Topic: Someone unexpected on a singles' site
Tom4Uhere's photo
Tue 05/22/18 08:28 AM
Yeah, I agree it would depend on who and what site.
Except for my children and their spouses its really none of my business.

If it were my children or their spouses I would be hurt that they didn't come to me when there was a problem. I would want to know why they didn't trust me enough to tell me there were problems happening. That's also how I would lead the conversation.

As for my sis, nephew or cousins, again, not really my business.
As for friends and acquaintances, it already has happened a few times.
No biggie...

NotPay4Play's photo
Tue 05/22/18 10:10 AM
Eh to each their own. Through the years i have seen several married neighbors and co workers on dateing / social sites. I generally just skip over their profiles. drinks

no photo
Tue 05/22/18 02:14 PM
I would blackmail them and extort money and services.. like dinners.car detailing and stuff like that

msharmony's photo
Tue 05/22/18 04:08 PM
As a general rule, I stay out of it. I dont see any situation where getting involved in other people's relationships without being asked to does anything much but promote embarassment, shame, and possibly decrease their chance to truly come to a decision of their own to work it out or not.


Toodygirl5's photo
Tue 05/22/18 05:00 PM
Online I would. Stay out of it. I'm busy with my own business. biggrin

I saw a man married man here in town with another other than his wife. He said hello to me ! He knew I Know his wife of many years. But I didn't tell her.
He was in public place getting beer, in the mid afternoon.

shocked

no photo
Tue 05/22/18 05:27 PM
........after the nooner laugh

Up2youandme's photo
Wed 05/23/18 11:25 AM
Lol my kind of girl

yellowrose10's photo
Wed 05/23/18 01:01 PM
I would have no problem asking the person wtf is going on

no photo
Wed 05/23/18 08:57 PM
I'd report him to his wife. There is no excuse for not being faithful. I'd keep my vows and he should keep his. she divorces his worthless butt? Tough, but at least he really would be single and the divorce would be his own fault.

Up2youandme's photo
Sun 05/27/18 09:06 AM

I'd report him to his wife. There is no excuse for not being faithful. I'd keep my vows and he should keep his. she divorces his worthless butt? Tough, but at least he really would be single and the divorce would be his own fault.


Whatever happened to mind your own business so you don't be minding mine?
Now we resort to policing everybody ?
And you think this approach is going to contribute to a better world?

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Sun 05/27/18 11:49 AM
Edited by SparklingCrystal 💖💎 on Sun 05/27/18 11:50 AM
Dating sites typically don't have forums, so you could come across them, provided they'd use their own photo, but you wouldn't see them flirt with others, nor able to fathom if they are popular or even exchanging at all.

I have seen my neighbour from across the street on a dating site a few years back. He was looking for an intimate encounter. He was married. Said it had to be discrete cos well, he was not single.
I felt sorry for his wife, a very sweet woman. Never got why they were together, he was arrogant as bleep.
The marriage ended when he got into an affair with my neighbour from the other side of the street. He thought he'd found true love, divorced, sold the house. But this woman was just using him. She literally s(rewed a path through the village, haha. And left a number of them bereft of their money/possessions. After that she left the area, I guess to continue the same thing elsewhere.

In any case, if it was family, like my kids... not sure. If it was their partner I'm quite sure I would address the issue.

mikeyspace4691's photo
Sun 05/27/18 12:29 PM

no photo
Sun 05/27/18 12:43 PM
Edited by greeneyes148 on Sun 05/27/18 12:44 PM

What would you do if you saw a married friend, coworker, mom, dad, sister, brother or one of your married children on a singles' site, flirting with people in the forums?


We learned many things growing up from our Parents, Grandparents other family. All geared towards molding us into good adults.

One of the things taught was to:

MIND YOUR OWN F-ING BUSINESS!!

Ahh, I can hear my sweet little Grandma reminding us of that as we left for grade school each day... Grandma had such a way with words :)

Up2youandme's photo
Sun 05/27/18 03:50 PM
Is it really our business how people **** up their lives?
Are we better than them then?
Or isn't it damn if you do and damn if you don't?

msharmony's photo
Sun 05/27/18 04:22 PM

Is it really our business how people **** up their lives?
Are we better than them then?
Or isn't it damn if you do and damn if you don't?


