It's time to see who can tell the worst jokes.

So, Mingle2 members are invited to post their bad jokes in this thread.

The worse the joke the better.

Now, have at it.

A magician accompanied LeBron James to Looney Tunes Land for the filming of the movie Space Jam 2.



While there, the magician performed magic tricks for all of the children.



Bugs Bunny approached the magician and asked, "Would you perform magic for me and my pals?"



The magician replied, "Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids."

Cute David... Great topic!

About the only bad joke I can remember right now happens to be a dirty one. Hopefully it will be okay with Mingle being PG13, I'll take my chances though......

















The pig fell into the mud!

Tina Turner died and went to Heaven.

Upon her arrival, she watched others being given harps.



When offered a harp, too, Tina turned it down.

When asked why she turned it down, Tina sang,
"Who needs a harp when a harp can be broken?"

Why did the hedgehog cross the road???

To see his flatmate

James Bond walks into a bar.

"I'd like a martini - shaken, not stirred."

The bartender looks at him oddly, and walks down to the end of the bar where an aging patron has fallen sleep. He grabs the old man by the shoulders, shakes him gently without waking him up, and then returns.

"Don't tell me you want Johnny Walker next, 'cos he left 5 minutes ago."

why did the chicken cross the road??















to get to the middle!

perfect, this topic reminds me of the "thread killers" topic.

1.
why did the cheetah cross the road?

because he saw a zebra crossing.

2.
why is the leopard shy ?

he keeps going from one spot to the other to prove them wrong ...

A guy walks into a bar with a short legged stubby sized yellow dog.
A big bully with a drooling Rottweiler yells " Attack". After a very short frenzied fight, the Rottweiler lies dead. "What kind of dog you got?" asks the bully. The guy says, "well, before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow, he was an alligator".

Why is the number 10 afraid of the number 7?


Because 7 8 9!!

Two guys walk into a bar one guy ducks and the other says "Ouch!".

This may or may not pass.

One girl nudged the other girl in the shoulder and said, Do you smoke when you're finished? She said, I dont know, I ain't never looked.

What is Jesus’s favorite gun??



A Nail Gun...



I’m going to hell, I know....

What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A cherry float

What happened to the woman that wore a checkered nightgown?
She moved once and he jumped her twice.

Captain Kirk: Bones! What is that, it feels wonderful!!!
Bones: Its head Jim...

What do elephants use for tampons?
Sheep

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, if they can get inside.

Honey, I got fired today!
What happened?
I got my peter caught in the pickle slicer.
Oh My GAWD!
Its okay, she got fired too.

What is the ULTIMATE REJECTION?
Your hand falls asleep while masturbating.

How do you describe masturbation?
Coming Unscrewed

The day after Kermit the Frog's 18th birthday, his mother shoved him out the front door of their house and said to him, "Now that you are an adult, go out and earn some money so that we can pay the bills."



Kermit spent all day trying to earn some money but was unsuccessful.



Kermit slowly walked home, wondering how he would explain his failure to his mother.

Just then, he had a chance encounter with Miss Piggy.



Kermit asked her, "Miss Piggy, will you come to my house with me?"
She replied, "Of course I will, Kermie."

A few minutes later, the two walked in the front door of Kermit's house.

Kermit's mother took one look at Miss Piggy and asks Kermit, "What is she doing here?"

Kermit replied, "You told me to bring home the bacon."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Miss Piggy: "Dodo, when I catch you, I'm going to practice my karate moves on you."

My Reply: "Go ahead. I like pork chops."

Hope this one is ok with Mingle2!!

Two Lepers are playing cards. One threw his hand in and the other laughed his head off!

Q: whats the difference between a milkshake and a dead baby??

A: about 1200 calories.

One day in a forest, a rabbit came across a bear who was straining himself to take a dump. When he was done, the bear looked at the rabbit.

"Does $h!t stick to your fur?"

"No," replied the rabbit.

So the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.

The 12 Days of Christmas, Deconstructed

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me:

* TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.

* ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...)

* TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

* NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

* EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Europeans,

* SEVEN endangered swans swimming on protected wetlands,

* SIX enslaved fowl-Europeans producing stolen nonhuman animal products,

* FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further animal-European enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.

* FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

* THREE deconstructionist poets,

* TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

* And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.