Community > General Discussion

Topic: How Do YOU feel about violent men or women?
Miracle Joined Fri 11/30/12 Posts: 2	Mon 05/04/15 03:23 AM
It better not to even associate with them..

katchaBreak Joined Mon 04/27/15 Posts: 24	Mon 05/04/15 08:45 AM
I'm a third time looser in this department, people like this aren't capable of change, they use the promise of change to manipulate, it's the circle of domestic violence and it's all to common and they will do anything to bring you down with them.

yellowrose10 Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 52804	Mon 05/04/15 08:55 AM
Unless it's a sociopath or something, I do believe people can change. They would need a lot of counseling and therapy though. And the person has to truly want to change

Kaustuv1 Joined Thu 03/27/14 Posts: 4365	Mon 05/04/15 08:58 AM
'They' ought to form a 'team' and leave the 'rest' out of the 'catastrophe'!

katchaBreak Joined Mon 04/27/15 Posts: 24	Mon 05/04/15 09:01 AM
I was married to someone who promised change, went on medication, did counselling, went to anger management classes and when all else failed he did what he knew best..... He was even charged by police for his behaviour. They don't change They learn to bury Their anger, hide it, make you change in small subtle ways.. Then use that as their excuse.. Please google the circle of domestic violence... It's not always physical either

mom333 Joined Sun 06/15/14 Posts: 1238	Mon 05/04/15 09:02 AM
it depends, some men and women want you to fall into line and do what your told like my ex. others want to take their frustrations out on you. in some cultures it widely accepted in my family its accepted im ashamed to say. trying to get someone to change if they have grown up thinking its right is hard.

katchaBreak Joined Mon 04/27/15 Posts: 24	Mon 05/04/15 09:07 AM
Very true mom333 My ex husband had grown up seeing violence in his entire family and they still support him to this very day it's sad... And this is why change is hard because they have people accepting the behaviour

mom333 Joined Sun 06/15/14 Posts: 1238	Mon 05/04/15 09:14 AM
Very true mom333 My ex husband had grown up seeing violence in his entire family and they still support him to this very day it's sad... And this is why change is hard because they have people accepting the behaviour that's the same with my ex his family is accepting too of beating your woman, and so is mine so yeah lol its more common than people think.

katchaBreak Joined Mon 04/27/15 Posts: 24	Mon 05/04/15 09:22 AM
It's very sad, and very hard for both men and women. but now I am away from him and doing great, enjoying the single life, So I guess my answer to the original question is walk away, turn your back, heck even fight back, use the law, get help, just don't believe they will change

Friendly_Woman Joined Mon 04/27/15 Posts: 728	Tue 05/12/15 12:34 PM
most say that you the victim antagonized them in some way that you asked for it or had it coming that if you had just kept your mouth shut and been sweeter and did what they said it never would have come to this abuse can be more than just getting punched or kicked or having a chair thrown at you or choked it can be not allowing you to leave, taking your keys, your purse it can be controlling you so that you do not have access to a car, a phone or the bank account separating you from your friends and family isolating you so that you are easier to control it can be saying mean and insulting things to you such as you are stupid, fat or ugly as a way of undermining your self esteem keeping track of your every move all the while telling you that they have what is best for you in mind Ooooh yes ^^^^^^ Also they like to make you look crazy or feel crazy. My kids dad would hide my stuff and tell me I never owned such things....stupid **** like that. many are experts at putting on the good father and husband act in front of friends and family and community so that when others find out that you have left and accused him of being abusive you end up looking like the crazy one And they're always sorry about ten years after you leave them. They're never apologetic at the time when they do this. They begin to want back what they had, because they realize what they lost.

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Tue 05/12/15 03:54 PM
Ruuuuuuunnnnnn aaaaawaaaaaaay!

