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| Topic: Dealing with partners Ex... | |
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When I first came here I had no desire to date a man with young children. Now, I've found myself in a relationship with a man who has 3 young daughters ages 8, 11, & 12 whom I haven't gotten a chance to meet. The problem is not his children but his ex. She berates him because he's involved with someone new & sometimes refuses to allow him to talk to or see his children. I haven't met her yet & she's not willing to go the extra mile for the kids sake to meet or talk with me. He's not a deadbeat dad. Child support is generalously paid every month & whenever she ask for extra money he sends it. I've even sent out the last money order to her. Even when she got someone ticked at her enough to throw a rock through her windshield he forked over $300 to replace it & installed it himself back in january. We're planning on going to see the kids (another state) in 8 days (May 12th). Not even knowing after her tyrade last night over the phone if he'll be allowed to see them. She holds the kids over his head. As much as I'd like to meet the kids I'm thinking it's best to stay behind so he can be sure to see them. She wants him to come stay at her trailer while she stays at her moms & me stay behind as I'm not welcome. He has a home in IN & she won't allow him to take the kids there. He works on the road, different states. I have no desire to take their mothers place no more than he can take my grown childrens fathers place. It's taking a toll on our relationship dealing with her several times a week when he tries to talk to the kids. My parents divorced when I was 2 & finally met my father when I was 15 because of the same circumstances pretty much & I don't want to see this happen to his kids. Any advice?
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Oh Poop, thats a hard spot to be in..
I am a little luckier, I contacted my mans ex before I even met him, and then she came around for coffee and to talk, I cant stand any hassell so wanted to make sure that wouod be out of the way first.. REally there is nothing you can do, she will continue to hold it over his head, she will do anything she can to make it difficult and to try and make him do what she wants.. I have no idea why people do this. All you can do is support him and try and not let it eat you up.. I hope that you can both work it out. Does he have court orders to be allowed to see the kids, can she keep stopping him, I definately would not stop in her van, much better to go somewhere else.. |
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Oh Poop, thats a hard spot to be in.. I am a little luckier, I contacted my mans ex before I even met him, and then she came around for coffee and to talk, I cant stand any hassell so wanted to make sure that wouod be out of the way first.. REally there is nothing you can do, she will continue to hold it over his head, she will do anything she can to make it difficult and to try and make him do what she wants.. I have no idea why people do this. All you can do is support him and try and not let it eat you up.. I hope that you can both work it out. Does he have court orders to be allowed to see the kids, can she keep stopping him, I definately would not stop in her van, much better to go somewhere else.. Unfortunatly they divorced & afterwards slept together. She ended up pregnant & they got back together never remarrying. So, unless he wants to drag it through court she has the upper hand. |
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Geeez Tessa....sounds extremely tense and aweful for both you and your fella.
I don't know enough about your laws in regards to custody, access and marriage, non-marriage...and I can't offer any advice other than, you love him, you support him emotionally, and you want the best for him and his kids....which you are already doing. I guess it is time to look at how long both of you can maintain your own relationship without buying into her dramas...if you are ok with having to be only in his life, minus his time spent with his kids...then you have all you can expect....for now. I would travel with him...you both deserve a holiday...enroute to his kids...and on the return...and I guess you look for alternative accomodation for you.. She doesn't need to know you are in town...you are none of her business. |
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Geeez Tessa....sounds extremely tense and aweful for both you and your fella. I don't know enough about your laws in regards to custody, access and marriage, non-marriage...and I can't offer any advice other than, you love him, you support him emotionally, and you want the best for him and his kids....which you are already doing. I guess it is time to look at how long both of you can maintain your own relationship without buying into her dramas...if you are ok with having to be only in his life, minus his time spent with his kids...then you have all you can expect....for now. I would travel with him...you both deserve a holiday...enroute to his kids...and on the return...and I guess you look for alternative accomodation for you.. She doesn't need to know you are in town...you are none of her business. That's part of the plan is for me to stay with his Mom. She lives in his house since he stays on the road it's cheaper than her paying rent elsewhere. I haven't met his mom but have spoken to her several times on the phone & she seems like a real sweetheart of a woman!!! He tells me I just have no idea what he's dealing with & I'm trying!! 
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Time for a court of law to get involved. There needs to be clear defined lines, and she shouldn't totally get the right to screw him over and withhold the kids. If he's being generous with funds and helpful beyond that, he deserves to see them free and clear.
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she's a serious control freak with issues
he could get an attorney, or continue to let her control his life what she needs to remember is that the kids WILL remember all this and if she keeps their dad from them, they will run to him and desert her as soon as they are old enough to do so sit down and TRY to have a serious talk w/ her with you there too - if u guys r that serious it's cheaper than a lawyer and more honest good luck I will give my ex that much - he stays outta my bizz and I return the fav |
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Hummm all I can say if he had the balls he would contact the DA's Office and take the matter to court. In this day and time no one can keep the other spouse from vistiation rights with their kids unless they let them.
If he has the extra money to throw her way for every little thing then he has enough to use towards where it will really count in the end. I'm not saying he is not a good man just has his priorites screwed up on what he needs to do in order to lesson all the confusion.  
