!

That dose seem like all there after creeps

i guess that comment could be true if you've meet every man... but if you think we are all creeps, then i guess we are...

if you don't think it, then why did you say it? i don't know of any guy thats ever said that...

are you saying i'm a deadbeat because i take care of my sons? do you know what a deadbeat is?

maybe you reread what you wrote here, you just insulted both sexes

If you don't want to be seen as a sex object it may have to do with presentation. Generally how a person presents themselves in a profile is at least suggestive of how they are in the real world.

Do your picture's reflect some image of having a personality, intellect, career aspirations, values, lifestyle that suggest you are anything more that a female that can procreate or play at procreating?

If you don't want age appropriate men, who are more likely to be hormone driven, not to think of you in your underwear or easily out of it then you might want to present yourself another way.

For me being a single mom i never give my self time to meet a man. Its work. Home work with the kids, cooking and Life. A man could walk right in front of me and i miss it being busy.

I've been in relationships with a few mothers, some good and some bad. There is simply more to consider before being with a single mother. I'll still take the time to get to know her, but there are more things I need to be aware of and find out about. Some of the things I've noticed may turn people away are:

She is looking for a father for her kids, love comes second

Her ex will always be part of your lives

The kids may hate you

Less freedom to do the things you want to do. Which is fine if she is ok with you doing your own thing a few times a month, but a lot of the women I've been with only want you to do things with them.

Cost, women with children are more expensive. I know every women is gonna come on here and say they pay for their own kids, but I'm only going off of my experiences.

Can't be sexually wild. Isn't one of the best parts of a new relationship living out each others fantasies and being all crazy? Kids make that very difficult, and sex often gets cut short or its rushed when you have some time alone.

How they talk too you. Women with kids have a tendency to talk to their companion like a child when they are annoyed or angry. I understand why they get into this habit, but its still condescending.

Expectations, i hate being expected to do things. Women with children often expect a lot more from their companion.

Less Flexible, women with kids can't be very flexible because they have a lot of responsibility.

Your number 2... If your gonna be with a single parent, you have to accept you'll never number 1 in their life. They usually let you know that, its very sweet to hear...

you think that's hard LOL try someone to commit to a single dad of 4 LOL

I totally agree

Wow where are you finding these women? Flip side would be where are single Mom's finding some of the men they are complaining about?

A bar? Jail? Sex Addict's Anonomous meetings? Sorry I don't get it. No is such a simple word when you see some person who is trying to climb all over you from the get go. It is not like it is a compliment. You have a right to demand better. If not for yourself your kids.

Is it possible you are dragging these losers home too soon? There is a big dang difference in a room mate (I use the term loosely since some creepizoid who is trying to flop on you at your house with kids there is probably not even a candidate for a room mate) and Certainly not a real mate.

A decent partner would be patient and try to get to know you first. They would make sure they had their act together and kept it together if it meant just seeing you a few minutes before and after the responsibilities they had. They would plan and learn the things they need to know about you and the children you love.

i dnt thnk u hv searchd inaf. dnt ovarol ol wmen. sm women r stl ot dr searchn 4 a lovn kind man.

@ Pacific

How dare you personally attack me for answering someones question as honestly as I can? I don't care if you don't agree with me, but you don't get to insult me because you disagree with me. Someone as seasoned as you should practice a little more self control.

How on earth is bringing up a child trashy? I tell ya what, if anything, it's very admirable. Most of my single friends who are parents, are bloody good at it. Trashy? Hell. It's hard work, and very tiring. Some have no idea how exhausting it is. I know you look after them well. Take no notice of silly ignorant people. Children are a joy to have around. Keep your head held high.

