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Community > Posts By > LexFonteyne
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I'm a great catch. I only get men who want a bed buddy (which i REFUSE to be) or if I'm really interested and he says he is too, he always has drama. What happened to spending REAL TIME to get to know someone? Very Frustrating! ! I wouldn't say I'm frustrated -- more like "resigned to reality," I suppose. I'm a great catch, too (or so they tell me) but nobody is really looking for whatever it is I have to offer. C'est la vie....and welcome to the site! Best people on the internet are here!  |
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Topic:
Not wanting to explain
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Most of you who are my friends know I had to have an emergency hysterectomy or bleed to death last year. I keep encountering guys who feel it is their business to demand to know why I can't have children and go into that crappola about god and the right doctor until I say I had a hysterectomy and then they go off on how doctors just do that for the money, blah blah. Why did I let them ruin my body? I just want to tell them to F themselves. I don't know what a good response is. I feel like maybe I should just say Hell to the no on having kids and offer no explanation. I mean I never did want kids in the first place. Should I just stand strong like Lex and say NO KIDS EVER EVER EVER and not even bring up whether or not I can't have them. I would advise you to be aware of one thing -- taking the adamant "No kids" stance has basically made me a pariah insofar as finding any actual dating prospects is concerned. The "No kids" qualifier is more damning than saying "I killed the Lindbergh baby" or "I'm the reason Chernobyl went bad" or whatever. It may be different for a woman; I don't really know. Just understand that you are going to dissuade a lot of people who can't function outside the repro-box. I had to figure this all out, and it took awhile. And I realized that, for me anyway, it's more important for me to live a childfree life than it is to be with someone. Your mileage may vary.... |
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Topic:
I'm ready.
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If you're a single man, between the ages of 48-58, a heterosexual, looking for a long term relationship, date interracial, and you love big women, let's chat.  I was thinking about doing one of these, but nobody could stay awake long enough to read through my entire list....
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Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. I have to side with Lex on this one. Everybody lies to me and says they have no kids which means in their custody full time or in their state, etc. They say I am fine without wanting to have kids until they start to really like me and then it becomes a matter "with enough faith in god and I can afford the right doctors you can have a baby". It happens to me in reverse all the freaking time. And some guys are borderline brain dead. I have said, "I had a hysterectomy" and they are "Does that mean you can't have kids?" "No uterus=no babies". "Why did you have that? Why would elect to have that done? Those doctors just did that for money!!" "I was going to bleed to death if they didn't". "Oh then I guess that's a good reason". "OH REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR APPROVAL BECAUSE IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT MY LIFE SAVING SURGERY MEETS WITH YOUR SENSIBILITIES". When I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2007, I was told that, typically, people with Asperger's often have an extremely difficult time understanding why NeuroTypicals do a lot of the things they do. I was asked to make a list of behaviors that struck me as completely incomprehensible, things that "normal" people would do more or less routinely or automatically. I ended up with a fairly long list. "Having kids" was at the very top of that list. I was also told that it works in reverse, as well; i.e., a lot of the things that I would do would seem strange to "normal" people. And it really doesn't make much difference in the long run, but I am somewhat concerned by the fact that women, in general, seem to have an extremely difficult time understanding that there might actually be some people in the world who have no interest in, nor aptitude for, being a parent. It's as if they think they'd be doing me some tremendous favor by tricking me into it somehow. Well, Lex you have me and teadipper on your side. I found that men too can have baby fever. I decided to have a tubligation at 26 as I didn't want anything to interfere with my military career. As I met guys; their only thoughts were to pop out kids and kept asking if the procedure was reversible. I told them even if it was; I am not doing it. I was labeled selfish, and a cold hearted biotch. I am now almost 52 and I still don't want kids and don't feel I have missed out on anything by not having kids. And just when I thought it was safe; now guys in their 50s want to have kids.  