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| Topic: The Difficulty of being a vulnerable man | |
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well, it happened.
I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore... ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... |
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Edited by
sybariticguy
on
Tue 11/05/13 01:00 AM
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Your pain and suffering are genuine and need to be addressed. Please meet a psychiatrist and share with him your current emotional status and he may likely provide medication as you definitively meet a criteria of depression given you have been feeling as you described for more than thirty days. This situation will not improve and its best for you to seek help less you start entertaining more drastic solutions.Please take this advice seriously as your current emotional status requires immediate attention! Dr Michael
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I have to agree with Sybaritic here, get some help.
Not necessarily a shrink, but you DO need someone who can help you, an expert (psychologist maybe), not a friendly neighbour, you need something more solid. Someone who can put you on your feet and help you find self-worth, self-esteem, happiness, on your own. And maybe you do need meds, but let the experts figure this out. The focus is not finding a partner (this is NOT the solution), but should be on your health right now.
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well, it happened. I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore... Best to acknowledge feelings. You don't try to suppress a smile when you're happy, when good things happen in your life. Why would you try to suppress tears when you're sad, when life isn't so kind? It is healthy to acknowledge and express your emotions. Do not feel bad for losing it. We all do at some point in our lives when the weight of the world bears down upon us. Luckily we have the chance to change our outlook on life with each new day, and actually with each new moment if ya really think about it. ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of us. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is be the best you that you know how to be if that makes sense. Work on your faults. Play to your strengths. Focus on the things that make you smile and do those things with friends or alone until you meet someone special. Food for thought...maybe the past relationships didn't work and you're struggling to connect with someone now because you've never felt whole alone. You need to ask yourself why this is. If you can't be happy without someone, you'll never be happy with someone. Your happiness or self-worth shouldn't depend on another's opinion or actions. You're great not just when somebody thinks you're great, but when you strive to be great. Realize this and give the gift of you to the world. Somebody will recognize it as such and you will find what you seek. Enjoy your life alone and you won't be alone long.  I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Know that you've had wonderful, fantastic memorable times throughout your life and you will have many more in the future. Only you can choose whether to focus on the negative or positive things (and people) around you. Look in the mirror and smile knowing you are blessed to be able to make that choice another day. Then go make the most of it! Good luck on your journey. |
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You know J, your far from alone. Something that might help is the realization that the reason why there are forums like this is because many of us are dealing with something. We may be more or less open about it but we are dealing with something.
You know another thing, you may not find it here. This may be the place you can come to and bleed a little but it may or may not be the place where someone takes you up on your hearts desire. That's ok too. Just having the place to come to might be enough. Mingle is a great healing place and if that's all you get out of it, that's more than a lot of places in this world and life offer. No harm done in sharing what is on your mind, and you know what, no harm if that woman doesn't step up to take the bait. It's ok to be lonely, and it's ok to think that you may never find true love. These are feelings most of us have gone through for all types of reasons. Sometimes it's worth it just to be able to say ouch and know that other people are listening. |
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well, it happened. I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore... Best to acknowledge feelings. You don't try to suppress a smile when you're happy, when good things happen in your life. Why would you try to suppress tears when you're sad, when life isn't so kind? It is healthy to acknowledge and express your emotions. Do not feel bad for losing it. We all do at some point in our lives when the weight of the world bears down upon us. Luckily we have the chance to change our outlook on life with each new day, and actually with each new moment if ya really think about it. ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of us. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is be the best you that you know how to be if that makes sense. Work on your faults. Play to your strengths. Focus on the things that make you smile and do those things with friends or alone until you meet someone special. Food for thought...maybe the past relationships didn't work and you're struggling to connect with someone now because you've never felt whole alone. You need to ask yourself why this is. If you can't be happy without someone, you'll never be happy with someone. Your happiness or self-worth shouldn't depend on another's opinion or actions. You're great not just when somebody thinks you're great, but when you strive to be great. Realize this and give the gift of you to the world. Somebody will recognize it as such and you will find what you seek. Enjoy your life alone and you won't be alone long. I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Know that you've had wonderful, fantastic memorable times throughout your life and you will have many more in the future. Only you can choose whether to focus on the negative or positive things (and people) around you. Look in the mirror and smile knowing you are blessed to be able to make that choice another day. Then go make the most of it! Good luck on your journey. This was the exact acknowledgement of my feelings I was looking for. Thank you. I got some rest and felt better. As for some of the rest of you guys....meds? Seriously? Things get low, but I pride myself on being human and not suppressing my feelings or emotions or stunting them with pills. Therapy for me is friendship, people to talk to, a distraction, or what solace I can provide myself. Psychotherapy? Thanks for the suggestions but...wow. |
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You know J, your far from alone. Something that might help is the realization that the reason why there are forums like this is because many of us are dealing with something. We may be more or less open about it but we are dealing with something. You know another thing, you may not find it here. This may be the place you can come to and bleed a little but it may or may not be the place where someone takes you up on your hearts desire. That's ok too. Just having the place to come to might be enough. Mingle is a great healing place and if that's all you get out of it, that's more than a lot of places in this world and life offer. No harm done in sharing what is on your mind, and you know what, no harm if that woman doesn't step up to take the bait. It's ok to be lonely, and it's ok to think that you may never find true love. These are feelings most of us have gone through for all types of reasons. Sometimes it's worth it just to be able to say ouch and know that other people are listening. I feel ya there, I primarily come here not really looking for much of anything but to share stuff and make friends. |
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Btw,
Crying is a very good way to release such emotions! JR,you have to be strong and whole on your own before you let a woman in! Stay strong strong my dear-life does have its bumps and humps,hills and valleys!! Hang in there!! |
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I cried because i had no shoes....
