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| Topic: Lack of courtesy | |
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It is not discourteous to decline to answer a private message from a complete stranger. So, Dodo_Davis....if you are out somewhere..and a "complete stranger" comes up to you and says "hi" or tries to start a conversation..would you just ignore them and walk away..? If not..I don't see how this is any different. To each their own... |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Thu 11/08/18 05:58 PM
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This site is Not really a Dating site. It's not geared for Relationships. IMO
Forums Rule. Many people seeking dates do not play on Forums. Men prefer Personal messages. |
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Thu 11/08/18 06:02 PM
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So, Dodo_Davis....if you are out somewhere..and a "complete stranger" comes up to you and says "hi" or tries to start a conversation..would you just ignore them and walk away..? If not..I don't see how this is any different. To each their own... : I Agree with this !  |
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This is *clearly* one of those topics where people feel vastly different, and there's never going to be an agreement..
Answer someone if you feel like that's the right thing to do..or don't..it's up to you. Myself, I prefer to treat others as *you* would want to be treated... |
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One's personal rule for an online encounter doesn't apply to everyone.
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I reply with just a simple not interested out of courtesy. The say read my profile please.
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I am not being discourteous because I decline to follow a rule that you made for yourself.
Online "encounters" are not the same things as face-to-face encounters. |
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I am not being discourteous because I decline to follow a rule that you made for yourself. Online "encounters" are not the same things as face-to-face encounters. Very true and everyone has their agency to chose whom they wish to respond to and how they respond. No one has the right to tell others what, when or how to respond to a message. FREE AGENCY |
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I was going to do an experiment and answer everyone who writes me. That's not going well.
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I think the thing that distinguishes online encounters and real time are that they are much less frequent. A person may say hello to you once or twice a day, but messages can come in the dozens or more. Not only that, but an in person hello dictates that both people are present in the same moment in time, while an online one can have significant passage or time before it is even discovered.
That is why I do not expect immediate responses, or responses at all from those that are complete strangers sending what amounts to a 'letter' over the internet. I may respond to anonymous letters mailed to me, but if I didnt, I wouldnt see how that was in any way rude. Point is, if I dont know you, and you dont know where I am when I get the message or even if I get it in a timely manner, I would say its not something to be taken personal or get offended by. |
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Hi Catinida,
I think if someone sends a message with just "Hi.. and nothing else and also they have not filled out any information about themselves or what they are looking for, then I would be suspicious and think they are just scammers testing the waters to see who bites. I would guess that three-quarters of the women advertising on this site have not filled out any information about themselves. So, in those cases, I would not reply. I have filled out all the details on my profile. I am upfront about what I am looking for and when I do reply to an ad it is usually a few sentences long and polite. |
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Edited by
denlme
on
Thu 11/08/18 07:33 PM
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Most people SAY they would like a reply as to whether the other person is interested or not, but what they do NOT say, is that they plan to punish you if you are not interested. If you reply that you are simply not compatible, look out cuz you may be about to get a foul mouthed earful as well as a personal evaluation on whats wrong with you. In other words, no reply is reply enough for some folks to handle. If someone on the street were to pass me and say hello, I may nod back, say hello, or try not to make eye contact and keep on walkin. Lots of communication irl is non verbal. Online, an empty profile communicates enough to some. So does an empty message. So does an empty reply. If the verbal communication you provide does not spark interest, why should someone invest time and energy, lead anyone on, and engage in shallow communication with them? Leading someone on is not polite. Everyone doesnt happen to have lots of time to kill online. That can be said of both sender and recipient. If someone does that, it is abusive and they should be reported and blocked from the site. |
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I have replied to maybe twenty ladies on this site and not one has had the courtesy to reply. How difficult is it to reply briefly, even if not interested? I am respectful and courteous when I reply to someone I might be interested in meeting. What does it take to get a reply? No reply, is a reply. |
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Edited by
lilwmn
on
Thu 11/08/18 08:14 PM
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I was going to do an experiment and answer everyone who writes me. That's not going well.  I tried that once before too, it was short lived
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I have a problem with replying. Sometimes I do politely tell them I am not interested and why (they are too young, not in my area, not in my country). Then they want to argue with me. Age is just a number, I would travel to be with you, I will move to your country...
The other day a guy in his 40s wanted me to reconsider. He didn’t care that in 25 years he would be just retiring and I would be 90 years old and most likely wear diapers. He was going to take care of me. Yea right. Tell me another fairytale. They don’t mind driving for hours to get to me only to spend more time driving than actually spending time together. And the money!!! And they don’t mind giving up their jobs, family and friends just to move to another country. Of course they don’t consider the immigration process a problem. I get this over and over. Yes they are scammers or just dumber than a rock. So getting a reply from me really depends on my mood and if I want to run around these circles again and again. Believe it or not I do have a life outside of this site. Do my apologies to those I do not send a message to and the rest... well no response IS a response |
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Denime - i look at the profile when someone contacts me. You have indicated you want an intimate encounter, which in any language says one night stand. So if you contacted me, I would not reply. You are only going to get replies from those INTERESTED in an encounter with you.
