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| Topic: Should women pay their own way on a date? | |
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Sun 04/24/11 09:58 PM
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In this day women work and have their own money and my question is for men.
Do men expect a woman to have sex with them at the end of a date if he pays for everything? And if so, should women then insist on paying for her own meal and movie (or whatever) and would this end the idea in the man's head that she owes him a blow job or a roll in the hay at the end of the evening?  If not, would you, as a man, be insulted or pleased that a woman insists on paying her own way? I have been considering starting dating again, and I would like some opinions. Also, if I got asked on a date, should I get these questions out of the way first by asking the man strait out? |
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In this day women work and have their own money and my question is for men. Do men expect a woman to have sex with them at the end of a date if he pays for everything? And if so, should women then insist on paying for her own meal and movie (or whatever) and would this end the idea in the man's head that she owes him a blow job or a roll in the hay at the end of the evening? If not, would you, as a man, be insulted or pleased that a woman insists on paying her own way? I have been considering starting dating again, and I would like some opinions. Also, if I got asked on a date, should I get these questions out of the way first by asking the man strait out? I actually insist on paying my way on a first date as that way the guy can't guilt you into anything. Sad to have to do that but that is the way of the world. |
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Not every date is supposed to end in a home run. Likewise since it is all about equality if he buys one night she should buy the next! By about date five or six if there is no magic and at least second base then I call that a loosing proposition. By date ten there should be at least one home run or one hell of a third base play!
When both people pay it is called going Dutch! But you knew that already. I have been on dates where she was the one who really wanted to roll around. So who am I to say no? These days though what is dating let alone sex? Both appear to be like bad jokes to me. I just don't get them!  It isn't for a lack of trying... |
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I am a man, at least the last time I checked.
I will NOT have a woman pay for a date. Even when my moonie piece was hanging out at the back of my pants through a broken patch, I never allowed a woman to pay. This has changed. I had a date four years ago and we went on a coffee date. She resented that I treated her, and that I INSISTED that I treat her. She ditched me, for this or for other reasons, who knows, who cares. But I learned the hard way to be reasonable about being chivalrious. If the woman has a request, I must honour that, no matter what. If she says she would like to pay half or pay her way or contribute quarter of the bill or even a dime towards the bill, I think I am supposed to put up a mild resistance, to ensure she's still in command of her faculties, and then let it melt. Do I expect sex for my three dollar coffee dates, that I so chivalriously paid for? You are kidding. Of course not. If I want sex for money, there are less risky and more surefire ways of doing that than paying for a meal for someone. Sex in my books is something that is a function of mutual attraction and trust. If I have to substitute trust or my attractiveness with money, or ameliorate it with a cup of coffee, then the whole thing is screwed. |
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"Will F for food." -- no, no.
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If not, would you, as a man, be insulted or pleased that a woman insists on paying her own way? It doesn't insult me at all, although it kinda gives a feeling that it wasn't a date. It's hard to explain. When I clearly say that "you are my guest"..I always think that's a clear cut choice right there, so when she pays back, I refuse first kindly and if she still insist, then it's giving me the signal like "it was great, I felt good, but _____ (insert an excuse why it's not gonna work out). |
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Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Sun 04/24/11 10:24 PM
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I am a man, at least the last time I checked. I will NOT have a woman pay for a date. Even when my moonie piece was hanging out at the back of my pants through a broken patch, I never allowed a woman to pay. This has changed. I had a date four years ago and we went on a coffee date. She resented that I treated her, and that I INSISTED that I treat her. She ditched me, for this or for other reasons, who knows, who cares. But I learned the hard way to be reasonable about being chivalrious. If the woman has a request, I must honour that, no matter what. If she says she would like to pay half or pay her way or contribute quarter of the bill or even a dime towards the bill, I think I am supposed to put up a mild resistance, to ensure she's still in command of her faculties, and then let it melt. Do I expect sex for my three dollar coffee dates, that I so chivalriously paid for? You are kidding. Of course not. If I want sex for money, there are less risky and more surefire ways of doing that than paying for a meal for someone. Sex in my books is something that is a function of mutual attraction and trust. If I have to substitute trust or my attractiveness with money, or ameliorate it with a cup of coffee, then the whole thing is screwed. You sound like the kind of date I am used to having. The man pays, but he shouldn't expect sex for that $10.00 meal or a few drinks. But there seem to be men who expect sex on the first date. That sort of scares me from the idea of dating again, or at least has me considering going dutch. But I don't want to insult a guy, and I don't want to feel I owe him either. I may not want a second date where I would pay. I think if I really like a man I would be more than happy to pay for my half of the expenses of dating if I had the money and could afford it. If not, I'm sure we could find something to do that did not cost anything. I think there are lots of women who might want sex on the first date these days. I bet that could be hard on a man if he is not into doing that. It is more difficult for them to say no. They don't have enough practice. LOL |
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Sex in my books is something that is a function of mutual attraction and trust. If I have to substitute trust or my attractiveness with money, or ameliorate it with a cup of coffee, then the whole thing is screwed. Nicely put! Thank you for sharing your view ... so refershing! 
