100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Moving too quickly? | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
So I met this great girl on here a couple of nights ago, and we've been talking back and forth often since then when we've both been on. We seem to have clicked quite a bit already, but I kind of wonder if we're going too fast. I say that because we've already been talking about a connection, seeing each other in person (we live on opposite sides of the country) and like maybe it's meant to be and stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, we both do feel something here, and maybe it is meant to be I don't know. But at the same time, I'm starting to think maybe it's too soon to start talking about that already, when we've only known each other 3 days now. Any thoughts?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Just roll with it
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Derekkye
on
Thu 05/22/08 12:36 AM
|
|
Speed is relative.
also a non-vector quantity (a scalar if you will) you start worrying about speed, and you get off track |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Speed is relative. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
go for it
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Kleisto
on
Thu 05/22/08 12:41 AM
|
|
Is it possible I'm just overthinking things? Like perhaps how fast or slow a relationship goes depends on the people and personalities involved?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i think you should just give it a chance
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yeah I suppose you are right, just need to relax and let whatever happens, happen. Why fight it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Whats the hurry? Just take it easy and see where it takes you....Expectations too early especially will cause failure..
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
listen to what your heart is saying,..if you feel un ez,..take a look at that ,.. what is the rush ?? exactly,.. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
i ask myself that all the time
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
IslandPearl
on
Thu 05/22/08 01:07 PM
|
|
My speed story is a bit similar. Two months of daily contact. emails and phone calls. Usually him calling. We shared an immediate connection and attraction via email, phone and pictures. We even talked about possibilities. Just wishful thinking and maybe lots of flirting I think.
My profile at the time stated, "looking for long term leading to marriage." His stated, "friendly guy looking for friendship." He contacted me. Why? When I asked him why he said he just sent an email to me and I replied. He dodged the question.  Then he travelled here for almost a week because of work. We saw each other almost every day. We talked on the phone the same amount, perhaps more. All was good. He kissed me first. I kissed him first the following day. I let him know I liked kissing him. We had a very nice time when he was here. No sex either. He is coming out here again in a month.  He went back home and called the same amount of times for a few days. Then it dropped off to one call every 3 or 4 days and now it's very few emails.  I did my best to keep it "Friends Only" (we both think he needs to learn how to have a woman for a friend and not a wife or lover) but I like this man. He said his life is too messed up with a messy divorce now done (1 yr separated by law then 1 year since decree) and trying to get his life with his kids in order. He has them 1/2 time for now but he wants full time when he can get the money together to pay the lawyers. He said he is stuck in the "life suck's section" and he is in financial ruin and has nothing to offer a woman. Okay, I get this. But I don't need his money or things to be his Friend. I want what he can give me and that is an intelligent and caring Friend that listens and talks to me like he trusts and respects my opinions and differences. An extra plus for me is he is active and lead a healthy lifestyle (except for th estress of divorce). I'm willing to be a Friend and take the time for him to get his act together. I'm willing to go slower. Yes, I am interested in a future with this man, but we both know it's not practical for now. I did ask him what he does with his time now that he is not calling me as much. He tells me he is just busy trying to get the house ready to rent out the basement and be able to pay off some bills. I believe him, but wonder what else is the reason for him cutting me off like this. Why can't he just call for 10 to 20 minutes? I don't need the marathons like we were having in the beginning. It's nice but not practical. So my advice is to take things slowly and let it all play out naturally. Be carefull not to speed it up as he and I did here. It's very easy to do when you find someone you click with. It just hurts when someone pulls back for any reason. Even when it just "Friends." |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The best thing is to get out of your head and just see where things go. Thinking about it too much will keep you from doing what you really want.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Kleisto
on
Thu 05/22/08 05:21 PM
|
|
