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Community > Posts By > LexFonteyne
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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Lex I think since you live further away than Jesus from me I can say this whith out sounding letcherous. You are a nice guy, You are a smart guy, You seem to be and empathic guy. You obviously are a sucessful guy. And easy on the eyess so knock of the self torture . I am picky as hell and I would be glad to go out with you and I can NOT believe that I am the only woman in the world that would feel that way. So get your little hiney of the rock and ask somebody already!!! Thank you for the kind words! I guess the real problem is I just don't have anything remotely resembling a social circle where I live. It is really difficult to get to know anyone here -- my impression is that the locals can't actually detect your presence unless your family has lived here for 17 generations or used to own some unspecified number of farm animals. |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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Btw, congrats on your book!   Thanks, I only have to do about 494 more to catch Isaac Asimov....! |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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No one else is asking....I will ask... Where was this book release? Amazon. All of my stuff starts out on Amazon. Give it awhile and it will show up on about a hundred other booksites all over the world. Even places like Iran, for some reason. Not that I think there are people reading my stuff over there, but it's available on their sites! If it is in your living room...you gotta invite people. If it is at a book store...you gotta invite people. If it is at a movie theatre...you gotta invite people..... Otherwise we don't even know it exists. I love ya Lex. I even like ya. But, if you ain't even gonna throw out the bait and b!tch that the fish ain't biting...my hands are tied. IF YOU GOT A BOOK ABOUT TO HIT THE SHELVES AND YOU DON"T TELL US......how the f**k are we supposed to look for it? I don't want to use the site as a promotional vehicle for my books. I just think that would be wrong. This site has been good to me, and I've made friends here and I like a lot of people here. And the site has rules about advertising, and I don't want to be seen as taking advantage or bending the rules or whatever. If people have questions about the books, they can send me a message (lots of them do) and we can discuss it privately. Believe me, there are plenty of other sites where this information is readily available! C'mon man! I would drop a few bucks on a book....I may even show up for an autograph....but, if I got nothing but after the fact lamentations of a slow debut....I can't do anything about that. Get a goddamned signing release....I will show. (This is suppossed to be positive encouragement) Thanks, I appreciate it!  |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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I think a lot of us are in that very same place. Since my Rick died, I am trying to keep going forward. It is a loss still the same. But everything I do, I want to come home and tell him. Tell him about school, talk to him about what his boys are doing, and laugh about how when we moved in to this house we had to battle 2 feet of snow and now a year later it is in the 70's and sunshining. Every minute of every day the thing I miss most is having someone here, not on the phone, not on the net, here that I can confide in, laugh with and just talk to and share our day with each other. God I hate it being single. And before I forget, congrats on finishing the new book. Thanks, I do feel like I've accomplished a little something, anyway! I totally understand about the desire to be able to talk to a real person, in real life, in real time. It's been so long since I've been able to do that, that I'm not entirely sure I'd know how to do it anymore.... |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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So, yesterday my new book was published. My eighth one. Kind of a big deal for me, because it's the last book in a sci-fi series I've been doing since 2008. And I was sitting here yesterday, just thumbing through the proof copy, basking a little in the feeling of "I did this" whenever one of my books comes out, and I realized something a little disconcerting. There was no one to share it with. When my first one came out, in 2008, I was in a relationship with someone I truly loved -- someone I still truly love, and probably always will. The only girlfriend I ever had who actually "got it." She was (and is) so much more intelligent than I'll ever be, so much more creative -- she did the covers and all of the page formatting on the first two books -- and it meant a lot to me that, not only did she help me achieve a dream, but she was also the model for the main female character in the book. To this day, I still haven't got a clue about why that relationship ended. But that's not really the point. The point is that, yesterday, I realized there was no one I could go to, no one I could call, no one I could mention my book to. Sure, I posted some stuff on Facebook, but that's not the same as talking to a real person, that's not the same as sharing a moment with someone in real life. And I thought about that for awhile, and I realized that I had made a lot of bad choices in the past, bad choices about who to get mixed up with and who not to get mixed up with, and I saw some of my old mistakes (both ways) a lot more clearly. And now I have to figure out if this is something I want to address or not. Part of me says "Yes, you