I totally agree with Indignus. Single mothers / women may not like to hear it, but it's the truth.
I'd like to add that a young single mother would probably want a man her age, so also a young man. But a single young man will likely prefer to have his OWN family and kids, not raise someone else's.
Very narrow-minded if you judge that. Would YOU give up having children of your own because your man already has kids? I wouldn't, no effing way! So why demand this of a man? That's NOT right!
And it doesn't mean a guy thinks less of a single mum when he doesn't consider her relationship material. It probably does mean she's mostly friend-zone or sex-zone material. And I think some men find young mothers sexy, for whatever reason.
In Indignus' case he even had relationships with single mums, so he gave it a try and he's learnt from experience.
I've been a single mum myself and I can say what he says it the absolute truth.
Why do you have to judge that instead of respecting someone else's experiences and views? If the OP has an open mind, she might benefit from his answer.

Since my opinions are not here to document what I said which was (streamlined) that your views are exactly the kind of thinking single parents need to avoid in selecting potential dates and mates because the results will be failed relationship is not an attack on you but the thinking behind it. Which I stand by.

If you want to take that as a personal attack then I can not stop you but it does seem repetative as anyone who chooses to disagree with your opinions in many forums.

Yes I am a seasoned observer of the difficulties that single parents have to deal with and I can point out exactly the thinking that gets many of them into trouble.

Age and experience can bring a lot to any discussion. Also how, if they want to, find ways to accomplish the happy lives they seek for themselves and their children. Which I certainly see as the goal of the OP and many of the people who post in parenting threads. Myself included. So please think what you want but don't label my opinons from your own self persecution views. What you do is irrelevant to my post and I could care less if you think I should exercise more self control in how I post.

No I don't candy coat my comments or tell co-parents that the choices they make don't directly impact the results. They do. It is the most painful fact about parenting. But you will not find me telling parents they can not take charge of their lives and find suitable even desirable people if they just edit their own choices and be what is possible. Successful as parents and successful in finding quality lasting relationships.

Is it hard work? Yes very hard work. Work that often means personal sacrifices and growing up and not thinking of themselves as the center of the universe. Something they pretty much give over at conception.

Sometimes that takes holding a hard light on choices. Anyone who is actually a parent gets it. Some young some older. It is called tough love and it is proven time and again to work.

AND I have found many young parents say yes it is a little tough to hear when so many people are too afraid to talk to them as ADULTS because the fashionable politically correct answers are so easy to throw out as platitudes. But many get that a true Mingle friend tells you what you NEED to hear not what you WANT to hear or stroke the ego of anyone else. Especially when the mistakes they are making but often don't listen to until they hear it from a stranger, sinks in. AND helps.

Praise I am more than willing to give to any parent that stays in the game. I don't see parents coming in here asking for Praise, Sympathy, or Pity I think they are asking "WHY" and my answers just might be the "WHY". Only they will know.

Simple.
Don't have sex with men who only want sex.

No one can legally force you to service them.

Forget men. You decided to have kids. Focus on raising them to be independent, productive adults.

After they are teens and start separating from Mama, then, it is your turn.

I find the title of the this thread to present a false dilemma.

A good single mom can always find a good single man.

A good man will go for a good woman even if she has a child living at home.

OK I have seen a couple of ideas about how Single Mom's are suppose to become some kind of sacrificial lamb to Motherhood maybe putting off having friends,dating, or having what I would term a private life. Something I have not seen just inflicted on Mom's but also Single dad's which really bums me out. That prompts me to write some things and I hope it bears out to be as workable for you as it was me.

My experience and opinion that being miserable and failed as a single parent is neither realistic or desirable for anyone involved. It doesn't make any thing better and it sure often makes things worse. Believe me worse can get so bad they need a new word for it.

Since I have often said you sacrifice your position of being first in the world when you marry or conception occurs I want to expand a little on that.

When we marry or find ourselves in relationships that imply marriage we make bargains with the partners we chose,hopefully - sadly - some are inflicted, some are accidental, and some are just poor choices, or the omission of making a choice but we don't get there by ourselves. Immaturity and inexperience tends to make the later the most common and I personally think people who are younger probably deserve more grace, but that is not a free pass to say oops I don't have to be accountable.

The reality of life is many relationships have to be re-negotiated. Depending on luck and hopefully social pressures on the partners it is not all on one parents back but sometimes it is. Usually Single parents can get some support. Even if minimal if one parent can pull out some kind of co-operation from the other and amplify it with civil treatment then everyone is ahead of the game.

