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| Topic: They don't like me so THEY must be jerks | |
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I have been rejected 1000s times online in chatrooms and forums... cos of my origin... so I learned it long ago... everybody has right to like or dislike someone based on many things... we can;t force someone or expect from someone to like us ... Im sorry you have had that painful experience Paki. Developing a positive attitude in the midst of that ,must have bern incredibly difficult and I applaud you for it Hopefully one day it will all have been worth it when you find that person who appreciates you for everything you are 
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Too many people wear rejection like a t-shirt with curse words on it, giving off vibes of anger, self pity or defeat before they even speak. Do you know a lot of people like that? Yes, I do. I look at him everyday in the mirror. The reflection of defeat, and anger is apparent to me all the time. Not from rejection of other people, but annoyances from other people that I personally have no control over. There's where the defeat and anger brood in me. Ohh and I know someone will say, "just get over it". I would if it were just that simple for me, but it's not. Your feelings are understandable but I hope you can one day heal from that anger and frustration and hoping it will be soon 
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They don't like me so THEY must be jerks I just go in my head and label them potential serial killers. That way I never miss them at all. Now, the walking wounded that wear futility like a banner, well, let us just say I stay on the sunny side of the street. |
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I understood it very early so it was not hard for me being rejected...
but I always wish for something... to know the reason why they rejected me or why they don;t want to talk to me... I don;t mind if a lady don;t like to talk with me but I would like to know the reason.... if its my looks ? if its my age ? if its my region ? or its my religion or its my attitude... Don;t you think ladies, you can tell a man online on a forum or in chatroom why you don;t feel like talking ? |
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Rejection HURTS. We all hate it . But maybe we could heal a lot faster if we manage our expectations better. Nobody is obligated to like you, talk to you or date you no matter how wonderful you are. You are not obligated to like anyone else either. It is okay for you to reject others if you are NOT attracted to them, and it is okay for them to reject you, because the dating world is based on PREFERENCE, not obligation. Rejection doesn't make you or someone else a jerk, anymore than rejecting an item at the grocery and buying another item, makes you a jerk or the item you rejected as bad. Too many people wear rejection like a t-shirt with curse words on it, giving off vibes of anger, self pity or defeat before they even speak. Do you know a lot of people like that? I know a lot of people that are not in touch with nor can control their own feelings. Nine of ten are stressed out and ready to snap at a moment's notice over anything. I've tip-toed thru enough egg shells for one lifetime. It used to matter a lot to me that I was accepted and liked by everyone I met. I too would stress out over rejection. I also thought there must be something wrong with the world when I didn't get my way. I was angry at everything sometimes. I was seeking a utopian mindset from people while living in a dystopian world. Then I faced my own mortality and was stripped of my possessions. I started removing my delusions and came to terms with the realities I tried so hard not to face. I realized I am not important or vital to the world. Things will continue even without me. I'm not irreplaceable. I am unique but so is everyone else. I am also the same in many ways. I don't care who you are you still have to sleep, sit on the toilet to purge your waste and die. Respect and power is something that I give for someone to have. I choose if I wish to value someone else's opinion. Human beings are jerks to other human beings. You are a jerk and I am a jerk. I make an effort to show my uniqueness by trying Not to be a jerk. Others usually don't make such an effort. I expect to be treated like that from others. What I find unique in others is when they are not a jerk to people. Not just to me, to anyone. I look for that. It signifies a possible connection I might have with them. I am stubborn. Some may see my stubbornness as me being a jerk but I am not here to make you feel good and fill your head with lies. I am here because I am alive. If I don't fit your impression of who I should be, I never will. You can either accept me as I am or go about your own business elsewhere. I'll just keep being me. I am not hurt by YOUR rejection. I don't need to or even want to heal because your rejection does not diminish my own sense of self. It only reinforces my opinion of you and your inability to accept others as they are. I see dating as a way to get to know the real you to see if we have compatibility. My self-worth does not hinge on me getting all my desires fulfilled the way I want them. I'm flexible. If you reject me, I can live with that. If I reject you, I don't really care if you can live with it because I rejected you, you are not the one. I do reject but I reject with compassion towards those I reject. I have no desire to hurt someone's feelings so I show respect and honesty. It really doesn't cost me anything. It actually is more involved and stressful to be mean than to be honest and respectful. I am a good-nature, moral and respectful person because I am in control of my emotional states. Some people are not. |
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Iago (Othello, 1604) was the first to wear his heart on his sleeve, but for false reasons. As I read elsewhere, today we don't know if there's an ace up the sleeve or not.
