Over here we have what is called a "cooling off" period. They give so much time to make sure that you really want a divorce. Almost every divorce over here has kids involved. So, the cooling off period. As long as there are no minor kids involved a divorce can be granted in 30 days. Anyone that goes years and stays separated without divorce, you can just about bet something is wrong. Bickering over assets, something. Usually a house. It takes both to pay for it. If one drops out, the other will lose the house. Ruining credit for at least 7 to 10 years.

I had to get legally separated before I could file the divorce papers. We had to be legally separated for 90 days to make sure we for sure wanted to be divorced. The divorce process took almost two years to be completed. Even though we were legally separated and lived in different households we were still married. If either one of us had sex during this time period then we were committing adultery. I know that from previous experiences that being legally separated means you are still married and can reconcile the marriage. This is a red flag for me. Even after a true divorce people need time to recover before looking for another relationship.

My divorce took less than two months. I didn't date at all for over a year, and it wasn't because I was into me ex and it wasn't because I didn't have opportunity. It was good to be alone. Once, when I was in my late 20's, a guy I went out with told my he was separated. That was after our second date. That wasn't good to me. We were friends for a while and stayed in contact. A few years later, he was still separated and living with another woman. I have no idea what he is up to now. It was easy for me to break things off.

In Kansas it took 61 days for everything to get through the court, but it was amicable with no kids involved, but I also always wondered why people just didn't cut the cord.

Then just two days ago I was chatting with a women that has been separated for 8 years, I asked why, the reason was her husband was on disability and if divorced she would get nothing (and she had the kids) as long as they were separated, she still had a right to some income???

As far as the OP goes, get it over with, it will be a weight off your shoulders, even if you don't realize it right now. JMHO.

I will tell you the actuality of the 2 states in
which I was divorced.

California - Once you file, and it is recorded, you
wait 6 months for a 'final decree.'

Oregon- Once you record as above, you wait 30 days for
it to finalize.

A good reason alone, to live in Oregon.

Do you have common-law marriages there also, Crystal?

Thanks for asking :)
But no, we don't. The only official, legal marriage is the one done by a government official. Usually this happens at city hall. We don't have judges do weddings although I do believe technically they have the authority to do so, like a captain on a ship would etc.

A church wedding isn't legal / official either. So if people want a church marriage, they first have to get married at city hall by a government official, then afterwards go to church. Many people only do the church thing cos it makes for nice pictures. I didn't have a church wedding, because neither me nor my hubby ever went to church, we weren't all that religious, and we felt it would be hypocritical. So I guess according to the Vatican's logs, I'm an old spinster

Same with handfasting. In some US states this is official (I guess a form of common-law marriage?), over here it isn't. You can do a handfasting alright, but then you aren't legally married. So officially you'd still be single.
If you want it to be legal, you have to get married first (by a government official that is).

You do have an alternative form, a registered partnership. That way you have inheritance stuff sussed between partners, and children if there are any, without being legally wed. (some people are against marriage). I believe this is done at a notary's office.

Thanks Guys and Dolls.....have not seriously starting dating again, but since all my commitments have ended...and I think I have a shot at one beautiful woman, who understands the separation/divorce debate, I am headed to sign of on a legal divorce now....no regrets...thanks again for all that insight...

Someone told me they were divorced and they were not I would drop them like a hot rock. No apology acceptable. It would not ALWAYS be the status of their marriage but it sure would be the fact that they LIED to me. And for most purposes probably are lying to others. Especially someone they made a vow to.

I personally don't see cutting your own throat dealing with a person who is only offering themselves as half free or less.

The number of times I could document what I could consider legit reasons to deal with someone who was not single I could count on one hand not counting the thumb.

One was the partner abandoned the family and had been missing for three years. Years ago divorce by publication was up to the discretion of the court.

One had a partner that was basically a vegetable from a car accident and if the divorce went through they lost the excellent insurance coverage and became basically certain to be turned over to a state hospital which was worse than most prisons.

