Didn't your mom teach you not to 'mock' people???

I wouldn't be surprised if the men you laugh at sock it to you, cos' you would have deserved it.

I mock equally.

If one loses their temper, one loses control.

What I gather from most of these posts is that abusers are successful at keeping a woman. Not only do they get the same lady to come back time and again for abuse but likely have another (or more) on the side to smack around.

I might have to rethink my relationship strategy.

Profile of a Domestic Abuser



The first thing to know about any abuser is that he is a normal man. There is nothing unusual about him, nothing to indicate he is an abuser.

Every abuser believes he has a right to control a woman. Their need to control is far greater than his capacity for love of the woman or the children.

Abusers don't forget about their abuse, they just deny it.

Abusers minimize the impact and effect of their abuse. They make it less than it is which makes us feel that we are over reacting.




Abusers blame their partner for their abuse. They may blame alcohol, drugs, their parents, their job anything but themselves to justify their behavior.

Abusers tend to associate with other abusive men. They invite support for their abuse from other people.

-taken from Leavingabuse.com

funny I always thought they had the Big L on there forehead...

Even if there had been records or reports which are not easily available, without a conviction, this person will not be known to be an abuser. And it would be likely that he continues to fool other victims which eventually may become so serious, but may then be too late, cos' a life becomes at stake.

PROFILE OF AN ABUSER
Pushes for quick involvement. Claims “love at first sight,” and pressures for committment.
If male, believes in stereotyped gender roles and male supremacy. Dominates partner, requires conformity to traditional roles.
Blames victim for “provoking” abuse.
Abusive in past relationships. Abuse is not situational, it carries over from one relationship to the next.
Very jealous and possessive. Isolates victim from friends and family. Accuses victim of flirting, infidelity. May refuse to let victim work.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. Others see abuser as a good partner and parent; behind closed doors, abuser is angry and aggressive.
Experiences most emotions in the form of anger. Difficulty in communicating other emotions. Expresses anger with aggression.
Violent temper, may include hitting or throwing objects.
Uses sex as a form of aggression. Sex is imposed rather than mutual.
Dependent on victim for all emotional needs, blames others for own feelings. Unrealistic expectations of relationship.
Easily insulted, takes small setbacks as personal attacks. Hypersensitive. Is always right.
Cruel to animals and/or children. Punishes them brutally, has unrealistic expectations of their abilities, insensitive to their suffering.
Quickly changing moods. Charming one minute, abusive the next. Depressed.
Checks up on victim’s whereabouts, activities, spending, etc. Claims to be concerned for victim’s safety, but intent is to monitor behavior and control decisions.
Minimizes the seriousness of abuse.
-taken from Mysistershouse.org

Records of such magnitude, in the u.s.,
are a matter of public record.

Actually, not hard to find at all.

If, one chooses to look.

I've been a hearing aid boy since 3rd grade, had my more than my share of fights............not one blotch on my record, unfortunately I had to learn how to fight that's why I self trained myself in jujitsu

I was exposed to this also. Very detrimental.

I'm sorry yellowrose.

Records can be sealed.

Finding and investigating can be very difficult when the abuser has lived in 7 different states and more counties.

If..... is a really really big IF!

Which woman would look up such records/reports unless that ugly head started rearing from the very beginning of their relationship????? And where do you look if the said person were new, or if it were sealed, and not easily available if from different states/counties?

Tell me, Rock....... would you know where to check whether I have a record? And would you check if I have not prior to this caused you to suspect that I even had a record?


I think this answers my question!

Well, I'm sorry your husband knocked you out.. what can I say??.. You learned a lesson about poking him???..is that it?. well o.k.? I don't know what to say to that?.

I suppose to each is own... I know of many woman who ( once they came to) would have left him.

Violence includes but is not limited to physical abuse...

The gas lighting mentioned is much much worse... It causes the victim to be in conflict with themselves, and the doubt that ensues further empowers the abuser, since the victim is now in doubt if there was abuse taking place to begin with.

That is most likely the reason that abusers are not reported or criminally convicted, to begin with.

The longer and more elaborate the information becomes twisted by the manipulator, the more difficult it is for the victim to report such incidences. In the end, the manipulator moves on to the next target, without so much as a slap on the wrist.

In the end, it is about the maintaining control while controlling someone else. The first to lose control -- usually the victim, ends up being looked down on, laughed at, mocked, ignored, or even identified as the person with the problem. While the abuser just watches and is entertained by everything unfolding, and only has to keep appearances and pretend to be something that they are not. Those who are equally entertained by such a vile disregard of and atrocities against human dignity and worth, are no less guilty of such crimes of violence...even when they are not charged or convicted by a court of law, and regardless their position in society.

well, yes, I had no more right and was no more justified to be poking him than he had to hit me,, my vagina doesn't excuse my part

but

who said I didnt leave? the question was do you trust someone can or has changed,,for me the answer was yes

we seperated while he got himself together, and then he had a second chance because he had obviously changed

Then you were not abused.


Abusers do not change.

eta:

start another thread and debate exactly the varying degrees of how hard a smack is.

I was a boxer and a soccer hooligan in my teens. I have seen plenty of violence when I was growing up in Glasgow, both to me and I dished�it out to guys also. I've did MMA ( cage fighting ) too, but one thing I've never done is raise my hand to a woman and i never would. What I would love though is a few of the cowards that I've read about here, in a boxing ring, with me and see how they fare against someone that would hit them back! Any guy who hits a woman, ain't a man, he's scum and a coward!!

abuse: physical maltreatment


so an abuser is one who uses physical maltreatment,, there is no mandate that they do it forever or never stop

everyone can change

I disagree wholeheartedly, there are few absolutes

my first husband was far from a coward, he knocked out plenty of men, he had no problem being hit back

I learned that as an adult, female or not, that I Shouldnt either


dont put your hands on others and they have no reason to hit back

but if you do, no right to complain if they do

as i said, the human response is fight or flight and we ask men to reprogram that natural response to interrupt it in order to consider the gender of the assailant,, great if they do,, but they are no monster if they dont,,




imho

You have no clue what you are debating this time, harmony.