G.D. you're good Souf.

Honestly, I have tried looking at it and I do understand both sides of the fence. On one side, if someone has had their trust broken, at times it can be hard to repair that bridge with anyone because that trust is no more and it is very difficult to build a new bridge of trust with someone new knowing what happened last time. On the other side of the fence, I try to live a life of you need to break my trust for me to not trust you anymore. Problem with that one is that it is REALLY easy to get burned a lot and then get put onto the first side of the fence. I say just go with your gut, if someone is giving you enough reason to question them, ignoring the he says she says, then there is a good chance you shouldn't be trusting them in the first place.

Okay here is the hug and kiss but no way would I wear a bikini. I wouldn't want to scare you.

Well goody and rats! Oh well, at least it's raining! Wanna dance?

I think the one who has trust issues should do their best to overcome it before they get into a relationship again. Otherwise they kinda drag the other down. I also think we are each responsible for verbally creating insecurities or assurances of trust.

Ex-President Ronald Reagan once said, "Trust but verify", sound advice. Keep your eye on them.

I have two left feet but always willing to try.

I like that you brought responsibility into the mix...Trust is pretty hard to maintain if you or your partner do not take responsibility for, not just your words, your actions....Attaining and maintaining a trusting relationship is a two way street....The person who loses faith and/or trust is not necessarily the one with issues....

For all you people out there that maybe dont know Ladywind very well,believe me she is totally trustworthy,especially when it comes to relationships. May not be the right place to put this-but I just thought I would let any potential suitors out there know.I hope I dont cop it from her now....

Scotti I know you are my best friend, but that was embaressing.

Too late now. Just as well I love ya and need your love bud :-P

It seems like there's basically two views on this. People either trust until something happens that the person can't be trusted, or they don't trust until it's earned. I usually trust people until they do/say something that shows me they aren't trustworthy. But there's also some people that for some reason, I get a feeling in my gut that this person can't be trusted. With those people, I am very cautious around them.

I agree blueeyes. They say the right things, do the right things, but there is just that feeling you get. Time generally will show a persons true nature. A wise woman once said to me to never marry anyone unless you have wintered and summered with them.

You got to risk it......to get the bisquit!

Sometimes I've tried to talk myself out of my "gut feelings" about people. (This goes for friends as well as "love" relationships.)...There's a part of me that always wants to give people the benefit of my doubts..I don't want to be mean or sit in judgement of anyone...But I've learned that my "gut feelings" aren't trying to tell me to hate anyone. It's more about taking a few steps back. (Versus getting "super tight" with someone.)...I need some space and time to decipher all of my feelings...Why do I keep getting "internal memo's" about someone? Are these "warnings" valid or not? What "bugs me" about the person? (And our relationship?)..I don't have to hate anyone! But I can decide to "back away" if a relationship doesn't seem mentally or emotionally "healthy" for me.

I have learned to trust my gut feelings and if they tell me not to trust; I go with it.

Awe this is nice. It is frusterateing that what are thoughtful and interesting threads are sometimes misconstrewed as personal issues when really they are just conversation. Think this is a great topic by the way.

Thinking about this thread and I know it sounds rather harsh to people who are struggleing with trust but in the real world you have to put your grownup self out there.

That said I do agree with several other posts that taking your time, useing common sense, verifying occasionall...especially in the beginning, and not risking more than you can afford to loose are good ways to rebuild your ability to trust quality people.

I believe it is doable, did it myself after a heart break or two of my own so it is not like I think a person has to be doomed. Just takes some work and healing is not over night.

Some people just don't deserve anyones trust on any real significant level. Good relationships are suppose to be honest and reciprocal and forgiving to a limited level but not be a bucket with holes in it. I am not saying go out and mow down every slightly bent blade of grass from your dateing /friends landscape but if you allow weeds to thrive in your garden it will choke out the desire to see beauty in anything or anyone. Everyone has their point where it just gets exhausting to be dissappointed. Following the garden anology you would not work with out gloves around roses so to in dateing you kind of protect yourself to some degree and beaware that some thorns have to be removed to bring a pretty bouquet into your home and heart.

The old fashioned idea of winter and summering a person before shacking up or marriage is an excellent one. And it doesn't just mean a time frame. It means enjoy some happy times together feeling the warmth of a relationship. Outside and public and becomeing bonded with good experiences of work and play, and planning. Then taking on a few of the tough times and quiet repose that developes in the winter of a relationship that has lasted enough times to get a little crisis and maybe even a little more practical and comfortable. You really don't know a sweetheart until you have seen them with a winter cold or flu in their frumpy sweats but that is what struggleing through a little winter before you get all full in the nose with Spring love and serious romance. It really ups the odds of a successful realtionship and that second summer where maybe you actually know this is the person you should be getting down the aisle with rather than the false starts that bring so much pain and accute misery to those who rush in and find OMG I don't even like this person accross from me.