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Topic: Relationship Questions
feelyoungagain's photo
Tue 08/18/20 05:23 AM

It's not other people, not women, nor the world. It has to do with you yourself and the energy you exude.
Either something in your energy is off-putting to other people and that can be as simple as a depressed or otherwise negative vibe.
If you're not being seen it has to do with YOU not validating yourself. As long as you don't see you, don't love you, don't feel worthy and deserving of every beautiful thing life has to offer, you will not find it.
If you can work on that and change it around you're vibe will change and people will see you, find it easier to be around you because you yourself then open up to them.

Even if you don't follow this, or keep insisting it's the world and other people and that your life sux, the above is still true.
Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you and nobody is doing anything to you or excluding you, only you yourself. As soon as you can feel happiness and joy within, things will begin to shift.


Absolutely!

SparklingCrystal 💖💎's photo
Tue 08/18/20 06:47 AM

I feel worthy and deserving, and work hard....and I know a lot of people, but I've not had a relationship either....probably because I set rules and expectations...but if people don't meet them, then I'm not going to settle for second best.

Keep trying there's someone out there for everyone.......hopefully!

Then in spite of you saying you feel that way you aren't open to other people. And yes, likely to do with rules and expectations.
If someone comes up with rules, ewww... I'm off! It's off-putting and you don't have to say this out loud, people will sense it in your energy.
You got to be open, come from the heart not the head, and this requires inner strength.

Tom4Uhere's photo
Tue 08/18/20 08:27 AM

I'm just Shy irl.... I don't really put off any weird vibes.

Whenever i go out, and this is only from me, since nobody here truly knows me irl...

But when i go out, i keep to myself, i don't like to be the kind of guy who "harasses girls", or start Drama, just so they'll talk to me...

I live in a small town, so Unless you have friends, or anyone who "truly understands your situation" it's hard to do things and not come off as a creep.


And yes with Corona out there, it's making alot of people Distance.


And i totally agree with alot of people, when they say "girls, and guys" won't come to you, You gotta put yourself out there.

My problem with that is... coming from a small town, only thing here is bars.

I'm not a bar person, nor do i find it fun to go to clubs... I dunno how people even meet in those places.

I just gotta accept i'll be alone forever because i dunno what to do..

I'm not perfect, i have flaws, we all have flaws, but i'm alone irl, i have nobody, not even 1 friend to talk to me, and tell me "let's go do this, or let's go out to eat"

I don't have any of that... so trust me... when you're truly alone it's very hard to meet people..

Just don't judge someone to fast... before you get to know em... is all i'm really gonna say.

Okay, I'm calling bullcrap on this now.

I've been truly alone (by choice).
Your profile pic shows you sitting on a chair on a porch or patio and there is another chair right beside you. Chances are, you live with your mom, dad, sister, brother or someone so you are not truly alone.

You joined a dating site. You might be playing the martyrdom role to gain sympathy hits from mothering women. Playing with their heartstrings.

Your hat, worn backwards, indicates you are willing to show defiance. Your posture indicates reception and your expression is accentuated with solid eye contact. You don't look like someone who suffers from the low self-esteem of your words.

It all indicates you are not what you say.
But hey, some women will fall for it.
I guess mercy sex is better than no sex at all?

no photo
Tue 08/18/20 09:19 AM
I dunno what i need to change

Doesn't really matter.

Everything in the OP and responses is just a sign of immaturity at best, serious mental problems at worst (that should be addressed by someone trusted and generally paid for their time, knowledge, and expertise).

Most people go through this phase as a child to manipulate something from their parents.
"Woe is me! Poor me! They have all the good stuff but not me, I gots nothing and I'm a victim, but I try so hard so I'm not responsible, if I get that (popsicle, bicycle, gi joe, relationship, girlfriend) all my problems will be solved and I'll never be sad again, I promise I'll never cry again, do chores, whatever, just tell me what to do and I'll do it."

I remember in the 90's, using AOL and AOL/yahoo chat rooms, this was pretty much a "go to" tactic for people starting college.
"Oh, I'm in a new state, new school, I gots no friends! My old friends have moved on! I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend! I have absolutely no one! No one understands me or likes me but I's a good person, I'm a nice girl/guy! Imma so sad n lonely! I'm lookin fer summin serious! I'm not like the other guys! I'm not like the other girls! Oh pwease pwease a/s/l if you're hawt!"

