which why I am new here. She knows there is no coming back this time.

Have you experienced a partner having an affair ?

Hello steelmonte

*Truth time, in the real world. Here it is 100 %

" Just because someone is weak in the love components of loyalty and faithfulness, does that mean that they dont love you?"

Unfaithfulness is one of the main destroyers of most relationships. Many of the perpetrators dont have bad intentions but they make the dumb mistake of repeatedly flirting with danger.If you are in a committed relationship, why are you visiting your friend so often with him/her alone at home? Why are you going online and flirting with new friends? Why are you constantly confiding your problems with your mate in someone of the opposite sex? why are you constantly working late at the office with your coworker with no one else present? Why are you NOT introducing close friends of the opposite sex to your mate? Many affairs started off with those innocent gestures and many people are engaging in these behaviours as we speak and are unaware that they have in fact set up the right conditions for their affair to take place. Many affairs may rooted in a lack of common sense as opposed to a lack of love. That being said I agree with you that many of us are flawed and dont seem to grasp what love is in its entirety not just in terms of faithfulness but all the other love components.

I am sorry for what you are going through Steele. I hope all the best for your future.

No not that I know my ex husband didn't have an affair.

Welcome to Mingle.

I don't agree with any of this.

It's like saying I'm obese and I can't lose weight because my local shop sells chocolates, and I have to walk past that shop everyday. So I'm blaming the shopkeeper for putting temptation in my way.

Infidelity is probably one of the cruelest acts one human being can inflict on another, that's assuming they claim to love the other of course.

Yes I have and that's why she is a ex partner. The sting will eventually wear off and I wish you good luck sir.

What is wrong with people?
Why do they do that to others.?
If you love someone why would you want them to hurt.

Sorry Jack all I can say is her lose.

Never experienced this myself. But I was tempted in many ways to start one. But resisted . Hopefully, you will get thru this phase in your life .
Welcome to M2...

well come on a dating site and make a thread about it
that will show her

just make sure what you do is for you
for a clean break
a new beginning


and not as some kind of revenge tactic on the misses

Welcome to Mingle
I am sorry this happened to you

more than once

I wish you well on your journey

Wow thanks for all the replies.

My wife of 25 years is beautiful but troubled by a childhood event, her mother walking out when she was 4.

The damage manifests as depression. The first thing she told the guy was all about her mother.

I saw this affair coming by her behaviour so wrote her a letter wishing her to go and be happy with who ever it is.

It's 10 days since she was asked 'to come ad get her things' and things couldn't be better.

The depression has lifted off the house, I'm happier the kids are happier, 18 and 12. The guy is cool and we are all friends.

He is in love with her but she is a mess, she says she loves him but I know her so well. She knows she can't come back this time.

But oh how hard it is for me to see them together, I still love her deeply as I know she doesn't really know what she is doing.

your wife is not a child
and is conveniently using a childhood traumatic event
as justification for making these choices in her life
she is aware of what she is doing


she is needy and is looking for happiness outside of herself
and will always end up disappointed because of it

I hope she realizes this at some point and talks to someone that might be able to help her


I hope you and the children can begin to heal and bring light back into your lives again

i've been trough that a lot steelmonte.. it hurts, but i don't hold on. i set everything free, as in everything... i'm not sacrificing my own happiness for someone disloyal.. glad you didn't too..so better mingle!

i have and it hurts never got over the pain until tnis day

You can work this into your relationship, can be a real turn on.

Monogamy is a social construct to protect the wife and children. In the real world, people can enjoy, and even love more than one person. No one really "owns" anyone.
There would be a lot less "cheating" if all relationships and marriages were open. I think the British have it right. They accept the idea of misstresses and extra-marital partners.
It's insecurity and impractical social rules that cause problems. If my lover told me that she wanted to sleep with someone else, I wouldnt have a broken heart over it. It's the forced secrecy that causes problems. My solution: Dont get married. Dont let anyone rope you into monogamy. Dont get real possessive of people. You cant "own" anyone. Slavery is abolished.

We are British living in Portugal. The UK has the highest divorce rate any where in the world but the Portuguese have one of the lowest.

This situation is not about the desire for another partner, it's about trying to fix depression.

My wife has a shopping addiction, it's the usual fix for feeling down but when that doesn't do it anymore and the depression gets worse the only thing to make her feel good is an affair.

Not sure what Britain you're talkng about but it certainly isn't the one I'm from.

I wish you happiness and good luck.
Take your time to get over it, which I don't think you are, before engaging in another something. Otherwise you might end up hurting someone else.
Enjoy life again with your kids and heal.


.
.

Thank you cristalfairy. Talking on here helps and I had more hugs this last week than years with my wife.

It's just 25 years of history in love takes a lot of putting behind you.

My wife asked me I was going to take the photos down of us all, I said of course not, I love them even though it hurts to look at them.

Each day it's getting easier mainly because I got a cleaner in !

That is NOT what this quote is saying joethebricky. Consider re-reading it if you are so inclined to get the meaning of it. . The quote is basically reproaching people for IGNORANTLY setting up conditions that could gradually lead to affairs . If I were to use your analogy with the chocolate shop and its relation to obesity, the quote is saying that if you are committed to losing weight, why are you REGULARLY putting yourself in temptation's way? Why do you go to the grocery every week and BUY chocolates? Why do you pack sweets in your bag everyday ? Why are you choosing to take the route with all the candy stores to get home everyday if there is another route you can utilise with less of those temptations? If anyone asked the obese person if they were committed to losing weight, the answer would be yes, but that answer and intention is not lining up with their actions. That's what the quote is saying about unfaithfulness. When perpetrators of infidelity are asked if they had PLANNED the affair they committed, most of them will tell you no, but when you trace the origin of the affair, most of them will say it started off with the increased frequency of one or more of the unwise behaviours listed above and snowballed into something bigger.The quote is NOT making excuses for unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness is and will always be wrong and destructive to families

That being said, the quote is also suggesting that the act of infidelity does not always mean that that the perpetrator didnt love their mate. Some of the perpetrators have actually been very consistent and strong in terms of other expressions of commitment and nurturing to their mates, but clearly their love is VERY FLAWED .Even couples who are not guilty of infidelity and who typically express their love in clear and endearing ways to each other, sometimes go through seasons of regrettable offenses. These include spitefully withholding sex from each other, saying hurtful things to wound the other person that apologies cant compensate for, frequently being slack with scheduling quality time for the other person , refusing to talk to the person for days when angry. Those offenses are grievous too and most of us have been guilty of one or more of these behaviours REPEATEDLY in our relationships.Doesn't this illustrate that our love is FLAWED? But does that mean that we were guilty of not loving our mates?

Sorry of the Event Steel,

From what you say your ex has trapped herself into making excuses.
She might do well to seek counseling.

The hard truth I give you is you will never not love your wife. Don t expect those feeling to fade. You will be able to adjust those feelings so that they are not so acute and painfull. You are already in that process, and well done.
There are many better days and happy days ahead.

Best Wishes

(comparing an open relationship with a committed relationship is like saying "You like them apples eh? then you must like this artichoke")