I agree with your last statement, but I think that's mostly the case when women have been in LTR(s) before. I think this is less the case in a first relationship. More of a choice then, not feeling that pressure so much.
Just look at how many men state "I'm not ever going to provide for another woman again!"
Which is based on hurt from the past, it's a natural instinct of the healthy masculine to want to provide and protect.

It's also a masculine trade to need status, and thus a job/career, money etc. in order to feel good. Men need that for their ego (not the bad variety of "ego" mind you.)

Women get their ego needs fulfilled by different things. If a woman is overly 'difficult' concerning job etc. she's more living from her masculine side.
A woman with a healthy balance in feminine/masculine will put her own career on hold for a family or whatever if need be, without feeling this is a problem.
For a man this is different. Cos we're wired differently.

I think this is why men state "hard working man", thinking we value that statement as much as they themselves do?
To me it means he's likely a workaholic, or not confident. If he makes enough to make ends meet, is happy about his work, career and status, why else would he have to make that statement?
Meaning that if a man wants to be appealing to me, that argument works against him. I want neither a workaholic, nor a not-confident man.

I do want my man to have a job. For reasons mentioned above, also what GreenEyes said. It tells something about his personality.
And that his masculine energy is likely healthy and balanced. Both is what I'm looking for in a man.

Hard working men thoughts:

Generally men are taught that their individual success and that of their families is based solely on their individual displays of stoicism and strength, both mentally and physically.

It's as if men think they have some crazy super-power to control everything; and they believe the more energy they exert demonstrating strength, the more control of others they are entitled to.

For example, a man that works with their hands, or one that trades stocks for a living takes great pride in working insane amounts of time in under insane conditions. Men believe this kind of behaviour makes them stronger and entitles them to pretty much rule the world by force.

But the reality is that this kind of thinking not only destroys masculinity, but it damages everything and everyone in its proximity. It creates a toxic masculinity that hurts men. Men by design, are more fluid in expression and built to experience more than the cartoonish notion of gender and masculinity that pervades our culture.

Thats very interesting Mankum! So hardworking as a label for you , is not a symbol of being the man of the house. Its more of a potion to ward off "needy "women

As far as I know, even the most understanding woman in the world will require quality time with the man she loves no matter how hardworking he prides himself on being . That does not make the woman a needy one necessarily . It may mean the needs of both parties are incompatible.

Thats a great point greeneyes. Some peoe are almost forced into making their job a top priority because they are basically on call 24/7. But this question is referring to the men who pride themselves on being a workaholic in some cases and wear it as a badge of honor

So you pride yourself on being hardworking because of the sense of accomplishment it gives you. Makes sense Doc :)

i titally agree lu. :) And I just want to add that there are unpaid types of labor too that matter just as much as paid employment. If a woman chooses to be a homemaker ,.I think her contribution should not be underestimated just because it doesnt generate a cheque

Such men do exist doc.I think they call them house husbands or something. And you brought up an interesting issue of gender bias. Many people condemn such men as lazy , but label a stay at home mom as hardworking . Clearly these notions are unfair

Working smart rather than hard is a wise concept jimmy and I think breakinggood explains it in greater detail later on in the thread

HI Integrity!

I value integrity in a man more than a hard worker myself. And he has to pay his share of the bills in a legal manner also :)

God blesd the woman that gas to put up with you goof lolol :p

For the needs you described in other threads Tmom, a hardworking man is mandatory

I work hard in bed so you ladies should appreciate that

Hmmm...The doing as little as possible for maximum return sounds like a pyramid scheme But I get your point BetaMaxxx80 :)

Hi sitka!
Everyone will agree that paying bills are mandatory, but there are men and women who pay their bills without having to work harder than the average person. Some have saved or invested over the years which heavily supplements their present income.

As for the helping out with the housework, people can be paid to do those things in the worst case scenario.

So ultimately I imagine that your need for a hardworking guy is rooted in your value system about what it means to be a hardworking man as opposed to needing the contributions of a hardworking man per say. And I think thats totally valid :)

Hi jules!

I agree with everything you said. At this stage, of my life , self sufficiency matters way more to me than being hardworking

I have a feeling that you are dealing with a very different topic to everyone else in this thread dustforfun lol

Lots of food for thought there Bgood!


You worked hard and smart all these years and now you have the luxury of sittung back and taking it easy if you want to. .

But I never thought about how society would view you in this part of your journey in life .

I actually met a 45 year old man who had retiree on his profile and strange enough, I automatically assumed that he had done what you did ,ie work hard in his younger years to reap the benefits earlier than the average person.

I didnt think of him as lazy at all but maybe some women would???

I do see your accomplishment as something to be proud of as an individual Bgood.

But when it comes to relationships and women's individual relationship needs, sometimes the gift /abilities men pride themselves most on, are actually not valued that highly by some women ,depending on what their nees are. This also works in the reverse as well.

One of my good male friends for eg told me that his wife's amazing cooking doesnt really cintribute that much to his life although she prides herself highly on it. He told me that he would happily do all the cooking himself for the gift of space to himself which he feels he doent get from her. See how weird the dynamic of need is in relation to contributions that we bring to the table?

It's just spiele, talk, hot air, everyone put stuff on their profiles to make them sound good and attractive, but it's all in vain anyway, because if someone doesn't like the look of you, judged by one picture then it all becomes irrelevant anyway.

Hi annie!

I personally would never want to be a kept woman because it would help be to feel more secure knowing that if something happened to my mate god forbid, whether it be losing ,.his job, his limbs or a life , or even his live for me, that I would never have to worry about my upkeep.

That being said, it seems like you are opting for the principle of balance annie , where both people are shouldering the responsibilities .. That works for me :)

Feel free to re post your contribution if you have the time max :)