Why is it so hard for you all to talk about your children with the woman you are interested in dating? Why be so secretive?

My child is an adult.
I've never made a secret of the fact,
that I'm a dad.

Therefore, I can't answer your question.
As it doesn't really apply to me.

Maybe they need to feel more comfortable with the person before bringing their kids into it? Safeguarding the kids?

Are we talking about casual dating?
Relationship dating??

Those are huge opposite spectrums here...If the first, I wouldn't share my children. I raised my kids single.. When I dated said person that I was dating knew I had children and frankly it was none of their business about my children. We were casual call me cold but my kids didn't need to know about them either it was casual.

Relationship dating well that is another story.. I was also very cautious about that also. I have seen to many people date these string of people the kids get attached and then things change.. kids don't need to be involved til when the relationship is moving towards more of a serious thing...

The few times I dated men with kids, I refused to meet their children unless we were together for a long time and were serious. I didn't want to hurt the kids, nor did I want my heart to break when things ended.

Ohhhhh!

Women I casually dated, were never allowed to meet
or have interaction with my child.


However, from the time my child was old enough to
look at me and say "dad, that woman is cray-cray.",
my child has had a say in who I keep around for relationships.

I talk about them all the time,as they're all in the future,what they're going to name,stuff we're going to do ECT,now can't speak for guys that have children now,but I do agree with everyone's replies so far!!(have no kids )

Maybe because to bring up the children brings up thoughts of the children's mother, and that relationship?

Maybe they have been talking about their kids, but you keep wanting more more more about the kids and they want the date to be about them, not their kids?

Maybe because they have some sort of bad custody thing going on and they're worried about letting that slip out? Like they only get supervised time with their kids? Or the ex and kids moved out of state to get away from him?

Maybe because they're married and they want you to think they are single so avoid anything that has to do with family life?

Maybe because it's a first date/meet with someone from the internet, the 35th this month, and every single date revolves around him talking about his kids?

Maybe because he doesn't feel they're any of your business yet, I mean the words used in the OP are "interested in dating" not "currently dating?"

Maybe because they are sitting at the bar listening in, and if you pass the first date test he will ask you to be their mommy?

Maybe because they want you to see him as a strong, masculine, guy, and talking about his kids brings up emotions, and guys that sit there and cry and talk about their feelings on dates tend to be stuck in a friend zone?

Maybe they don't really have kids but if they put on their profile that they do then they get more first contact emails and women feel that false sense of security they are looking for earlier?
Kind of like when a guy chooses that he's looking for a "relationship" instead of "intimate encounter," or, "just dating."

Maybe they have no real desire to date you, only bang you, so no real reason to tell you anything about their kids in case you turn out to be crazy stalker glenn close chick?

Maybe they aren't being any more secretive about their kids than anything else? They're just not really talking about themselves?


Pick whichever one helps you the most.

a woman that i am interested in dating - but HAVE NOT DATED YET
is making the following mistakes, and i am speaking for myself here.:

a) i am not interested in children. i am interested in meeting you.
you. Not the Kid, not your brother, not anyone else.

b) your children talk leads me to think you are looking for a father to your children. please read A)

c)we have never met, yet you are already putting responsability on my shoulders, trying to nail me down on this particular subject for the rest of my life. Nope. we can discuss children when we live together -- in five years.

d)i prefer not to come second to the Kid that you might already have with another Man.

e)that potential other man is still the daddy to your potential Kid, and he regularly pops up in your life, and his existance might get in tocuh with mine. I need to know as much about your Ex-dick than you need to know about my Ex-*****. absolutely Nothing that is.

and so on, and so forth.

X) last but not least: i like to keep all doors open. I do not wish to be nagged into having a Kid if i change my mind down the road.

wow

anybody date a woman with kids and have something nice to say ..


maybe it takes a parent to be with a parent

My situation is different.....I had a child that I lost in a car accident. I kinda hate the question..."Do you have kids?"....Then I have to explain the situation and the inevitable sympathy comes up and I dont wanna be liked, or treated a certain way because someone feels sorry for me. I tend to hide that aspect of my life until I feel it becomes important enough to reveal it.

Yes, been there and done that aaaand...
Nope. always came behind the Kid and the Ex, that's why i kicked her to the curb.

My condolences

Thank you...but no need for condolences....its a catch 22....in answering this forum question, I had to reveal an answer I would normally save for other times. At the the same time, it does put my answer to that particular qiestion out there for potential suitors to see.....if that makes any sense.

I would and still do talk about my kids and grands. But it is still very select what I will and won't say out of respect for their safety and privacy. Another reason I don't tell or at least did not tell things when they were younger and didn't have the maturity to have to deal with someone saying your Mom said/did this.

Obviously now that they are grown and thriving it really doesn't monopolize a lot of my time and or money but it is part of who I am and if someone finds that boring then they are only wanting part of me. Personally I think actually makes me a more empathetic person because having son's I think of things in terms of how it effects men in general.

But yes I too have sometimes caught myself hesitating to say anything about a deceased child because it is for many people a difficult situation to react to. Surprisingly more people than is often obvious have lost children to a variety of reasons weather death or parental alienation to disappearing for a various reasons either as kids or adults. Sadly drugs have sent a lot of kids MIA and it is very hard to know exactly what to say.

I have learned over the years if I am going to get involved with someone who has a child it is in everyone's best interest too go in with your eyes open fairly soon. Why... because if the chemistry is not good between the children and the new person the relationship is going to tank pretty fast. Nobody want to be treated like and outsider or second class family member in any kind of serious relationship so if that is what you are looking for then waiting months to anti up with at least a polite superficial introduction is setting yourself up for the potential for disaster. I am not suggesting anything too heavy but a few public interactions away from the child's home will give you a pretty good idea how the interaction will develop over time if everyone likes each other. But if they don't you might as well bag it as not meant to be.

Blame Fifty Shades.

I've read these posts {interesting topic} and wondered what your success/failure rate has been?

When I was a single parent {son 6 months old - 4yr} before I remarried and found that often the men would make feeble attempts to 'BUY' my sons affections and instead of drawing him closer into our inner circle it just ended the relationship that much quicker! And I had to EXPLAIN it to them - DUH...my son wasn't '4-SALE' and before people start assuming things; none of my dates ever met my son until we'd dated for well over 6 months and it usually was with their child. Dating single parents of single parents seemed the way it worked out until I met & married my 2nd husband.

But it is very tricky; I knew quite a few women that treated their home like a revolving door of men that they're children called 'UNCLE' so & so and they just never knew who they were going to wake up to see at the breakfast table in the morning!!! UGH

I don't know why anyone would?

Mine are a big part of my life. Both grown but you are always Dad.. can't( and shouldn't ) hide that. That is who you are. I have no idea how some body could hide that?

Personally, I don't have any children. The last guy I dated didn't tell me he had children until 1 month after we dated. And sometimes, I'm afraid to ask a man if they have children because they will think that I'm judging them.