I am a Christian woman. Four years ago a man who said that Holy Spirit downloaded my name into his Spirit started to court me.

Within a week of meeting he gave me a bible and a perfume gift set and said I was the woman he wanted to marry. From the moment we met there was electrifying chemistry. I believe that we loved each other form the very beginning.

I was just coming out of a very vulnerable place and although I was a Christian I had just been actively attending church about 6 months prior to meeting him. I wasn't really ready for a relationship as I was happy in my single life going out with my friends, travelling, going out to dinners....just happy.

From what is said in the bible and what is preached on the pulpit their is no room for dating in the Christian church because you open the door to lust, fornication and sin. Thus Christian men and woman are faced with a moral dilemma...date or not to date...(without sex) Court or not Court to enter into marriage and be able to sexually consummate the marriage on the wedding night.

I came into a relationship with him thinking that as a good, moral, righteous, up standing man that he would of covered me where sex was concerned. Not even try to have sex. I know it takes two...but I feel the greater responsibility lies on the man as the stronger vessel.

To make a long story short...we stated to have sex from the very beginning and it hasn't stopped. Instead of our relationship being focused on God, the focus was on our carnal desire for each other. That now has left us both in a broken place. The engagement is over. The ring has been given back and now I feel void and empty.

I also know that I am forgiven and that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ but to come to this is sad. I had no trust in men in the world and now I have no trust in men in the church.

Is it at all possible to just stay sexually pure in the Church and date or court?

I'm sorry you had that experience. The Lord is able to restore you from the brokenness that brings. It's is possible to have an abstinent courtship. They are however principles to follow in a good courtship to prevent premarital intimacy at that level. Emotions develop naturally and therefore wise and intentional actions need to be made to prevent such things prematurely.

Katia,

I made mistakes similar to yours.
When I confessed my sins and repented, God forgave me.

Later in life, I met my late wife.
She and I attended church services together while we were dating.
She and I did not have sexual intercourse until we were married.

To me dating and courting are the same but I could be wrong so anyone feel free to correct me.

I don't think you can be wrong, I think it's up for interpretation.
I would tend to think with courting, it is more when you have interest in one person - where as dating, is what happens before you court someone. A date is an exchange - it can be a one off. You can be dating several people at once, because you don't really know them.

Maybe I'm wrong!

That’s true bobtail76, thanks .

I went through something similar to you in regards to sex before marriage and a broken engagement. There were other issues, though. He didn't really believe in God in the first place.

Anyways, I do believe that dating/ courting without sex is possible. I think it'd have to take the both of you standing firm on that principle, though- being like minded. I faltered from curiosity. That was my first serious relationship, also, so what I'm saying could just be idealism, since I'm inexperienced. Either way, I'm going to hold firm to no sex before marriage.

The struggle with life seems to be not letting a bad experience keep you down. That one didn't work out, but it's up to you to find your conviction and decide whether you'll try again.

Unfortunately, Christian men are still human. Everyone falls short, and just because someone is Christian doesn't necessarily mean they'll do the right thing all the time.

There are no "soulmates" from God, this comes from a pagan story. However God knows what you need and will allow you to eventually meet the right "match", meaning that your paths are going to be on the same way, direction and purpose.
There has to be the same kind of vision and some of the same interests, even though two people can be total opposites otherwise, it will just "fit" and then you will be aware of this.

Now the typical dating is the worldly answer to what the biblical way should be - a courtship. We should not have to hop from date to date to desperately seek someone. If you are truly a Christian you will "know" before you seriously consider someone to be more than a friend. Also there is nothing against going out with someone as a friend or with several friends, between both genders, making friends, getting to know people. It's the pressure that comes with dating when it becomes "romantic", if you start having "feelings" for a specific friend, I would seriously search and pray where these come from.

If you believe that God has shown you someone, then with their permission (has to be the same on the other side) there will be a courtship which it's only purpose is to seriously make a commitment to the other person in order to make sure that after getting to know each other in a deeper more personal way (without sex of course) will then lead to marriage. This should be the reason and purpose for that. Pretty much the step before and through an engagement period.


To the OP: You BOTH are responsible for God, each separately. There is no pushing responsibility to someone else. You alone are responsible for your own actions, no matter what pressure comes from the outside or other side...
Don't put yourself in a position where you are vulnerable and make no provision for the flesh to be overrun by it. If you are "feeling" too much physical attraction, do not be alone somewhere with each other. Common sense! And avoid all appearances of evil> i.e, do not move in together, even though you keep separate rooms, just not wise!

Hi Katia,
I hope you are well.
Yes it is possible, but you have to be very strong and patient. Also do not believe anything anyone tells you, whether that be leadership or a fellow church member. People who have the wrong spirit will try to mislead you, but pray about everything and stick to the bible which is God's standard.

People learn your boundaries when you show them. I liken it to weeding out those with dishonorable intentions. That can only be a good thing.

Hi praise the lord how are you

You're right !

Good advice