I have a wheelchair-bound friend who says, "I don't have (special needs). I need water, food, shelter, and love JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! I'm handicapped, thank you." (You INSPIRE me Saundra )

Once when I was in the depths of grief, people were saying the most incredibly trite "stuff". A (now much closer) friend said, "Forgive their cliches Joel. They love you and don't know WHAT to say. Some things just SUCK! THIS is YOURS! Cry uncontrolably, be mad, stay busy and numb, make inappropriate jokes. You can do NO wrong right now. HONOR HER by being yourself and......OWN IT!

My Gosh....I can't really convey how much those "slap in the face" words meant!

So.......

-"There are plenty of fish in the sea." - Well I really wanted THAT fish and I dislike the whole fish metaphor anyway.

-YES..I absolutely have regrets (mostly of hurtful things I've said). Where I'm at now is pretty cool...but I still wonder.

-When a door closes and a window opens.....I'm really not the breaking and entering type.

-It didn't kill me. It made me stronger....but FREEGIN OUCH!!!!

- A "pre-owned" car IS "USED"!

Anyway (despite above) I am SO positive and ABSOLUTELY "ELATE" when, and expect those close to me to be brutally honest. (I WILL wipe my nose if you let me know I need to).

Platitudes are for passerby egos! *end of rant*

Your friend is a genius, listen to her. Many need that advice during those times and don't get it.

Sometimes People hurt for you...They try and say something when there are no words in clumsy and true sometimes cavelier fashion. But they are reaching out and trying to touch you.

Everyone experiences some kind of pain at one time or another.

Very few know what to say to someone who is in pain.

I think most of us have probably been at both ends of the spectrum. When we hurt our true friends hurt with us. They try to help us out the best ways they know how. Sometimes the things we/they say when someone is hurting can "ouch" but I don't think it's ever intended that way. Sometimes those "ouches" make us see things for what they truly are and we can grow from it.

This is so true. I find the best thing to say is:

"I'm sorry you are going through this. If you need someone to talk to I am always here to listen. You are entitled to give yourself some time to feel bad but remember that you still have alot of life to live and you can't get started until you move past this pain"

This was not necessarily (specificly) about grief...but on the subject, say I have suffered a break up.

I would much rather have someone convey "you hurt and I validate that" than say "you are better off without her".

When I have messed things up...."well...you really effed up that one. Ya get it? What are you going to do now to make it right? RATHER THAN..."It's all right. Everyone makes mistakes".

I agree that I would rather have someone tell me that something I did wasn't my smartest idea rather than just pacify me. I am lucky to have people in my life that will be honest with me.

And if no one else wants to tell me that I'm acting ridiculous, I can always count on my sons to set me straight!

Love it! Kids never disappoint in this area!

My niece once told me (with correction in her voice)..."Mean people don't SUCK Uncle Joel.......They're just HURT!"

I wept.

My best friend is wheel chair bound...he reminds me a lot of your friend Saundra, Uncle Joel (I'm calling you that from now on).

He slaps me upside the head with the truth too. He says, "of course you are depressed and sad about losing her. That's what everyone else goes through so why not you."

I guess living in the clouds makes ones head a little bit foggy sometimes. We all need to be grounded.

Maybe we can hook up our friends. If not romance maybe a wheel chair race....

When my fiance died suddenly, my stepmother
said 'It is probably for the best..' !!!!!!
It was all I could do not to put a contract
out on her.
Only the thought of someone else getting that
pleasure kept me from it.

At the funeral, someone else said to me
'Life is for the living.'
While I did not like hearing it, it turns
out to be very true.
Someone above me said "people don't know what
to say" they are so right.
But sometimes they can say just the right thing.

So maybe, just maybe, it is in the ear of the
behearer and not the bespeaker.

They'll KICK OUR AZZZ!!!
and I wouldn't have it any other way!

if at first you don't succeed, try try again.
then quit. no use making a damn fool out of yourself!

-W C Fields

Sometimes what others say we think it is to hurt us. When in reality it is only to make us open our eyes to see reality.....

soufie and Harold.....I guess sometimes the quotes and the cliches are there for a reason!

Oh Heather One of the most "cut to the chase", honest, offend you for the better, challenge what is (actually) caring, brash!, LOVING persons I have ever met.

Sounds like you have "real" friends Shasta!!

I think your friend said it best.
'Own it.'
Ignore the chatter in your ears from others.
Do what you need to do.

Wave on the way past it.

I think for the first time (or not) I misunderstand soufie.

"semantics and rapid post firing"

Embrace and acknowledge it. Never "drive by".???????

Pretty much the reason I love drinkin.

Makes all those redundant cliche's seem more applicable.

Every experience we have , particularly those matters of the heart are for our growth. Love and all that comes with it is a powerful motivator, is why the lessons are so painful yet profound. It is for our emotional and spiritual growth, if we 'own it' and allow the gift that comes with the problem. Ending a relationship with regrets does not have to be a bad thing......as long as we can forgive ourselves and are able to move on without becoming terribly jaded. There are no accidents, we pull into our lives those people and situations that we need for that experience. It really is a beautiful thing if we are able to look at the big picture and sometimes that just takes a minute, if we are open we will get to the point when we see the big picture always...and THAT is true freedom.