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| Topic: Who makes dinner (strike!) | |
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My boyfriend and I share this apartment. He used to do all the working and I (by default) became a "housewife" to pull my weight around. I did all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry.
Well we began to struggle financially... so I had to find work. I couldnt find full time, so I have two part time jobs. Ill be working back-to-back jobs nearly every day, working twice as hard and still not earning as much as he does. So... If I work one job 6am-noon, and my second from 12:30-7pm... and he works 9am-5pm... Im exhausted. I wish HE would have dinner ready by the time I come home! This has sort of been what my schedule has been like this past week (I started this week)... and I find that I cant work both jobs, and do all the laundry, cooking and cleaning. Im just to tired. I want him to help out. How do I get him to??? Because if I am too tired or not hungry, and dont make dinner... he totally just DOESNT eat! Like he refuses to open a can of spaghetti-os! What the heck? |
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Have you talked to him about it?
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Edited by
JaceKnows
on
Wed 04/02/08 01:45 PM
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Ask him to sign up for JSH, give him a link to this thread.
Discuss. Good luck! |
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Yes.
Like last week before I started work, I had the flu really badly.. like vomiting everywhere. I took care of myself... and no laundry got done. No dishes got done. I made myself soup. I would ask him for help, and the most he did was lovingly hold my hair when I got sick. Like if I dont do it... he totally wont. Part of me wants to just do MY dishes, do MY laundry... and see if he'll develop some skills of survival. He knows I have so much clothes I cold easily go months without doing laundry... but he cant go a week. |
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Just come home, make a meal for yourself and eat it quietly. Then wash your own dishes and leave his mess for him. Or, you can sit him down and bring these feelings up to him and let him know what you are thinking and what is bothering you. If you do the first option, you will find a cold quiet houe, if you do the second you may find out he never actually thought about it.
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Welcome to the real world.
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My boyfriend and I share this apartment. He used to do all the working and I (by default) became a "housewife" to pull my weight around. I did all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. Well we began to struggle financially... so I had to find work. I couldnt find full time, so I have two part time jobs. Ill be working back-to-back jobs nearly every day, working twice as hard and still not earning as much as he does. So... If I work one job 6am-noon, and my second from 12:30-7pm... and he works 9am-5pm... Im exhausted. I wish HE would have dinner ready by the time I come home! This has sort of been what my schedule has been like this past week (I started this week)... and I find that I cant work both jobs, and do all the laundry, cooking and cleaning. Im just to tired. I want him to help out. How do I get him to??? Because if I am too tired or not hungry, and dont make dinner... he totally just DOESNT eat! Like he refuses to open a can of spaghetti-os! What the heck? Maybe come up with a chore schedule and compromise with him. Discuss the issue with him and try to come to some kind of a resolution. |
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It takes 2 to tango. Let him know you need help. But keep in mind men need reminding. So give him a list of things to do and he probably will do it. I had to do it with my late husband. As long as left a list of to do'd they got done.
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Early in my now defunct marriage, I worked til about 2 or 3 daily, and my ex would get home at 5:30. This is when I taught myself to cook, because I couldn't see the sense in waiting 3 hours then saying "Welcome home! What's for dinner?" Self preservation may have also been a factor...
Cooking is a valuable tool to have. He should try to learn at least basic stuff... |
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I talked to him about it.. and there was no resolution. For the past week or so Ive made myself something to eat... and he looks at me like "um.. wears mine?!?"
silly boy. Im 20.. Im not a stinkin housewife yet. Hes 25.. hes GOT to learn to make a grilled cheese. Last week, he wanted me to make him some chicken, and I was too sick and I just didnt feel like it... so I told him I would help him. He was like "no.. ill burn and ruin it" and i told him that I would watch him and wouldnt let it happen.. and he was like "well then you might as well do it" long story short: he didnt eat that night |
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Sounds like you have other problems. Give his number to a military recruiter, when we are done with him, you won't have those issues.
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Tell him how you feel about all this, and teach him to take care of himself so you can both benifit from you working 2 jobs. If you don't talk to him about it , it only gets worse. Just think if you had babys!
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I love to cook!
Sometimes it takes guys awhile to break free from the fact that mommy is'nt cleaning up after us anymore. A little nagging would help annoy him. Maybe he'll figure out that it's better to help out than hear about it constantly. |
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he sounds like a male shovinst.. i would kick him to the curb
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I love to cook! Sometimes it takes guys awhile to break free from the fact that mommy is'nt cleaning up after us anymore. A little nagging would help annoy him. Maybe he'll figure out that it's better to help out than hear about it constantly. Thats SO true! His mom babied him so much... she did everything for him until the day he moved out... he has to learn that Im not his mother... hes not my son. hes supposed to be my equal, my partner. I feel bad when I get on his case about it... I almost feel selfish for asking for help. Who is supposed to make dinner? Should he, just because hes home by dinner time... or should I because I "dont work as much" as he does? |
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when he runs out of clean underwear he may do the laundry or just turn them inside out and reuse!!!!
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he sounds like a male shovinst.. i would kick him to the curb I agree, just ignore him for a little while, he'll get the message. Don't nag him. You will develop bad habits you will have to lose before your next boyfriend. |
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Shshshshsh he would go without if he did not lift a finger that is just not right.
 Hell my son is 25 works really wild hours gets up at 3:30am to go to work some days he gets off at noon sometimes it might be up till midnight he has his own place does his own laundry and is one hell of a cook at that. One has to want to learn first as long as they have someone to do everything for them they will never try. Myself the next one better know how to cook not expecting him to cook all the meals but at least help out besides men are sexy in the kitchen 
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when he runs out of clean underwear he may do the laundry or just turn them inside out and reuse!!!! haha...awe..... too true... such a man thing to do... or just keep going out and buying new over and over |
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Edited by
lilith401
on
Wed 04/02/08 01:58 PM
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Sit him down. Tell him how you feel and what you need. Give him a chance to step up the the plate. If he doesn't.... well you might need to reevaluate what it is that is important to you in a relationship.
I know that if I tell my SO I have wants and needs... he will do whatever is in his power to help me. And vice versa. If something is important to me it would be to him just because of my feelings. If I knew something mattered to him I would make sure he knew I was aware of that and took him into consideration. To me... that is just good manners. |
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