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| Topic: Such hostility toward "Separated" | |
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Hmm.. personally I date people for who they are not for their marriage or relationship status... I'm confident in who I am so I don't believe they're going to go running off to get back together with their EX..nope.. separated divorced it really doesn't matter if they want somebody else. Nothing's going to stop them... I know lots of people who are divorced and still heartsick over there ex-partner.... all a divorce is is a legal document for the state or County to recognize that you are no longer legally and financially together... It's just paperwork.... a person needs to be separated or divorced in their heads... now if I don't feel that they are over the other person in their mind...then.. yes I'm not going to keep keep .. dating them... but personally I don't judge people on their path.. or there past Logical way of thinking from someone who is still married himself, and dating  Basically you're saying that you'd also date someone who's still married (not even separated) as long as she thinks/feels she's single in her head. Also, a divorce is not just a piece of paper. It is a statement that says you want to sever ties, don't want that relationship anymore. Meaning you are free to make a fresh new start with someone else. Or -in case you still are on the rebound- are working on getting there. At least the divorcee has made the decision. That's more than you can say about someone who remains separated for years on end, possibly the rest of their life, and to use it as an argument to keep a new partner at bay out of fear of commitment... I even think it isn't right to date, as you aren't free to make a real commitment, whereas a divorcee can. Oh, and nothing personal. Just how I see things.  The emotional stuff that's attached to it is between the two people getting divorced same as breaking up with somebody... when you're dating you don't need a lawyer to draft up a document stating that you're no longer dating...lmao... |
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Hii
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 04/10/17 10:25 AM
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Hmm.. personally I date people for who they are not for their marriage or relationship status... I'm confident in who I am so I don't believe they're going to go running off to get back together with their EX..nope.. separated divorced it really doesn't matter if they want somebody else. Nothing's going to stop them... I know lots of people who are divorced and still heartsick over there ex-partner.... all a divorce is is a legal document for the state or County to recognize that you are no longer legally and financially together... It's just paperwork.... a person needs to be separated or divorced in their heads... now if I don't feel that they are over the other person in their mind...then.. yes I'm not going to keep keep .. dating them... but personally I don't judge people on their path.. or there past Logical way of thinking from someone who is still married himself, and dating Basically you're saying that you'd also date someone who's still married (not even separated) as long as she thinks/feels she's single in her head. Also, a divorce is not just a piece of paper. It is a statement that says you want to sever ties, don't want that relationship anymore. Meaning you are free to make a fresh new start with someone else. Or -in case you still are on the rebound- are working on getting there. At least the divorcee has made the decision. That's more than you can say about someone who remains separated for years on end, possibly the rest of their life, and to use it as an argument to keep a new partner at bay out of fear of commitment... I even think it isn't right to date, as you aren't free to make a real commitment, whereas a divorcee can. Oh, and nothing personal. Just how I see things. |
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I have dated a few women pending divorce or separated with no problems...but it seems like a big problem for most others... Your opinion? I would not date someone who is only 'separated' because it cannot go any further than dating if you wanted it to be more than that. I am divorced and I would expect them to be divorced if they had been married, because until that happens they have not closed the door on their previous marriage, they are not free to marry again. |
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Hmm.. personally I date people for who they are not for their marriage or relationship status... I'm confident in who I am so I don't believe they're going to go running off to get back together with their EX..nope.. separated divorced it really doesn't matter if they want somebody else. Nothing's going to stop them... I know lots of people who are divorced and still heartsick over there ex-partner.... all a divorce is is a legal document for the state or County to recognize that you are no longer legally and financially together... It's just paperwork.... a person needs to be separated or divorced in their heads... now if I don't feel that they are over the other person in their mind...then.. yes I'm not going to keep keep .. dating them... but personally I don't judge people on their path.. or there past I feel similarly. As long as I can see that a person is clearly living on their own, documents do not shed any more light on what their emotional connections are. If they are going home to someone of the opposite sex, lack of documents do not shed any more light on their emotional connection either. the best indication of availability, to me, is that they live alone not that there is a paper somewhere stating that they wed someone..or divorced them or seperated from them |
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I have dated a few women pending divorce or separated with no problems...but it seems like a big problem for most others... Your opinion? I would not date someone who is only 'separated' because it cannot go any further than dating if you wanted it to be more than that. I am divorced and I would expect them to be divorced if they had been married, because until that happens they have not closed the door on their previous marriage, they are not free to marry again. I can speak from experience that that is not true. For example, my first marriage (the relationship) ended in 1995 and then we went our separate ways , seperate homes, seperate lives,,,because we both struggled too much financially to feel any urgent need to get others involved legally. When I met someone I thought I might eventually want to marry again,,,it was 2004, we courted and when I started feeling this might be 'the one', I contacted the ex, we went to the courthouse, and it was done. It did not interrupt my freedom to marry again. The door had been closed over a decade before. The legal status just had to match the reality and that took all of one day . |
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That's true..kids need time to get used to the idea that the parents they've grown up with have decided not to live together anymore and trying to force someone new into their lives or for someone else trying to force their way into theirs lives will have definitely have damning consequences, ranging from phschological to emotional and otherwise so it is imperative to give the lot time to adjust and digest the fact that there will be changes around ..
