Topic: How Do You Forgive?
no photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:28 AM
flowerforyou drinker

I have been cheated on twice that i know about....by the father of my kids, and by another guy who i was in a fairly short relationship with.


With my first ex, i knew he had cheated but he wouldnt admit it until a few yrs after we broke up, and by then i was already over it.

With the second, we had only been together for 3 months, but it did kinda hurt cos he was always all over me and made out i was 'the 1' There was MANY things he omitted when we got together, and having another 6 women on the go was 1 of them!

I chose to not carry anyone elses emotional baggage. Infidelity was his problem, not mine, and i know through my other relationships that not all ppl r like that, so i know not to categorize all men as cheaters. I actually find myself pitying cheaters as they will never have the exclusive love that we all deserve as humans.

The best way to move on from a cheater, is by leaving them, and the emotional crap u suffered, in the past, and not let it marr ur judgement on other potential partners. If u live in fear of being cheated on, u cant be happy, and im dam sure im not letting a low down cheater have that much influence on my life.
Cheers!!!drinker flowerforyou

Citizen_Joe's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:31 AM
I forgive you;gtfo

Down2earthdebbie's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:31 AM
I wouldn't give them a reason to CHEAT! :wink:

coz1976's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:32 AM
never forgive never forget.that's my motto for everybody.

krupa's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:33 AM
Got no use for forgiveness....

been cheated on....too many times...I simply shut off the emotions..and no longer acknowledge thier existance.

When I hear the inevitable..."I am so Sorry"...if I bother to reply at all...it is "Prove you are sorry by not cheating on the next guy who loves you"

lnghntr's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:42 AM
never forgivemad

no photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:44 AM
When I get alzheimers I will forget!!!drinker

papersmile's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:51 AM

When I get alzheimers I will forget!!!drinker


I think forgetting is different than forgiving. that, more than anything, is probably why most couples can't survive the cheated-on relationship - it's close to impossible to forget.

~~~~~
if you never forgive, do you ever really get over them, or what they did to you? i think by not forgiving you empower them to still be a part of your life.

i've been cheated on and i accept part of that responsibility. i didn't give properly to the relationship and i believe that, in SOME cases, you reap what you sow. granted, there are people completely lacking in morals and values and will cheat regardless, but i don't think that was true in my case.

i'd rather learn from what i did, and didn't do, and not make the same mistakes next time around.

Citizen_Joe's photo
Sun 05/10/09 10:58 AM
Edited by Citizen_Joe on Sun 05/10/09 10:59 AM
Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven. Well, not just the forgiven. Living in hate is a miserable place to be.

romee's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:28 AM
that's the one thing i can't forgive.mad

Winx's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:30 AM

I don't see how one can, at least in the context of continued romantic relationship. I have known women who have forgiven cheating, abuse and emotional neglect. I find that to be sign of weakness.


My mom forgave my Dad's one affair that he had when they were young.
They've been married for 50 years now.

Pink_lady's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:34 AM
I think there is a difference between a person who has cheated, and a serial cheater.

My post was aimed at the serial cheater.

I DO believe that some couples can overcome a 1 off event of infidelity, and grow stronger. Occasionally, infidelity can be a sign of unhappiness, which can be overcome and learned from.




woodford's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:34 AM


When I get alzheimers I will forget!!!drinker


I think forgetting is different than forgiving. that, more than anything, is probably why most couples can't survive the cheated-on relationship - it's close to impossible to forget.

~~~~~
if you never forgive, do you ever really get over them, or what they did to you? i think by not forgiving you empower them to still be a part of your life.

i've been cheated on and i accept part of that responsibility. i didn't give properly to the relationship and i believe that, in SOME cases, you reap what you sow. granted, there are people completely lacking in morals and values and will cheat regardless, but i don't think that was true in my case.

i'd rather learn from what i did, and didn't do, and not make the same mistakes next time around.


SO well said. and as Joe said forgiving is for me it is an effort to not harbor resentment. I feel better when I do forgive still forgiving is not saying please come back and do it again.

