A friend of mine wrote this and I thought it was rather good, reposting here....

I have not blogged in a while but I have something to say.... What's up with the relationship status of divorced people? It's of particular interest to me because I am divorced. I am seeking some insight, some clarification to this that truely pleagues me.

If I am divorced at what point do I become single again, if ever? Or do I have to carry a divorced label until I re-marry? What if I don't re-marry or if I have no interest to re-marry? Ok, the obvious, so my marriage did not work out! How many relationships work out anyways? Statistically speaking, I am 0 in ummm who knows... does that make me a relationship retard? Perhaps the politically correct term would be, relationship challenged? But in all reality 99% of our relationships don't work out and getting married is not the finish line.

So if this is true, it's like we stamp "LOSER" on a divorcee's forhead. If I had never married and my relationship failed I would be single. Clean slate and I get to dust myself off and do it again. But being married and failing requires us to keep score of that failed relationship. Why do I have to announce to the world that the maritial relationship did not work by calling it divorced? Is that relationship more important and should it define us because we "should" have searched deeper within ourselves before publically proclaiming your love and undying devotion to one another thru a public rital. What if I grew up and he never did or the other way around. What about the many ligit reason and empowering reasons to let go of something that is not working.

But when all seems dim, we get a buy out or opportunity to clean the slate.. re-marry. If I re-marry that I am considered married. It's not like we have to say how many times (wheather it be none or seven times ) we got a divorce before we got it right. If I stay unmarried, that last relationship can potentially label and announce to the world how I failed at that relationship. Divorce does not necessary mean failure just like marraige does not necessary mean happiness. It makes sense when people say "happily married" while "happily divorced" seems like an oxymoron.

My divorced friends, say it's uncool to say divorced so they say single. But if your single and you are a parent than you become a single parent. What if you are forced to be a single parent vs. a choice to be a single parent? Why.. like divorced does single parent carry a negative connotation? That's another ball of wax. What is the difference between; I was married, we had children and it did not work out vs. I had a child and the relationship did not work out? In summation, labels can potentially carry a social stigmatism.

So I am not interested in hearing how my opionion is right or wrong but instead sharing my thoughts. I am truely at a quandary? I am in the least personally bothered by labels other people choice to use or how they interpret them. I am instead trying to wrap my mind around this from a social prospective. I don't know the social rules but I am not sure who does. I just don't agree that we should be labed by one of our relationships that may have or may have not been the most important romantic relationship thus far in our life. In all honesty, I am amused by it.

Well, I'm probably not who you wanted to post but I understand about labels. I am widowed. It was a word that I HATED at first. Doesn't bother me in the least now. These kinds of labels don't bother me. We're all either single, divorced, widowed, separated, Something.

"Divorced" doesn't scare me, neither look at it as a negative trait. You're single also..so call yourself single, the "divorced" declaration should only be written on maybe your tax papers and other legal documents, resumes etc.., It's just formality I guess..hey I guess I could be divorced twice already, having my first 2 girlfriends with me for 4 and 5 years, the only thing missing was the ring and the official declaration of being married.

By the way..I don't think most people view "divorced" in a negative way, perhaps more experienced. That's how I see it.

That's not necessarily true.

There are many, many people out there that see someone who's divorced and think that they are bitter or jaded because of what they experienced during their marriage.

I know quite a few guys who won't even consider a relationship with someone who has been divorced because they also think that if they couldn't hold up to the commitment of a marriage vow, they won't be able to keep ANY commitment.

Which is insane, because who knows who was at fault in any given divorce?

Yes I have spoken to girls who mentioned that they would not be interested in a divorced guy.

Also, even sites like this usually give you a few choices of status:

Never Married
Divorced
Widowed

But there is no Single option.....

Women ( most ) see " Never married " on a guys profile and instantly think Afraid To Commit .

I'm thinking of changing mine to "Married" so I can up my quota of hate mail.

Definitely a good way to do that.

I agree. And I am definitely not one of those guys.

Good man

exactly

i wondered what i did

until she got married three weeks later

that said multitudes

Yikes! Yep, that SCREAMS volumes.

yep and i wasn't even invited

i thought i should have been there to give her away

I'd like to repost that on my blog, giving credit to the original author if you could share that?

I was nodding my head the entire time.

I'm 22 and divorced, and have 2 kids. Definitely limits my options when it comes to men. Seems as though the only men who aren't scared off by those things are men who are either divorced and/or have children.

It sucks because me being divorced is truly not my own fault. Had I known it wasn't going to last, I certainly wouldn't have gotten married. What a waste of money lol. Paying off the wedding long after the divorce was final. But really, I wasn't the one to bail and the whole thing came as a complete shock to me. Yet now I walk around with that big "I failed" sign on my back. Even though I know that a lot of marriages end in divorce, and that a divorce is really no different than a normal break up, which also happens all.the.time. and nobody so much as bats an eyelash.

There's definitely a social stigma, and it can be tough to deal with.

Never divorced, but am a widower. Fortunately, all of my kids are grown and have given me a total of 13 grandkids...seems like just after they grow up and have their own, ya want 'em again! And the best part is I am 45...means I'll live long enough to see a few of my great grandkids!

The label doesn't bother me. It might partially be an age thing. I know that if I run across someone my age that hasn't ever been married I think it says something about them. I think divorced people are more likely to understand the give and take that marriage is all about. I would worry that someone my age who hasn't been married might be more inflexible.

Well I have been divorced and then a widow.. and since there is no single there , I put widow ...My kids are grown and have their own so it doesn't really make any difference to me. I am just enjoying my life as it comes everyday, trying new things and experiencing new adventures...Life is short.. Why worry about little things....

Been divorced three times before finding a good one, might not can pick em, but i'm not a quitter