I don't think single dads are deadbeats at least understand what a single moms go through

I agree that there are those guys who thinks you're an easy lay just because you're not a "shiny, new toy" they can play with.

But there are still guys out there who will treat you with respect as long as they see that you treat yourself with respect as well.

If you happen to find a guy here who wants you as well but tends to be a jerk along the way, move on and forget about him. You don't need to settle with a guy who cannot respect you as his Queen.

i am a single father as well and i don't ever think a single father are ever a deadbeats.. i work full time, i provide and supported my children for 5 yrs now. i've done so much for them because i love them and spend a lot of time with them as much as i can... right now i feel the need for balance by get out more and be me than just a father figure.

Society now-a-days is so sexual based, what do you see on perfume, fast food, & other commercials? Sex sells, but should we assume everyone we try to meet wants sex?

If anything, you'd think either gender who is a parent, would want someone who understands what it's like, to be a parent. You already have something in common there. Some just might not want anymore children. So taking on someone else's children, as well as their own, may prove difficult, like needing a bigger house. Some want children of their own, so some like to be the biological parent, and naturally want that for themselves.

1. most men do not want to bring up other mens children. 2 . if the man owns a house and you move in with him he could be put out of his own home, that's the law.

I agree with you I think society as a whole has become selfish they do not want to share any emotions or any part of their lives with others. That does not mean everybody is selfish just that people are becoming more selfish and self-centered.

!

After reading through all the posts, I think it is safe to say that it maybe more difficult to meet someone if you have children as it is finding time, then babysitters if needed, or there is the chance that your child may become ill so you have to cancel.
To me as a single mother I am worried about the men I could meet, you hear all types of horror stories and the last thing I would want to do is put my children in harms way.
I do not expect anything in regards to being a father, financial support etc for me or my children, despite my children's father being a complete deadbeat and has not bothered for years with them, so any future man has no worries about my ex husband becoming involved or always being there.
I think a lot of us single parents have very little time to ourselves and we do tend to let ourselves go a little some more than others and we are all guilty of that, then we lose our self esteem and confidence, then we become scared of meeting a new potential partner.
I think every single parent has "emotional baggage" as well as the obvious "baggage" I prefer to use the term children but many use the term "baggage" so there is a lot to consider.
Also a big thing which bothers me is that there are several types of single parent, some will straight away introduce / force their children on their new potential partner, to me this is wrong, as until you know someone why would you introduce them to your children. Then there are those which say they would love to meet your children after a few months but then cancel every date, but say it is them not you.
Then there are those who just go with the flow take their time, enjoy the adult companionship and maybe 6 months, 12 months or even a few years down the line they introduce their children to their new partner, to me this is the best way as then you know your new partner a little better and feel comfortable with them.
As for sex, well it is part of every relationship, exploring each other on a very intimate level, and yes sporadic is also enjoyable but obviously with children around it needs to be a little better arranged even for sporadic (the instigator needs to be a little more prepared), but again if you advertise sex by the way you dress or talk then you become a sex object and not as a person and I am not condoning that in any way but it is the same for both men and women, the way you show yourself to new person can give that person an insight as to what you are like as a person.
But at the end of the day you are a person as well as a parent so do not lose yourself just because you have children, find a little time for yourself even when they are asleep do something you want to do.

This!

I think its not hard for single moms to get some one special all its needed is forgiveness from past occurences including past dating.True forgiveness comes from a heart of love, and love keeps no record of wrongs How Many Times Do I Forgive?
"How often should I forgive someone...seven times?" "No, not seven times", Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" Matthew 18:22 "Peter thought he was "extra- spiritual" for offering to forgive seven times, because the Jewish rabbis said that three times was enough. Jesus put no limit on forgiveness, for
true forgiveness comes from a heart of love, and love keeps no record of wrongs." (Weirsbies Expository Outlines) It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:5 Who are you angry with? How will you deal with it?
Just forgive and pray for God to send someone special at the right time .
Thanks,

Nicholas

I agree on you. I would like to add thst he mostly mention the negatives of such an relationship. The positive if ut is thst you can see the other how they really are. No pretending when around kuds. They will let you know. I think any oerson should try to balance it

This. Totally agree.
- When you have kids and meet someone special, you will have to give him/her and your kids the chance to build up a relationship AND allow the new partner to have his/her say in what the kids' behaviour etc to avoid the "You're not my dad/mom, FO!!" attitude, which even very young kids can be good at.
If the new partner gets no authority, no say at all, kids will sense this very early on and take advantage of it, play their single parent and the new partner.