want someone in your life," and the other part says, "You know what happens when you start getting close to somebody." Dilemmas are never simple. That's why they call them dilemmas. I understand completely Lex. My ex husband was my very best friend. He was the only one with a broader base of knowledge than me on most subjects. We have a million inside jokes. We will always love each other but we got married too young and our interests went in different directions. We were often told that we were love incarnate, etc. When you see us together, you would assume by the way we banter we are still married. But as he says no one can talk me down from a tree faster or drive me up one quicker. We squabble like Marcia and Jan Brady. I put him through college and he put me through college. People think it's odd that he encourages me to take things very slow with boyfriends and that he would rather pay me alimony the rest of my life than see me in a bad relationship. But I built his empire. I was the wizard behind the curtain. I was the one who magically refilled the sock and underwear drawers, etc. and all but knew the SKUs on his favorite clothes. Now that he is successful he trusts very few women not to be after his money but I was there when he was a guy just barely graduated with a 4 year degree, driving a beater car and living with his parents so he trusts me and loves me. Just sometimes no matter how much love there is, you can't live under the same roof. I often when I accomplish something feel lonely that when I reach the top of something and look down for him, he is not there saying "Good job, honey". At least you can still write. I write nothing but bitter poetry since the divorce. I do not even try to get published. The thing is, though, you have moved on -- at least insofar as allowing yourself to enter into new relationships. Not to say that any given one will "work out" in the long run -- I'm not even addressing that issue, just the issue of being able to make the attempt. You've made progress. I'm not in a position to go there yet. |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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..And now I have to figure out if this is something I want to address or not. Part of me says "Yes, you want someone in your life," and the other part says, "You know what happens when you start getting close to somebody.".. You just saved a barrel of therapy bucks. It's the Life lottery. You can't win if you don't enter. You could win if you do. So, the question is, how much effort to put into buying a ticket. Which way are you leaning? Ah, there is no consistent lean! It goes back and forth....! Vacillating is so very unproductive in the end....! |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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Loneliness is a state of mind. Being alone is a state of being. I have come to the conclusion that like all other states of being or states of mind, we(some of us humans) choose to isolate either consciously or subconsciously to allow the mind to work through some issues it hasn't or didn't because of a busy time/stressful time/etc... in life. It sounds like you are working through them in this state of being alone. If like me, which is most unlikely by the way,  you will re-prioritize and reinsert yourself back into the social setting slowly in a better state of mind allowing for an even more fulfilling experience this go round. But remembering to whom I am writing this, pessimist extraordinaire, maybe you will have a whole nuther result that I have no way of seeing because of my perspective. I just hope you do not dwell on the negative but look for the positive in the situation.  After my car accident in 2009, I moved to Indiana to recuperate, primarily because I didn't have any other viable options at that time. In retrospect, I wouldn't have done it, regardless. I do feel like I've been working through some things over the past few years, but it also seems like I've managed to get myself into some sort of trap from which I can't figure out how to extricate myself....! Be that as it may, I'm starting to feel a need to do something else....I'm just not sure what "else" actually means.... |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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I can really relate to this one. Yea it sucks being alone when things are tough; Lord knows been times I wish I had a shoulder to lean on but the really sucky part of being alone is not being able to share the good stuff. It doesn't discount you joy to share it . Yeah, I have never been any good at asking people for help with things, but I always enjoyed being able to share good things with the people I cared about. When it comes to the point that there simply isn't anybody to share anything with (good or bad), and it goes on and on that way for several years, I think it's only normal to wonder where you went wrong. I am sure there are choices we all make that contribute to our lonliness but sometimes we may not know so I try not to rake myself over the coals when there are so many other pains in the neck that will be glad to do it for you. Sure, life has a way of jumping on you and stomping all over your back with football cleats when you're not expecting it. I can live with that. It's just that I'm starting to realize there's a real emptiness in my existence now, and it's a little frightening to see the extent of it. |
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Topic:
The Downside of Being Alone
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So, yesterday my new book was published. My eighth one. Kind of a big deal for me, because it's the last book in a sci-fi series I've been doing since 2008.