My speed story is a bit similar. Two months of daily contact. emails and phone calls. Usually him calling. We shared an immediate connection and attraction via email, phone and pictures. We even talked about possibilities. Just wishful thinking and maybe lots of flirting I think. My profile at the time stated, "looking for long term leading to marriage." His stated, "friendly guy looking for friendship." He contacted me. Why? When I asked him why he said he just sent an email to me and I replied. He dodged the question. Then he travelled here for almost a week because of work. We saw each other almost every day. We talked on the phone the same amount, perhaps more. All was good. He kissed me first. I kissed him first the following day. I let him know I liked kissing him. We had a very nice time when he was here. No sex either. He is coming out here again in a month. He went back home and called the same amount of times for a few days. Then it dropped off to one call every 3 or 4 days and now it's very few emails. I did my best to keep it "Friends Only" (we both think he needs to learn how to have a woman for a friend and not a wife or lover) but I like this man. He said his life is too messed up with a messy divorce now done (1 yr separated by law then 1 year since decree) and trying to get his life with his kids in order. He has them 1/2 time for now but he wants full time when he can get the money together to pay the lawyers. He said he is stuck in the "life suck's section" and he is in financial ruin and has nothing to offer a woman. Okay, I get this. But I don't need his money or things to be his Friend. I want what he can give me and that is an intelligent and caring Friend that listens and talks to me like he trusts and respects my opinions and differences. An extra plus for me is he is active and lead a healthy lifestyle (except for th estress of divorce). I'm willing to be a Friend and take the time for him to get his act together. I'm willing to go slower. Yes, I am interested in a future with this man, but we both know it's not practical for now. I did ask him what he does with his time now that he is not calling me as much. He tells me he is just busy trying to get the house ready to rent out the basement and be able to pay off some bills. I believe him, but wonder what else is the reason for him cutting me off like this. Why can't he just call for 10 to 20 minutes? I don't need the marathons like we were having in the beginning. It's nice but not practical. So my advice is to take things slowly and let it all play out naturally. Be carefull not to speed it up as he and I did here. It's very easy to do when you find someone you click with. It just hurts when someone pulls back for any reason. Even when it just "Friends." Thanks for the advice, so how would one define going slow here? We're not really in a position to see each other any time soon (at least as far as me going there goes, her coming here is another matter). Do you think maybe it might be good if we didn't talk daily, so that we'd be used to that idea as we get closer? I was considering talking to her about this too incidentally, and see what she thinks. As for you, I would talk to him about this concern, as to why he hasn't been reaching you more, even if it's not for as long. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Go for it but slowlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So I met this great girl on here a couple of nights ago, and we've been talking back and forth often since then when we've both been on. We seem to have clicked quite a bit already, but I kind of wonder if we're going too fast. I say that because we've already been talking about a connection, seeing each other in person (we live on opposite sides of the country) and like maybe it's meant to be and stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, we both do feel something here, and maybe it is meant to be I don't know. But at the same time, I'm starting to think maybe it's too soon to start talking about that already, when we've only known each other 3 days now. Any thoughts? Repeat after me .......... (((((((((((((((((( IT'S THE INTERNET ))))))))))))))))))))  ps .. I've had more of those "connections" than a person should be allowed in an entire lifetime. My new theory on the matter is .. if it moves to fast it will end just as fast as it started 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
So I met this great girl on here a couple of nights ago, and we've been talking back and forth often since then when we've both been on. We seem to have clicked quite a bit already, but I kind of wonder if we're going too fast. I say that because we've already been talking about a connection, seeing each other in person (we live on opposite sides of the country) and like maybe it's meant to be and stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, we both do feel something here, and maybe it is meant to be I don't know. But at the same time, I'm starting to think maybe it's too soon to start talking about that already, when we've only known each other 3 days now. Any thoughts? Dude. All I can say is that I went for it.....and I don't regret it. I met a girl on here back in November, we talked for two months, then we met.....and things have been awesome. If you truly feel something, then keep talking and then try to meet one another (if possible). It could work....it could not work. But, you have to try to find out. If that is what you want. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
IslandPearl
on
Fri 05/23/08 07:38 AM
|
|
My speed story is a bit similar. Two months of daily contact. emails and phone calls. Usually him calling. We shared an immediate connection and attraction via email, phone and pictures. We even talked about possibilities. Just wishful thinking and maybe lots of flirting I think. My profile at the time stated, "looking for long term leading to marriage." His stated, "friendly guy looking for friendship." He contacted me. Why? When I asked him why he said he just sent an email to me and I replied. He dodged the question. Then he travelled here for almost a week because of work. We saw each other almost every day. We talked on the phone the same amount, perhaps more. All was good. He kissed me first. I kissed him first the following day. I let him know I liked kissing him. We had a very nice time when he was here. No sex either. He is coming out here again in a month. He went back home and called the same amount of times for a few days. Then it dropped off to one call every 3 or 4 days and now it's very few emails. I did my best to keep it "Friends Only" (we both think he needs to learn how to have a woman for a friend and not a wife or lover) but I like this man. He said his life is too messed up with a messy divorce now done (1 yr separated by law then 1 year since decree) and trying to get his life with his kids in order. He has them 1/2 time for now but he wants full time when he can get the money together to pay the lawyers. He said he is