Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: warning to the guys
newarkjw Joined Sun 05/25/08 Posts: 17172	Tue 07/14/09 03:25 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth I think the ladies will agree with you. The kids are the most important thing and they should be. That is something that you should know heading into that type of relationship.

keith1916 Joined Sun 06/14/09 Posts: 2057	Tue 07/14/09 03:26 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth How bout this. Understand when a person has kids they come first always! What if the shoe were on the other foot and you had a kid would you want women to pass over you because you have a kid? Telling other guys not to be with a woman because she has kids is immature really. I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my short rant but that is a huge pet peeve of mine and reading the above gave me a serious wtf moment. good on ya mate,i totaly agree with ya

Slyther83 Joined Sat 04/18/09 Posts: 645	Tue 07/14/09 03:26 PM
i have yet to become a parent, but i think once you do your kids become your top priority. perhaps that spot can be shared by your significant other, but trying to compete for it seems illogical.

SuzinVA Joined Wed 04/25/07 Posts: 28730	Tue 07/14/09 03:35 PM
Since when did having kids put you in a war? Of course, the kids, whether they're your own or someone else's, come first, it's the way it should be. Their needs have a much higher priority, most of the time. That's what being a good parent is about. Now, if you don't like kids or aren't ready or don't want the responsibility of children, that's a whole other issue altogether. It's a choice each individual has to make for themselves. But to be so egotistical to think that a woman should drop her responsibilities for a man? Get real. You don't want it fine, but there are plenty of people who do. And plenty of people without kids for you to be with. And, my pet peeve (one of them) is hearing kids referred to as "baggage." They are NOT baggage, they are a part of life.

pokerface1200 Joined Mon 10/20/08 Posts: 60	Tue 07/14/09 03:35 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth boy did i touch a nerve....okay then...how about this...from all the responses ive been getting i guess some of you guys would like to play second fiddle...im not saying that kids are bad but if you want a relationship with a woman who will put you and your needs second your asking for trouble and believe me there is no compromise so go ahead some of you take your chances but you wont win so i avoid the ones who have kids because i choose not to fight that battle if you dont believe go ahead and try it see who will be making more sacrifices than they wish...im not saying kids are a bad thing but if a woman whose really looking for a guy to love them even with their kids then there has to be a balance its just from my experience it was the kids or nothing...and im sorry if that sounds selfish but there needs to be balance

SuzinVA Joined Wed 04/25/07 Posts: 28730	Tue 07/14/09 03:38 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth boy did i touch a nerve....okay then...how about this...from all the responses ive been getting i guess some of you guys would like to play second fiddle...im not saying that kids are bad but if you want a relationship with a woman who will put you and your needs second your asking for trouble and believe me there is no compromise so go ahead some of you take your chances but you wont win so i avoid the ones who have kids because i choose not to fight that battle if you dont believe go ahead and try it see who will be making more sacrifices than they wish...im not saying kids are a bad thing but if a woman whose really looking for a guy to love them even with their kids then there has to be a balance its just from my experience it was the kids or nothing...and im sorry if that sounds selfish but there needs to be balance No, there doesn't need to be a balance, not for people with kids. There may be for you, but those of us who are parents are fine with life being a little off-balance. Being selfish is not an option. Your choice is a good one, you're far too selfish to be a parent or in a parental role.

MeChrissy2 Joined Sat 12/13/08 Posts: 10155	Tue 07/14/09 03:41 PM
Poker, I quite agree with your last statement. Balance is the secret of life. Good/evil, pain/pleasure, sun/stars....To most women their children are their priority and a man willing to accept and understand that is a cherished gift. You'd be amazed how much balance a women can find when she isn't having to chose.

CKeef Joined Fri 06/19/09 Posts: 715	Tue 07/14/09 03:47 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth boy did i touch a nerve....okay then...how about this...from all the responses ive been getting i guess some of you guys would like to play second fiddle...im not saying that kids are bad but if you want a relationship with a woman who will put you and your needs second your asking for trouble and believe me there is no compromise so go ahead some of you take your chances but you wont win so i avoid the ones who have kids because i choose not to fight that battle if you dont believe go ahead and try it see who will be making more sacrifices than they wish...im not saying kids are a bad thing but if a woman whose really looking for a guy to love them even with their kids then there has to be a balance its just from my experience it was the kids or nothing...and im sorry if that sounds selfish but there needs to be balance I'm a parent and even though my kids dont live with me, plenty of women have avoided me for that reason. I do think there needs to be balance, and to love anybody there should always be compromises. But if any1 was under the impression the kids wouldnt come first or expect to be at the same level, I agree with Suzin, you are just ****ing selfish and ignorant.

Unknow Joined Sat 12/15/07 Posts: 41170	Tue 07/14/09 03:52 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth boy did i touch a nerve....okay then...how about this...from all the responses ive been getting i guess some of you guys would like to play second fiddle...im not saying that kids are bad but if you want a relationship with a woman who will put you and your needs second your asking for trouble and believe me there is no compromise so go ahead some of you take your chances but you wont win so i avoid the ones who have kids because i choose not to fight that battle if you dont believe go ahead and try it see who will be making more sacrifices than they wish...im not saying kids are a bad thing but if a woman whose really looking for a guy to love them even with their kids then there has to be a balance its just from my experience it was the kids or nothing...and im sorry if that sounds selfish but there needs to be balance I'm a parent and even though my kids dont live with me, plenty of women have avoided me for that reason. I do think there needs to be balance, and to love anybody there should always be compromises. But if any1 was under the impression the kids wouldnt come first or expect to be at the same level, I agree with Suzin, you are just ****ing selfish and ignorant. That last sentence doesn't even bear repeating. It is obvious to everyone but the OP. And he clearly does not care what you, I, Suz, or anyone else thinks.

