet.”
“No i was jacking off and i shot the dog!”

Never! I mean Never! Fry bacon, Naked!!

Took me a while to get that one until I tried it with a brit accent.

So here is one from Minnesota:

It was a hot day in Minnesota. So Lena decided to walk into town to get dinner meat for Nils, her husband. As she walked to the market she approached a barroom and thought to herself." Sheesh it's a really hot day maybe I should have a mug of ze cold beer". She walked in and sat down at the bar. The bartender approached her and asked what she would like. She replied "I tink I'll have ze cold beer." With that the bartender replied "Anhauser Busch"? And she replied "Fine und howz der pecker too"?

Here is a knock knock joke...

Say knock knock...

2 guys walked into a bar. Which is really stupid 'cause you'd think that after the first guy walked right into it, the second guy would have seen it. :D :ll