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When I first came here I had no desire to date a man with young children. Now, I've found myself in a relationship with a man who has 3 young daughters ages 8, 11, & 12 whom I haven't gotten a chance to meet. The problem is not his children but his ex. She berates him because he's involved with someone new & sometimes refuses to allow him to talk to or see his children. I haven't met her yet & she's not willing to go the extra mile for the kids sake to meet or talk with me. He's not a deadbeat dad. Child support is generalously paid every month & whenever she ask for extra money he sends it. I've even sent out the last money order to her. Even when she got someone ticked at her enough to throw a rock through her windshield he forked over $300 to replace it & installed it himself back in january. We're planning on going to see the kids (another state) in 8 days (May 12th). Not even knowing after her tyrade last night over the phone if he'll be allowed to see them. She holds the kids over his head. As much as I'd like to meet the kids I'm thinking it's best to stay behind so he can be sure to see them. She wants him to come stay at her trailer while she stays at her moms & me stay behind as I'm not welcome. He has a home in IN & she won't allow him to take the kids there. He works on the road, different states. I have no desire to take their mothers place no more than he can take my grown childrens fathers place. It's taking a toll on our relationship dealing with her several times a week when he tries to talk to the kids. My parents divorced when I was 2 & finally met my father when I was 15 because of the same circumstances pretty much & I don't want to see this happen to his kids. Any advice? Move on. I can see this turning tragic long before you even get any deeper into this. Not to sound cold but the guy you are talking too sounds like he lives for the drama. he should have never gotten his ex pregnant after the fact. You will always be second fiddle in his life, not first Chair! Something will go bad between you two and he will be in bed with her like lightning. Do yourself a favor, find someone with less baggage! |
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I know it's hard to be in a relationship without feeling like you share your troubles, but she is his ex and those are his kids so it is HIS responsibility to deal with it all and not YOURS!
I agree he should man up and settle it in court so she no longer has control. |
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I agree with a little of most of whats been said
as a mother myself, I can tell you that if you are not supporting the kids in any way, you should probably stay out of it and expect/insist that HE deal with her Im not sure under what circumstances you would be 'dealing' with her if you dont live with the father or support the kids, seems like alot is missing in the story and perhaps, if you are only getting his side, thats the most likely scenario As to his money, I wouldnt be so quick to assume his priorities are wrong, indeed if something was wrong with a vehicle she uses to transport the kids, it was reasonable and responsible for him to help make sure it was again safe to drive and perhaps his money is spent on those things so that he has none left for LEGAL processes,, I am in the same boat with what I have being spent on actually taking care of my children and my home and none EXTRA laying around for legal and perhaps he is struggling more than he lets on, living with a mom can be a way to cut expenses a little, sometimes people who appear to have 'things' are actually quite broke in reality... Id say, consider the level of commitment you have and the level of commitment you want before you make those children or their mother such a priority to your peace of mind,,, |
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that's a good point Ms Harmony about some of what he is doing actually being in the bests interests of the children - tho it may look like he's doing for her, in reality that is not what's happening - he is providing for his kids and she just happens to be their custodian
nonetheless it really is his responsiblity to draw the limits with the personal boundaries or legal boundaries as he needs to have his own life...unless he is planning to reignite the one he had with her if he's unwilling to draw the line, so to speak, I'd be concerned about the reunion possibilities with the Ex were I the OP if the OP is a serious love interest he has to show that (actions speak loudest) by prioritizing her as often as possible NOT just when Mrs Ex doesn't need him I also agree w/ Andy and would consider moving on - no need to burn bridges who knows what the future brings but I'd move on to find someone who will make me a priority...relationship-wise and this man will have to make some "big boy" decisions then too |
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I just pee on them. Trust me. You do that, and they will do all they can to steer clear of you.
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I just pee on them. Trust me. You do that, and they will do all they can to steer clear of you. I don't suppose a polite admonishment would work, would it?  
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I just pee on them. Trust me. You do that, and they will do all they can to steer clear of you. I don't suppose a polite admonishment would work, would it? Look. I date a person, I don't owe there ex a damn thing. And furthermore, the ex....well...is an "ex" for a reason. So why be diplomatic here. Piss on em..I say anyway. The above was approved by FOXNews. |
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I just pee on them. Trust me. You do that, and they will do all they can to steer clear of you. I don't suppose a polite admonishment would work, would it? Look. I date a person, I don't owe there ex a damn thing. And furthermore, the ex....well...is an "ex" for a reason. So why be diplomatic here. Piss on em..I say anyway. The above was approved by FOXNews.  can't say I've seen anything on here I agree with more - anywhere in all of cyberspace thanks for the clarification |
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Honestly. If Tessa would just go and squat on this chicks lawn, it would make the ex fear her. And then, the ex shuts her hole and is happy that Daddy is paying the bills. Really, if anyone should be mad here it's Tessa. So, in order to feel better, release that fluid. Make the world a greener place for those kids.
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Honestly. If Tessa would just go and squat on this chicks lawn, it would make the ex fear her. And then, the ex shuts her hole and is happy that Daddy is paying the bills. Really, if anyone should be mad here it's Tessa. So, in order to feel better, release that fluid. Make the world a greener place for those kids. the lawn care industry will never be the same |
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Right now I'm beyond pissed. We've argued all evening. I've decided to stay here in WV while he goes to see his kids. If I go she wont allow him to see them. Guess I'll deal with the backflash of **** when he gets back. Thx
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(((HUGZ))))
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