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Topic: How do you Men feel about women...
actionlynx's photo
Thu 11/29/18 05:55 PM



That's actually what my last girlfriend and I did. We didn't spend 6 - 8 hours talking each day for the entire first week. We did it for the first 2 days, but then slowed down after that. After a couple weeks, we began talking on the phone rather than online. A few weeks after that, we began doing some video chats as well. We didn't have the luxury of being together in person at that time, but we still were building a relationship regardless. 



Wow, that's alot of talking a day, let alone for a week. I'm not sure I could talk that much to anyone, even if they lived with me except my grandson, he talks a lot. But even that wears me out.


Yeah, it is. But I've done it more than once. In fact, I've done it both online and face-to-face. That's one of the reasons why I get frustrated when things don't work out. It's a major investment of time, not to mention making that woman a top priority. When someone invests that much time with me, it sends a signal that she's really really interested - that she really wants to know me, and spend time with me. But then when things suddenly change, I begin having trouble making sense of things. In the end, it leads me to believe that she is the one who's not sure what she wants.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Thu 11/29/18 10:48 PM
Lots of great points of consideration here.
Human coupling endeavors are extremely complex and subtly specific to individual needs and desires.
We all have a baseline need to reproduce just like every other creature on the planet.

Societal civilization complicates things. Pair bonding to assure offspring's best chance for survival is a strong imperative for many people. If it were only that imperative to consider, things would be much simpler.

But, people are complex. That complexity shows in how we go about existing. Each person has different beliefs, morals and motivations.
If it were as simple as finding the genetic preference and committing there would be no need for dating.

We enter into intimate relationships with our own ideas of what we expect. When we find alignment with someone special, it usually lasts a long time. Problem is, we tend to choose poorly when we agree to enter into a relationship and things turn out poorly. Mainly because what we thought was a true alignment really wasn't.

Its our behavioral complexities that are at the root of the problems we face in relationships. We're not simple creatures.

In any given relationship there is parts that are in alignment, parts we tolerate and parts that are out of alignment. We tolerate misalignment for any number of personal reasons. Sometimes to our own detriment.

We make decisions to enter into relationships based on feelings, instinct, needs, desires and logic. Logic and instinct usually do not change much but feelings, needs and desires are often fleeting in the scope of a lifetime. When feelings control the process and those feelings change, we feel unhappy with our commitment and sub-consciously sabotage ourselves. Many people don't really know what they need to be happy but they always seem to know when they are unhappy.

Relationships require both parties to choose wisely. That can only be done by observation (time with target). When we rush into a relationship based on a poor decision we end up being miserable.
Just having all the bumps in the right places is not enough for human beings, we need more.

There are people that will tell you if they have some certain quality they are a good choice but there are individual interactions that are very complex that kills any rule of thumb.
The only way to figure out if that someone is someone special to 'you' is to observe and learn all about them and determine if they are the right one. You can't do that in a bar, a church or online. You can't even do it on a 'date'. You have to see them in life, unscripted and natural.

Falling for someone because they seem to be everything you are looking for right away, is you falling for your idea of who they are and not who they really are.

Choose wisely...

Pauldun's photo
Thu 11/29/18 11:22 PM

Men who say that bluegrass probably don't want a commitment with any woman, they just want a date and hop from one to the other.

Men online do that a lot.


I'm getting a guilt complex now. tears

Totage's photo
Fri 11/30/18 12:06 AM

Chasing after you?

Women chasing men came up in another thread, the opinion was that when women chase men they run the other way.

Innately, men are the hunters and women are the nurturers. I've heard some men say they adhere to this and others say it's 2018, time for women to do the chasing.

So what are your true thoughts on this. If a woman were to pursue you, how would you really feel about that? Would you run the other way or would you feel flattered and take a risk going against what feels natural?





I've never been one to chase after anybody. A woman wouldn't have to chase after me, if I were interested. I'm pretty good at turning women off, so there's never been any issue with it.

Riverspirit1111's photo
Fri 11/30/18 04:07 AM
@ Tom...

Sometimes I wonder if we did choose logically if we'd be better off, lol.

