Why is it that in the beginning of a relationship - an individual can seem so perfect and so right - only to end up betraying, abusing or misusing the person they claim to love? Intentionally breaking their partner’s heart? Deliberately inflicting pain and anguish on their spouse - mentally, emotionally, physically or financially?

because people are idiot's?

I mean there's prolly a better answer but that one seems to cover most of the ground

It's due to a mismanagement of trust, a mismanagement of character judgment, however unwitting it is, and a necessary mismanagement of the human mind by natural formation, which alters one's powers of perception, to filter out that lot of observations and do not allow them to get processed, that do not correspond with one's almost immediately formed opinion of a romantic interest.

In other words, the evolutionary process helped people become blind to incompatibility with an object of romantic love, in order to keep the species going. You see, man is smart enough to figure out that he, individually is not compatible with any woman, and vice versa; so his faculties of perception and interpretation of reality-clues get muddled and fail for a six month period, which, historically speaking, was enough to commit to each other in an irreversible way.

Once the commitment did not need to be protected by emotional forces, since social and societal forces ensured them, as well as the need to raise offspring, the emotionally forced commitment and its parent, the emotional partial blindness, can be lifted.

In some people it is not lifted. In some (the majority) the blindness effect is lifted, anywhere from three months to a year after the first dating with a latter lover; and an overwhelming majority falls out of this dream-like beautiful amourous love-haze of pink bliss six months later.

Why is it that in the beginning of a relationship - an individual can seem so perfect and so right - only to end up betraying, abusing or misusing the person they claim to love?

People who are not solid in themselves, and comfortable with the Who of themselves will shape shift, or morph into that which they think you want...it's the selling oneself, in who they wish they were, rather than being who they are.

Once hooked, or settled, the underlying reality appears, the 'mask' slips...

Also expectations of behaviours...each needs to be very clear in what they believe love to be, and how that looks for each of them.

When one is disappointed in not getting their needs met, whatever they are, the bitterness and the punishment can appear...it's transposing the responsibility of disappointment onto the partner.


Intentionally breaking their partner’s heart?

As above last paragraph..

Deliberately inflicting pain and anguish on their spouse - mentally, emotionally, physically or financially?

and again last paragraph...

and also....some people require a vessel for them to play out their own past abuse...it looks cruel...it's a playing out, with the other, the reciprient no longer even seen as a person...completely depersonalised.


dangerous stuff.

Because a manipulator/narcissist learns early that a certain behavior is what is desired.

This is why we have to first watch out for ourselves and our children if we have them when meeting new people and then watch actions and take our time determining their intentions.

Some people live only to gratify themselves...

mean people suck

Since I 've lived this SOO many times. I'll give you my opinion
Some people are just self centered, self serving jerks. They can not fathom puttign someone else's needs or feelings in front of their own.

Yep, I hear you. This is why the only gamble I take is on the lottery. I have been through enough crap to last me a life time. Its put me off relationships forever. I will never trust another man again.

there is only one man i can fully trust

You win some you lose some, its all about taking chances and if you don't you never know, everything especially relationships involves risk, but if you don't try, than the old saying goes, it is better to love and lost than to never love at all.

id rather have never been loved at all....because it hurts more for someone to say they love you and then stop saying it all together

because the world really is a f'd up place

I have no idea, but I have been married to two shapeshifters and they are scary.

Great blokes, but once you put a ring on their finger its like they think they own you..

Sometimes it's like they hurt the people they love the most with their insecurities . I am not sure that they mean to be so horrible and often they are sorry but just cant change the way they are.

They can just put on a mask for a little while..

And really I have no idea how to see behind the mask , I think the best way is to see what their friends and family think of them, thats normally pretty safe..

That is similar to what I say:

You have to be willing to open up and get hurt to find true love. You cannot find it without risking being hurt.

People can be pretty selfish and self centered. Some can go as far as putting their own happiness above their own children.

Because he is a waste of time. They may think they've succeded in trapping you, into not wanting to be with anyone else in the future, but truth will out regardless, and you DO love another in the future, whether said manipulater likes it or not. Don't worry, you'll certainly be able to love again. Just not an idiot like him.

Love is a gamble but when you get it right it is like nothing else and worth all you went through to find it.

yep that is so true.

life is a gamble, yet we live on

would you end your life because it's risky?

love takes many forms, not always romantic

why give up on the one beautiful thing we have in a world of pain?