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As much as I try to be humble with my answer it's really hard.
I mean look at me, what's not to love. The sooner all the women I chase get the chip of their shoulder the happier we'll all be |
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If people reject me then just smile at them, it is hurting but okay, just let them be, you can't please everyone....just keep your cool, keep your dignity intact and move on to the next phase, someday somehow someone will be right beside you to listen, to care, to give you a hug and lots of kisses too....I shall be waiting for that to happen...hoping soon
 
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hii
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They don't like me so THEY must be jerks I just go in my head and label them potential serial killers. That way I never miss them at all. Now, the walking wounded that wear futility like a banner, well, let us just say I stay on the sunny side of the street. Oddly enough, I hardly spot any of them on the street soufie. Its mainly in chatrooms. Maybe those same guys play it very cool in public :) |
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I understood it very early so it was not hard for me being rejected... but I always wish for something... to know the reason why they rejected me or why they don;t want to talk to me... I don;t mind if a lady don;t like to talk with me but I would like to know the reason.... if its my looks ? if its my age ? if its my region ? or its my religion or its my attitude... Don;t you think ladies, you can tell a man online on a forum or in chatroom why you don;t feel like talking ? I understand where you are coming from Paki, but sometimes the reasons people give you for rejecting you, are actually way too painful to hear. For example, a man told me point blank that I was not his type. I thought of several reasons why he felt that way. 1. Maybe he didnt like black women 2. Maybe he doesnt like Caribbean women 2, Maybe he doesnt like the thickness of my body 3. Maybe he thought my nose was too big 4. Maybe my profile sounded too playful etc , etc, etc But do I really want to hear him say these things to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Knowing why he rejected me , wont change the reality. It wont change the fact that Im black, Caribbean, thick and short. And it wont change the fact that he doesnt like me. I hate rejection with a passion but given a choice, I would prefer a silent rejection every single time |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 06/22/17 08:07 PM
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I understood it very early so it was not hard for me being rejected... but I always wish for something... to know the reason why they rejected me or why they don;t want to talk to me... I don;t mind if a lady don;t like to talk with me but I would like to know the reason.... if its my looks ? if its my age ? if its my region ? or its my religion or its my attitude... Don;t you think ladies, you can tell a man online on a forum or in chatroom why you don;t feel like talking ? I understand where you are coming from Paki, but sometimes the reasons people give you for rejecting you, are actually way too painful to hear. For example, a man told me point blank that I was not his type. I thought of several reasons why he felt that way. 1. Maybe he didnt like black women 2. Maybe he doesnt like Caribbean women 2, Maybe he doesnt like the thickness of my body 3. Maybe he thought my nose was too big 4. Maybe my profile sounded too playful etc , etc, etc But do I really want to hear him say these things to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Knowing why he rejected me , wont change the reality. It wont change the fact that Im black, Caribbean, thick and short. And it wont change the fact that he doesnt like me. I hate rejection with a passion but given a choice, I would prefer a silent rejection every single time . And to wait for someone who actually likes me for all the things that other people hate |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 06/22/17 08:20 PM
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Rejection HURTS. We all hate it . But maybe we could heal a lot faster if we manage our expectations better. Nobody is obligated to like you, talk to you or date you no matter how wonderful you are. You are not obligated to like anyone else either. It is okay for you to reject others if you are NOT attracted to them, and it is okay for them to reject you, because the dating world is based on PREFERENCE, not obligation. Rejection doesn't make you or someone else a jerk, anymore than rejecting an item at the grocery and buying another item, makes you a jerk or the item you rejected as bad. Too many people wear rejection like a t-shirt with curse words on it, giving off vibes of anger, self pity or defeat before they even speak. Do you know a lot of people like that? I know a lot of people that are not in touch with nor can control their own feelings. Nine of ten are stressed out and ready to snap at a moment's notice over anything. I've tip-toed thru enough egg shells for one lifetime. It used to matter a lot to me that I was accepted and liked by everyone I met. I too would