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If not, would you, as a man, be insulted or pleased that a woman insists on paying her own way? It doesn't insult me at all, although it kinda gives a feeling that it wasn't a date. It's hard to explain. When I clearly say that "you are my guest"..I always think that's a clear cut choice right there, so when she pays back, I refuse first kindly and if she still insist, then it's giving me the signal like "it was great, I felt good, but _____ (insert an excuse why it's not gonna work out). That's not good then. You are saying that by offering to go dutch, I might send the signal that I think its not going to work out. On the other hand, by accepting the date and letting you pay it sends a signal that it might work out and I might be interested in sex, if not now, then later on.. I think I'm getting the picture. If it is just meeting for coffee, going dutch, then its not really "a date." Its sort of a prelude to a date... if there is some chemistry going on. |
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Edited by
AndyBgood
on
Sun 04/24/11 10:30 PM
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I am a man, at least the last time I checked. I will NOT have a woman pay for a date. Even when my moonie piece was hanging out at the back of my pants through a broken patch, I never allowed a woman to pay. This has changed. I had a date four years ago and we went on a coffee date. She resented that I treated her, and that I INSISTED that I treat her. She ditched me, for this or for other reasons, who knows, who cares. But I learned the hard way to be reasonable about being chivalrious. If the woman has a request, I must honour that, no matter what. If she says she would like to pay half or pay her way or contribute quarter of the bill or even a dime towards the bill, I think I am supposed to put up a mild resistance, to ensure she's still in command of her faculties, and then let it melt. Do I expect sex for my three dollar coffee dates, that I so chivalriously paid for? You are kidding. Of course not. If I want sex for money, there are less risky and more surefire ways of doing that than paying for a meal for someone. Sex in my books is something that is a function of mutual attraction and trust. If I have to substitute trust or my attractiveness with money, or ameliorate it with a cup of coffee, then the whole thing is screwed. You sound like the kind of date I am used to having. The man pays, but he shouldn't expect sex for that $10.00 meal or a few drinks. But there seem to be men who expect sex on the first date. That sort of scares me from the idea of dating again, or at least has me considering going dutch. But I don't want to insult a guy, and I don't want to feel I owe him either. I may not want a second date where I would pay. I think if I really like a man I would be more than happy to pay for my half of the expenses of dating if I had the money and could afford it. If not, I'm sure we could find something to do that did not cost anything. I think there are lots of women who might want sex on the first date these days. I bet that could be hard on a man if he is not into doing that. It is more difficult for them to say no. They don't have enough practice. LOL Are you not describing leg humping hound dogs? |
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I'm sorry AndyBgood I don't get your comment. I was trying to have a real discussion.
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I always make sure I am able to pay my own way on a date and I offer to pay my half. Sometimes, guys insist on paying. If he insists, that's fine, but that doesn't mean he automatically gets sex for paying for the date.
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I'm sorry AndyBgood I don't get your comment. I was trying to have a real discussion. Leg Humping Hound Dog is a guy who expects sex on the first date... |
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If someone asked me out, then suggested I pay,
even half, I would be laughing my head off. As I walked away. If I asked them, then I would pay. Seems simple. I don't care whether or not they expect sex, let us assume so, it will always be a free choice, yes or no. Whoever pays. |
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I'm sorry AndyBgood I don't get your comment. I was trying to have a real discussion. Leg Humping Hound Dog is a guy who expects sex on the first date... And I seem to meet them all which is why I had always paid my own pay. |
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If someone asked me out, then suggested I pay, even half, I would be laughing my head off. As I walked away. If I asked them, then I would pay. Seems simple. I don't care whether or not they expect sex, let us assume so, it will always be a free choice, yes or no. Whoever pays. I don't think I've ever had someone actually suggest I pay. I always offer anyway. |
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jeannie, these are the 'risks' we take
even if a guy did expect sex, unless he is a rapist , he cant force it on you , so lets just hope we dont run up against any rapists,,, and if he gets dissapointed or has his feelings hurt over such a thing as the word 'no',, too bad, personally I dont feel too bad for such a person and would be glad to get away from them as for dating, there are so many different ideas of what that is, but I think we come from a similar mindset where if a guy asks you out, ,he is inviting you to be HIS guest and it is accepted that he will host the evening in all ways (including financially) Now if he just wants to 'hang out' sometimes, that may be an opening that warrants taking up the same space without either being a host to the other |
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Humm I don't care who pays the sex will not follow unless I let it happen anyway.. So if it happens it is cause I wanted it in the first place.
Actually when I go out I will reach for the check at times if they insist I will let them pick it up and will offer to leave the tip.. I try to go by the standard of who did the asking if they ask me out then they pay then I will return the favor and ask them out next time.... I don't see that it hurts for either to pay at times.... if they refuse to let you pay when eating then heck go buy movie tickets ahead of time or tickets to other events.... There is always a way to help pay for things without offending them... 
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I'm sorry AndyBgood I don't get your comment. I was trying to have a real discussion. Leg Humping Hound Dog is a guy who expects sex on the first date...  Okay that's funny. |
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jeannie, these are the 'risks' we take even if a guy did expect sex, unless he is a rapist , he cant force it on you , so lets just hope we dont run up against any rapists,,, and if he gets dissapointed or has his feelings hurt over such a thing as the word 'no',, too bad, personally I dont feel too bad for such a person and would be glad to get away from them as for dating, there are so many different ideas of what that is, but I think we come from a similar mindset where if a guy asks you out, ,he is inviting you to be HIS guest and it is accepted that he will host the evening in all ways (including financially) Now if he just wants to 'hang out' sometimes, that may be an opening that warrants taking up the same space without either being a host to the other Thanks thats good advice. 
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