Previous 1
Topic: Can you "date" a man in prison and make marriage work.
Butterfly7's photo
Wed 05/13/20 09:06 PM
I am retired from the state prison system. a "date" involves clothing and body searches, person to person SUPERVISED no touching visits, writing letters and putting money on his/her books. Weddings do take place. What are your thoughts or knowledge of how these "dates" (which sometimes last for years) eventually turn out.

Rock's photo
Wed 05/13/20 09:31 PM
I won't date a convicted felon.

no photo
Wed 05/13/20 09:35 PM
Well, I know for a fact that I could never date a man in prison...but that is a different ballgame all-together.

As for someone outside the prison dating someone incarcerated inside, that would have to be a decision by the individuals on a personal subjective basis. What I can tolerate, or find desirable is not what others can or do. That doesn't make it right or wrong. As long as both parties are consenting adults, who am I to say they can't have a serious relationship? Does it make sense to my way of thinking? Nope, not one bit.

There would have been plenty to criticize my previous relationship environment when I was driving Truck over-the-road and I would be gone for weeks on end. There would be just as many to say the same thing for Soldiers and Sailors deployed overseas. Does it make sense for a 70 year-old man to marry a 30 year-old woman or vice-versa? It really doesn't matter what I think. Are the two people happy? Then more power to them and mazal tov.


no photo
Thu 05/14/20 08:02 AM
Depends like where is the money hidden and how many ways do we have to split it

no photo
Thu 05/14/20 08:07 AM
You see, now that you've said that, I'm wondering whether you'd need a shovel carrier and digger :laughing:.

Butterfly7's photo
Mon 05/18/20 07:53 PM
you might be surprised how many women write to strange men while the men are in prison. as far as employees + prisoners, its pretty common for love affairs to start. one of our "model" prisoners began a relationship without the warden knowing, writing to our librarian. She would write him ... no one looks at the letters unless they are a drug dealer. After 4 years he asked her to marry him. I stood up with her as her "bridesmaid" and one of our guards was his "best man". short and sweet. They were allowed one 2 second kiss. He truly seemed to be a nice man. When he was released 2 years later and went home to her, he just could not adjust to society. One night he tried to kill her. Yes, I was there when he came back in. BUT some of the relationships do work out.

Rock's photo
Mon 05/18/20 09:01 PM
Well... I suppose inmates do make for
a captive audience.

Bastet127's photo
Tue 05/19/20 01:22 AM
Perhaps if you were in a relationship prior to the incarceration I could
see trying to maintain the relationship. But, to seek this out? Not sure
I understand the draw there. You’d have to have a different sense of
what dating and marriage are than I do. Either way, it’s not something
I would consider.

Duttoneer's photo
Tue 05/19/20 02:16 AM
Edited by Duttoneer on Tue 05/19/20 02:23 AM

Here in the UK There are societies you can contact if you wish to write and correspond with prison inmates on a Pen Pal basis. I can imagine a romantic relationship could develop as a result, but it's probably a rare occurrence.

I wonder how many people do background checks on people they become seriously involved with romantically, my guess is not many people do, so it's quite possible to become involved with an exprisoner and not even know it, unless they are very open upfront. I wouldn't want to date an exprisoner, it would be a red flag for me I couldn't become involved with them.

no photo
Tue 05/19/20 05:28 AM
NO

notbeold's photo
Tue 05/19/20 06:02 AM
Everything can seem like a perfect match, but while both are kept apart no one is annoying the hell out of anyone else, or making demands, or stealing, or looking in the wrong way, or cheating, or being a snoring noisy breather.
Simple things can set people off if they are a bit wrong in the head, and violent.
A white collar criminal may be safer than a murderer, but maybe not.
Jails hold a cross section of the community, and the community is crazy too, so it could work. 'Normal' relationships have a high failure rate these days anyway, so if it feels like love, why not, (all other things seriously considered).
My perfect match may be doing time right now.

TxsGal3333's photo
Tue 05/19/20 06:17 AM

Perhaps if you were in a relationship prior to the incarceration I could
see trying to maintain the relationship. But, to seek this out? Not sure
I understand the draw there. You’d have to have a different sense of
what dating and marriage are than I do. Either way, it’s not something
I would consider.


Ditto~~~ surely not something I would do and even if there was a relationship prior it would all depend on what they went in for if I would even consider still having contact with them..

notbeold's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:17 AM
Looking at it from the other way, I've never heard of a man genuinely falling for a woman who is in jail.
Maybe it is a self destructive excitement type thing, similar to how some women like tough guys and bad boys who mistreat them. So bad they're in jail.
Or dating / marrying dangerous notoriety, like the opposite of a trophy wife.
Some people just seek danger.