stress out over rejection. I also thought there must be something wrong with the world when I didn't get my way. I was angry at everything sometimes. I was seeking a utopian mindset from people while living in a dystopian world. Then I faced my own mortality and was stripped of my possessions. I started removing my delusions and came to terms with the realities I tried so hard not to face. I realized I am not important or vital to the world. Things will continue even without me. I'm not irreplaceable. I am unique but so is everyone else. I am also the same in many ways. I don't care who you are you still have to sleep, sit on the toilet to purge your waste and die. Respect and power is something that I give for someone to have. I choose if I wish to value someone else's opinion. Human beings are jerks to other human beings. You are a jerk and I am a jerk. I make an effort to show my uniqueness by trying Not to be a jerk. Others usually don't make such an effort. I expect to be treated like that from others. What I find unique in others is when they are not a jerk to people. Not just to me, to anyone. I look for that. It signifies a possible connection I might have with them. I am stubborn. Some may see my stubbornness as me being a jerk but I am not here to make you feel good and fill your head with lies. I am here because I am alive. If I don't fit your impression of who I should be, I never will. You can either accept me as I am or go about your own business elsewhere. I'll just keep being me. I am not hurt by YOUR rejection. I don't need to or even want to heal because your rejection does not diminish my own sense of self. It only reinforces my opinion of you and your inability to accept others as they are. I see dating as a way to get to know the real you to see if we have compatibility. My self-worth does not hinge on me getting all my desires fulfilled the way I want them. I'm flexible. If you reject me, I can live with that. If I reject you, I don't really care if you can live with it because I rejected you, you are not the one. I do reject but I reject with compassion towards those I reject. I have no desire to hurt someone's feelings so I show respect and honesty. It really doesn't cost me anything. It actually is more involved and stressful to be mean than to be honest and respectful. I am a good-nature, moral and respectful person because I am in control of my emotional states. Some people are not. I would imagine that even you have your occasional days of wallowing in self pity or finger pointing when rejected Tom, like I and most other people do, but if you dont, I admire how healthy your ego is. Its where I hope to be someday
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Thu 06/22/17 08:26 PM
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Iago (Othello, 1604) was the first to wear his heart on his sleeve, but for false reasons. As I read elsewhere, today we don't know if there's an ace up the sleeve or not. Do you prefer it when people wear their heart on their sleeve mikey? |
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As much as I try to be humble with my answer it's really hard. I mean look at me, what's not to love. The sooner all the women I chase get the chip of their shoulder the happier we'll all be You're too good for us Joe .Stop thowing your pearls before the swine (us)
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hii Oh dear. Another one. Hi Karthick :) |
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If people reject me then just smile at them, it is hurting but okay, just let them be, you can't please everyone....just keep your cool, keep your dignity intact and move on to the next phase, someday somehow someone will be right beside you to listen, to care, to give you a hug and lots of kisses too....I shall be waiting for that to happen...hoping soon Hi Twin ! Nice to see you again  I deal with it the exact same way :) |
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I understood it very early so it was not hard for me being rejected... but I always wish for something... to know the reason why they rejected me or why they don;t want to talk to me... I don;t mind if a lady don;t like to talk with me but I would like to know the reason.... if its my looks ? if its my age ? if its my region ? or its my religion or its my attitude... Don;t you think ladies, you can tell a man online on a forum or in chatroom why you don;t feel like talking ? I understand where you are coming from Paki, but sometimes the reasons people give you for rejecting you, are actually way too painful to hear. For example, a man told me point blank that I was not his type. I thought of several reasons why he felt that way. 1. Maybe he didnt like black women 2. Maybe he doesnt like Caribbean women 2, Maybe he doesnt like the thickness of my body 3. Maybe he thought my nose was too big 4. Maybe my profile sounded too playful etc , etc, etc But do I really want to hear him say these things to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Knowing why he rejected me , wont change the reality. It wont change the fact that Im black, Caribbean, thick and short. And it wont change the fact that he doesnt like me. I hate rejection with a passion but given a choice, I would prefer a silent rejection