And I was sitting here yesterday, just thumbing through the proof copy, basking a little in the feeling of "I did this" whenever one of my books comes out, and I realized something a little disconcerting. There was no one to share it with. When my first one came out, in 2008, I was in a relationship with someone I truly loved -- someone I still truly love, and probably always will. The only girlfriend I ever had who actually "got it." She was (and is) so much more intelligent than I'll ever be, so much more creative -- she did the covers and all of the page formatting on the first two books -- and it meant a lot to me that, not only did she help me achieve a dream, but she was also the model for the main female character in the book. To this day, I still haven't got a clue about why that relationship ended. But that's not really the point. The point is that, yesterday, I realized there was no one I could go to, no one I could call, no one I could mention my book to. Sure, I posted some stuff on Facebook, but that's not the same as talking to a real person, that's not the same as sharing a moment with someone in real life. And I thought about that for awhile, and I realized that I had made a lot of bad choices in the past, bad choices about who to get mixed up with and who not to get mixed up with, and I saw some of my old mistakes (both ways) a lot more clearly. And now I have to figure out if this is something I want to address or not. Part of me says "Yes, you want someone in your life," and the other part says, "You know what happens when you start getting close to somebody." Dilemmas are never simple. That's why they call them dilemmas. |
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Topic:
i like ur sexy ***
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People don't read profiles. My profile starts out with "Nudges from strangers will be ignored." Guess what? I get nudges from strangers, one after another.
People e-mail me and say "I read your profile and I loved it! Where are you and what do you do?" Where I am and what I do is in my profile. If they actually read it, they wouldn't be asking. |
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Welcome first of all, and well i didnt just want to feel like the only one out there that has reactivated their account ... numerous amounts of times and dare I say but hoping that I would come back to maybe something new , diffrent potentials ... but NO same old same . Now why am I back yet again because well I wish to have some excitiment in my life I mean is it so bad that I wish to spend sometime with someone cool and be real about it maybe go on dates with someone laugh a little or ... I could just ramble on here ..... Please tell me im not the only one  I've been here continuously since the end of 2006, and haven't found anyone compatible yet. But there are a lot of variables, like distance and preferences and what kind of relationship you're hoping to develop. And I'm pretty sure there's an element of luck, too. You never know who might sign up here tomorrow. |
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Topic:
What is the worst thing
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What is the worst thing that can happen to any relationship? marriage When you're right, you're right. Lex, I will laugh myself so hard I will pee my pants if that perfect girl for you with the 180 IQ and enough optimism and sweetness for both of you can melt that skeptical heart and you end up marrying for insurance reasons or something. By the way, if that happens, I will be so happy for you, I will gladly change pants. TL I have a loophole, though, because I will probably die of a heart attack if I ever meet someone who doesn't try to change me. |
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Topic:
What is the worst thing
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What is the worst thing that can happen to any relationship? marriage When you're right, you're right. |
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Topic:
SINGLE or TAKEN? - part 21
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Single since 2009 and still in no danger of that changing.... Nah, I don't have the attention span to dig up all that stuff! (Plus, nobody to use it on if I did....!) |
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Topic:
white face, red hair.