...Until i met a man with no feet 
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well, it happened. I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore... Best to acknowledge feelings. You don't try to suppress a smile when you're happy, when good things happen in your life. Why would you try to suppress tears when you're sad, when life isn't so kind? It is healthy to acknowledge and express your emotions. Do not feel bad for losing it. We all do at some point in our lives when the weight of the world bears down upon us. Luckily we have the chance to change our outlook on life with each new day, and actually with each new moment if ya really think about it. ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of us. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is be the best you that you know how to be if that makes sense. Work on your faults. Play to your strengths. Focus on the things that make you smile and do those things with friends or alone until you meet someone special. Food for thought...maybe the past relationships didn't work and you're struggling to connect with someone now because you've never felt whole alone. You need to ask yourself why this is. If you can't be happy without someone, you'll never be happy with someone. Your happiness or self-worth shouldn't depend on another's opinion or actions. You're great not just when somebody thinks you're great, but when you strive to be great. Realize this and give the gift of you to the world. Somebody will recognize it as such and you will find what you seek. Enjoy your life alone and you won't be alone long. I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Know that you've had wonderful, fantastic memorable times throughout your life and you will have many more in the future. Only you can choose whether to focus on the negative or positive things (and people) around you. Look in the mirror and smile knowing you are blessed to be able to make that choice another day. Then go make the most of it! Good luck on your journey. This was the exact acknowledgement of my feelings I was looking for. Thank you. I got some rest and felt better. As for some of the rest of you guys....meds? Seriously? Things get low, but I pride myself on being human and not suppressing my feelings or emotions or stunting them with pills. Therapy for me is friendship, people to talk to, a distraction, or what solace I can provide myself. Psychotherapy? Thanks for the suggestions but...wow. I totaly agree with you.Good for you. Pull the power from within! |
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Edited by
doowadoowa
on
Tue 11/05/13 10:24 AM
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as for the meds... funny how prejudices remain that it's weak to need it... would you debate them if your separation had induced severe gastric ulcer that could lead you to fatal bleeding?
i also think friendly support is great, but professional help is important on top or at least! t i sincerely hope that reading this for the 3rd time so far in this thread, can help you see this as important help for you to seek as well having said that, not only i feel for you, but also i found you have quite some writing talent in expressing your feelings, amd not only in getting in touch with them... so congrats, and if you' re not already a writer, why not try?? ciao and take care |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Tue 11/05/13 10:46 AM
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Op, glad to hear you are feeling better. I agree to stay away from meds though. It seems everyone wants to pop that magical pill to make them feel better rather than try to tackle the situation from a different angle. If you do take something; try something herbal so you don't take the chance of getting into an addiction. |
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Hang in there. I am one of three guys who are in love with this one woman. And guess what? She doesn't even want a relationship. So we three guys almost have a support group type thing going on. Depending on which guy she is with we let the other two know that she is okay. Its almost comical if it wasn't so real. She has a real fear of being alone. But guys have to work sometimes and we need sleep.
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That chit sounds KINKY as hell !
