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| Topic: separated.. how do I start again? | |
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Get involved with the community. Go to church and get into classes. Network to find groups that interest you. Look online for community activities. Meetup.com is a good networking site
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Get involved with the community. Go to church and get into classes. Network to find groups that interest you. Look online for community activities. Meetup.com is a good networking site This. |
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Ok. So far, all advice has been for me NOT to start up something new. I will endeavor to hold off till it's time. Does that count for the ex too? However, she's the one who called it off, but (here's the clincher) she started kissing and fondling a co-worker, at a work function, and they are still texting and, probably, seeing each other. This occurred 3wweeks ago. I don't want her to be hurt by him, and I don't want to hurt her, but could the rebound effect happen to her? It's not really any of your concern what she does or doesn't do. The fact that you still react as if your her partner, means you still haven't let go. Completely letting go takes time, but try to work on that, i.e. by not focusing on what she could/would/should be doing (right now). It's her life, and as long what she does, does not affect the children in a bad way, you have nothing to do with it anymore. Take your time to find your feet again and at some point you will (hopefully) notice your focus won't be on what your ex is doing but on what YOU want to do be doing with your life! I don't think many ppl get back together with their ex and are able to make it work. Let go of latching on to her, however difficult this is. Divorce starts with accepting it's over and hurting because of it. Don't fear that pain, you will have to get through it! When it wears of, you can slowly start picking up your own life again. All in all this entire process usually takes approx. a year. The hurting will lessen sooner of course, but the whole process of really letting go, being ready for your own life, being able to open your heart again, to truly be happy again, I'd say about a year. May sound daunting now, but it isn't. The heart, mind and soul simply need time to DIS-connect from the ex partner and relationship, habits and routines etc. |
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Ok. So far, all advice has been for me NOT to start up something new. I will endeavor to hold off till it's time. Does that count for the ex too? However, she's the one who called it off, but (here's the clincher) she started kissing and fondling a co-worker, at a work function, and they are still texting and, probably, seeing each other. This occurred 3wweeks ago. I don't want her to be hurt by him, and I don't want to hurt her, but could the rebound effect happen to her? It's not really any of your concern what she does or doesn't do. The fact that you still react as if your her partner, means you still haven't let go. Completely letting go takes time, but try to work on that, i.e. by not focusing on what she could/would/should be doing (right now). It's her life, and as long what she does, does not affect the children in a bad way, you have nothing to do with it anymore. Take your time to find your feet again and at some point you will (hopefully) notice your focus won't be on what your ex is doing but on what YOU want to do be doing with your life! I don't think many ppl get back together with their ex and are able to make it work. Let go of latching on to her, however difficult this is. Divorce starts with accepting it's over and hurting because of it. Don't fear that pain, you will have to get through it! When it wears of, you can slowly start picking up your own life again. All in all this entire process usually takes approx. a year. The hurting will lessen sooner of course, but the whole process of really letting go, being ready for your own life, being able to open your heart again, to truly be happy again, I'd say about a year. May sound daunting now, but it isn't. The heart, mind and soul simply need time to DIS-connect from the ex partner and relationship, habits and routines etc. Very well said. 
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Just don't listen to those urge's we get to have them back in our lives again. It's human to want sex with an ex, but then it isnt very wise. It's a feeling that can sneak up on you. Just food for thought. : flowerforyou:
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Well, the latest update in the Adarkin Saga.
I texted her that I wanted to talk, but I didn't want to ruin her night at work, or I wait till she came home. She said text away. I sent her a text, around 10pm, which was a mother of all texts. Practically 10 years of pent up negative energy. I had to get it off my chest. World War 895673 started, and it didn't finish until 12am. 2 hours of us attacking each other with pieces dredged up from the past. Once my rant was over, I felt peculiar, as if the whole world had been taken off my shoulders, release. I was calm the entire time. It finally finished when she (imagine cartoon steam)was livid, saying she doesn't want me anywhere in her life, not getting back together, blah blah blah, and said she would, somehow find a way, buy my half of the house. I was still calm at this stage, which made her even angrier, saying she was so angry she could hit me. The words POLICE and CUSTODY slipped out of my mouth. She stepped away, luckily for me. She wouldn't leave without taking the kids, and I wouldn't let her take them. I said I would see them tomorrow, and drove to my temporary accommodation. |
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Well, the latest update in the Adarkin Saga. I texted her that I wanted to talk, but I didn't want to ruin her night at work, or I wait till she came home. She said text away. I sent her a text, around 10pm, which was a mother of all texts. Practically 10 years of pent up negative energy. I had to get it off my chest. World War 895673 started, and it didn't finish until 12am. 2 hours of us attacking each other with pieces dredged up from the past. Once my rant was over, I felt peculiar, as if the whole world had been taken off my shoulders, release. I was calm the entire time. It finally finished when she (imagine cartoon steam)was livid, saying she doesn't want me anywhere in her life, not getting back together, blah blah blah, and said she would, somehow find a way, buy my half of the house. I was still calm at this stage, which made her even angrier, saying she was so angry she could hit me. The words POLICE and CUSTODY slipped out of my mouth. She stepped away, luckily for me. She wouldn't leave without taking the kids, and I wouldn't let her take them. I said I would see them tomorrow, and drove to my temporary accommodation. Way to go, you just really helped the situation, pfff ... You got it of your chest, now you dumped it on her plate, got her upset in the process, created ill feelings between the two of you, ad worst of it all, your kids will suffer because of it. Well done! Next time you might want to think about other ppl's feelings, especially those of your innocent kids, and go to the woods to scream. Or beat up a punch bag. |