every single time Good advise Peggy  i prefer silent rejection too. I wouldn't call it rejection as some people here are really only here for the forum and they are very selective with which message to reply. People have preferences , some wouldn't like answering hi hello messages but only substantial and interesting message but still depends on the mood or gut feeling. If someone don't reply don't take it personally , it's their preferences and we all have the right to choose who we want to talk to. As for rejecting , I find it hard to tell someone the reason why because somehow I know I could hurt someone's feelings. And I don't have that much time to really reply all the messages here just to reject someone? I hope people will not think of it as rejection, don't take it too hard on yourself....I know and understand how it feels but if we always think negatively then we will get hurt, lose confidence somehow or get depressed. We should always have an open mind to accept rejection, online and in reality it's the same , we meet people and some would like us and others wouldn't, some would talk back and others wouldn't. Don't ever think that you are the only one who doesn't feel good with the rejection. Have you ever thought that the one rejecting also feels guilty or hurt. We all have feelings and we feel for other people too , sometimes just have to do things our own way and we have to accept and respect that. DON'T FEEL BAD. Just continue to search , there will always be one who will answer you and you even can't be too sure also if you will like her or not , coz if not, you will just stop sending messages, right? Have you ever thought of how these people think also why you just suddenly stop messaging with no explanation or even when you explain .....see, you may not be aware of it but you yourself is rejecting other people too. It's called preferences, learn to accept that. |
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If people reject me then just smile at them, it is hurting but okay, just let them be, you can't please everyone....just keep your cool, keep your dignity intact and move on to the next phase, someday somehow someone will be right beside you to listen, to care, to give you a hug and lots of kisses too....I shall be waiting for that to happen...hoping soon Hi Twin ! Nice to see you again I deal with it the exact same way :) Hi sis Peggy, thanks for the warm welcome, I'm just on and offsite due to recent surgery but hope to recover fast and regain back my motor functions again. I visit you guys here in the forums when I can have the time after work hours, and participate as well when I can. We just go to people who would welcome us....and stay away from those who rejects us so we all live peacefully
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I would imagine that even you have your occasional days of wallowing in self pity or finger pointing when rejected Tom, like I and most other people do, but if you dont, I admire how healthy your ego is. Its where I hope to be someday Less and less lately, Peggy. My bad days are now mainly health related. I obviously get rejected constantly or I wouldn't still be looking. I've had quite a few that I would have loved to meet in person but they were not interested in me. While I was disappointed, I realize that the rejection was a personal decision on their part. I let the disappointment fade away. Didn't hang on to it and ask why. They either want me or they don't. It would be unfair to me to get all frustrated about it. I've worked very hard to change my thinking to have a better self-esteem. My ego is not narcissistic. I don't prop my self-worth up at other peoples expense if I can help it. I try to allow others to be themselves even if it is not in my favor. There is nothing stopping anyone from having a health self-esteem. Its a personal discipline that is learned by trial and error and a lot of moral and emotional maturity. You first have to understand why you think and do the things you think and do, honestly. After you figure yourself out, understanding others and allowing them to be them comes easier, but it takes discipline and perseverance. I'm at peace with the possibility that I may die alone. I don't want to but I can understand it. I have already surpassed my expected expiration date so I live in borrowed time now. My biggest hurdle is pain and illness. It changes one's perspectives. I sometimes wonder if I were to be healthy again if I would maintain my contentment and understanding or would I revert back to the man I was when I wasn't broken? I believe the wisdom that I have gained from this period in my life are set in place, well, I hope so. I am the culmination of my unique life experiences. I just happen to have plenty of time to review them and make changes. I understand that others don't have such time. Finding your "Zen" and then applying it to how you interact with others take a lot of meditation. It requires 'looking' in those spots you don't want to look and embracing the complete you. Peggy, I believe you have the honesty and integrity to reach your Zen state. You will only need to find the time to set it in motion. But, I believe you can do it. I believe anyone can do it if they try. |
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