It would be more about compatibility, how well we work together in the household and if we are able to agree to disagree. The feelings component wouldn't be the primary factor in whether or not we entered the relationship or left the relationship.

In situations other than relationships, I've been able to use logic to keep from "acting" on my feelings. There are times when I become emotionally driven and when I'm in that mode and it's a little more on the negative side, I can make some pretty poor mistakes. Slowing down and logically choosing to wait a couple days helps me not make poor choices.

Same actually with being on an emotional high... Those pink clouds are great, but eventually you come down from them and might not feel so excited about what you bought or who you invited in your life.

Adding logic helps make more responsible choices and choose more wisely when it comes to relationships, or anything else in life... imo

I believe some of the difficulty is learning to balance the logic with your emotions. At least for me... I tend to be one or the other... logical or emotional.

Riverspirit1111's photo
Fri 11/30/18 04:10 AM


Chasing after you?

Women chasing men came up in another thread, the opinion was that when women chase men they run the other way.

Innately, men are the hunters and women are the nurturers. I've heard some men say they adhere to this and others say it's 2018, time for women to do the chasing.

So what are your true thoughts on this. If a woman were to pursue you, how would you really feel about that? Would you run the other way or would you feel flattered and take a risk going against what feels natural?





I've never been one to chase after anybody. A woman wouldn't have to chase after me, if I were interested. I'm pretty good at turning women off, so there's never been any issue with it.


I suppose if you're happier being alone and pushing women away from you then that's a good thing.

If not, maybe look at why you're doing it, deal with it, and change that behavior so you have them falling for you rather than running from you?

flowerforyou waving

Toodygirl5's photo
Fri 11/30/18 06:26 AM
Edited by Toodygirl5 on Fri 11/30/18 06:29 AM
If a woman chases a man and he doesn't have a romantic interest in Her, well she is wasting her time. She should just approach him and ask ,Online especially, because men have MANY photos to observe.

laugh.

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Fri 11/30/18 06:26 AM
Edited by I_love_bluegrass on Fri 11/30/18 06:27 AM

@ Tom...

Sometimes I wonder if we did choose logically if we'd be better off, lol.

It would be more about compatibility, how well we work together in the household and if we are able to agree to disagree. The feelings component wouldn't be the primary factor in whether or not we entered the relationship or left the relationship.

In situations other than relationships, I've been able to use logic to keep from "acting" on my feelings. There are times when I become emotionally driven and when I'm in that mode and it's a little more on the negative side, I can make some pretty poor mistakes. Slowing down and logically choosing to wait a couple days helps me not make poor choices.

Same actually with being on an emotional high... Those pink clouds are great, but eventually you come down from them and might not feel so excited about what you bought or who you invited in your life.

Adding logic helps make more responsible choices and choose more wisely when it comes to relationships, or anything else in life... imo

I believe some of the difficulty is learning to balance the logic with your emotions. At least for me... I tend to be one or the other... logical or emotional.



That's been my problem here lately, since my husband died.
I am ~all about~ logic, reason, compatibilty/ commnalities.

Since the experience with my ex (in the 80's)..I learned from THAT expereince to be more discerning and screen carefully..

Wasn't a problem for the two long terms after that...
Those relationships worked out FAR better. and were more authentic that the one with my ex..

But, now...guys seem to not want to answer things..
Mr Blank Profile with his "ask me anything..I am an open book" is always the *worst*.
So, you ask them things..try to find out their interests, their world and social POV (important to me in a long term relationship), and if what, if anything *he* feels we share in common..(since his profile is blank and gives me no clue)

They get pissy..say "this ain't no dam* job interview"..
Yes darlin'..it kind of *is*...I know nothing about you..you provided *nothing* for me to go on in your profile, and besides..you *said* ask you anything"..

frustrated

oldkid46's photo
Fri 11/30/18 06:52 AM
10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.

JustBeHonest's photo
Fri 11/30/18 06:56 AM

10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.


I am not interested in finding a husband but a relationship yes. If I’m just seeing where it goes and there’s no plan in mind, then it’s not going anywhere.