You know cats and dogs train people? They learn what facial expressions and body language triggers responses in people.
They'll adopt "baby" sad faces and postures to get you to give them things. Attention, treats, play.

You can look up on youtube where parents show their baby that they're sad, exaggerated distress gestures, and the baby will either cry along with them, or try to make them feel better.

Cats, dogs, college students, men, women, babies, they may not actually feel what their expressions are showing, they just use them in order to get a desired response. Over time, it becomes natural, and they don't realize they're doing it. Pavlovian. Feel hunger (or whatever desire), baby face/poor me attitude (and actual feelings in order to sell it) is triggered, someone comes running "oh what's wrong baby?! Here's some food (or whatever)."

The thing is, people grow out of responding to this. The response lessens as the triggering becomes less effective. They've heard it before, tired of it, they get used to it, so a shallow showing isn't as effective.

And many times what happens is the person that adopts the "false" baby face or woe is me attitude doesn't learn any other way to get what they want (they've been coddled or catered to by others. Parent, "simps," internet "enablers" saying "it's okay! there's someone for everyone! Here's some attention and validation for you to just be you!"), so they just push themselves deeper into the malaise, depression, trauma, self pity, in order to generate a greater "woe is me" indirect communication response, to compensate or overcompensate for when others stop replying to the sad sack tactic, all in an attempt to get back to when it was actually effective.

Especially for older (as opposed to babies) exhibiting this tactic there is long term gain.
Sad sack gets someone to feel sorry for them and give them what they want.
How are they rewarded? A healthy relationship? Nope. They get a "thanks, I've never felt this way before! I'm so happy! It's all thanks to you, you're so great and perfect!" Lip service.
So how about some learning to communicate, reciprocity, or focus on the other person? No. It's "This is all new to me! I've never had a relationship before, I don't know what I'm doing, so you have to lead me through it. Take my input but don't hold me accountable. And without you I would be back to sad and lonely!" So, the person that "saves" the "poor me" person is trapped as a caregiver in a one sided relationship.
Which benefits the needy sad person.



So back to : "I dunno what i need to change."
Attitude, perspective, and behavior.
All of which are going to change naturally and organically over time.
The more you force yourself back into old patterns of thought and behavior, though, the less you can face new experience and change, the more problems are going to be created when the old interacts or contradicts the old.

Other than that, the way the OP and responses are worded shows a lack of desire for change. Not so much "this is my problem, this is how I plan to fix it, these are the hurdles, this is how I will measure and value success, can you see anything I'm missing," so much as, "I want to learn what's going to be more effective at manipulation to get what I want. I don't really want to change, I just want better results."

So it doesn't really matter.


Kara's photo
Tue 08/18/20 03:21 PM
Duse chin up and feel good about yourself. You have to put positive vibes and energy out, so that people feel it. Everything you said was negative energy, try rewording in a positive way, like "today I'm going to make one friend" that right there is a positive action and that is your goal for that day. Be Positive Always, Never Put Yourself Down My Brother.

Shadow's photo
Tue 08/18/20 04:54 PM
I don't have any Friends Feel Young Again...

Again... i mind my own business when i go outside.

I don't bother people, i don't hurt people, i don't harass them, I mind my own business..

We live in a world now where sympathy, and empathy are Super Rare...

You call me The Negative one, but seriously... look around.. Nobody cares about other people...

If they did.. people would be more approachable...


You dunno me irl, so i don't really expect ya to understand what i'm doing wrong.

When i go out, i'm friendly, nice, i smile, i do positive things.


My problem is... i'm a stranger in my city. Nobody knows who i am... So why would they wanna talk to me ?

You gotta think about these things.... If you're a stranger, nobody really wants to associate, or be around you, Not cuz of the Negativity, or Uncertainty..

But it's how they're raised... I was raised not to approach people i dunno... and i do that.

Alot of other's may think i'm wrong in doing this... but seriously... if you dunno someone, chances of them wanting to know you, are not good..

I just need to leave the area i'm in... People here rely too much on drugs, and other things.. Rather then being Sympathetic, Honest, Friendly..

And alot of people i talk to online feel the same way... people are just not really interested in getting to know you these days...


And to answer everyone who keeps asking who i am... I'm a Loner... Always will be, because like i said, nobody is willing to give me a chance to show them i'm not a bad person irl... I dunno what i'm gonna do...


I don't expect much of anything from anyone, so i dunno... My standards are high maybe... I just want someone i can talk to... and i don't seem to find anyone willing to meet that criteria...

