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| Topic: is it really a rebound/codependent?? | |
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I signed up on here just looking for friends because I felt lonely ( and I have met some people on here that make me laugh and are fun to talk to--that's it), separated from my husband on June 15, tonight he tells me he has a gf and is so happy. I left because of how mentally abusive he was to me and my children. I saw him the other day and I did NOT have the ' oh I want you back' feeling, but why did this make me cry tonight? Not moved out 30 days yet and he is happy and in love and he said they think they were made for each other.. I don't understand my hurt and pain ..any advice/ help from guys or ladies??
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if he was mentally abusive to you during your relationship, why should he stop now? sounds like he told you all about it to get under your skin. from june 15th on out, you should realize that anything he says to you is going to be negative. lucky for you he has burdened another woman, you got out physically, now get out mentally. i guarantee i guarantee that he has no power over you. godspeed, and live your life
(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending) |
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LOL thank you very much.. I'm going to hold you to that!!
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a texas gentleman is only as good as his word. i back mine with a double guarantee. if i'm wrong, i owe you a kiss on the mouth
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Stupid man when he doesn't think about what he is doing. you probably can't not forget him in a few weeks. That needs time. Why crying... You still keeps him a bit in your heart I think. I suppose (?) he already new a while before 15 he would go away.
Be honest to eachother. It's good for all. So also good for you and your children. Talk with people who you can trust about it. Think about what must happen, lawyer, money, kids, where to live, how your life is changing, what are you going to do, who can help you, family, friends.... Whit help from other people it will be a little easier. You need much time.( weeks,months, year ). Henk. |
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if he was mentally abusive to you during your relationship, why should he stop now? sounds like he told you all about it to get under your skin. from june 15th on out, you should realize that anything he says to you is going to be negative. lucky for you he has burdened another woman, you got out physically, now get out mentally. i guarantee i guarantee that he has no power over you. godspeed, and live your life (bulldog double guarantee - patent pending) Ese, a very good answer my friend. Ese is giving it to you straight. It doesn't mean that you are not going to be sad at times, but his power over your feelings will fade and as you move on you will find more of you and less of him in your mind. So happy that you are making friends here. Friends can make a ton of difference when going through things. Posting on the forums might be kinda fun for you too. It's a nice brain break at times. |
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Tears are natural in your situation. They can be caused by just the mixture of emotions you must be feeling... grief at the loss of a dream, rejection, relief, hurt because of the easy way he seems to have moved on. What he said to you was insensitive.
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cause he hurt you yet again, and will likely want to continue hurting you...eventually your feelings will change to you don't give a crap and you won't bat an eye - don't look back...a little time will heal any wounds...don't be too quick to jump back into a relationship...give yourself the time needed....good luck! |
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I signed up on here just looking for friends because I felt lonely ( and I have met some people on here that make me laugh and are fun to talk to--that's it), separated from my husband on June 15, tonight he tells me he has a gf and is so happy. I left because of how mentally abusive he was to me and my children. I saw him the other day and I did NOT have the ' oh I want you back' feeling, but why did this make me cry tonight? Not moved out 30 days yet and he is happy and in love and he said they think they were made for each other.. I don't understand my hurt and pain ..any advice/ help from guys or ladies?? Separation/Divorce for whatever reason is like a bereavement, in some ways worse than a bereavement, only time will heal the wound. |
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Whether you realise it or not, you saved yourself a lot of bs by leaving him. Let this current woman bear the brunt. She will soon come to realise what he is like. Mentally or physically abusive people never stay in a long-lasting relationship. I wonder why. Not. Just don't be getting upset over some no-hoper. There is truly no hope for him if this is how he treats women. You need a gem, not an a$$wipe.
 :)
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Sorry this creepizoid got one more emotional slap in on you.
You cried because it hurts. Trying to make the impossible work is exhausting and you are probably still tired. Wheather you want to or not you feel bad for being used/abused. Because you knew better you probably feel bad for your kids too. Have a good cry or two and move forward. The pain will fade with each good day you get under your belt. Just because he tells you everything is all rosey posey doesn't make it so. If he is bragging to you it probably means it's not and he is just trying to save face. Doesn't matter you are done; let him pick what ever poison he can find. Chances are, if she can overlook his track record with you, shes no prize and deserves what she gets. But THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Do yourself, and your kids (because nobody is happy if Mommy isn't happy),a favor and stop talking to this creep. It is clear You can do whatever needs to be done with out him if you have survived this long. My guess is you were doing most of the heavy lifting for years anyway so keep your load lighten of this deadbeat and focus on now and tomorrow not yesterday. Good Luck. |
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I signed up on here just looking for friends because I felt lonely ( and I have met some people on here that make me laugh and are fun to talk to--that's it), separated from my husband on June 15, tonight he tells me he has a gf and is so happy. I left because of how mentally abusive he was to me and my children. I saw him the other day and I did NOT have the ' oh I want you back' feeling, but why did this make me cry tonight? Not moved out 30 days yet and he is happy and in love and he said they think they were made for each other.. I don't understand my hurt and pain ..any advice/ help from guys or ladies?? There is a syndrome, to do with wanting something you really don't simply because it is withheld from you. Had he not hooked up again so fast (if it really was fast) you might have been able to walk away with impunity. For the right reasons. You are REacting to his actions now. Spend that energy on you and the kids :-) |
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if he was mentally abusive to you during your relationship, why should he stop now? sounds like he told you all about it to get under your skin. from june 15th on out, you should realize that anything he says to you is going to be negative. lucky for you he has burdened another woman, you got out physically, now get out mentally. i guarantee i guarantee that he has no power over you. godspeed, and live your life (bulldog double guarantee - patent pending) I hope she hears you Ese...Spot on!...Damn good advice....  AND (((Sandie))), it's easy to see you are suffering, easy to understand why too...IMO emotional abuse is much harder to heal than physical abuse....It will take time....First step, CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH THE ABUSER....