I used to live close to a women's prison, but I never thought of waiting for one to get out, or even visiting anyone in there. And I'm not too fussy.

mysticalview21's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:30 AM
Edited by mysticalview21 on Tue 05/19/20 07:39 AM
no... surely do not need anymore drama in my life as of now ... smile2


but what about those prisoners that have access to the internet and you may not even know they are locked up ... and incognito... now I feel for what some are going through with this virus being in so many prisons ... some how I believe this was done on purpose ...

soufiehere's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:31 AM
Man, if he cheats on you in prison, you know who it is with.

mysticalview21's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:34 AM

Man, if he cheats on you in prison, you know who it is with.
awww come on ...have faith might be a female guard laugh or not ...

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:35 AM
Typical question, and I've only ever seen this theme played out in US movies. I've never ever heard anyone about this over here, and although we do of course have prisons and inmates, I think a lot less.

I looked it up and found this:

Why are incarceration rates in the US so high relative to other countries?
There are a number of reasons, from a lack of investment in schools and economic opportunity, to draconian drug laws and bail policies that criminalize poverty, to inadequate reentry services and employment discrimination against people who have been incarcerated, just to name a few.

But let’s start with the numbers. The United States has less than five percent of the world’s population, but about 25 percent of the prisoners. That adds up to 2.2 million people behind bars in this country, including more than 11 million people who move through our local jails each year, all at a cost of $80 billion every year. Meanwhile 70 million people – about one-third of working age Americans – have some type of criminal record.


Having read that I assume the chances of this happening indeed are quite high in the US.
It's alien to me. Like I said, never heard of it, only in US movies.

mysticalview21's photo
Tue 05/19/20 07:46 AM
Edited by mysticalview21 on Tue 05/19/20 07:49 AM

Typical question, and I've only ever seen this theme played out in US movies. I've never ever heard anyone about this over here, and although we do of course have prisons and inmates, I think a lot less.

I looked it up and found this:

Why are incarceration rates in the US so high relative to other countries?
There are a number of reasons, from a lack of investment in schools and economic opportunity, to draconian drug laws and bail policies that criminalize poverty, to inadequate reentry services and employment discrimination against people who have been incarcerated, just to name a few.

But let’s start with the numbers. The United States has less than five percent of the world’s population, but about 25 percent of the prisoners. That adds up to 2.2 million people behind bars in this country, including more than 11 million people who move through our local jails each year, all at a cost of $80 billion every year. Meanwhile 70 million people – about one-third of working age Americans – have some type of criminal record.


Having read that I assume the chances of this happening indeed are quite high in the US.
It's alien to me. Like I said, never heard of it, only in US movies.



it does happen ... I have seen interviews with Prisoners and those women who get involved with them ...I think they even have a show here on tv about it ... but heard way before that ... some female lawyers fall for them to ...

I remember... before Charles Mason died he was going to be married ... but he figure out it was just a want to have the rights to his name for exploitation... I have heard many stories ... and interviews ...

I don't watch this ... maybe once ...
https://youtu.be/lP1Gw92v5Cg

Cutiepieforyou's photo
Tue 05/19/20 09:35 AM
No

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 05/19/20 10:12 AM


Typical question, and I've only ever seen this theme played out in US movies. I've never ever heard anyone about this over here, and although we do of course have prisons and inmates, I think a lot less.

I looked it up and found this:

Why are incarceration rates in the US so high relative to other countries?
There are a number of reasons, from a lack of investment in schools and economic opportunity, to draconian drug laws and bail policies that criminalize poverty, to inadequate reentry services and employment discrimination against people who have been incarcerated, just to name a few.

But let’s start with the numbers. The United States has less than five percent of the world’s population, but about 25 percent of the prisoners. That adds up to 2.2 million people behind bars in this country, including more than 11 million people who move through our local jails each year, all at a cost of $80 billion every year. Meanwhile 70 million people – about one-third of working age Americans – have some type of criminal record.


Having read that I assume the chances of this happening indeed are quite high in the US.
It's alien to me. Like I said, never heard of it, only in US movies.



it does happen ... I have seen interviews with Prisoners and those women who get involved with them ...I think they even have a show here on tv about it ... but heard way before that ... some female lawyers fall for them to ...

I remember... before Charles Mason died he was going to be married ... but he figure out it was just a want to have the rights to his name for exploitation... I have heard many stories ... and interviews ...

I don't watch this ... maybe once ...
https://youtu.be/lP1Gw92v5Cg

It is shocking. I expected the US to have high criminality/prisoner rate, but not that it was this bad. I suppose the chances of meeting someone with a record are quite high.
I would never get involved with someone in prison or who had been in it.
A crying shame to read that much of this situation has to do with drugs. I hope one day someone in US government is smart enough to start working on WHY people use it as opposed to try and fight the trade and trafficking, the results basically of the why.
Over here drug use also increased I think. It's almost normal now to smoke weed although not in all circles btw, and over here on the island it's pretty bad. Speed, pills, bleep knows as I'm not into that chit, never have been either.
I think main reason for people using is they aren't happy and feel lost.
Anywho, that's digressing.
Personally no frigging way get involved with people in prison, wouldn't even go near them.

Previous 1