A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.
It's opened by a little ten-year old boy who has a lighted cigar
in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse
magazine tucked under his arm.


Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?"


Little boy: "What do you think?"

I was born Wet, Naked, And hungry

It just got worse from there

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes
gas and says, Seven Points!

His wife rolls over and says, What in the world was that?
The old man replied, " its fart football. "

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says" Touchdown, tie score. "

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says.
" Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7. "

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
" Touch down tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says'
" Field goal, I lead 17 to 14" Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a women, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,and accidentally
***** the bed.

The wife says, " What the hell was that?"

The old man says, " Half time, switch sides."

YAAAAAA! Moosehead for me

YA They say LOVE is a Grand


And Divorce is Sixty Grand

YES, A glass of Port, A fine suggestion

A Malbec from Argentina, Merlot's softer, lusher brother

Chateaunef-du-Pape

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? I'm I'm going on my honeymoon next week

and my fiancee is still a virgin- in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal

and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint

and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on the honeymoon.

That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these".

He immediately drops his pants and replies,.............

"Look at this, still in the CRATE!"

His dizzy aunt--------------------------------Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes---------------------Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store-----Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia--------------------U Gogh
His magician uncle----------------------Where- diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin----------------------------A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother---------Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach------------Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle---------------------------Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt------------------------Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle----------------------------Flamin Gogh
The fruit loving cousin----------------------------Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking--------------Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew---------------------------Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco----------------------------Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a RV------Winnie Bay Gogh


I saw you smiling................there ya Gogh!

Hi my name is pogo....... Want to jump on my stick ?

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs I started to feel better.

I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Note to self... don't click the mouse twice

February sucks big time up here, especially in Alberta

My opinion..... go somewhere warm, I plan to

February sucks big time up here, especially in Alberta

My opinion..... go somewhere warm, I plan to

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the blonde clerk " What's with that guy over there by the wall ? "

The blonde clerk responds: " Well he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.

I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative. "

The pharmacist yells: " You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative! "

The blonde clerk responds, " Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough!!! "

Your ground should'nt be that hard around the carrots, but what you could do is water them well

then the ground will be soft

OK and good day A!