Here's my situation:

I started seeing this girl 5 months ago and things between us were going well enough, but it seemed like we were more like friends. She has since fallen for me and told me that she loves me, however I haven't told her the same. For some reason I don't have the feelings that she has for me.

Now she's pretty and very much in shape, she has a great personality, and is a good mother to her two boys. We get along well, however when we're not together I know she misses me. Unfortunately I don't really miss her. I don't get that feeling in my stomach when she calls, I don't have the drive to find out little details about her to be romantic like I have in other relationships.

Anyways, we broke up one day via text (she broke up with me and she prefers texting because she gets rather emotional) and decided we were just going to be friends. An hour later she texts me back with "WE NEED TO TALK", I immediately text back "Let me guess, you're pregnant". She was. We were careful but she had switched birth control from the pill to the shot and we miscalculated when it would be safe.

That was two months ago, she wants to make it work and loves me, however I'm unsure what to do. We get along well enough, however there's that spark that's missing on my side and I don't know why. She doesn't want to raise the baby alone and I said of course I would be there, but she wants to move in together before the baby is born. I'm unsure what to do or what to tell her.

Do not.....DO NOT....let her move in or try to make it work. That will make things worse not only for you, but for her as well.

Ok, I have to ask? Do you really believe she is pregnant? If so, is it really yours? I mean, it just sounds fishy that you two broke up via texting, and then an hour later, she comes back with the "I'm pregnant" line. I would find out for sure (if you haven't).

Anyways....you don't feel the same as she does. You obviously care for her, and that is good. But it is as friends, and she needs to realize this. Help her out in anyway you can, but do not try to work it out or have her live with you. That is disaster waiting to happen.

Yes she is really pregnant and it is mine. It isn't something that was planned of course but life throws you curveballs sometimes. I thought it was fishy too at first, but have since verified.

I should probably add that we have still been seeing each other since.

Good. And, you are doing the right thing in wanting to help her with the child. But still, moving in together and trying to make it work, with how you feel about her? It will bring about more heartache and drama my man. Just my thoughts.

Have you explained to her how you feel? If it were me i would appreciate the honesty upfront, at least she can deal with the situation knowing all the facts. It would be worse to find out down the road that you were never really committed to the relationship and it had been a pretence.
You can be a father and a great friend, but life is too short to be in a situation that you are unhappy in, it will never work out. Be honest and be happy.

Hope it works out for you.

As a single mom I can uderstand why she dont want to raise the baby by herself, trust me, I did it twice and dammmm is hard. But to be honest even when it hurts at the end is gonna be the best for you all. If you dont love her, wich is sad cause it seems like she really loves you, dont do it. Love might not be THE most important thing in a relation but is one of them. Good luck with everything...

Get some counseling...from people who deal with issues like this professionally...and are trained. The anecdotal stories and opinions here are ok, but really...please don't make a life decision off what you find on a forum or chat room. Too little information...way too little knowledge of the people giving advice...and happenstance on who sees your post...could lead to terribly skewed advice. You asked, but really, this probably isn't the place to go for something this important. Seek psychologist, family counselor, clergy...combination. Some are free...county and state offices. Good luck, my friend...to you, her and the baby.

"Do not.....DO NOT....let her move in or try to make it work. That will make things worse not only for you, but for her as well. "

There are people all around you that have babies and not stay in a relationship. i wouldn't stay in a relationship for a child. I would have the father stay in the child's life, but to stay in a relationship because she's having your baby. NONONONONONONONONO! I can't say it enough!

*UPDATE*

Well I told her the other day after she sent me a text telling me that she sees there isn't a lot of passion or love between us and I agreed. I told her I would always be there for her and the baby but I didn't want to make the situation worse by moving in together and bringing out kids into it.

To me it felt like she was trying to "fast track" the relationship now that she had a date when the baby would be born. She had two kids, but I haven't even met them yet and she wanted to move in together. It's a weird situation but one piece of info I had left out last time was that she's still married. She filed for divorce over a year ago and her soon to be ex and his lawyer have been dragging their feet the whole time. His lawyer stopped all communication with everyone because he owes her so much money now, they finally set a date in Feburary to finalize this. There's something in the divorce decree that prohibits them from introducing the kids to anyone new while they are still technically married which is why I haven't met them yet.

Of course after I told her this she turned a little hostile, telling me she'll do it on her own, she wants me to pay child support / medical / daycare, and she talked to two lawyers and I don't get to have a say in what the child's name is, first or last.

Yes fantastic. Having a child with a married person you've known for 6 months is brilliant and stellar idea. Plus they use text as a form of communicating such news as a pregnancy. She sounds like a real winner. Also, another case of condoms not working I see. Oh wait, you didn't use one even though she was in the process of switching bc methods. Again, brilliant. Now you have the rest of your lives to be tied to each other. Mazel Tov.

What does Mazel Tov mean anyway!! ??

Woops, I spelled it wrong.


It means congratulations in yiddish.

It wasn't our idea of course, the night in question I remember copius amounts of alcohol but that of course doesn't excuse the fact. A few members of my family suspect that perhaps she did it on purpose because she liked me so much. The fact that the shot was administered by a friend at her apartment (as she says) instead of at a clinic brings doubt into the picture. We don't even know for sure that it was administered correctly or in the correct amount, or at all for that matter.

What a mucking fess!
do you have other kids that you are supporting?

Yes I have my beautiful daughter from my previous marriage. We were married for 9 years. I have been divorced for about 3 years now.

There was obviously 'spark' enough for you to sleep with her...I'm guessing many times...

So personally I don't buy the whole 'spark' was never there...

plus she is married...

Bad news for you...good news for the husband

Especially if she moves in with you

if her lawyers prove that she is living with another man during a divorce her husband is free of a lot of responsibility that can be pushed off on to you...

So definitly don't move in with her...unless you want to be the primary caregiver to her children...

But then again after 6months or so..maybe you'll think before sleeping with a married woman...just my opinion though

True but realize there are a ton of people out there that other people will sleep with or date, but won't marry or move in with. There was attraction yes, and we got along great, but as the weeks went by and she stayed over more and I stayed over there, the differences started to become more and more apparent. We finally decided to part ways after 3 months, but that same day she gave me the news.

Interesting to know about the legal aspect you bring up though.

Yes, i learned that in my divorce I spent many many hours in the courthouse library trying to figure out a way to get out of paying alimony to my 27yr wife, no kids, with a degree..who cheated on me..the only way was to prove she lived with another man at the time...that is an exception in most states i found out.

I show posts like this to my teenage son as part of his "what not to do" education.

Thanks for addition to our collection.

As for your situation, start getting ready to pay child support for the next 18 years and don't make it worse for her and the baby by marrying her or moving in with her.

Sorry that you (both) didn't communicate well.Nothing anyone can do to help you with your mistakes. But now you (both) have a new problem, a baby.Hopefully (both) will be responsible. I'm not going to sit here and type what you (both) did wrong,I'm not a jury.I'm guessing you can see.