This can be a hard sell initially because rarely do splits go all that amicably but it is always worth revisiting the concept with Ex's and even their family that what is good for Mommy/Daddy is very often good for the child and the other parent.

That doesn't become a free pass. You have to accept the buck stops with you. Stinks sometimes but having that control is not always a bad thing.

But children do learn what they live. If parents become marter's then children become ingrained with the concept they are the center of the universe and that is no more in their best interest than spraying them with skunk oil.

If we teach children, even young children, that sometimes self preservation demands Parent's meet their own basic needs then we are not only making a stronger family we are raising much healthier future human beings, parents, and grandchildren, and great grandchildren; so on. and so on. So the sacrifices do have exponential power. And can be justified.

I am not suggesting leaving children to their own survival I am saying that planning and allocation of some energy for self is critical. Even if it is only an hour or so a day or maybe part of a day each week. If you were married would you not give a spouse at least that much? If you are doing dual duty then you have to revitalize your energy or you will burn out.

Sadness, anger, jealousy, feeling like life stinks is not how it has to be.

Single parenting is doable and even pretty easy if you bring in the troops. Generally the highest quality help will come from family and close friends but there are other acceptable substitutes and even the ones you have to develop yourself are worth the effort because let's face Wonder Woman and Superman are just cartoon characters and don't make very good Mommy's or Daddy's.

That the time for having a personal life is such a small window is the major reason for optimizing it to the fullest.

That DOES NOT mean thrashing your way into the a crowed room, grabbing the first thing you can get your hands on, and hope it turns out to be wonderful. That is pretty much a recipe for disaster. Sadly all to common but not always.

What it does mean is fine tuning your selection process and skipping over the human toads that sometimes are in your way. Why because having a kid means you can't kiss a hundred frogs to find your Prince(ess).

Since most single parent's, myself included in the begining, would not have known a known a real catch if it walked up to me and smacked me in the face I am going to list some tips I learned over the years; some fortunately not as late as others but I will admit I wish learned more of them earlier.

I am not necessarily listing all of the "rules" because all of them are not written even yet. I am almost 60 and I am still learning.

I think first is probably actually getting back to having a plan and the idea of making conscious choices. Since thinking under pressure is rarely a great plan I would say even as hardcore as it might sound make a list. Write it out. Post it on the bathroom wall, put it in your cell phone, memorize it, and say it every night and every morning. Make it so much a habit for your mind to go there that when the dodo bird ideas start flying around you have some kind of anchor to balance yourself. The idea being if you fail to plan you plan to fail.

Every parents list is going to have a few personal specifics. We are all individuals and have nuances that are unique to us. Maybe it is lifestyle, maybe it is a belief system, or maybe it is some kind of limitation that has to be compensated for but if you put your FAMILY WELFARE on the top line some of the other things I am going to say help will probably make a lot more sense. Probably be a lot more tolerable.

LEAVE YOUR PARENT"S CRAP WHERE IT BELONGS. If you run your life or parent out of spite, fear, or guilt because you are trying to stick it to your parents in anyway you are putting a ball and chain around your own neck and are about 99 times more likely to drag it into future relationships. You are not teeny bopper's any more so grow up. If your parents had good relationships great copy some of their stuff but if it is screwed up you don't have to repeat it. The apple may not fall very far from the tree but you have the choice to pick it up and take it where you want it to be. Keep in mind some of the best parents actually had lousy parent's so quit making excuses out of yours.

CLEAN UP YOUR "ACT". If your persona is in a major need of an over haul it is time to see what is in the mirror and fix it. If your life is a mess you didn't get there over night and you are not going to get out of it over night but if you do a little each day that is progress. Success will breed success. Sometimes it means faking it until you make it and sacrificing some of your rebellions and personal statements but is being a rebel with a clue really worth fighting the whole world alone? You want to let it all hang out at home well knock yourself out but when you go out in the world try swim with the mainstream a little and you might be really surprised how much easier life can be. I am not suggesting being a total sell out just not walking around with a gigantic "kick me" sign plastered on your back. Look around and see the way the people who seem to always catch the breaks present. Some of the biggies are really pretty simple.