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I've seen people's lives damaged by it. Total crap.  It's easy to discredit the the millions of people it has benefited due to medicinal purposes, huh? It's total crap, even though I've seen this, firsthand, for myself, in dozens of cases. OK. Thanks for telling me about the value and worth of my own personal experiences. I'm not saying it hasn't benefited people. My understanding is that it has. I don't know any of those people personally. I know people who have been harmed by it, though, by their own admissions. As I don't use the stuff myself, I can only go by what I see and what people tell me. Over and above the medicinal value, there is also -- from what I've seen anyway -- a definite negative, destructive aspect. I am aware that people who engage in self-destructive behaviors are often extremely defensive when someone says anything at all negative about those behaviors. I studied psychology for seven years, I'm very familiar with this reaction. But it doesn't add anything to the discussion. As a man with experience...I agree...the accessment is total crap. Of course it is -- because you disagree with me. Fortunately, the forums are set up to allow disagreements between people who are willing to discuss matters without taking offense to the fact that someone has a differing opinion. And then there are those of us who denigrate any dissenting opinion as "crap." Thanks for clarifying your position. I realize that anyone who takes a position that "drugs are bad" is, inevitably and unquestionably, "full of crap." We're not supposed to ever say that. Someone might not like it. Whatever. I'm not going to sit here and tell you you're "full of crap" just because i think you're harming yourselves. It's none of my business. AND I'm not going to get all defensive just because someone disagrees with me. Your mileage may vary.... |
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Topic:
white face, red hair.
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I've seen people's lives damaged by it. Total crap. It's easy to discredit the the millions of people it has benefited due to medicinal purposes, huh? It's total crap, even though I've seen this, firsthand, for myself, in dozens of cases. OK. Thanks for telling me about the value and worth of my own personal experiences. I'm not saying it hasn't benefited people. My understanding is that it has. I don't know any of those people personally. I know people who have been harmed by it, though, by their own admissions. As I don't use the stuff myself, I can only go by what I see and what people tell me. Over and above the medicinal value, there is also -- from what I've seen anyway -- a definite negative, destructive aspect. I am aware that people who engage in self-destructive behaviors are often extremely defensive when someone says anything at all negative about those behaviors. I studied psychology for seven years, I'm very familiar with this reaction. But it doesn't add anything to the discussion. |
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Topic:
white face, red hair.
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In the strictly negative sense, i.e., I will never need something like that to help me be creative. I've seen enough users who ended up as immobilized slugs on a couch to know it's something I'm better off avoiding. And I see you need no help in being judgmental too. According to you pot is negative, that doesn't necessarily means it is though. Seems kinda ignorant to think all stoners are the same 'ol stereotypical "gimme some Doritos, a xbox, and a 2 liter." Not a very "creative" depiction if you ask me... But you didn't so hate on!  I'm sorry if my own personal experiences -- and there are many on this subject -- don't agree with your preconceived notions. Do what you want, it makes no difference to me. I'm not here to try to influence anyone either way -- I simply answered a question which was asked in the forum. You're not required to agree, disagree, or even read it. If that makes me judgmental, so be it. I do see pot as negative. I've seen people's lives damaged by it. I suppose I should just ignore that reality for the sake of not coming across as judgmental. Whatever. I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are to yours. The difference is I don't read motives into other people's opinions that aren't there. |
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Topic:
white face, red hair.
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If the day comes when I need artificial enhancements to be creative, I'll know it's time to stop being creative. oh, there's that word 'need' again. In the strictly negative sense, i.e., I will never need something like that to help me be creative. I've seen enough users who ended up as immobilized slugs on a couch to know it's something I'm better off avoiding. artificial? hardly. I'm using that in the sense of "external," i.e., not internally generated. I've seen nothing to indicate that THC, etc., is naturally produced within the human body. |
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Topic:
SINGLE or TAKEN? - part 21
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Single since 2009 and still in no danger of that changing....
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Topic:
white face, red hair.
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I smoked the stuff maybe 15-20 times in my musical days. Never did anything but give me a headache.
A lot of the people who used to be in those bands are now essentially brain-dead. I can't say it's because of pot, but I can't say it isn't. It's definitely an area of common ground between them all. If the day comes when I need artificial enhancements to be creative, I'll know it's time to stop being creative. |
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