But i wish all of you happiness, even if it means i won't get it..


Rock's photo
Tue 08/18/20 05:06 PM
You're your own worst enemy.

I_love_bluegrass's photo
Tue 08/18/20 05:56 PM

I don't have any Friends Feel Young Again...

Again... i mind my own business when i go outside.

I don't bother people, i don't hurt people, i don't harass them, I mind my own business..

We live in a world now where sympathy, and empathy are Super Rare...

You call me The Negative one, but seriously... look around.. Nobody cares about other people...

If they did.. people would be more approachable...


You dunno me irl, so i don't really expect ya to understand what i'm doing wrong.

When i go out, i'm friendly, nice, i smile, i do positive things.


My problem is... i'm a stranger in my city. Nobody knows who i am... So why would they wanna talk to me ?

You gotta think about these things.... If you're a stranger, nobody really wants to associate, or be around you, Not cuz of the Negativity, or Uncertainty..

But it's how they're raised... I was raised not to approach people i dunno... and i do that.

Alot of other's may think i'm wrong in doing this... but seriously... if you dunno someone, chances of them wanting to know you, are not good..

I just need to leave the area i'm in... People here rely too much on drugs, and other things.. Rather then being Sympathetic, Honest, Friendly..

And alot of people i talk to online feel the same way... people are just not really interested in getting to know you these days...


And to answer everyone who keeps asking who i am... I'm a Loner... Always will be, because like i said, nobody is willing to give me a chance to show them i'm not a bad person irl... I dunno what i'm gonna do...


I don't expect much of anything from anyone, so i dunno... My standards are high maybe... I just want someone i can talk to... and i don't seem to find anyone willing to meet that criteria...

But i wish all of you happiness, even if it means i won't get it..






I can completely relate...





Cutiepieforyou's photo
Wed 08/19/20 05:17 AM

You're your own worst enemy.

I have to agree with you.

Shadow's photo
Wed 08/19/20 07:56 PM


I'm just Shy irl.... I don't really put off any weird vibes.

Whenever i go out, and this is only from me, since nobody here truly knows me irl...

But when i go out, i keep to myself, i don't like to be the kind of guy who "harasses girls", or start Drama, just so they'll talk to me...

I live in a small town, so Unless you have friends, or anyone who "truly understands your situation" it's hard to do things and not come off as a creep.


And yes with Corona out there, it's making alot of people Distance.


And i totally agree with alot of people, when they say "girls, and guys" won't come to you, You gotta put yourself out there.

My problem with that is... coming from a small town, only thing here is bars.

I'm not a bar person, nor do i find it fun to go to clubs... I dunno how people even meet in those places.

I just gotta accept i'll be alone forever because i dunno what to do..

I'm not perfect, i have flaws, we all have flaws, but i'm alone irl, i have nobody, not even 1 friend to talk to me, and tell me "let's go do this, or let's go out to eat"

I don't have any of that... so trust me... when you're truly alone it's very hard to meet people..

Just don't judge someone to fast... before you get to know em... is all i'm really gonna say.

Okay, I'm calling bullcrap on this now.

I've been truly alone (by choice).
Your profile pic shows you sitting on a chair on a porch or patio and there is another chair right beside you. Chances are, you live with your mom, dad, sister, brother or someone so you are not truly alone.

You joined a dating site. You might be playing the martyrdom role to gain sympathy hits from mothering women. Playing with their heartstrings.

Your hat, worn backwards, indicates you are willing to show defiance. Your posture indicates reception and your expression is accentuated with solid eye contact. You don't look like someone who suffers from the low self-esteem of your words.

It all indicates you are not what you say.
But hey, some women will fall for it.
I guess mercy sex is better than no sex at all?






You can call me a liar, a troll, or whatever makes you feel good about yourself.

But my question to you... do you know me personally? Do you know me?

Answer is no.... How can you possibly label someone so badly, when you don't even know them irl...



Seriously, i do nothing bad, to anyone, but everyone acts like i don't matter or exist.... that's why i'm alone.

People think can do whatever they want... there should be laws, that say "people shouldn't ignore, or act like other's don't exist"

I know that sounds off, weird, or strange... But you dunno me irl, so how can you call me a liar, if you don't even know what i go through on a day to day basis....

Again think what ever you want about me... I'm just tired of nobody understanding the struggles most people go through...


I'm just tired of everyone on here, ganging on me, calling me negative things, I'm just gonna delete my account.


