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| Topic: How Do YOU feel about violent men or women? | |
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Edited by
needsum12luv
on
Thu 04/30/15 08:45 PM
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I have been guilty of yelling at my ex, but mostly because she pushed me too it, got in my face. I would never hit a woman, oh I wanted to hit her, especially when she came at me and choked me, but thanks to some self training in ju jujitsu I got her under control without doing harm to her. The thing is, when a man hits a woman and police get involved, it's the man that's going to jail. doesn't matter who hit who first
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seriously, if someone hits you tell them sorry and kiss them?  Come on...... see my  ! I was serious.... that was what my husband did the one time I hit him cos' he said something that got me so so mad, I smacked him on the shoulder, he said sorry and we made up! But frankly, I am just trying to point out the difference when a woman hits a man, and when a man hits a woman...... whether in retaliation or to provoke, the end result is different. We are never a match to a man's strength, even if he is smaller in stature or similar. so we should be ever more hesitant to hit them in the first place,, fight or flight is a natural response,, regardless of gender for a man to hit you BACK, in my opinion, is just a natural reaction if you are both adults I agree...Msharmony! That was the only one time, and I am glad he did not hit back. And if I have painted myself bad here because of my admission, so be it...I did it, I admit it. And I learn from it and never did it again. What I am trying to say here is, we hear everyone saying someone hit them, and they are in an abusive relationship/marriage and what should they do... and then everyone would come out in droves to say their piece..... and always, they are against it. And in your case, give them a 2nd chance? What I would really really like to know is....... who, in Mingle, DARE TO ADMIT that they have ever raised their hands, being abusive, whether physically or mentally or in other ways. |
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in most cases , unfortunately even if it is the woman who was the aggressor
odd we don't follow that suit between men, when one is obviously 'weaker' than the other, just arrest the one who had the clear physical advantage,,,regardless of who initiated the onfrontation |
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seriously, if someone hits you tell them sorry and kiss them? Come on...... see my ! I was serious.... that was what my husband did the one time I hit him cos' he said something that got me so so mad, I smacked him on the shoulder, he said sorry and we made up! But frankly, I am just trying to point out the difference when a woman hits a man, and when a man hits a woman...... whether in retaliation or to provoke, the end result is different. We are never a match to a man's strength, even if he is smaller in stature or similar. so we should be ever more hesitant to hit them in the first place,, fight or flight is a natural response,, regardless of gender for a man to hit you BACK, in my opinion, is just a natural reaction if you are both adults I agree...Msharmony! That was the only one time, and I am glad he did not hit back. And if I have painted myself bad here because of my admission, so be it...I did it, I admit it. And I learn from it and never did it again. What I am trying to say here is, we hear everyone saying someone hit them, and they are in an abusive relationship/marriage and what should they do... and then everyone would come out in droves to say their piece..... and always, they are against it. And in your case, give them a 2nd chance? What I would really really like to know is....... who, in Mingle, DARE TO ADMIT that they have ever raised their hands, being abusive, whether physically or mentally or in other ways. good question, I have never been abusive, I did go through growing pains with my first when he lashed out physically, but it did actually happen only once between us, followed by true remorse, and counseling and no other incidents,,, |
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I have nothing to admit to except a smart mouth.
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seriously, if someone hits you tell them sorry and kiss them? Come on...... see my ! I was serious.... that was what my husband did the one time I hit him cos' he said something that got me so so mad, I smacked him on the shoulder, he said sorry and we made up! But frankly, I am just trying to point out the difference when a woman hits a man, and when a man hits a woman...... whether in retaliation or to provoke, the end result is different. We are never a match to a man's strength, even if he is smaller in stature or similar. so we should be ever more hesitant to hit them in the first place,, fight or flight is a natural response,, regardless of gender for a man to hit you BACK, in my opinion, is just a natural reaction if you are both adults I agree...Msharmony! That was the only one time, and I am glad he did not hit back. And if I have painted myself bad here because of my admission, so be it...I did it, I admit it. And I learn from it and never did it again. What I am trying to say here is, we hear everyone saying someone hit them, and they are in an abusive relationship/marriage and what should they do... and then everyone would come out in droves to say their piece..... and always, they are against it. And in your case, give them a 2nd chance? What I would really really like to know is....... who, in Mingle, DARE TO ADMIT that they have ever raised their hands, being abusive, whether physically or mentally or in other ways. good question, I have never been abusive, I did go through growing pains with my first when he lashed out physically, but it did actually happen only once between us, followed by true remorse, and counseling and no other incidents,,, Thank you for seeing my point..... and so now, I wait to see if they are chickens who dare not admit when they are wrong! Or they will hide behind that 'angel' mask! By admitting, 2nd chances can be given, as you stated, but with remorse.... true remorse! But a repeat offender would be difficult to believe in.... cos' you then see they never learn. |
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I admit, that I mock people when they lose their temper.