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well, it happened. I broke down. I was in the shower, thinking about my life, my relationship that fell apart, the woman I loved who I was prepared to plan a future with who rejected me. I was thinking ont he past two months, how it's been a struggle to keep my emotions in check, how difficult it's been to try and make a connection with someone lately, and how utterly lonely I am. I took all that, sank to the floor of the shower, and cried until I couldnt anymore... Best to acknowledge feelings. You don't try to suppress a smile when you're happy, when good things happen in your life. Why would you try to suppress tears when you're sad, when life isn't so kind? It is healthy to acknowledge and express your emotions. Do not feel bad for losing it. We all do at some point in our lives when the weight of the world bears down upon us. Luckily we have the chance to change our outlook on life with each new day, and actually with each new moment if ya really think about it. ...I still don't feel like myself. I never feel whole unless I'm with someone, or at least I feel MORE whole when I am, because i thrive on the exchange of information the physical affection, the witty repartee and back and forth, the laughter, closeness, affection.... ...its getting harder and harder to tolerate the silence and my hearts going into rock-hard mode whenever I try to connect with someone and get nothing in return. Or i get a message back saying "sorry you're not my type." I almost caught myself in thinking there was something wrong with me. There is something wrong with you. There's something wrong with all of us. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is be the best you that you know how to be if that makes sense. Work on your faults. Play to your strengths. Focus on the things that make you smile and do those things with friends or alone until you meet someone special. Food for thought...maybe the past relationships didn't work and you're struggling to connect with someone now because you've never felt whole alone. You need to ask yourself why this is. If you can't be happy without someone, you'll never be happy with someone. Your happiness or self-worth shouldn't depend on another's opinion or actions. You're great not just when somebody thinks you're great, but when you strive to be great. Realize this and give the gift of you to the world. Somebody will recognize it as such and you will find what you seek. Enjoy your life alone and you won't be alone long. I cant get over how useless I'm starting to feel, but i know i have to stay strong and remind myself that things don't happen instantaneously, and how much now, more than ever, patience HAS to take hold. I'm stepping away from things for a while. at least until such time as my heart can be balanced again and i can feel better....it's been up and down for the past few months since my breakup and I'm extremely vulnerable and hating it.... hanging by a thread... Life is a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Know that you've had wonderful, fantastic memorable times throughout your life and you will have many more in the future. Only you can choose whether to focus on the negative or positive things (and people) around you. Look in the mirror and smile knowing you are blessed to be able to make that choice another day. Then go make the most of it! Good luck on your journey. This was the exact acknowledgement of my feelings I was looking for. Thank you. I got some rest and felt better. As for some of the rest of you guys....meds? Seriously? Things get low, but I pride myself on being human and not suppressing my feelings or emotions or stunting them with pills. Therapy for me is friendship, people to talk to, a distraction, or what solace I can provide myself. Psychotherapy? Thanks for the suggestions but...wow. You're quite welcome. Glad to hear it. I should be like Lucy in Peanuts and charge ya a nickel.  Go forth and spread joy now. Pay it forward, ya know. And agreed that you don't need meds or professional help if this is an isolated or generally rare incident. If it was chronic, or becomes chronic, then you should seek assistance from outside sources. For random meltdowns, ya get Lucy for a nickel telling ya to go listen to Three Little Birds. 
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Your pain and suffering are genuine and need to be addressed. Please meet a psychiatrist and share with him your current emotional status and he may likely provide medication as you definitively meet a criteria of depression given you have been feeling as you described for more than thirty days. This situation will not improve and its best for you to seek help less you start entertaining more drastic solutions.Please take this advice seriously as your current emotional status requires immediate attention! Dr Michael or maybe not... he seems to know what the problem is, so my advice would be to suck it up and go find a woman...once you find her, it will all go away... |
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Btw, Crying is a very good way to release such emotions! JR,you have to be strong and whole on your own before you let a woman in! Stay strong strong my dear-life does have its bumps and humps,hills and valleys!! Hang in there!! oh phtttt... would be a woman trying to get a man to cry..... 
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You know J, your far from alone. Something that might help is the realization that the reason why there are forums like this is because many of us are dealing with something. We may be more or less open about it but we are dealing with something. You know another thing, you may not find it here. This may be the place you can come to and bleed a little but it may or may not be the place where someone takes you up on your hearts desire. That's ok too. Just having the place to come to might be enough. Mingle is a great healing place and if that's all you get out of it, that's more than a lot of places in this world and life offer. No harm done in sharing what is on your mind, and you know what, no harm if that woman doesn't step up to take the bait. It's ok to be lonely, and it's ok to think that you may never find true love. These are feelings most of us have gone through for all types of reasons. Sometimes it's worth it just to be able to say ouch and know that other people are listening. I feel ya there, I primarily come here not really looking for much of anything but to share stuff and make friends. That's pretty much what this site is good for...sharing and making friends. Glad you're feeling better.
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Hang in there. I am one of three guys who are in love with this one woman. And guess what? She doesn't even want a relationship. So we three guys almost have a support group type thing going on. Depending on which guy she is with we let the other two know that she is okay. Its almost comical if it wasn't so real. She has a real fear of being alone. But guys have to work sometimes and we need sleep. So...you're all dating this one woman she doesn't want any of you? How did you meet? 
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