- In order to help establish a healthy relationship between new partner and kids, the single partner will have to mediate and it will not always be fun. Probably easier when the children are young, but you can also get involved with someone with kids approx. 9 - 18 years old.

- It ain't easy because you as a single parent will have to decide upfront how much authority you will allow the new partner to have. Some things concerning your kids you may want to decide on your own, others you may want to share. Can be tricky to find your borders in this. And many underestimate the problems that can arise when you underestimate this.


� run a mile as well when a man has kids that age. No effing way will I ever go there again. Been there done that, and it SUX

- You're kids always come first: Great! Do you actually have time and space for you new partner? Do you think a single person without kids at home is looking forward to always being no 2, 3, 4, 5 in the life of his partner? It does not appeal to me.

I've been there myself, as a single mum, two kids 9 and 11. But I don't think it's particularly fair towards a new partner to put him somewhere on the bottom of your list. Sure my kids came first, but NOT always.

Do you know most 2nd, 3rd etc relationship end in divorce (higher rate than the 1st) and mostly because of the kids? Many kids totally sabotage the new partner, which can cause so much friction that in the end the situation will become unbearable.

I personally feel kids can also know that they won't always be NR 1, that their mummy or daddy has a life of her/his own too, and has the right to have her/his own friends, social life etc.
I think it's total BS to indirectly let your kids know they're always nr 1, by which you basically give them control over your life, including your dating-, sex-, and love life.

As far as I'm concerned, you got to find the middle in this, so everyone has a chance. If you're not willing to do this, then you shouldn't even be dating.
The part the single parent plays in this all, is crucial. You will have to find the middle for you and your the kids and might end up having to mediate between new lover and kids. It's no small task.
Sure things can be ***** dory from the word go, but I still feel most ppl seriously underestimate it.

All in all a single parent simply does not make the ideal partner.

The first posts I've read in this topic enlightened me, because I'm a single mother too, unmarried. But then before finishing reading I feel a bit depressed. Maybe people like me just focus on taking care of our children than looking for a relationship on the site :(

All of my kids are grown and gone. I even raised another man's child. It is a very complicated, hard, nerve wracking, endeavor. All that being said, I would do it again if I were to meet the right woman.

That's great advice!

I don't believe that single mums with toddlers should be putting energy into dating for the simple fact your energy should be focused entirely on your kids and when it's just you to worry about well then it's all about you.

Don't even.. If ur a good lady who's ready to get out there, do it n don't even stress half the crap regurgitated here.. PEOPLE make good friends, lovers, parents.. Don't accept the terms of someone who hasn't levelled up to the game yet.. Work on u n ur kids so ur ready for the right match for u.. Single parents are the elite squad, some folks just need to prestige up a bit more to attempt this platform.. Our lives are hectic and removed from self thinking because we steward other humans.. Don't ever feel regretful that some chump doesn't understand that.. Dude came up into my house n couldn't work, help, go n check the roof or kick a footy with my boy cos he's awkward n needs an eight year psychological impact statement , trust, im talking to him reeeeal slow n kicking him out.. That guy indignus wrote the walkthru for people without kids.. They need to read it, not for u to feel bad mate.. Plenty of self respecting, hard working parents won't pay that children as baggage nonsense.. We kno u we're always privelliged to get a look in on our babies all day, n me personally, whilst I agree that working on yourself in life in general is the best way to be a role model n move forward in life.. Solend
er in profile changes nothing, no pics or preferences.. The world can see here is a hot blooded woman from the deep dark south n sex is just as important to me as my motherhood.. Work it.. Id rather ask those without kids respectfully Parent thier Sex lives better n pay heed to what the man said cos if the profile says: Miss Thang... Lives Here.. Has Kids
Yall better behave n have some respect n bring ur A game or hand the controller over to someone who can yeah. My thoughts anyway babe id hate to see anyone catch a bad vibe from this topic

Is the sky blue? Do dogs bark? Do birds fly?

Yes, all men want sex.

Sorry to say but your rite men think with there ***** as I am one but don't fear I'm older now and still like to get my freak on But now know that sex is a vary small % of a long lasting relationship you'll get your man AS IM WAITING FOR MY GIRL.....