Cover up your Tip's and Arse!

They are really not that big a draw for legit people. If that is all you got going you aren't going far so at least make it a challenge to get there. Men know what you got under it all but if you show a little class by keeping it covered you have elevated yourself at least off the bottom rung of the competition.

Guys this even applies to you too. If all a gal is interested in is your muscles once she gets to play with it a little the trill will wear off and she will move on. If you are lucky it won't give you a gift you don't need but it is really likely if you are one baby daddy you can end up with a whole tribe because if one thing that has not caught up with the times it is judges thinking that stay at home dad's or under employeed Dad's are cool regardless of what you get told in forums. AND they are way more than glad to make and example out of you if you repeat your mistakes.

Download a tobacco habit.
You can fuss and squawk all you want if I show any given group of people a hundred pictures of people smoking versus the same hundred who are not I guarantee you they will you will say the ones who smoke are less professional, older, earn less, smell worse, and are less sexually attractive less likely to be theri choice as a parent than the ones that don't. Don't believe me change your profile and see how your match list lights up. People who want to parent or step parent will pick a non-smoker hands down over a smoker. Just the cost of smoking will, even by smoker's, will make them pick a non-smoker.

Delete alcohol from your life.
People who drink are drawn to people who drink. A drinker is not good parent material. If you have alcohol visable in your house you triple your chance of a serious drinker feeling at home in your place and actively pursuing you if you serve them or not. You double your chances of social services getting involved in your life; a real nightmare. Quadruple your chances of being passed over for a promotion at work if you drink publicly. Drinking related work issues make you top rung candidate for layoffs. And you cut your chances as a woman to be selected for a Long term relationship at close to the 90th percentile on date sites in some studies. There is a reason it is on virtually every date site survey; and that is because it matters. I can tell you from even running bars that the women who did not drink or drank so little that it was noticeable are the one's who non-drinkers pick and are way more likely to get asked out on dates in the future (drinkers and non drinker's alike) not just propositioned at closing time. And I will stake my life of the odds that a decent man will be impressed if you simply chose not to drink. You don't have to be a tea-totaler but if you can laugh, dance, and have sobriety to make your choices you will get a lot better results in the dateing /relationship world. I can't say what is so appealing about alcohol that is worth double dipping in the looser pool but clearly will say a non-drinker as a mate is priceless by comparison. It also means if you get a mate he will live longer with less health issues which as women can be a serious burden.

Clearly another big issue is HAVE A JOB. Being a student is all well and good but even if you only have a part-time job it radically ups your chance at being selected by a legit guy. Even if he can and wants to support you later as a full time Mom. The flip side of that is also REQUIRE DATES TO BE EMPLOYEED. Even if they are under employed the GOOD GUY FACTOR sky rockets. And lets face it in the real world how much your relationship gets supported has a lot to do with if your pick is employeed.

DO YOUR ON LINE HOMEWORK. read their posts. Google their their photos. You can see what sites they are on and see how many persona's they have. Check the scammer sites. Word to the wise men who work for their parents, siblings, and are so called self employeed are often not legit. Be smart check out the their credit score and job history on line for a buck. While your at it look up if they have a criminal history. Low life's look for single parents like bees drawn to honey.

TAKE YOUR TIME. Anything worth having is worth waiting a while to get serious about. You tell someone you love them and they know they got you.

IT IS NOT ABOUT THE BENJAMINS
Give them money and they know they OWN you. A good and decent potential mate can't be bought so keep your gifts to a minimum. And a good and decent potential mate is not going to try and bribe you. Yes he may be generous but if he is buying you cell phones and giving your kids gifts run. If he is telling you he is going to give you shelter there are strings attached that I guarantee you will not like. A man who truly loves you will do things that make you more independent not more dependent.

Im not After Sex I could Care less About It