To the leader line of the thread.
How to get women to respond.
I can't speak for anyone but myself bit I can tell what gets more than polite or casual notice; actual contact.

Seems obvious but fill out the profile completely.

Put up at least half dozen photos and a date worthy lead photo. This probably your real shot at finding a date you will actually enjoy. If you are a suit an tie wine bar type or a Burger and beer guy own it. Might not be fair but it is the ladies choice. If you are trying to impress your "friends" especially your bros it is very obvious.

Absolutely perfect writing (typing) effort is rare but at least keep in mind first impressions last. Look before you send. You look like a scammer that is hard to info and you rarely will get a second chance.

Have a little patience and self confidence. If you jump to trying to get a phone number you look desperate or worse like a creep. Or a scammer on on a deadline in an overseas criminal call center.

Greet, chat back an forth a couple three notes, and signed off rather than just disappear. Don't camp on line; marathon exchanges usually mean you are being catfished and even I have a life outside Mingleland.

You like me send a greeting the next day even if it is breif. If you say you are a hard working man I don't expect you to be on line during work hours. I date men who have tough schedules but if yours is odd don't try to pass because you will trip yourself up.

Don't try to monitor my life by tracking my activity. I am an adult and I sure don't need a jealous stalker type.

If you are moving up the food chain I am going to want to sinc at least enough time to get to talk to you again. If you mention
a time you invite a reply I will likely check my mail or show up on line to chat again or counter with a workable time.

Telling me you don't come here often or are too busy because you work hard is not only an attitude that will get you dropped like a rock and replaced by a more respectful busier competitor it comes off like a lie or that you only half hearted about dating. I am a big girl I can take the hint if you just aren't interested just move on.

I don't do the drill and grill especially if it is one sided. I am not going to get Huffy about general questions especially if it follows an opening I give you; example " I have a dog" followed by "oh yea do you recommend a vet?" Or I have two and a cat." Ya have to give to get.

It is a hard sell to convince potential migrant spouses of either gender that things in the new "better" country will not work out but being homeless living in the gutter as a throw away is rarely better or safer regardless of the country.

People trading matrimony/wealth (even relatively small amounts) for care giving are common. Sadly it is often a very poor trade rife with abuse on both sides.

If a person has never seriously done I 24/7/365 they do not have a clue how difficult it is. Or how slanted the laws are against caregivers who are often treated like slaves then kicked to the curb when the patient is hospitalized



.

Over the years I have experienced and observed many relationships.

More often than not but not universally the ones that are most unequal, often unhappy, are the ones where there is a large age difference.

Or developmentally. If ones life has been stunted, usually by some kind of depravation; being raised by much older caregivers, extream poverty, isolation, crushing fame, illness,even incarceration.

You see it commonly when one person has either been over or under parented and would not know how to deal in a healthy balanced independent relationship if they
Were lucky enough to trip across one.

Sometimes this is a cultural norm where mating has very little to do with the happiness of both principals. Often it is where one gender is more/less highly valued.

Often it is so socially ingrained that people will pick mates because the relationship with parents, social status, financial security, even career success falls behind self.

What is particularly cruel is when one finally realizes they have been sold out. It is usually when they are betrayed or find them self alone with no one because they have been used.

I agree that "intent" is critical. And at time's circumstances make people hypersensitive" to see something ad a betrayal when no intent existed. All scenarios can not be covered or anticipated.
Profiles are always only a starting place regardless of length.

I do think it is helpful to have a list of questions that are important to you to cover over time but someone who does the drill and grill approach to on line get acquainted makes me run in the other direction as too wounded to ever have a healthy relationship.

Sorry double post.

Best practice is don't let anyone's opinion make you believe that somehow "your" thread is somehow tainted.

Each post is one opinion and we are all adults here. I haven't seen anyone lock stepped put of Mingleland because their ideas,concepts', morals were different from someone else's.

To each hod own. If something works for you then great. Bring it to the table and let people look it over; debate it bit at the end of the day be true to yourself

The "flow" of what you write is generally independent. Judged on it's own merits

I think you can guess at someone else's motives or baggage but it is just a guess and really just an opinion based on your perceptions and education and experience.

Tried to teach this to my kids but they go there own way and labels seem to equal cool.

Most people know what is going to matter to others. I think it is lying if you let someone believe something you know is not true even it it doesn't commonly matter is still lying.

Example
Most people do not care about resolved health issues.

But a Father of four kids who has already endured a slow agonizing death of one spouse to cancer probably wants/deserves to know if you had a radical hysterectomy in your twenties and there is a pervasive family history of cancer.
Anf that means going in before he and his kids are attached to you. It's fine if everyone wants to take a chance but it is a collosal deception and betrayal to keep that informatipn off the table.

Sorry the triple post was not meant as a mantra but I do think something like that does help over ride that internal voice that says be nice when really you have given your quota and it is time to step up for yourself.

Self preservation I'd not selfishness.

Now that is the kind of kids I will make a special effort to host. And I am even glad to work around schedules and so forth but Adults thatale thdelf and me a doormat it is a one and done deal.

I am not so great on the explaining why, tend to fade into the sunset, but I kind of wonder now when someone says I have a lot of first and only dates.

Yea I have Grands that are a blast to be with. And I know how to interact with many kids even ones with special needs. That I do enjoy being around.

But with my Grands their parent's do the chores and see to it their behavior is not out of control. And they had the Good common sense to take things the kids needed in a diaper bag.

And so would I if I took children anywhere. And I did take my young children into very formal settings and others. They acted well or I excused myself and them

It is kind of inconceivable to me that a mature adult would take a grandchild out without such necessities but never thought I would have to figure out a way to ask such basic questions as a premise to accepting or including peer Grandparents in social settings.

I am not fond of turning down invitations on the premise that most kids are this out of control.

But clearly if the norm is to call names If you object to this everybody gets to be miserable because the adults make excuses or think it is cite maybe I will have to figure a way to inquire or at least plan an exit strategy's.

Thanks for the input. I thought maybe I was out of practice or some kind of bad luck streak. Wheew!

I have wondered if the "date" was oblivious or just afraid of loosening family ties but now I see why I get the questions about "grandkids". And now why I see so many like to dine at the Casino's or Golf club.

All helpful advice.
If I see someone interesting on line before I get too vested I research the photos and screen name which often will lead to other screen names that can show up on very dubious sites. With wholely different personas and often phone numbers. It takes only a few minutes and saves wasteing your time on the worthless and getting discouraged before you find the wonderful.

I keep a list of screen names I have blocked and the Numbers they use because they often pop up again with only slight variations. I give Mingleland credit they do quickly deactivate scammers and trouble makers so do report if you see th here.

Lol short of call block?

Oops double post

Being from the south I think I a little less offended by Hello Beautiful or even Hello Darling but I still always notice/appreciate when someone is mannerly enough to say Hello PacificStar and leave the endearments until a more appropriate time.

One thing that makes feel older than dirt or screams scammer is when I see the "Hello Dear. Even if it I'd an effort to be polite it plants that seed of 'here comes trouble".

I don't mind the single "Hi" if the profile is at least something because I see that as an unobtrusive Nod that invites a look see. If I counter with a Hi only I am only the vaguest of interested so if you don't pony up with something you are going to be ignored like the little kid in the store saying Hi to every one to be annoying