stuck in the "life suck's section" and he is in financial ruin and has nothing to offer a woman. Okay, I get this. But I don't need his money or things to be his Friend. I want what he can give me and that is an intelligent and caring Friend that listens and talks to me like he trusts and respects my opinions and differences. An extra plus for me is he is active and lead a healthy lifestyle (except for th estress of divorce). I'm willing to be a Friend and take the time for him to get his act together. I'm willing to go slower. Yes, I am interested in a future with this man, but we both know it's not practical for now. I did ask him what he does with his time now that he is not calling me as much. He tells me he is just busy trying to get the house ready to rent out the basement and be able to pay off some bills. I believe him, but wonder what else is the reason for him cutting me off like this. Why can't he just call for 10 to 20 minutes? I don't need the marathons like we were having in the beginning. It's nice but not practical. So my advice is to take things slowly and let it all play out naturally. Be carefull not to speed it up as he and I did here. It's very easy to do when you find someone you click with. It just hurts when someone pulls back for any reason. Even when it's just "Friends." Thanks for the advice, so how would one define going slow here? We're not really in a position to see each other any time soon (at least as far as me going there goes, her coming here is another matter). Do you think maybe it might be good if we didn't talk daily, so that we'd be used to that idea as we get closer? I was considering talking to her about this too incidentally, and see what she thinks. As for you, I would talk to him about this concern, as to why he hasn't been reaching you more, even if it's not for as long. You ask "how would one define going slow here?" Don't call every day. Spread it out a bit. That can be hard to do when interests and emotions are increasingly intense. Wait until after you have met to talk more often. That way, if something happens and you don't want or can't call daily, it won't be so noticeable and hurtful. I prefer the guy to come and meet/find me first, even if I am able and want to see him NOW. That's just me. If you are not in a position to go to her town any time soon, would you have time to spend with her if she visited your town? Think about it. If you are not ready to host or able to spend lots of time with her if she came to your neck of the woods, that would put a real damper on the situation. You wouldn't want that if the tides were turned. While we're on the subject, I do think you should meet long before it gets to a year of talking and no meeting. Otherwise all you have is a phone buddy. It you want real, you have to be willing and able to meet in person to see if the physical attraction is real and not just a fantasy. You learn more spending time with a person doing things and doing nothing with them. That's only important if you want a real live relationship. For a long distance relationship I prefer if this first meeting takes place within the first 1 to 3 months. Anything more than that I might feel like it's not real. You write, "I was considering talking to her about this too incidentally, and see what she thinks." I like that, talking and asking questions works for me. Thanks for your advice. In my case, I would like to ask him "why he hasn't been reaching me more, even if it's not for as long." Even if his answer is I don't want you, or I think it best to let you go because I have nothing to offer you, or what ever the reason is, I want to know. No confrontation like what Guys are afraid of having with a Woman on any difficult subject. I just want to know the truth every step of the way - no matter what it is. I think that is just being respectful. Then I don't waste my time or his. Since he is making no effort to tell me I think I have to ask him more directly than I have. I believe I did not get a complete answer when I asked him what he does with his time now that he is not calling me as much. So yes, talk to her and ask her what she thinks about how frequent you should talk to each other. Ask her when she thinks you should meet. We women like to be asked. Best wishes to you! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
IslandPearl
on
Fri 05/23/08 07:41 AM
|
|
So I met this great girl on here a couple of nights ago, and we've been talking back and forth often since then when we've both been on. We seem to have clicked quite a bit already, but I kind of wonder if we're going too fast. I say that because we've already been talking about a connection, seeing each other in person (we live on opposite sides of the country) and like maybe it's meant to be and stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, we both do feel something here, and maybe it is meant to be I don't know. But at the same time, I'm starting to think maybe it's too soon to start talking about that already, when we've only known each other 3 days now. Any thoughts? Dude. All I can say is that I went for it.....and I don't regret it. I met a girl on here back in November, we talked for two months, then we met.....and things have been awesome. If you truly feel something, then keep talking and then try to meet one another (if possible). It could work....it could not work. But, you have to try to find out. If that is what you want. See this was the ideal situation,frequent talks for two months and then meeting in person. Even better if you live near each other or are able to afford the long distance travel costs. It works for some. A good story always give me hope. Bravo Goofball73! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
For the record, when I said I was considering talking to her about this, I meant if we were going too quickly or putting the cart before the horse. Talking about the rest may not be a bad idea though.
What are you saying BTW about the meeting thing? Are you saying that if I'm not in position to meet her, or even spend a lot of time with her if she came here, that maybe I ought to cool it a bit till I can? |
|
|
|
|