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okay everyone.. i did cry most of today too.. coming home and reading your posts and support really helped make me feel good and smile. i have to tell you, my 20yr old daughter has been checking on me all day, she said "mom, you know he can't be by himself, it won't last a month" my 16yr old son is working with my dad for the summer and i told him tonight when i got home.. he said mom! he has lost the best thing he ever had, he had all those years to get it right and listen to you.. he has lost you, all of us (meaning himself and his sisters)all your adopted sons & daughters that were always there.. he lost it all!! no one goes over there anymore.. he made me feel as good as all of you did!
yes ma'am.. i heard and hear Ese.. just REALLY hurts when your in it, ya know? Souf.. you said something that took my breath away 'cause i use to tell him all the time, every time he gets mad at me, he takes his love away from me, so to punish me, he would take away the one thing i needed/wanted from him. it was his control.. i made myself a promise, i might cry 1 more time tonight but tomorrow i start putting it behind me, dealing w/it and move on.. :D |
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I signed up on here just looking for friends because I felt lonely ( and I have met some people on here that make me laugh and are fun to talk to--that's it), separated from my husband on June 15, tonight he tells me he has a gf and is so happy. I left because of how mentally abusive he was to me and my children. I saw him the other day and I did NOT have the ' oh I want you back' feeling, but why did this make me cry tonight? Not moved out 30 days yet and he is happy and in love and he said they think they were made for each other.. I don't understand my hurt and pain ..any advice/ help from guys or ladies?? Because you're still healing from what has happened. @>-->----- You may also be hurt that he has moved on so quickly, but be strong, over time you will heal and things will get better. |
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you don't have to deal with it alone girl,
we could go for ride on a motorcycle or for a drive in a pick 'em up truck or just sit out on the porch, watching the stars shine or we could just cry i guarantee i guarantee all you gotta do is ask (bulldog double guarantee - patent pending) (if you prefer to deal with it on your own, it's all good girl) |
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okay everyone.. i did cry most of today too.. coming home and reading your posts and support really helped make me feel good and smile. i have to tell you, my 20yr old daughter has been checking on me all day, she said "mom, you know he can't be by himself, it won't last a month" my 16yr old son is working with my dad for the summer and i told him tonight when i got home.. he said mom! he has lost the best thing he ever had, he had all those years to get it right and listen to you.. he has lost you, all of us (meaning himself and his sisters)all your adopted sons & daughters that were always there.. he lost it all!! no one goes over there anymore.. he made me feel as good as all of you did! yes ma'am.. i heard and hear Ese.. just REALLY hurts when your in it, ya know? Souf.. you said something that took my breath away 'cause i use to tell him all the time, every time he gets mad at me, he takes his love away from me, so to punish me, he would take away the one thing i needed/wanted from him. it was his control.. i made myself a promise, i might cry 1 more time tonight but tomorrow i start putting it behind me, dealing w/it and move on.. :D If you have to cry, let it out. It helps to let it out, so that you can let go of it. Don't try to hold things back or bottle up your feelings. Let it out so you can heal and move on. If you need someone to talk to, there's people here you can talk to, or if you would prefer to talk to one of your friends you should do so. It may not hurt to even talk to a professional about what you're going through, or to find a group in your area to go to. |
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This is going to take time, you need to heal from being in a relationship that didn't work. When I got my divorce it took me about 2 years to get over it. I didn't date until I was completely over it because I didn't want to involve anyone else in my life and drag them into it.
Good Luck!!! |
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Lots of practical wisdom given on this thread. Yes he is still trying to manipulate you. Yes it hurts because you have a history together, regardless of the nastiness you have children together and a life that has now crumbled. That takes time to heal. Bad or good, it was a loss and you are grieving.
FYI be prepared. This is the first of many tricks in his bag. The next will probably be to get aggressive with you. It could be physical or very emotional or even legal. Get a lawyer. Get a therapist. Be ready for whatever he is going to throw at you next. Remember, a man like him is not going to go away quietly. Narcissists never do. He is going to try to destroy you for breaking free of his control. |
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