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Edited by
Adarkin
on
Fri 12/06/13 12:00 PM
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**Way to go, you just really helped the situation, pfff ... You got it of your chest, now you dumped it on her plate, got her upset in the process, created ill feelings between the two of you, ad worst of it all, your kids will suffer because of it. Well done! Next time you might want to think about other ppl's feelings, especially those of your innocent kids, and go to the woods to scream. Or beat up a punch bag.** umm.. before you say this is MY fault, she wanted out, remember. She wanted to "live". I was living, until that day. The last 3 weeks have been a $hit storm of emotions, fighting, arguing etc. Old feelings towards her, ill feelings towards 'the guy' and myself. It was going to happen, so I chose to get it out of the way. She had stated that there was a 'non sugar coated' version of her reasons for calling it quits. I went in to see if there was any chance of getting back. ahhhh...no... no sugar on this version. so.. I accelerated the inevitable. better to get it out of the way now, than wait 12 months and have that time to cool down before finally closing the curtains. |
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Edited by
teebee79
on
Fri 12/06/13 12:21 PM
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you're ordeal sounds like mine... except, I wanted out after 17 years of marriage. My ex husband was upset and angry... I let him vent like you did... Now that you did! It's time to make a HEALTHY start. You guys still have children to raise... I don;t care if you hate her guts or she hates yours. Be Civil and don;t talk ill in front of the children. even if she does .. YOU DON"T.. Her bad behaviour won't excuse yours in the kids eyes. It's tough.. I know, but you have to move up and on. Good Luck. |
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Thanx heaps!
There is NO WAY I'm fighting infront of the kids. Yes, we used to have arguments, but no raised voices etc This one was kind of raised, by her, due to my vent,and the kids were asleep. I never raised my voice to her, ever. *shrug* We shall see what happens next. |
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Thanx heaps! There is NO WAY I'm fighting infront of the kids. Yes, we used to have arguments, but no raised voices etc This one was kind of raised, by her, due to my vent,and the kids were asleep. I never raised my voice to her, ever. *shrug* We shall see what happens next. Tempers are running high right now... So, unless you and the ex have pressing issues to discuss face to face, it's probably best to stay away from each other a little while. Closed eyes are not always asleep...  I remember my Mom and Dad, saying horrible things to each other because they thought we were asleep... food for thought.
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I'm going to repeat what I said earlier, Get over this woman before you try to date again. If you were over her, you wouldn't have a need to get anything off your chest, because you wouldn't care. You would't be angry because she left you, you wouldn't be concerned over whether or not she has a rebound relationship, you just wouldn't care. You'd accept that your relationship is over and move forward to the next stage of your life. Without her. Your entire focus would be on your children and possibly another (healthy) romantic relationship down the road.
So do yourself and any potential woman that you may meet a favor, and take a break from dating. I also advise you to get some counseling, it's obvious you need to talk, but you're not really helping your cause by posting your personal business on a dating site. We're not professionals and none of us can really help you. We're also only hearing one side of the story, and since there were two people involved, there is more than one side. And you're not helping your chances of finding a date; any woman would read all of that and run from the drama. |
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I'm saying this here because I can.
It's a worldwide forum and I don't care who reads it. Run if you want, but I'm over it all. The story is over. I'm buying a new book, and writing a new story. Join in if you want, lets make it an awesome story. 
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remember, people are posting their opinions for you... even if you don't agree, you shouldn't be mad at them...
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I'm saying this here because I can. It's a worldwide forum and I don't care who reads it. Run if you want, but I'm over it all. The story is over. I'm buying a new book, and writing a new story. Join in if you want, lets make it an awesome story. If you were over it you wouldn't keep posting about it. You'd accept your rejection as an adult and move on, not take gleeful pleasure in insulting your ex wife for several hours. On a public forum with strangers. I meant women who would actually be interested in you might run, in no way was I referring to me....since, well, I'm not interested.... Yeah, let us know how that works out for you. Sounds like a winning idea. Good luck with all the things...  |
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remember, people are posting their opinions for you... even if you don't agree, you shouldn't be mad at them... Nah, you have to remember, we're not here to give opinions, we're here to give validation. I keep forgetting, that's why I gave an opinion. Oh well.... 
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How do you start again? Slowly. Don't even let anymore thoughts of her get into your head. The fact you gave her some attention after the break-up, may be just the fuel she needs to keep an arguement going. It will inflate her ego. She may think you want her back because you got angry at her. Why not just block her number. Anger can be mistaken for jealousy. Why give an ex a rise out of making yourself the bait? The more attention you give her, the more she'll think you want her back. The best revenge is living well. If you stop texting, and just concentrate on stuff you like to do, this will go away.
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hi I say enjoy your single,relaxed,and layed back life be happy inside / I am.
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 hi I say enjoy your single,relaxed,and layed back life be happy inside / I am.
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Sure it can happen to her. But I've told my kids to remember the reason it happened in the first place: if you bite into chocolate and don't like it, it will still be chocolate the next time around no matter how much sugar and spice you add. Sometimes it's important to realize that people's desires and needs grow differently and we need to satisfy our own. It's easier to stick with the "norm" (old relationship). Be patient and wait for the "new" relationship to show itself- you and her will be happier in the long term. Relationships change- it's okay. You'll find yourself a woman who won't leave you for another and actually care about what you think and feel on a deeper level than you imagined!
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