The more they lose it, the more i laugh. |
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Edited by
yellowrose10
on
Thu 04/30/15 09:08 PM
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I will only come back verbally at someone who is verbal to me. I stand up for myself and can do it loud. I don't start anything but will stand up. And it usually takes a lot for that. I have to be pushed too far. Mostly I walk away
That is the closest thing for me to admit. |
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If a woman hits me even once, the relationship pretty much ends right there. Well....what happens if she hits you once, but you hit her back more than once? In all my twenty over years of marriage, I have to admit I hit my husband on the shoulder once......yes ONCE, in a fit of frustration when we were arguing about something! But with the kind of strength I have and my size (he is 5'11" and I am 5'2"), it turned out to be more of a smack. I'm glad he did not hit me back though, cos' if he had, I am sure I would have been bruised and hurt physically..... we are no match to brute men strength. Can't really answer the question, because, I don't hit women. In the event of a rarity, where I might feel endangered, I may bear hug to restrain, until I can remove myself to safety. But, I do not hit. I hope for your sake you never do, and never did! Simply, not my nature. People who do stupid things, have criminal conviction records. Not all abusers get criminal conviction records. Some are never reported as their victims are afraid for their lives, and/or they might not have the support. And some abusers are real good are portraying themselves to be the 'angel'. Their true colors do not show. These are the ones we really really never can tell, and have to BEWARE! |
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Simply, not my nature. People who do stupid things, have criminal conviction records. That's a pretty wild assumption |
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most say that you the victim antagonized them in some way that you asked for it or had it coming that if you had just kept your mouth shut and been sweeter and did what they said it never would have come to this abuse can be more than just getting punched or kicked or having a chair thrown at you or choked it can be not allowing you to leave, taking your keys, your purse it can be controlling you so that you do not have access to a car, a phone or the bank account separating you from your friends and family isolating you so that you are easier to control it can be saying mean and insulting things to you such as you are stupid, fat or ugly as a way of undermining your self esteem keeping track of your every move all the while telling you that they have what is best for you in mind I think this reality of what really goes on, goes hand in hand with Ame. 
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I will only come back verbally at someone who is verbal to me. I stand up for myself and can do it loud. I don't start anything but will stand up. And it usually takes a lot for that. I have to be pushed too far. Mostly I walk away That is the closest thing for me to admit. never backing down for a second, never showing fear and when he finally passed out cold from the booze and the knife fell to floor I took my sleeping son and left him sprawled on the kitchen floor |
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Edited by
TMommy
on
Thu 04/30/15 09:15 PM
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seriously, if someone hits you tell them sorry and kiss them? Come on...... see my ! I was serious.... that was what my husband did the one time I hit him cos' he said something that got me so so mad, I smacked him on the shoulder, he said sorry and we made up! But frankly, I am just trying to point out the difference when a woman hits a man, and when a man hits a woman...... whether in retaliation or to provoke, the end result is different. We are never a match to a man's strength, even if he is smaller in stature or similar. so we should be ever more hesitant to hit them in the first place,, fight or flight is a natural response,, regardless of gender for a man to hit you BACK, in my opinion, is just a natural reaction if you are both adults I agree...Msharmony! That was the only one time, and I am glad he did not hit back. And if I have painted myself bad here because of my admission, so be it...I did it, I admit it. And I learn from it and never did it again. What I am trying to say here is, we hear everyone saying someone hit them, and they are in an abusive relationship/marriage and what should they do... and then everyone would come out in droves to say their piece..... and always, they are against it. And in your case, give them a 2nd chance? What I would really really like to know is....... who, in Mingle, DARE TO ADMIT that they have ever raised their hands, being abusive, whether physically or mentally or in other ways. good question, I have never been abusive, I did go through growing pains with my first when he lashed out physically, but it did actually happen only once between us, followed by true remorse, and counseling and no other incidents,,, And thank God for that.. you are lucky. In my opinion your case is rare ( where it only happens once, much rarer then the repeat offender odds.) but have you ever been "decked" by a man.. I mean flat out punched.. laid out... by a physically stronger person. because unfortunately I think many women have. And I think more then we know about.. because they don't or are not allowed to talk about it.. (i.e., the other part of abuse.. mental) |