I think we are interconnected to us that on some level its our business, however I also believe in weighting the intended impact and the likely harm and whether one is worth the other.


shovelheaddave's photo
Mon 05/28/18 07:42 AM
i am only worried about MY OWN relationship!!!

anybody else.....
i am not so narcissistic that i belive that I am the one whose business it is to police OTHER PEOPLE'S relationships!!
[for all i know,it might be that they are swingers,or have a mutual arrangement that is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!]

so,for all of y'all who think that it IS your business,get over yourselves,and start worrying about YOUR OWN lives,instead of interfering in anybody else's,cuz i am PRETTY SURE that YOUR OWN lives have some problems that you would be better off worrying about,and working on!!!


Up2youandme's photo
Mon 05/28/18 08:48 AM

i am only worried about MY OWN relationship!!!

anybody else.....
i am not so narcissistic that i belive that I am the one whose business it is to police OTHER PEOPLE'S relationships!!
[for all i know,it might be that they are swingers,or have a mutual arrangement that is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!!!]

so,for all of y'all who think that it IS your business,get over yourselves,and start worrying about YOUR OWN lives,instead of interfering in anybody else's,cuz i am PRETTY SURE that YOUR OWN lives have some problems that you would be better off worrying about,and working on!!!




:thumbsup:

IgorFrankensteen's photo
Mon 05/28/18 09:10 AM
This could be an exercise in coming to grips with what responsibilities we have, or choose to have, towards the greater society around us.

The people who cheat on mates, do damage to a LOT more than just the mate and to themselves. The act of cheating affects everyone around them as well. If nothing else, the fact that WE know they are lying to someone else in our vicinity, makes us a part of the lie succeeding if we say nothing, and it drags us into intimacies where we don't belong, if we tell on them.

That's why I despise cheaters so much. If I allow them to cheat in silence, my own entire social situation is poisoned by their lies.

I haven't had to deal with anything like that since I was very young, fortunately. I suspect that if I did find out about someone, I would confront the person who I thought was the LIAR AND CHEATER only. Let them know that I know, and that I wont actively help them to hide it. Whether I would tell their mate or not, I'm not sure. That can be very complicated.

One more important thing: I have several times now, seen where the operators of certain dating sites, have themselves chosen to create fake profiles, using photographs from other sites, in order to play certain business-promoting games. This is why it is so important to confront the person directly. It's quite possible that someone has used their picture to set up a FAKE profile, in order to either trick other people into joining paid services, or as a form of revenge against the person pictured.

Up2youandme's photo
Mon 05/28/18 10:04 AM

This could be an exercise in coming to grips with what responsibilities we have, or choose to have, towards the greater society around us.

The people who cheat on mates, do damage to a LOT more than just the mate and to themselves. The act of cheating affects everyone around them as well. If nothing else, the fact that WE know they are lying to someone else in our vicinity, makes us a part of the lie succeeding if we say nothing, and it drags us into intimacies where we don't belong, if we tell on them.

That's why I despise cheaters so much. If I allow them to cheat in silence, my own entire social situation is poisoned by their lies.

I haven't had to deal with anything like that since I was very young, fortunately. I suspect that if I did find out about someone, I would confront the person who I thought was the LIAR AND CHEATER only. Let them know that I know, and that I wont actively help them to hide it. Whether I would tell their mate or not, I'm not sure. That can be very complicated.

One more important thing: I have several times now, seen where the operators of certain dating sites, have themselves chosen to create fake profiles, using photographs from other sites, in order to play certain business-promoting games. This is why it is so important to confront the person directly. It's quite possible that someone has used their picture to set up a FAKE profile, in order to either trick other people into joining paid services, or as a form of revenge against the person pictured.


I'm not sure if this is pattern but it seems everytime we do something wrong we find gazillions excuses to justify it?

Is doing something right also requires this much effort ?

I know a guy who once said : if you're so clean why don't you hit me with a rock?

I mean really? You hate cheaters? So don't associate with them or was his beer free?

Then again we are all subject to hypocrasies.

no photo
Wed 05/30/18 05:03 AM
I'd let the spouse or gf know so that she can make her own decision and I'd let the guy know that I knew.

If any married men message me I block them when I find it out .