It just baffles me completely. People act as if I've insulted their dog or something when I say I have no interest in being a parent. To be fair, I get the same reaction when I say I don't drink, or mention that I have no interest in politics or football or whatever. There seems to be a standard working definition of what an "American Man" is supposed to do and think and be and say, and any deviation from that suffocating pigeonhole is treated as a serious psychological disorder. |
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Topic:
Too complicated
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I wanna know if this was too biotchy of me. I stopped seeing someone because his life was just too freaking complicated. I felt like I needed a copy of Soap Opera digest to keep up with his information. I kept thinking "this dude is a scammer" and he would send proof over and over that he wasn't but I was like "Dude, I can't follow the story line". I mean so he's not a scammer, so what? Is it unreasonable of me to just want someone who is just an average person with an average life and nothing complicated to keep track of? Like the a guy named Joe or something who manages a hardware store and has a dog named Alf or something that easy??? I don't see a problem here. You have a certain amount of baggage you're willing to deal with from another person, and once it goes beyond that, it's simply not worth the effort and the ongoing notes on plot twists, etc. Nothing wrong with that.... |
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Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. I have to side with Lex on this one. Everybody lies to me and says they have no kids which means in their custody full time or in their state, etc. They say I am fine without wanting to have kids until they start to really like me and then it becomes a matter "with enough faith in god and I can afford the right doctors you can have a baby". It happens to me in reverse all the freaking time. And some guys are borderline brain dead. I have said, "I had a hysterectomy" and they are "Does that mean you can't have kids?" "No uterus=no babies". "Why did you have that? Why would elect to have that done? Those doctors just did that for money!!" "I was going to bleed to death if they didn't". "Oh then I guess that's a good reason". "OH REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR APPROVAL BECAUSE IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT MY LIFE SAVING SURGERY MEETS WITH YOUR SENSIBILITIES". When I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2007, I was told that, typically, people with Asperger's often have an extremely difficult time understanding why NeuroTypicals do a lot of the things they do. I was asked to make a list of behaviors that struck me as completely incomprehensible, things that "normal" people would do more or less routinely or automatically. I ended up with a fairly long list. "Having kids" was at the very top of that list. I was also told that it works in reverse, as well; i.e., a lot of the things that I would do would seem strange to "normal" people. And it really doesn't make much difference in the long run, but I am somewhat concerned by the fact that women, in general, seem to have an extremely difficult time understanding that there might actually be some people in the world who have no interest in, nor aptitude for, being a parent. It's as if they think they'd be doing me some tremendous favor by tricking me into it somehow. |
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Absolutely. I've been married but it was an abominable experience, I would never do that again. I never had kids, I don't drink, I'm not really a "people person," I have Asperger's, I'm a reclusive hermit who does little other than write books and dwiddle around on the computer, and I have the attention span of a chili dog. Women are not looking for someone like that....! I never thought you as not being a people person Lex. You seem rather friendly here on the forums. Well, it's different on here. I don't get incessantly pummeled by people with idiotic demands here, the way I used to in real life. I've found that the best people are on line people, because they're not trying to get something from you every 15 seconds. Unless they are in Nigeria!  Most of mine (now) are either from Ghana or Manhattan!
