I have been in this relationship for 5 years. We have many highs and lows. This is both our 1st lesbian relationship. I am going through so many different problems with my gf and I don't know whether or not any of this is normal, what I should do or shouldn't do. I would like to talk to someone

Ha, sounds like the usual problems every relationship has..my advice and I'm just a bloke...communicate.

that's about right---changing genders will not stop the problems, only creates more because you still have all the limiting beliefs and favorite feelings you started with---the only person you can do anything about is you---we have to get our stuff handled if we expect to have health relationships with others---having said that any intimate relationship will have conflicts and disagreements----do we see our part ??? do we project the blame on others----if unchecked the games become harder with time and more self destructive as we follow our life's script--------at what age did you decide that love was painful ??????? good luck---

you can talk to me, i might be of help

Sometimes it's more about what we say to each other that is the problem

So then, things are being said that create conflict, little niggles and negative comments or talk fester and eventually turn into resentment...trust me you don't want to go there, unless .......one of you does want to go there?

Edited for off-Topic.

soufie
Site Moderator

I'm with you on this one mikey.
you lady's look great. Together I hope it works out for hun....

Who here is qualified to give relationship advice other than to share mistakes in the "not do" column?

I think mikey's advice is as valid as anything, and a LOT less offensive in the cliche'/platitude category.

I can speak only from my personal long term relationship experience with men.

During the first 5 years we go through the honeymoon phase in which we are willing to overlook things about each other that aggravate us because we're trying to fit into each other's lives. We also may try to mold the other into more of our own liking.

Of course if both partners have strong personalities and preferences then difficult struggles for dominance may arise, especially if neither is willing to compromise. And this could be what terminates the connection.

By the time we reach the 5 year mark we pretty much know all there is to know about each other and have invested this time of our lives we can't get back. So we might seriously consider our options at this point.

Some of us might realize neither is ever going to give in and its time to end the relationship so we can find somebody else more suitable to ourselves so we don't continue wasting even more years of our lives.

Some of us keep moving forward together even through all the serious issues, like maybe one cheats and the other has to forgive in order for the relationship to continue, but we try to make it work because of the love or lust we genuinely feel, or whatever other reason there might be. (Children, money, security, status)

So by the 10 year mark we're even more comfortable and accepting of each other. Set in our ways, faults and all.

The thing about personal relationships regardless to whether they are between men and women, women and women, or men and men, they all take WORK! They all take COMPROMISE! They all take FORGIVENESS! They all take UNDERSTANDING!

They all take both of the individuals giving to each other exactly what it is that is making them feel unwanted or unappreciated by the other.

And this first starts by talking and listening. Not screaming and/or the silent treatment.

Then, if the couple finds that they can readjust their expectations and are better off together than apart, regardless to the differences and the issues, they will do or give whatever it takes to keep the balance and serenity needed for a productive coexistence.

This again is just my personal opinion about things I've learned from my various past relationships, and those of my family and friends too.

And I hope you and your lady can find your happy medium.

We have kids :)

If the communication you share is volatile and toxic maybe there are feelings of resent. Have you considered that maybe the relationship has run it's course? Couples counselling might help you find clarification as to what may be going wrong.

But more directly to the topic itself, it's kind of hard to help you with these problems you speak of when we don't know more specifically the problem is that you're having. I mean not incredibly personal info on the problem, but a little more direction then "we're having problems" would be a big help lol.

And one thing you also might want to ask yourself and possibly re-evaluate is if the lesbian life is for you. That may be where the problem lays potentially of your "I don't know whether or not any of this is normal" Because if it's not in connection to the being with another woman specifically there, not sure what you mean by not know if it's normal. All and every relationship has it's ups and downs, it's fights and loving moments. That's what makes a relationship and what the two overcome together.

how so?
I doubt that Hetero-Males on a Forum are qualified to offer advice!

atpm, I can empathize with you. I was in a similar situation... Perhaps if you and your partner are open and willing, consider couples therapy. A therapist familiar with same sex dynamics, I feel, would be beneficial to you both...


Brightest Blessings...

Well I dunno. Men and woman usually follow a certain formulae, so any advice I would give might not apply...if its just sexual, than just go with it....if y'all have feelings for each other, yud prolly need ask someone else........I know, I'm not helpful good luck to you!

I have deleted several comments from this thread if your comment was deleted. It was due to you quoted what needed to be deleted and responded only to that post. Please make sure that all comments are geared to the Topic and not direct to a person. If you choose to judge one for their lifestyle then there are topics that are not for you and please move on.

Site Mod
Kristi

I was into a 10 years relationship with a woman. Was my first and last. They say all relationship is the same, my opinion is we each have our own unique relationships. Need an advice? hit me up

Thank you. I might do that