TMommy Joined Fri 05/10/13 Posts: 9850	Tue 05/12/15 03:56 PM Edited by TMommy on Tue 05/12/15 03:56 PM
most say that you the victim antagonized them in some way that you asked for it or had it coming that if you had just kept your mouth shut and been sweeter and did what they said it never would have come to this abuse can be more than just getting punched or kicked or having a chair thrown at you or choked it can be not allowing you to leave, taking your keys, your purse it can be controlling you so that you do not have access to a car, a phone or the bank account separating you from your friends and family isolating you so that you are easier to control it can be saying mean and insulting things to you such as you are stupid, fat or ugly as a way of undermining your self esteem keeping track of your every move all the while telling you that they have what is best for you in mind Ooooh yes ^^^^^^ Also they like to make you look crazy or feel crazy. My kids dad would hide my stuff and tell me I never owned such things....stupid **** like that. many are experts at putting on the good father and husband act in front of friends and family and community so that when others find out that you have left and accused him of being abusive you end up looking like the crazy one And they're always sorry about ten years after you leave them. They're never apologetic at the time when they do this. They begin to want back what they had, because they realize what they lost. hell yes he will realize it..whether he admits this to you or not

devildog123 Joined Mon 09/08/14 Posts: 3902	Tue 05/12/15 04:22 PM
In my opinion( also stated in a few other posts on this subject) Men who hit are like dogs that bite. They do not just do it once. It is in their mental make up. it is a severe character flaw, which I do not believe can ever be changed...hidden, suppressed.. maybe... but it will come back out.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Tue 05/12/15 04:34 PM
Abusive people rarely change enough to risk my personal sanity/safety; and the sanity/safety of my kids always trumped whatever nice thing they might do that I could do for myself. Is it easy being a single Mom and listen to people trash talk about how you shoulda done this or that so the partner get another crack at maybe killing you or your kids? No but I figure "Fool me once; shame on you. Fool me twice; shame on me." When you put your head up and move forward in life it does get easier to attract a better caliber of partner because you become a better caliber of partner. That whole balogne about second chances is for games where people who blow off your rights and your self respect are manipulating you to think they deserve what they threw away. That is just stinking thinking and excuses. or forgiveness and allowance for human mistakes and growth,,,,which I dont think is stinking at all [/quote} You can forgive and allow for human mistakes and growth but you don't do anyone any favors when you remove the consequences of their actions and retard their self growth my responsible ownership of their actions. "What we endure we teach." If you have boundries it can be a hard lesson to those who violate them but no one said life was easy.

Annierooroo Joined Mon 10/20/14 Posts: 12552	Tue 05/12/15 04:40 PM
Remember this Your mama didn't give birth to you so you can be someone's punching bag.

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Tue 05/12/15 04:54 PM
Remember this Your mama didn't give birth to you so you can be someone's punching bag. AMEN!

PacificStar48 Joined Tue 10/02/07 Posts: 13764	Tue 05/12/15 04:59 PM
it depends, some men and women want you to fall into line and do what your told like my ex. others want to take their frustrations out on you. in some cultures it widely accepted in my family its accepted im ashamed to say. trying to get someone to change if they have grown up thinking its right is hard. I think the greatest gift you can give anyone who is being abused is to tell them, hopefully back it up with resources, that they do not have to "fall in line " to abuse. Sometimes it takes years before they really believe it but it is music to their ears weather it is the first time they hear it to it in the hundredth verse. Sadly after abuse there is so much shame and fear that it often takes a hundred verses to heal. But that does not mean we quit singing or ignore when someone else is singing the tune of excuses and forgiveness that is not warranted.

realcarebear Joined Sat 12/07/13 Posts: 6876	Tue 05/12/15 06:37 PM
Pssst....run away....

mikeyspace4691 Joined Tue 02/04/14 Posts: 1862	Tue 05/12/15 07:02 PM
My last ex was a hitter, so I can tell you that it's not just men that get violent.. I have a cousin that got bit on his goods by a girlfriend.. Best to get out of that kind of deal before somebody gets hurt or worse..

twigs24 Joined Wed 05/13/15 Posts: 6	Wed 05/13/15 03:25 PM
Just move on. No one needs violence in there life. There is enough in the world to go around.