AndyBgood's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:35 AM
Please allow me to illustrate a point in this,

I used to date this girl who used to come up with a litany of reasons why she could not go out. We had pans one day to go out so after work I stopped at her house to pick her up. That was when I ran into another guy saying he was going out with her. He was trying to pick a fight with me until he grabbed me and I broke his ass off and took him to the ground. While I had him in an arm breaker hold (and I was going to dislocate his shoulder) I demanded he explain himself to me. What he told me saved him from me wrecking his life for good.

It turned out she came to him and she lied about dating me at all. She was on the phone while this was going on telling my room mate she was calling off our date. She seen the fight and called the police. When they arrived both of us were sitting on my car talking about the whole situation in detail. She would not come out until the police arrived and they spoke with us and finally left because there was no real reason for them to act other than to admonish us briefly for squabbling but it was clear to them we settled our differences without any real injury.

Both of us pinned her down demanding answers and oddly he blocked the door so she could not get away. The both of us really hammered on her and her ***** room mate tried to intervene and got tossed by me back into her house three times. Then the cops came back to see me bar arm the room mate and toss her back in her house while the other guy was telling our female Janus he was done with her. Her room mate went to jail coming out of the house with a substantial kitchen knife and tried to get a piece of me but the PR 24 the cop carried disarmed her nicely and I got the satisfaction of seeing her room mate get stuffed into the back seat of a police car.

Both Homie and me told her to never ever call either of us again and the man actually thanked me for sparing him the pain I would have otherwise inflicted on him. The girl told the cops she was dating the both of us and a female police officer rode her for half an hour verbally in front of the two of us and she then got hauled in for disturbing the peace because the cops had to come out twice because of her. After we got lectured by the police I was stunned when the sergeant actually thanked us for finding a non violent answer to our dilemma. That tainted me ever dating a Latina ever again and I have not since.

Three years ago before I ran into my last GF I was gong out with a girl who told me over the phone she was dating other guys and had no intention of stopping. Needless to say that was the last time I said good bye to her and she kept trying to call me after that.

DELETE MESSAGE got used quite a bit on my answering machine after that for a while. I had no interest in her at all after that.

Needless to say if I don't pay games while I date what makes anyone think I will tolerate that in my relationships?

I have seen the argument that "You had to do something to make her cheat." I have seen cases where there was a legitimacy to that argument but most of the time that is pure unfiltered bullsh*t.

Now if I am in a LTR and she thinks using sex as a reward to make me do what she wants or she cuts me off without allowing me a way of venting my needs it is over. O-V-E-R, OVER. I keep my games on my computer and on the table. People need to get over themselves and quit acting like a bunch of children with hurt feelings.


Don't hate the player, hate the game!

EquusDancer's photo
Sun 05/10/09 11:50 AM
I have grown up on a farm, and know how to castrate most male animals. Really. I have no qualms about doing it to a guy who would cheat on me.

I tell 'em upfront, if ya want to cheat get out of the relationship, or I will castrate ya and then send ya on your merry way. I can honestly say, I haven't been cheated on.

I don't believe in forgiveness. I think it's a BS excuse to let people get away with things and not make them responsible for their problems. But that's my opinion, of course.

galendgirl's photo
Sun 05/10/09 12:00 PM
Let's see...the way I did it in my past life (when I was married) was to take it repeatedly for 12 years and keep forgiving.

I'm pretty sure that I understand the mechanics of opening the door now...and one of us would be walking through it!

no photo
Sun 05/10/09 12:34 PM

:heart: How do you forgive your boyfriend/girlfriend if he/she cheats on you?:heart:


Simply put, you don't- the offending party will go on to take part in the same activity in the future.

no photo
Sun 05/10/09 12:38 PM
crime: infidelity
judgment: unforgiven

no photo
Sun 05/10/09 12:42 PM
Except in the case of Rare's beard- he's a total playuh! laugh

feistybaby's photo
Sun 05/10/09 12:45 PM
I can forgive though it would take quite a while but I would never forget. And for me the relationship would be over as my trust in the person would be demolished.