Nobody should ever be treated this badly..... when all they ask for is help...


So i regret making this forum post....

You hate on people, who you don't even know, and then you call the person who is being harassed or hated, a liar, and a troll....


Seriously, if you don't the person irl, grow up.. and stop harassing them....


I'm ashamed to be apart of his community.... I've done bad to any of you... yet you all label me badly

Tom4Uhere's photo
Thu 08/20/20 12:35 PM
True, I don't know you but I do know your type of personality which you have expressed in the few times you have posted on here.

There are women who are attracted to a man with an inferiority complex.

You may be a wonderful person but if you are playing an angle to get sympathy sex from gullible women you are not as wonderful as you think you are.
I've seen it before and it will happen again. It's not just you.

If you truly are spineless what you need is a professional councilor, not a bunch of random strangers on an internet dating site.

Nica's photo
Fri 08/21/20 07:26 AM
Relate .. just think that .. when the right time comes .. you'll found someone that you deserve

no photo
Fri 08/21/20 09:17 AM
Son: Dad, how do I meet girls?

Dad: Talk to them.

Talking to people is not harassment.
Just start doing it with no expectations. Just say stuff -then go about your business. Rather than walk by with your eyes to the sidewalk, just say hi -good morning -and smile. If you are in a situation and think of something funny, you can just say it -don't even need to say it directly to anyone. Maybe someone will laugh -maybe they will say something. Just do it and don't worry about it.

Being solitary isn't bad -but you kinda have to give it up a bit to be with someone.

Cutiepieforyou's photo
Fri 08/21/20 10:36 AM
He deactivated

no photo
Fri 08/21/20 11:28 PM

He deactivated
hopefully to go talk to some women

Jocelyn Salde's photo
Sat 09/19/20 02:39 AM
Don't worry there be someone else deserve you. Just wait and you'll gonna meet her sooner or later. Just don't lost hope fighting

Toodygirl5's photo
Sat 09/19/20 07:51 AM
Many people cannot find a good match Online or Off.

Think positive it will happen for You!

I've had good connections Off the internet.

bobtail76's photo
Sat 09/19/20 03:46 PM


I'm just Shy irl.... I don't really put off any weird vibes.

Whenever i go out, and this is only from me, since nobody here truly knows me irl...

But when i go out, i keep to myself, i don't like to be the kind of guy who "harasses girls", or start Drama, just so they'll talk to me...

I live in a small town, so Unless you have friends, or anyone who "truly understands your situation" it's hard to do things and not come off as a creep.


And yes with Corona out there, it's making alot of people Distance.


And i totally agree with alot of people, when they say "girls, and guys" won't come to you, You gotta put yourself out there.

My problem with that is... coming from a small town, only thing here is bars.

I'm not a bar person, nor do i find it fun to go to clubs... I dunno how people even meet in those places.

I just gotta accept i'll be alone forever because i dunno what to do..

I'm not perfect, i have flaws, we all have flaws, but i'm alone irl, i have nobody, not even 1 friend to talk to me, and tell me "let's go do this, or let's go out to eat"

I don't have any of that... so trust me... when you're truly alone it's very hard to meet people..

Just don't judge someone to fast... before you get to know em... is all i'm really gonna say.

Okay, I'm calling bullcrap on this now.

I've been truly alone (by choice).
Your profile pic shows you sitting on a chair on a porch or patio and there is another chair right beside you. Chances are, you live with your mom, dad, sister, brother or someone so you are not truly alone.

You joined a dating site. You might be playing the martyrdom role to gain sympathy hits from mothering women. Playing with their heartstrings.

Your hat, worn backwards, indicates you are willing to show defiance. Your posture indicates reception and your expression is accentuated with solid eye contact. You don't look like someone who suffers from the low self-esteem of your words.

It all indicates you are not what you say.
But hey, some women will fall for it.
I guess mercy sex is better than no sex at all?



well said, brother!

Roy's photo
Sat 09/26/20 03:52 AM
“Nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos. That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other. That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other's naked hearts.”― Tennessee Williams.

Recca's photo
Wed 09/30/20 08:29 AM
First and foremost shadow you need to grow some balls (no offense intended) but if you're waiting for someone to approach you first you may wait forever. You need to put yourself out there, be confident. Even if you are turned down in your first second third try, that just gaves you experience on how to change up your approach.
Maybe there is some girl/girls somewhere wondering why you haven't made a move as yet

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