keith1916 Joined Sun 06/14/09 Posts: 2057	Tue 07/14/09 03:54 PM
my advice to you is dont answer adds where the women say the chidren are her life because you wont win that battle. i was married to someone for four years who already had two kids and believe getting alone time for four years was a battle and everything you do will have to include the kids so regardless of whether u feel shes hot or not avoid the ones whose kids are going to be b4 you, no offense ladies but its the truth boy did i touch a nerve....okay then...how about this...from all the responses ive been getting i guess some of you guys would like to play second fiddle...im not saying that kids are bad but if you want a relationship with a woman who will put you and your needs second your asking for trouble and believe me there is no compromise so go ahead some of you take your chances but you wont win so i avoid the ones who have kids because i choose not to fight that battle if you dont believe go ahead and try it see who will be making more sacrifices than they wish...im not saying kids are a bad thing but if a woman whose really looking for a guy to love them even with their kids then there has to be a balance its just from my experience it was the kids or nothing...and im sorry if that sounds selfish but there needs to be balance I'm a parent and even though my kids dont live with me, plenty of women have avoided me for that reason. I do think there needs to be balance, and to love anybody there should always be compromises. But if any1 was under the impression the kids wouldnt come first or expect to be at the same level, I agree with Suzin, you are just ****ing selfish and ignorant. That last sentence doesn't even bear repeating. It is obvious to everyone but the OP. And he clearly does not care what you, I, Suz, or anyone else thinks. very true

lionsbrew Joined Tue 08/22/06 Posts: 14232	Tue 07/14/09 04:04 PM
Balance wtf?!! There shouldn't be an issue as its like comparing apples and oranges. While both may be fruits of love apples are apples and oranges are oranges. Trying to balance out against children is impossible. No man woman or beast should ever have enough weight to balance out how important children are. Children's needs are needs not wants. You may want attention but for the well being of the children they need attention to be loved, kept safe, fed, and educated its not a matter of wants where children are concerned.

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 07/14/09 04:06 PM
Makes one wonder who the "kid" really is in all of this. I don't have any, and likely shouldn't even be in this thread. But if a guy passed me by because I had my priorities in order, then buh bye. Baggage to some is life blood, life lessons to others. I've had my situation called baggage before and that word should not apply to our previous losses, nor our/all of your children.

tombraider Joined Wed 09/12/07 Posts: 5042	Tue 07/14/09 04:09 PM
...thats why i'm looking for a sugar mama...

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 07/14/09 04:09 PM
And one more thing...You, OP have kids. So..if you have a lady friend over, or are out, and you get a cell call that one needs you, has been arrested, hurt and in the e.r whatever...would you drop everything to go? Or would you tell your lady friend, "No, they can wait, I'm with you right now" ??

CKeef Joined Fri 06/19/09 Posts: 715	Tue 07/14/09 04:16 PM
Balance wtf?!! There shouldn't be an issue as its like comparing apples and oranges. While both may be fruits of love apples are apples and oranges are oranges. Trying to balance out against children is impossible. No man woman or beast should ever have enough weight to balance out how important children are. Children's needs are needs not wants. You may want attention but for the well being of the children they need attention to be loved, kept safe, fed, and educated its not a matter of wants where children are concerned.

CyPoet Joined Fri 01/11/08 Posts: 12494	Tue 07/14/09 04:44 PM
My 3 angels will always be top priority in my life just as it is stated within my profile.They are all grown now & college educated but regardless I shall still remain focused upon them until I am called home.NO woman shall ever take precedence over my daughters.Perhaps this may explain why I've been here so long & have not found my significant other.Oh! well.I can live with that.There happiness,security & well being comes before mine or my s/o.I don't wish to spend the rest of my life alone however I will never compromise on this matter.So it is said.So it is written.Amen! Daddy's Angels Jessica~Crystal~Loran

auburngirl Joined Fri 04/27/07 Posts: 18811	Tue 07/14/09 04:47 PM
And one more thing...You, OP have kids. So..if you have a lady friend over, or are out, and you get a cell call that one needs you, has been arrested, hurt and in the e.r whatever...would you drop everything to go? Or would you tell your lady friend, "No, they can wait, I'm with you right now" ?? Well, I'm guessing there is no good answer to this. Because if you say you wouldn't go, well.... And if you said you would, you'd likely get dumped for the hypocrisy.

RKISIT Joined Tue 01/08/08 Posts: 16721	Tue 07/14/09 04:47 PM
You knew there were kids going in. Kids SHOULD ALWAYS come first. But she does need to make room for "just you time". bingo...enough said thread should be over

misstina2 Joined Sat 11/01/08 Posts: 13508	Tue 07/14/09 04:50 PM
thinking i better zip it

mcgilvrey21 Joined Fri 07/10/09 Posts: 377	Tue 07/14/09 04:53 PM
You knew there were kids going in. Kids SHOULD ALWAYS come first. But she does need to make room for "just you time". EXACTLY! The kids come FIRST. Its not their choice to be there so they should be made a priority. But in order to keep a relationship alive, you have to have one on one time also. Just gotta find the woman who can make that balance. Not all women who put their kids first are bad. Please dont stereo-type us.