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My ex used gaslighting and was very good at it. I mostly would come back with facts because he twisted the truth so much. I got loud and did my share of cussing. I have only defended myself. I don't like drama or being angry or hurt
Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. |
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Edited by
Pansytilly
on
Thu 04/30/15 09:34 PM
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most say that you the victim antagonized them in some way that you asked for it or had it coming that if you had just kept your mouth shut and been sweeter and did what they said it never would have come to this abuse can be more than just getting punched or kicked or having a chair thrown at you or choked it can be not allowing you to leave, taking your keys, your purse it can be controlling you so that you do not have access to a car, a phone or the bank account separating you from your friends and family isolating you so that you are easier to control it can be saying mean and insulting things to you such as you are stupid, fat or ugly as a way of undermining your self esteem keeping track of your every move all the while telling you that they have what is best for you in mind this ^^^ is why they get away with it...they can be very good at twisting stories and manipulating events and getting people to believe them the physical abuse is the least of the problems...it's when they belittle and take away one's sense of self-worth and dignity, that makes it hard for the victims to seek help and recover their completeness as a person... and there will always be people who are in snarky agreement with those exhibiting dominance in these relationships, they are just adding fuel to the fire...  might is not always right and taunting those who are suppressed by these so called "big men" and "big-wigs" into acting out, so that they can give justification for themselves in treating them badly while pretending to be all righteous and innocent are indeed the worst kind of scum...  |
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My ex even told me (after he hurt me) that I was being a drama queen and it's not like I had to go to the hospital. I did have visible injurys and should have left and pressed charges but I didnt
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seriously, if someone hits you tell them sorry and kiss them? Come on...... see my ! I was serious.... that was what my husband did the one time I hit him cos' he said something that got me so so mad, I smacked him on the shoulder, he said sorry and we made up! But frankly, I am just trying to point out the difference when a woman hits a man, and when a man hits a woman...... whether in retaliation or to provoke, the end result is different. We are never a match to a man's strength, even if he is smaller in stature or similar. so we should be ever more hesitant to hit them in the first place,, fight or flight is a natural response,, regardless of gender for a man to hit you BACK, in my opinion, is just a natural reaction if you are both adults I agree...Msharmony! That was the only one time, and I am glad he did not hit back. And if I have painted myself bad here because of my admission, so be it...I did it, I admit it. And I learn from it and never did it again. What I am trying to say here is, we hear everyone saying someone hit them, and they are in an abusive relationship/marriage and what should they do... and then everyone would come out in droves to say their piece..... and always, they are against it. And in your case, give them a 2nd chance? What I would really really like to know is....... who, in Mingle, DARE TO ADMIT that they have ever raised their hands, being abusive, whether physically or mentally or in other ways. good question, I have never been abusive, I did go through growing pains with my first when he lashed out physically, but it did actually happen only once between us, followed by true remorse, and counseling and no other incidents,,, And thank God for that.. you are lucky. In my opinion your case is rare ( where it only happens once, much rarer then the repeat offender odds.) but have you ever been "decked" by a man.. I mean flat out punched.. laid out... by a physically stronger person. because unfortunately I think many women have. And I think more then we know about.. because they don't or are not allowed to talk about it.. (i.e., the other part of abuse.. mental) actually yes, that one time, when an argument escalated into me repeatedly poking in his head and he finally responded physically, this was a man who had knocked grown men out and it was stupid of me to put my hands on him not to justify , but to argue that he wasnt a monster, he was human with a human reaction,,, |
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Simply, not my nature. People who do stupid things, have criminal conviction records. That's a pretty wild assumption Really? If, by a 'certain' age, one is an abuser, it would be indicative, that they've been an abuser for a long long time. Somewhere in their history, will be records of reports against them, and possibly arrest records, even if there were no convictions for abuse . |
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they are often Masters at manipulation for they have fine tuned this skill for years
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