^ The Artful Dodger

Ultimately, the problem is within us, not those we reject. There are deep scars or fears preventing us from committing or moving forward so we rationalize by finding fault with our partners or dates.

Funny how you keep asking this question / raising this subject again and again.
There is nothing wrong with just having fun and keeping an eye out for another one, in your words "better partner".
It is however wrong to do this when you know full well the woman you're 'only having fun with' wants more. That's where you should have the baws to pull the plug. It is selfish and heartless to continue using someone for your own fun for as long as it suits you, basically until someone better comes along.

As long as the other does the same thing, just entertains herself with you whilst keeping an eye out for a better bloke, sure. Fine. No problem. Otherwise an act of sheer selfishness. And damaging to other ppl, far from nice.

Also, aren't you maybe going for the wrong age group? If you're having fun with younger women, you may sooner end up with someone who wants the commitment, family, the whole enchilada?
Maybe you're better of with a woman in her 40s who's had the whole enchilada, has her own life, career and kids, and only wants a great sexlife and fun.

Awww no.1 ... come sit on my lap .. and tell blondey all about the mole ... did it glow in the dark when you turned the lights out .. one day you will find your perfect woman .... we can go shopping for her together if you like

I always wonder in a relationship, how much time should you give it before you decide this is the right person for me and I want to commit and be exclusive? Is it 2 months? 6 months? A year? A year seems long if you still have doubts. A long time ago someone told me, you should never settle. I guess you have to figure out what is important to you.

Funny how you keep asking this question / raising this subject again and again.
There is nothing wrong with just having fun and keeping an eye out for another one, in your words "better partner".
It is however wrong to do this when you know full well the woman you're 'only having fun with' wants more. That's where you should have the baws to pull the plug. It is selfish and heartless to continue using someone for your own fun for as long as it suits you, basically until someone better comes along.

As long as the other does the same thing, just entertains herself with you whilst keeping an eye out for a better bloke, sure. Fine. No problem. Otherwise an act of sheer selfishness. And damaging to other ppl, far from nice.

Also, aren't you maybe going for the wrong age group? If you're having fun with younger women, you may sooner end up with someone who wants the commitment, family, the whole enchilada?
Maybe you're better of with a woman in her 40s who's had the whole enchilada, has her own life, career and kids, and only wants a great sexlife and fun.

yea, ya gotta feel it..

. I can't why don't you just tell us

The issue here is that he's always picky and to a fault.

Brilliant

When one is in love, the minor flaws cease to exist or don't matter.

When did looking for what you want become a commitment issue..?.

You're dating someone! and they keep pushing for more commitment... then the argument starts ....why can't you . Make a commitment to me with me... what's the matter with you?.. one minute you like being with me the next minute you're distant!!

But it doesn't mean you don't enjoy there company or doing things together you just don't want to make them a life partner...

Where is the problem with that?

But there's nothing wrong with being picky..

Live in the moment enjoy what's in front of you at that moment.. that's my motto..

This is only half true as once the sex buzz stops the real person is then seen and may not be as formerly seen and felt. People in the initial throes of love are chemically impaired as they are experiencing how the body responds to physical and emotional chemistry which completely dupes rational experience which later shows up and requires a re evaluation of what the person felt and thought. the joke of this is love is an illusion and marriage the alarm clock...

Depends on how you're looking.
People can create an idea of "what they want" as a means to keep from getting into meaningful relationships.

How realistic are the things "you want."

Some people use their idealizations as a defense mechanism to keep from taking responsibility or interfering with their self image.

I would say if looking for "what you want" has kept you from dating anyone at all, then it's probably not "commitment issues."

I would say if looking for "what you want" has kept you from staying with someone longer than 2 weeks or 6 months, and seems to happen a lot right after you start having sex with someone you're dating, then it is "commitment issues," albeit more complicated.


That sounds more like communication issues than commitment issues.


There is a process involved with love.
Stages. Different stages release different chemicals (hormones, pheromones) which influence behavior and perceptions differently.

Behavioral changes lead to changes in communication.
Direct and indirect.
That communication leads to reciprocal changes, down to the basic chemistry of the stages.

There's a problem if your communication isn't changing to indicate changing emotional bonding which necessitates their changing in response.

If there is no change in the communication, expression, then you are either hiding it and therefore ultimately "lying" to them, or fighting against it/denying the change thereby have already made up your mind to reject them but aren't aware of it, or the changes in you don't exist, which mean they're feeling something you aren't or they're feeling something they really aren't feeling and are realizing that they aren't really feeling it and are a step ahead of themselves.

So the problem is in communication.
Try planning some kind of military campaign where each of you oscillates between a serious tone, a joyous tone, and a sarcastic tone.
There's expected behavior that's possibly necessary now and you can't determine if they're serious, or psychotic.
That just equates to not really knowing what's going on.

Not knowing what's going on automatically leads to fear and bad emotions.
Those lead to bad decisions to get to a state/place where you know what's going on.

There's the problem.



Sure there is.
Look up the kid that ate nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years.


That would suck.
That means there's no real purpose to a concept of time.
"Oh no, I have to poop right now! Well, I'm in my car so I better just go in my pants or the backseat, or just pull over and stick my butt out the window. There's no toilet right in front of me so I can't plan ahead."

If you don't live that way, then your motto isn't really true, it's just something you tell yourself because that's how you want to see yourself, which means false self image.



Of course that can be a "commitment issue" as well.
Someone committing so strongly to seeing themselves a certain way that they will avoid or destroy anything (even truth and rational thought) to maintain that image.
Some people commit to an idea of themselves and how their life (and partner) is "supposed" to be that they are unable to "commit" to anything else until the universe works around them and "clicks" that reality into place for them.