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| Topic: Any Advice? | |
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I dunno if this is the right place for this but it seems like it is.
I'll start at the beginning. I was with someone and it ended, but we both had feelings for each other still. We ended up being with other people. She ended up with some guy who was using her for sex and money while cheating on her. She eventually found out but didn't do anything about it and eventually, with my help, she broke it off. It's been about a year and I'd helped her get over him but we had fallen in love during. Unfortunately I had to move away for uni but we saw each other occasionally. Recently he had gotten in touch with her saying he was in love with her and wanted her back, I was adamant that she didn't but she ended up getting back with him. Last night she got drunk with him and slept with him, she was texting me afterwards, here are the important texts 'I've never felt so cheap in my life..', 'omg, it was terrible, I'm terrible', 'I feel sick. I need you... :( I love you', 'he hasn't left me, he just threatens to if I keep talking to you', 'I'm in bed now...alone crying, I hate this', 'I can't believe what I've done after he spoke to me like total ****' and 'I'm not even happy yet I'm still trying to make things work with him' but she keeps promising me she's happy and she loves him then flips it saying she loves me and she's confused and doesn't know why she's doing it. What can I do to help her, it's obvious she isn't happy but she keeps pushing me away then dragging me back when she gets a little bit of sense. It's really getting to me, I keep begging her to stop this nonsense but she says she can't. I really don't know what to do. |
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HELP HER!!!
I think your both at an age!! Right ??? Where she gotta do it herself without YOU doin it for her! AND you......... Should not rescue her when she calls. That is enabling her to do it again and again and you keep running to the rescue!! Ya both got issues to work on- apart from each other- before you can come together!!! 
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So I've gotta take a hands off approach?
Is there anyway I can be there for her without doing too much? |
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Try dating a normal girl that won't bang other dudes and won't text you right after she has sex with someone else
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Co dependency issues!
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Walk away-she is using u to make her feel better about being used herself. If she really had feelings for u,then she would be with u.It really is unfortunately that simple.I wish u luck.
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You love her so let her know you'll be there again for her, and only because you love her...if she breaks your heart again then break it off for good
however, if you don't believe (feel) she loves you then move on as they say |
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Go back and you will be sorry!
Just a word of Past experience talking! |
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Have to agree with those who walk away. She's playing you emotionally, and if she gets away with it, she'll do it again.
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HELP HER!!! I think your both at an age!! Right ??? Where she gotta do it herself without YOU doin it for her! AND you......... Should not rescue her when she calls. That is enabling her to do it again and again and you keep running to the rescue!! Ya both got issues to work on- apart from each other- before you can come together!!! |
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also it would help u as well!!
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First of all, you have tried...and tried....and tried to help her. You have been her "rock" when she has needed someone. And, hell...that is admirable. I can sympathize. Never to this extreme, but I can totally feel for ya here man. You want to help her because you are in love with this girl. But, even though you are, sometimes being in love with someone isn't really what you "think" it is. I know that sounds "contradictory", but even when one person loves another, if that love isn't shown back, then there is nothing.
Look at her current situation. This guy, who has done nothing but wronged her, comes back, says he loves her, and though you warned her, she still went back to him. Obviously, she loves this guy, or she misses something about him. And once she sees what this guy truly is, she calls the one person she knows has been there, and she knows loves her, and she knows will be there. That is you. And, as is natural for you, you want to help her. I think you should help her. But......but......you have got to realize that she is never going to love you the way you love her. And, you deserve alot better my friend. She is using you. She is getting used by him. She finally sees that she is, and she doesn't like it. But of course, being that she is confused, she doesn't know what to do. Help her figure things out. However, you need to realize that she needs to only be a friend dude. Nothing more. You deserve better. Realize this. Be a friend, but undestand that (to her) that is all you will ever be. And, when you put your foot down, she may just push you out of her life altogether. And if she does, then you will see her for what she truly is. But meh....these are just my thoughts. What the hell do I know? Goof out! |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Sun 05/02/10 09:52 PM
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I dunno if this is the right place for this but it seems like it is. I'll start at the beginning. I was with someone and it ended, but we both had feelings for each other still. We ended up being with other people. She ended up with some guy who was using her for sex and money while cheating on her. She eventually found out but didn't do anything about it and eventually, with my help, she broke it off. It's been about a year and I'd helped her get over him but we had fallen in love during. Unfortunately I had to move away for uni but we saw each other occasionally. Recently he had gotten in touch with her saying he was in love with her and wanted her back, I was adamant that she didn't but she ended up getting back with him. Last night she got drunk with him and slept with him, she was texting me afterwards, here are the important texts 'I've never felt so cheap in my life..', 'omg, it was terrible, I'm terrible', 'I feel sick. I need you... :( I love you', 'he hasn't left me, he just threatens to if I keep talking to you', 'I'm in bed now...alone crying, I hate this', 'I can't believe what I've done after he spoke to me like total ****' and 'I'm not even happy yet I'm still trying to make things work with him' but she keeps promising me she's happy and she loves him then flips it saying she loves me and she's confused and doesn't know why she's doing it. What can I do to help her, it's obvious she isn't happy but she keeps pushing me away then dragging me back when she gets a little bit of sense. It's really getting to me, I keep begging her to stop this nonsense but she says she can't. I really don't know what to do. awww,, so sad,, she sounds as if she has REAL self esteem issues,,, she needs to help herself or find a professional to do so,, you cant be her savior. When she truly PROVES she is doing something to help herself,, it may be safe to step back in ,, otherwise you are just becoming her enabler |
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Try dating a normal girl that won't bang other dudes and won't text you right after she has sex with someone else That would be my advice. Don't make her a priority, when she is making you an option. I know that is hard to realize, but the more you dwell on this, the more you'll get hurt. Trust me on this. Move on.
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change your number
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Hummm maybe someday you will see she is only using you and turn and walk away leaving her in the past where she belongs........Will things change most likely not........Does she really love you most likely not.........Does she need you only when she wants something........
Hopefully you will realize these things and cut the strings she has on you for your nothing but a puppet on a string to her.......... |
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dude she is using you too ur her safety blanket stop helping her and let her do it her self or she will always depend on you
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Forget her and move on, seriously
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What ya'll got against hanging in the shadows waiting for sloppy seconds?
Works for me. As they say, love the one yer with. If you're down and confused And you don't remember who you're talking too Concentration slips away Cause you're baby is so far away Well there's a rose in the fisted glove And eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love honey Love the one you're with Don't be angry - don't be sad Don't sit crying over good times you've had There's a girl right next to you And she's just waiting for something to do Doo doo doo doo Turn your heartache right into joy Cause she's a girl and you're a boy Get it together come on make it nice You ain't gonna need anymore advice CHORUS Doo doo doo doo |
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