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I have dated a few women pending divorce or separated with no problems...but it seems like a big problem for most others... Your opinion? I would not date someone who is only 'separated' because it cannot go any further than dating if you wanted it to be more than that. I am divorced and I would expect them to be divorced if they had been married, because until that happens they have not closed the door on their previous marriage, they are not free to marry again. I can speak from experience that that is not true. For example, my first marriage (the relationship) ended in 1995 and then we went our separate ways , seperate homes, seperate lives,,,because we both struggled too much financially to feel any urgent need to get others involved legally. When I met someone I thought I might eventually want to marry again,,,it was 2004, we courted and when I started feeling this might be 'the one', I contacted the ex, we went to the courthouse, and it was done. It did not interrupt my freedom to marry again. The door had been closed over a decade before. The legal status just had to match the reality and that took all of one day . Like a lot of things in life we don't realize.. how easy that hard thing can be to do sometimes... But it also Rings true for others who have Investments properties businesses tied into the Ex.. spouse.. Sometimes the division of wealth is not always the best thing at the time to do... sometimes maintaining the status quo works best... at least until the time comes to really dissolve everything.. to make way for a new committed full-time partner you might want to give your wealth to when you pass away.... |
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IMO finish one before another
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I don't think there was an easy time to do it
we had to put the dream house on market along with ten acres in woods self off one vehicle decide who got the other ones divy up all the stuff take a look at the debt we carried go thru all the paperwork including his 401k talk about custody arrangements it was not pretty |
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I have dated a few women pending divorce or separated with no problems...but it seems like a big problem for most others... Your opinion? I would not date someone who is only 'separated' because it cannot go any further than dating if you wanted it to be more than that. I am divorced and I would expect them to be divorced if they had been married, because until that happens they have not closed the door on their previous marriage, they are not free to marry again. I can speak from experience that that is not true. For example, my first marriage (the relationship) ended in 1995 and then we went our separate ways , seperate homes, seperate lives,,,because we both struggled too much financially to feel any urgent need to get others involved legally. When I met someone I thought I might eventually want to marry again,,,it was 2004, we courted and when I started feeling this might be 'the one', I contacted the ex, we went to the courthouse, and it was done. It did not interrupt my freedom to marry again. The door had been closed over a decade before. The legal status just had to match the reality and that took all of one day . Like a lot of things in life we don't realize.. how easy that hard thing can be to do sometimes... But it also Rings true for others who have Investments properties businesses tied into the Ex.. spouse.. Sometimes the division of wealth is not always the best thing at the time to do... sometimes maintaining the status quo works best... at least until the time comes to really dissolve everything.. to make way for a new committed full-time partner you might want to give your wealth to when you pass away.... it is another example of our perception being our reality, perhaps because I have so many examples of those I have known who had a legal marital status that did not match their living reality,,,,, my parents had been together thirty years when it ended, everything they had they had acquired together, my dad moved downstairs and mom stayed upstairs for almost two years,,,, neither wanting the legal headaches of splitting up everything they both went on with their lives, more as co-tenants than anything else, never brought anyone home out of respect, but they both 'dated' away from home |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 04/10/17 10:49 AM
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I have dated a few women pending divorce or separated with no problems...but it seems like a big problem for most others... Your opinion? I would not date someone who is only 'separated' because it cannot go any further than dating if you wanted it to be more than that. I am divorced and I would expect them to be divorced if they had been married, because until that happens they have not closed the door on their previous marriage, they are not free to marry again. I can speak from experience that that is not true. For example, my first marriage (the relationship) ended in 1995 and then we went our separate ways , seperate homes, seperate lives,,,because we both struggled too much financially to feel any urgent need to get others involved legally. When I met someone I thought I might eventually want to marry again,,,it was 2004, we courted and when I started feeling this might be 'the one', I contacted the ex, we went to the courthouse, and it was done. It did not interrupt my freedom to marry again. The door had been closed over a decade before. The legal status just had to match the reality and that took all of one day . Like a lot of things in life we don't realize.. how easy that hard thing can be to do sometimes... But it also Rings true for others who have Investments properties businesses tied into the Ex.. spouse.. Sometimes the division of wealth is not always the best thing at the time to do... sometimes maintaining the status quo works best... at least until the time comes to really dissolve everything.. to make way for a new committed full-time partner you might want to give your wealth to when you pass away.... it is another example of our perception being our reality, perhaps because I have so many examples of those I have known who had a legal marital status that did not match their living reality,,,,, my parents had been together thirty years when it ended, everything they had they had acquired together, my dad moved downstairs and mom stayed upstairs for almost two years,,,, neither wanting the legal headaches of splitting up everything they both went on with their lives, more as co-tenants than anything else, never brought anyone home out of respect, but they both 'dated' away from home Enlightened human beings.. that can be in a mature adult relationship.. see the situation for what it really is not what could be read into it.... good for them.. You seem to have very open minded parents.. good for you.. 
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Why should anyone make an emotional investment in a person who is still legally married to someone else?
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Why should anyone make an emotional investment in a person who is still legally married to someone else? haven't you been reading ?^^^^^^^ |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 04/10/17 10:53 AM
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I don't think there was an easy time to do it we had to put the dream house on market along with ten acres in woods self off one vehicle decide who got the other ones divy up all the stuff take a look at the debt we carried go thru all the paperwork including his 401k talk about custody arrangements it was not pretty |
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Why should anyone make an emotional investment in a person who is still legally married to someone else? I agree. I have seen more want to work it out with the spouse (after getting involved) That is great but finish one 1st |
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Edited by
no1phD
on
Mon 04/10/17 10:57 AM
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Why should anyone make an emotional investment in a person who is still legally married to someone else? Yes yes some will hear nothing but excuses.. but then that's not the type of person that would be in the relationship with somebody that is separated... because that person might be lacking the maturity and confidence within themselves to understand the situation completely.. . Of course this is just my perception of the situation..lol |
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lack of convictions, values, morals and standards
spring to my mind 
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If that is someone's thing...go get em tiger. Not for me. Being opposed doesn't always equal hostility
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