One was where the absent parent was the only legal guardian of a sibling group where the custodial parent only parented one child and was flying under the radar because there was no custody challenges because the kids were well cared for. If they actually divorced the child would become a ward of the state. The step parent who was disabled was unlikely to retain custody of the children not parented or be allowed to adopt them. It was only a maybe as a foster parent.

The fourth was a case of if a biracial parents divorced the tribe , who ultimately had legal say that could disavow the minor children as tribal members and take substantial rights and privileges away.

Oh yea I forgot you can not divorce someone in combat areas and or missing as a POW years ago. I don't know if that still is in effect or not.

Good choice! Good luck!

Here in the US, divorce, like marriage, is a state-by-state thing. Some places it's relatively cheap and easy, others it's an expensive pain in the ***. Here in Virginia, I was required to BOTH get an expensive Legal Separation, then wait two years, and then ALSO get an expensive divorce, all requiring multiple expensive lawyers, and all requiring lots of cooperation between spouses. Having the economy collapse in the middle of the process has delayed it a ton. And there are more complications. Not excuses, just immutable facts.

But I don't have ANY expectation that ANYONE change their personal standards in order to cater to my circumstances, no matter what the details are.

For sure, anyone is right to do whatever they want, on either side of the situation. What I object to, and am a bit sensitive about, is people making broad declarations of how much respect anyone deserves, without examining the exact details of their situation.

So yes, by all means, don't invest in people who are not yet ready to invest in you for whatever reason. My only gripe, is that there is no more need to publicly condemn strangers over divorce status without the details, than there is to condemn them for whatever other choices they may or may not have been forced to accept.

If you aren't satisfied with someone's circumstances who approaches you, then don't take them on. No need to chase them down and publicly label them in some way as well.

My ex wife moved in with a guy two months after our separation. Took us a year to do our divorce. Me? I didn't date during the separation and I waited about six months after the divorce before I dated. Most people feel that when you and your ex say "it's over", even if it is a separation, that they have the "right" to move on. Course people can rationalize and justify just about anything these days.

Personally I do think it is over when you move out together etc. Big question mark is if you're emotionally & mentally over it at that time, and I think 99.999999999999999% of ppl aren't, even though they may think they are.
You always need to get 'un-married', to unravel what were and are your ways and what was the other's.
Splitting up is more than physically leaving each other, even when you are relieved that it is over.

So where do you file for divorce: in the state you got married or in the state you now live?
I sometimes find it a bit weird there are so many differences between states. For instance, if you get married, you are married in every state, right? That is a national thing. Yet, if you want to divorce you suddenly have to deal with regional/state laws. Wouldn't life be a helluva lot easier if those things were the same nationwide?
I suppose much of this has to do with how religious a state is?

Same with VAT being different in different states.
In a way the United States really aren't all that united, are they, lol.

And this is why God gave us female escorts. No commitment and they bang your troubles away.

Yeah, but then you also miss out on all the good stuff that a commitment gives you ...
If just 'banging' would give you the same satisfaction, I wouldn't have a worry in the world, lol. I mean ... don't know about guys, but for a gal it's ever so easy to find 'banging material'. But what's the point? I want that special feeling, that sense of belonging, love, care and trust.

The point is sex. But yeah......relationships are awesome when you have great sex, doing fun stuff, having someone miss you after two hours of not seeing you....all that mushy stuff.

I am just trying to find out which STATUS to post.
I am legally separated and all the paperwork has been done by the lawyers and all has been registered in the courts etc. This was eight years ago. The divorce papers etc. will be a breeze I have been told, but there are more legal fees involved. At the present time, I do not want to spend anymore money on getting the Divorce status...I have been dating, and when asked I say divorced...technicality aside....What do the ladies on here think.
PS: I do understand, that in the event of a upcoming marriage, which could be in my future,the Divorce status is a must. Comments please.



Drama alert

Either someone is legally married or they are not.

Good move! I wish you all the best.

Hey, if that's a chocolate bar where can I get one? Want to send the Ex one for Christmas.


Not joking, serious?

Do what my brother just did found a patch to put on his leather vest he wears when riding.... It says

How do you spell Relief?
D.I.V.O.R.C.E

lol.....