JustBeHonest's photo
Fri 11/30/18 07:01 AM



That's actually what my last girlfriend and I did. We didn't spend 6 - 8 hours talking each day for the entire first week. We did it for the first 2 days, but then slowed down after that. After a couple weeks, we began talking on the phone rather than online. A few weeks after that, we began doing some video chats as well. We didn't have the luxury of being together in person at that time, but we still were building a relationship regardless. 



I met a guy a week ago. We have been seeing each other every second day. On the days we don’t see each other, we talk on the phone for several hours. Still getting to know each other. We are both retired so we have the time.

Toodygirl5's photo
Fri 11/30/18 07:06 AM
Relationships are the best choice for myself, I m not interested in being a FWB date for Any man.


oldkid46's photo
Fri 11/30/18 07:10 AM


10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.


I am not interested in finding a husband but a relationship yes. If I’m just seeing where it goes and there’s no plan in mind, then it’s not going anywhere.

Without knowing your ideas of a relationship, I would guess your idea of what a relationship entails is not much different than being married minus the legal paper. The reality is the same.

JustBeHonest's photo
Fri 11/30/18 07:13 AM



10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.


I am not interested in finding a husband but a relationship yes. If I’m just seeing where it goes and there’s no plan in mind, then it’s not going anywhere.

Without knowing your ideas of a relationship, I would guess your idea of what a relationship entails is not much different than being married minus the legal paper. The reality is the same.


Right now, my idea of a relationship is nowhere close to the same as marriage. It means dating each other exclusively, having fun together.

Totage's photo
Fri 11/30/18 09:14 AM



Chasing after you?

Women chasing men came up in another thread, the opinion was that when women chase men they run the other way.

Innately, men are the hunters and women are the nurturers. I've heard some men say they adhere to this and others say it's 2018, time for women to do the chasing.

So what are your true thoughts on this. If a woman were to pursue you, how would you really feel about that? Would you run the other way or would you feel flattered and take a risk going against what feels natural?





I've never been one to chase after anybody. A woman wouldn't have to chase after me, if I were interested. I'm pretty good at turning women off, so there's never been any issue with it.


I suppose if you're happier being alone and pushing women away from you then that's a good thing.

If not, maybe look at why you're doing it, deal with it, and change that behavior so you have them falling for you rather than running from you?

flowerforyou waving


If there's a mutual interest, there's no need to chase.

no photo
Fri 11/30/18 12:49 PM
I would not run. I'm a man and I have spent most of my life chasing. I would love to be chased.

Riverspirit1111's photo
Fri 11/30/18 02:05 PM

10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.


What does "How do you Men feel about women... Chasing after you" have to do with this subject being about women being more interested in finding a husband? slaphead

And even if it were, what's wrong with that? Just because women don't want to hook up with you for a roll in the hay doesn't mean we don't want to have fun... We, or most of us just don't want to be FWB's and that's okay.

But... That's another topic offtopic this thread is asking men how they feel about women pursuing them and asking them out on a date first!


Riverspirit1111's photo
Fri 11/30/18 02:06 PM

I would not run. I'm a man and I have spent most of my life chasing. I would love to be chased.


Hi Mike, thanks for your comment. When it comes to chasing, how long do you feel either should chase/pursue before it becomes mutual and both woo each other so that it's not just one sided?

Riverspirit1111's photo
Fri 11/30/18 02:08 PM


If there's a mutual interest, there's no need to chase.


Ideally yes, however both don't usually ask each other out for the first time at the same time. One asks first... how would you feel if it were the woman who asked you rather than waiting for you to ask?

oldkid46's photo
Fri 11/30/18 07:50 PM




10 pages on this subject reinforces my opinion that most older, single women are more interested in relationships and husband hunting than just enjoying life and seeing where it goes.


I am not interested in finding a husband but a relationship yes. If I’m just seeing where it goes and there’s no plan in mind, then it’s not going anywhere.

Without knowing your ideas of a relationship, I would guess your idea of what a relationship entails is not much different than being married minus the legal paper. The reality is the same.


Right now, my idea of a relationship is nowhere close to the same as marriage. It means dating each other exclusively, having fun together.

Congratulations!! Have all the fun you can.

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