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Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. Stop assuming everyone is the same. I will, as soon as they stop BEING the same. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. This kind of thinking would definitely be a red flag to me. When everyone lies to you, about the exact same thing, over and over and over again, for years and years and years, I think it's only normal that this pattern would be noticed. well I think this is definitely how trust issues develop - being lied to or in some way deceived/mistreated over & over again, and as you said to me earlier, that is something for you to deal with personally because I am inclined to agree that not all women are lying about that subject.. Yet there is a difference between not wanting children NOW or for the next few years and NEVER wanting them and I am wondering if that nuance or discernment maybe a small factor somewhere? I know a lot of women I've been with have seen it that way. They assume "He doesn't want kids NOW, but maybe down the road I can get him to change his mind...." That's why I try as best I can to make sure they understand this is a permanent thing. When I was younger, I wasn't always thinking ahead to the extent I should have been, and it's possible that some ambiguities may have developed from this. I might not have been clear about the unchanging nature of my disinclination to procreate. But there was a point when I recognized this, and took steps to address it. |
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Are you sure everyone is lying to you, or do you just automatically assume that now? It's been several years since I've actually been in a position to talk to anyone about this within a relationship context, so I have no recent experience to fall back on here. I can say, with complete assurance, that just about everyone I heard that from, prior to, oh, let's say three years ago, was lying. There was one exception. But I think I'd be more likely to assume they were lying if they said they didn't want kids right up front. That's the "default setting," in my experience. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. This kind of thinking would definitely be a red flag to me. When everyone lies to you, about the exact same thing, over and over and over again, for years and years and years, I think it's only normal that this pattern would be noticed. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. I just find it hard to believe that every single women you've ever known is like that. Especially when women on here are saying they aren't. So obviously, there are some out there who aren't. Well, you can't go by what they say. I personally can account for at least 90 who SAID they didn't want kids, but actually did want them. So, as far as I'm concerned, someone saying they don't want kids doesn't carry any weight whatsoever. |
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Topic:
What is love...?
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All around you; love is knocking, outside your door. It's just waiting for a chance to kill me. "Who are you?" "Lex. Agent Lex." "Ooooo.. scurreeee." :D People don't think about this stuff. Cupid has an ARROW, people. Arrows are dangerous. Especially when the tips are soaked with curare. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. Just curious, how many women are you basing your assumption on? Just women you've dated? Women I've dated, women I've been friends with, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's pretty much a universal condition, from what I've seen. Not a large statistical sampling, admittedly, but conclusive enough for me. |
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Topic:
What is love...?
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All around you; love is knocking, outside your door. It's just waiting for a chance to kill me. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. I think the same can be said with men too. They too are very influenced by society in many ways. Absolutely. The men are just as brainwashed as the women -- it's just that the women seem to be more biologically tethered to the repro-mentality. I mean, there are men like that, too, but the men I've known are less likely to consider it The End Of The World if they don't leave offspring, for whatever reason. Most of the women I've known simply aren't capable of imagining a life without reproducing. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. ((((((SexyLexy)))))Good Lord,when do you get to strip,how long are you being punished?...     Next time, I'm gonna be a cowboy. And then a spaceman. |
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I agree but I also blame this kind of thinking on society. Society has this idea that every woman wants to get married and have kids. In my experience, the biggest problem is that most of the women never question it and fall right in line. |
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But I've had too many unfortunate experiences with women who wanted marriage and children but felt no need to make that clear; they honestly thought once we were together my views on both would change. That's been my situation with every girlfriend I've ever had -- with one exception. I'm very clear, right up front, that I have no interest in being a parent, or in being WITH a parent -- and that this is not going to change. And they inevitably tell me "I don't want kids either, they're noisy and they're dirty and they smell bad...." but after I've been with them three months, they suddenly can't live unless they have a baby. Several of them have told me, after the fact, that they were sure they could get me to change my mind about having kids, if they had enough time to work on me. No no no no no..... This is one reason I'm so skeptical about ever finding anyone compatible -- it seems like women are hard-wired for putting reproduction over and above everything else in life. This is a mindset I simply cannot comprehend. |
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Absolutely. I've been married but it was an abominable experience, I would never do that again. I never had kids, I don't drink, I'm not really a "people person," I have Asperger's, I'm a reclusive hermit who does little other than write books and dwiddle around on the computer, and I have the attention span of a chili dog. Women are not looking for someone like that....! since u brought it up what is asperger's? if I may ask? I mean u can refer me to google - I'd rather know what u say tho Here's a good link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_syndrome I was diagnosed with "high-functioning" Asperger's in 2007. |
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