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Denime - i look at the profile when someone contacts me. You have indicated you want an intimate encounter, which in any language says one night stand. So if you contacted me, I would not reply. You are only going to get replies from those INTERESTED in an encounter with you. I would definitely not respond to anyone wanting intimate encounters |
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I have a problem with replying. Sometimes I do politely tell them I am not interested and why (they are too young, not in my area, not in my country). Then they want to argue with me. Age is just a number, I would travel to be with you, I will move to your country... The other day a guy in his 40s wanted me to reconsider. He didn’t care that in 25 years he would be just retiring and I would be 90 years old and most likely wear diapers. He was going to take care of me. Yea right. Tell me another fairytale. They don’t mind driving for hours to get to me only to spend more time driving than actually spending time together. And the money!!! And they don’t mind giving up their jobs, family and friends just to move to another country. Of course they don’t consider the immigration process a problem. I get this over and over. Yes they are scammers or just dumber than a rock. So getting a reply from me really depends on my mood and if I want to run around these circles again and again. Believe it or not I do have a life outside of this site. Do my apologies to those I do not send a message to and the rest... well no response IS a response MsLeeHM.. You said: "Age is just a number, I would travel to be with you, I will move to your country..." If you politely say "no thanks..you are too far/ much yonger than I am looking for" and they come back with what you said..they are clearly scammers.. The only messages I get (other than one from a nice guy the other day commenting on something I wrote in the Forums)...are ALL from scammers..and I send them a copy-pasted message.."You are 700+ kilometres away, and nothing in your profile interests me... Not interested" If they come back with that nonsense about distance/ age is no concern..I send that to them again...because they all say the ssame thing...it's like they have a script. The third time they reply..I block them. *IF*, OTOH..a legitimate guy from 2 states away messaged me, and could tell me *why* he was looking for women this far away (not that BS the scammers say), and we actually had things in common abnd he could chat intellige ntly, then i would absolutely talk (chat) with him. But, in all my time on the dating sites, ~anyone~ from 300+ miles away has ALWAYS been a scammer....and I have no time for that nonsense. |
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Denime - i look at the profile when someone contacts me. You have indicated you want an intimate encounter, which in any language says one night stand. So if you contacted me, I would not reply. You are only going to get replies from those INTERESTED in an encounter with you. I would definitely not respond to anyone wanting intimate encounters EXACTLY. If that is what someone wants..good on 'em....whatever twirls your beanie.. But if you are messaging women who are NOT looking for that...which you would be able to ascertain by actually reading their profile....then don't expect a reply. Focus on the women who state they are also open to that.. No, you don't need to chat with them first to see if they are, or hope your scintillating personality and wit will win them over to your way of thinking... If they are not into a casual intiamte encounter..respect that, and focus on those who state that IS what they are looking for.. |
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I have a problem with replying. Sometimes I do politely tell them I am not interested and why (they are too young, not in my area, not in my country). Then they want to argue with me. Age is just a number, I would travel to be with you, I will move to your country... The other day a guy in his 40s wanted me to reconsider. He didn’t care that in 25 years he would be just retiring and I would be 90 years old and most likely wear diapers. He was going to take care of me. Yea right. Tell me another fairytale. They don’t mind driving for hours to get to me only to spend more time driving than actually spending time together. And the money!!! And they don’t mind giving up their jobs, family and friends just to move to another country. Of course they don’t consider the immigration process a problem. I get this over and over. Yes they are scammers or just dumber than a rock. So getting a reply from me really depends on my mood and if I want to run around these circles again and again. Believe it or not I do have a life outside of this site. Do my apologies to those I do not send a message to and the rest... well no response IS a response MsLeeHM.. You said: "Age is just a number, I would travel to be with you, I will move to your country..." If you politely say "no thanks..you are too far/ much yonger than I am looking for" and they come back with what you said..they are clearly scammers.. The only messages I get (other than one from a nice guy the other day commenting on something I wrote in the Forums)...are ALL from scammers..and I send them a copy-pasted message.."You are 700+ kilometres away, and nothing in your profile interests me... Not interested" If they come back with that nonsense about distance/ age is no concern..I send that to them again...because they all say the ssame thing...it's like they have a script. The third time they reply..I block them. *IF*, OTOH..a legitimate guy from 2 states away messaged me, and could tell me *why* he was looking for women this far away (not that BS the scammers say), and we actually had things in common abnd he could chat intellige ntly, then i would absolutely talk (chat) with him. But, in all my time on the dating sites, ~anyone~ from 300+ miles away has ALWAYS been a scammer....and I have no time for that nonsense. You are far more patient than I am. |
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